Quotes for
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith (Character)
from "The A-Team" (1983)

"The A-Team: Mexican Slayride (#1.1)" (1983)

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen: Tip the joint over? Very macho, but is this smart?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: If I was smart, I wouldn't be working for some skirt with no money.
Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: You learn to love him, Mama. But it takes a long time.
Reporter Amy Amanda Allen: That's the same thing he said about you.

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen: Is this part of the plan?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: No.
Reporter Amy Amanda Allen: I didn't think so.

Jerry - the film director: The guy we had in Aquamania One stayed down four minutes.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Then why isn't he doing it now?
Jerry - the film director: He had a little brain hemorrhage or something, I don't know.

Boy on Tour bus: Mommy, mommy, it's the Aquamaniac!
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [Wearing the Aquamaniac costume] Hi, how ya doing?
Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: I ain't stoppin' for no autographs Hannibal.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: I think we'll spray this guy's field. A crop duster. Get some poison to kill his marijuana crops. I love it when a mark's angry, they don't think straight. And it will bring 'em to us. Make 'em play on our field.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [Col. Lynch is stuck in the water of the Ten Commandments exhibit] Nice try, Colonel. But you ain't Moses.

Malavida Valdez: Hey muchacho, why you shoot on Malavida?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: 'Cause you're a lousy piece o' crud and you ought to be hung upside down from your heels in a vat of pig slop.
Malavida Valdez: You're gonna make me angry, gringo!
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: You're not smart enough to be angry. You're just mean and stupid.

Colonel Flores: So, you are the man who's been causing señor Valdez so much trouble.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Didn't take much to cause any trouble. He keeps tripping over his I.Q.

Colonel Flores: You have a very irritating manner, señor.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Yeah, I know, I've been working on my personality. Read the Don Rickles book and everything. Nothing seems to be helping.

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen: B.A. was telling me about the jazz... and I think I caught the fever.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: So?
Reporter Amy Amanda Allen: So, you let me in, or I write the book and blow your cover.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [Disguised as a bum] You're a princess in a world full of dragons.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [Disguised as Mr. Li] Law say no park here!
Reporter Amy Amanda Allen: Please, don't yell at people!
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [as Mr. Li] Yellow people? You don't like yellow people?
Reporter Amy Amanda Allen: No, not yellow people. Yell at people. Don't yell at me, okay! I got a terrible headache.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [as Mr. Li] You look like it! You go!

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen: I love this jazz.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: What's your full name, kid?
Reporter Amy Amanda Allen: Amy Amanda Allen.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Tripple A, huh?
Reporter Amy Amanda Allen: Sounds like someone who belongs on the unit called the A-Team...

Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: What's going on here? This road leads directly to the airport, Hannibal!
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: This road is no where near the airport.
[a plane flies overhead]

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen: [Referring to B.A] Why did he hit you?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Hit me? If he hit me, I'd be in the hospital.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Here we are, there they are. I love it when a plan comes together.

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen: Excuse me, but what are you doing?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: We're tying him up so he won't kill us if he comes to.
Reporter Amy Amanda Allen: I see.
[pause]
Reporter Amy Amanda Allen: Excuse me again, but isn't he one of you? I mean, isn't he on the team?
Lt. Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Yes.
Reporter Amy Amanda Allen: So then why did you have to drug him?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: He hates the pilot.
Reporter Amy Amanda Allen: Hates the pilot? Why?
Lt. Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Because our pilot is insane.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Now, if you wanted somebody with good manners, you should have hired an English butler.

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen: What I don't understand is why you aren't all living in Switzerland, where it's safe?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Because we're not Swiss. We're Americans. We got a little problem right now, but we'll work our way out of it somehow. In the mean time, we stick together and do what we do best.

---

"The A-Team: Sheriffs of Rivertown (#3.10)" (1984)

Clara Dickerson: [after the company executive finished explaining why he needs the help of the A-Team] Why are you telling me all this?
Oil company excec: [thinks incorrectly that the cleaning lady is Hannibal in disguise] Because, we need you to go in and restore law and order in Rivertown and clean it up.
Clara Dickerson: [puzzled] Me? I can't leave Los Angeles, I got a sister I take care of! You know I've been an employee of this company for ten years...
Oil company excec: Wait, wait a minute, aren't you Hannibal Smith?
Clara Dickerson: [shocked] Clara Dickerson! Don't you know your own employees?
[the security guard, who stood so far quietly in the room corner, reveals himself as Hannibal]
"Hannibal" Smith: No, he doesn't, miss Dickerson. Gentlemen... Hannibal Smith at your service.

Boyle: Who the hell are you?
"Hannibal" Smith: I'm the new sheriff. My name's Hannibal Smith, but you can call me sir.
Boyle: You know who I am?
"Hannibal" Smith: Yeah, you're name is Boyle. You're the main pig-slop around here.
[Boyle smiles viciously]

[the A-Team and others are trapped in a cave]
"Hannibal" Smith: Well, what's the story?
Face: Did you ever hear of King Tut?
Murdock: We ain't never gonna get out of here, Colonel.
"B.A." Baracus: Hey man, the first time ever we have guns and ammo, and can't get out of here.

[the A-Team sits at picnic table. Hannibal gives the others hamburgers and chips, and explains their mission]
"Hannibal" Smith: We're on our way to San Marcos. We are the new sheriffs of Rivertown.
Murdock: [excitedly] Wow! Sheriffs! I always wanted to get into law enforcement. I saw every TV Western and never missed a rerun of 'the Rifleman'.
"Hannibal" Smith: I hope not, Murdock, because it's a tough place.
"B.A." Baracus: Hey Hannibal, what ever happened to the other sheriffs they sent to Rivertown?
"Hannibal" Smith: Disappeared, without a trace, as they say.
Face: [snickers] And you said 'Sounds like a challenge'.
"Hannibal" Smith: Face, a lot of people are gonna benefit from this. And they agreed to pay our fee. They even offered to let us take their new executive jet for the trip.
[Hearing the word 'jet', B.A. raises his head suspiciously]

[Hearing that they are going to Rivertown by airplane, B.A. gets suspicious]
"B.A." Baracus: Hey Hannibal, you know I don't flying! And I've seen that trick before: you give me a burger and expect me to eat it!
"Hannibal" Smith: [sighs] B.A., you know you get cranky on an empty stomach. Now, eat your burger.
"B.A." Baracus: Not this time! I ain't falling for no sleeping powder in my burger. I'm taking yours!
[B.A. switches his burger with Hannibal's]
"Hannibal" Smith: Help yourself... just fine.
"B.A." Baracus: You figured I would think my burger was spiked and take yours! I'm taking Face's.
[B.A. takes Face's burger and gives him Hannibal's]
Face: OK.
[Face chuckles. Hearing this, B.A. gets suspicious again]
"B.A." Baracus: Wait a minute... I've got it! You figured I'd take your burger, get wise to it, then take Face's burger! And Face's burger is the one that got the sleeping powder in it... or Murdock's!
[Murdock looks at his hamburger, then offers it to B.A]
"B.A." Baracus: Hey, wait a minute, I'm on to you guys... the one place you would never put sleeping powder, and that's in the first burger you gave me!
[B.A. takes back his original hamburger from Hannibal, gives him Face's, then takes large bite from his hamburger. Nothing happens. Hannibal, blank expression on his face, gives B.A. small carton of milk. B.A., in the euphoria of his 'victory', drinks the milk without suspicion]
"B.A." Baracus: That's what I know!
[B.A. chuckles, but falls to sleep. Murdock grabs B.A.'s hambuger as he falls down, putting it in the bag]
Face: And he was doing so well...

[the A-Team is at the sheriff's office in Rivertown. Hannibal, Face and Murdock are wearing sheriff's uniform. B.A., still under the sleeping powder effect, is in one of the jail cells]
"Hannibal" Smith: [locks the cell where B.A. is] He should be waking up any time now.
Murdock: Well, I sure hope these bars are strong, because he is gonna be mad. Not to mention the fact that he'll never eat lunch with us again.
"Hannibal" Smith: I don't know, Murdock. He has a very forgiving heart.
Face: [leans his feet on the desk] You know, it's gonna be nice, to be on the right side of the law for a change.
"Hannibal" Smith: [smiles] You like that, ah, Face?
Murdock: [waving his pistols] Pow-Pow-Pow... I call these babies 'Betsy' and 'Bertha'. As B.A. might say: I pity the poor man who crosses my path, because I am ready, willing and able to take on any bad guy who wants a taste of 'Fast-Draw' Murdock.
[Hannibal gives Murdock a thumbs up. Suddenly B.A. wakes up and start screaming]

[as the sleeping powder wears off, B.A. wakes up screaming and finds himself in jail cell]
"B.A." Baracus: [stands, examining his sorroundings] What is this?
Murdock: 'What is this?' Well, after giving it a lot of thought and summing the situation real quick, this is one very mad B.A., holding on the bars of a jail cell... from the inside.
"B.A." Baracus: Hannibal, let me out of here! You tricked me. You put me to sleep again!
Murdock: [takes a metal cup] What you've got to do B.A., I've seen it in all the gangster pictures, is...
[Murdock rakes the cup across the cell bars, making terrible noise]
Murdock: ...and call up the warden's name.
"B.A." Baracus: [covers his ears] Hannibal!
[Hannibal gestures to Murdock to stop. Murdock complies]
"Hannibal" Smith: B.A., I have to swear you in as an official deputy of Rivertown. You have to take the oath.
"B.A." Baracus: [sullenly] If I take it, will you let me out?
"Hannibal" Smith: Word of honor. Face, swears him in.
Face: [gets up, gets the bible and approaches the cell] Put your hand on the bible. Raise your right hand.
[B.A. puts his left hand on the bible, raises his right hand but crosses his fingers]
Face: [scolding] B.A., this is the bible!
[reluctantly, B.A. uncrosses his fingers]
Face: [reciting the oath] 'I, B.A. Baracus, will do all the laws of Rivertown. I will conduct myself as an honorable peace officer and obey at all time, all the rules of deputyship'. Do you so swear?
"B.A." Baracus: [grudgingly] I swear!
Face: [gives B.A. deputy badge] There you go. Done!
"Hannibal" Smith: [unlocks the cell] Thanks, Face. OK, B.A., you're a free man.
"B.A." Baracus: Now I'll tear you guys apart...

[after B.A. takes the oath of peace officer, Hannibal lets him out of the cell]
"B.A." Baracus: Now I'll tear you guys apart...
"Hannibal" Smith: But one of the rules is that a peace officer may not bring a harm to any other peace officer.
"B.A." Baracus: What?
"Hannibal" Smith: Yes, and you swore to it. And we're all wearing badges.
"B.A." Baracus: [a bit calmer] This ain't fair!
Murdock: [points at his badge] See? It's all nice and shiny.
"Hannibal" Smith: [cocks his shotgun] Alright, let's get down to business. Let's go clean up this town.

Face: You want me to pick up who?
"Hannibal" Smith: Lupus. He works for Boyle. We saw him yesterday.
Face: Oh yeah, that's the big one, about 6' 4", built like a chest of drawers?
Murdock: Yeah, that's the guy. Now you be careful, he almost killed B.A. He's at least 6' 5", 240 pounds!
"Hannibal" Smith: Now, I'll check out his office. You check out his house. If that guy Lupus shows, bag him.
Face: Wait... the guy is 6' 6", 250 pounds, he almost killed B.A., and you want ME to bag him?
"Hannibal" Smith: Sure!
Face: [checks his pistol] Right... well, you don't care how I go about it, do you, colonel?
"Hannibal" Smith: No... use alacrity, and you can call me 'Sheriff'.

---

"The A-Team: Cowboy George (#4.16)" (1986)

[Boy George reveals his contract stipulated a fee of $1.2 million]
Hannibal: Face?
Face: We'll, I've been so busy, I didn't get a chance to explain our little contractual divot, here.
Hannibal: Face, $1.2 million is not a divot, it is a crater!

[Murdock, with help from Boy George, has disguised himself as a pregnant woman in order to gain entry to the jail-house]
Murdock: Herbert, open up, darling, its Cynthia!
Hannibal: Cynthia, go away!
Murdock: Herbert, oh Herbert, we have to talk, for the baby!
B.A. Baracus: Baby? what's that fool talking about?
Face: Let's open up and find out!

[Hannibal, Face and B.A. have been locked in a small-town jailhouse by a fake sheriff, who then leaves with all his deputies]
Face: Why would they lock us up then take off?
Hannibal: They've probably gone to tell the townsfolk that *we* stole their money. Make a great diversion - the bad guys get away, while the locals start looking at us, and throwing ropes over tree limbs.
Face: Makes sense!
Hannibal: I think we need to figure a way out of this jail, guys!
B.A. Baracus: That's why we brought you along, Hannibal. That's you're department!
Hannibal: Okay, the Hannibal Smith Ideas Department is now open for suggestions!
B.A. Baracus: That's not an idea, Hannibal!
Face: [Walking to the bars and taking a small pouch from his pocket] Well, I have an idea.
Hannibal: [Looking at the pouch] A set of lock picks! You know, sometimes Face, your sense of larceny is your most attractive trait!
Face: I know!

Hannibal: The Hannibal Smith Idea Department is now open for suggestions.
B.A. Baracus: That's not an idea, Hannibal.
Face: Well guys,
[sighs]
Face: ... I have an idea.
[produces a small bag from his pocket]
Hannibal: A set of lockpicks.
Face: Hm hmm.
Hannibal: Face, sometimes you're sense of larceny is your most attractive trait.
Face: I know.

B.A. Baracus: Hey Hannibal, why is Face out there spending all our money. That ain't right.
Hannibal: Well ever since he took that showbusiness accountant course, he's been in a fiscal Twilight Zone.

Hannibal: Face is trying to get something going between jobs, I mean we all got our outside interests. You got your daycare center, Murdock's got his psychosis, I got my acting.
B.A. Baracus: Hannibal, you ain't no actor, you don't find actors dressing up like lizards.
Hannibal: That's a very narrow interpretation, B.A. Boris Karloff wouldn't like it.

Hannibal: Face, how could you trust a guy named 'Dash'?
Face: You see, he owes me a little favor, 'cause I, eh, helped him out with his, eh, ex-wife.

Hannibal: I hate it when I don't spot a phoney.

[Hannibal, Face and B.A. have left the cell, only to find they can't leave because the jail-house surrounded by angry townspeople]
Face: [Walking in from the cell area] I just found the real sheriff - dead!
B.A. Baracus: Oh, man, they're going to think we killed him!
Hannibal: Well, I admit that this situation has some ragged edges, but I can't think with all this noise!

---

"The A-Team: Holiday in the Hills (#1.8)" (1983)

Hannibal: [the team is on an airplane that is about to crash] Okay, Murdock, where did you get this bird?
Murdock: I clipped it off the rental plane repair line.
Hannibal: It'd be ridiculous for me to assume that it had been fixed.
Murdock: [annoyed] Of course it wasn't fixed! They start to miss 'em once they've been fixed! You got to get 'em BEFORE they're fixed!

[Hannibal has just drugged B.A. and his head has hit the horn]
Face: Why does he always fall on the horn?
Hannibal: Beats me.

Hannibal: [surveying a makeshift microlight B.A. has cobbled together from the wreck of their aeroplane] This thing is supposed to fly?
Murdock: I got no fear. I'll go up in anything: except an elevator.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: This thing is supposed to fly?
Murdock: I got no fear. I'll go up in anything. 'Cept an elevator.

Hannibal: [Pretending to be in hostile territory] Face, take the point.
Face: Anybody want to switch?
Hannibal: Face!

Hannibal: Those guys could be on us any minute. This plane sticks out like a fly on a wedding cake.

Face: Are you nuts?
Murdock: Absolutely and totally.
Face: How am I gonna get all this stuff out here in the middle of nowhere?
Murdock: Hey, you always say you can anything, anywhere anytime.
Face: Yeah, I...
Murdock: Think of it as a challenge. How did you get that '53 Cadillac convertable in the jungles of 'Nam?
Murdock: [more skeptical] How did you get that '53 Cadillac convertable in the jungles of 'Nam?
Face: Professional secret.
Hannibal: Of course, he was a lot younger then.

Face: Hannibal, sometimes I think you're crazier than Murdock.
Hannibal: [laughs] Sometimes I am.

---

"The A-Team: The Bend in the River: Part 1 (#3.2)" (1984)

Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: [after finding out they're going to take a plane] You ain't gonna get me to eat, drink or swallow ANYTHING!
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [runs to front of the van bring back B.A.'s milk carton] Then I guess you don't want this last swallow of your milk.
[realizes he's already been drugged. Raises his fist then passes out]

"Faceman" Peck: [holding a Spanish-English dictionary] Oh, well now, this is encouraging...
"Hannibal" Smith: Yeah?
"Faceman" Peck: Yeah. 'El Cajon'. Spanish translation: 'The Coffin'.
"Faceman" Peck: What kind of a scunge heel would call himself 'The Coffin'?
"Faceman" Peck: Well, probably the same kind that would call himself 'Hannibal'

"Hannibal" Smith: [Murdock is in a coffin, talking to himself] What is this all about?
"Faceman" Peck: Oh, this is gonna be fun. He's making a movie, a classic little film called 'Closed for Remodeling'.
"Hannibal" Smith: [Hannibal contemplates this as Murdock jabbers on inside the coffin] Well, that's already opened. I saw it on a theater marquee last week.
"Faceman" Peck: Don't you do that to me, Hannibal, one lunatic in this outfit is enough!

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: I'm looking for a river guide named Little John.
Churlisco: He died.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: No kidding?, When did that happen?
Churlisco: Tomorrow. And you're gonna beat him into the ground, unless you're gonna pack your bags and get outta here real fast.

El Cajon: You are well armed, Señor.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Are you the jackass that calls himself 'The Coffin'?
El Cajon: Yes Señor, El Cajon.
Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: Mr. Coffin, please do not sweat. there is to be no sweating in my film.
[throws him a towel]
Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: Here, wipe it off yourself.

"Hannibal" Smith: And you're engaged to this Brian Lefcourt?
Tawnia: Pre-engaged. We gave each other these St. Christophers. and when he got back from trying to find the lost treasure of Del Rio, we were going to be married.
"Faceman" Peck: When did all this happen?
Tawnia: Last month. When you guys were in South Carolina helping that old sheriff.

"Hannibal" Smith: Okay, which one of these cabanas is yours? The one with the TV antenna, huh?
El Cajon: The reception is muy malo. Get only Donald Duck on Saturday, without sound.
"Hannibal" Smith: What a shame. Let's take a look.

---

"The A-Team: Children of Jamestown (#1.2)" (1983)

Martin James: Have you heard this poem? "The time of right is the goal of the fight. The Lord will prevail where evil shall wail."
Hannibal: Have you heard THIS poem? "Hickory Dickory Dock, the mouse ran up the clock. The clock struck one, down he run, you smell worse than my socks!"
[Hannibal and the other members of the team laugh]

Hannibal: I believe it was General Grant who once said: When you are surrounded and outnumbered, there's only one way out.
Amy: Yeah? And what's that?
Hannibal: Surrender.

Amy: Wow. Those blood capsules are really realistic.
Face: Think so, huh? I accidentally swallowed the capsules. Hannibal split the inside of my lip.
Hannibal: Sorry, kid. You walked right into that one.
Face: [spitting out a tooth] Oh, there goes another cap!
B.A. Baracus: Hannibal, why did you go bust Face-man in the lip for? You know you make him ugly you're gonna mess up our meal-ticket. We won't be able to get into good hotel rooms.

B.A. Baracus: Hey, Jack, I thought you was a farmer. This place looks like a junkyard.
Tim Coulton: Well, I turn a lot of junk into art, it's what I do.
Hannibal: What's in the barn?
Tim Coulton: My studio.
B.A. Baracus: Studio? You make movies too? What do you call them, those art movies?
Tim Coulton: It's where I sculpt.

Tim Coulton: I don't know who you guys are, or what you're plannin' to do, but if I was you, I'd get in that jeep and head right out of here, fast. That reverend James does not play nice.
Hannibal: Well, it wouldn't be fun if he played nice. Besides, I'm going back to his place.
Tim Coulton: What for?
Hannibal: He's got over a hundred kids he's terrorizing up there that need help. Besides, he stole my boots. Nobody steals my boots.

Hannibal: Hey Face, what do you think these guy wear under their skirts?
Face: Uh, I don't know.
[to closest cult member]
Face: Half slip?
[gets hit in the gut with a rifle]
Face: Ohhh!
Hannibal: [to closest cult member] Garter belt?
[gets in the gut with a rifle]
Hannibal: Arrgh!
B.A. Baracus: I think you guys wear panty hose!
[gets hit doesn't react]

Hannibal: I believe it was General Grant who said when you're surrounded and outnumbered, there's only one way out.
Amy: Yeah, so what is it?
Hannibal: Surrender.

---

"The A-Team: Showdown! (#3.9)" (1984)

[after trashing the fake A-Team gang]
Face: I think it's time the truth came out, don't you?
Murdock: Yeah, and make sure my name is spelled "Murdock" - that's "Murdock"!
B.A. Baracus: Hey, shut up, fool!
Murdock: Yeah, that's easy for you to say, you're mentioned in the paper!
Hannibal: Now look, Murdock, you're our secret weapon...
Murdock: I don't want to be a secret weapon - I want to be an exposed weapon!

[a gang of hooligans is harassing a circus under the name of the A-Team. The real A-Team reunites, understandably not too pleased with this development]
Face: [waving around a newspaper article] Did you read this, Hannibal? Do you seriously believe this?
Hannibal: I read it - I believe it!
B.A. Baracus: This is bad, Hannibal - real bad! Some guys are coming around and busting heads saying they're the A-Team! There's only *one* A-Team! Us!

Hannibal: We are the A-Team!

Captain Winnetka: [Murdock is putting up a show as an Indian Brave] Does he always go on like this?
"Hannibal" Smith: [disguised as Rufus Cantrell] Ever since he lost his other feather.

"Hannibal" Smith: B.A... a shovel, now that's no disguise.
"B.A." Baracus: I don't wear disguises, Hannibal.
Murdock: Not even a feather for your hair?
"B.A." Baracus: This crazy fool away from me! You're not a real Indian. Real Indians don't look and act like a crazy fool!

Carrie: Well,I didn't think anybody could stand up to the A-Team.
"Hannibal" Smith: Glad to hear you say that, Ma'm, c'ause that's why we came here.

[a terrified Mason offers to hire the A-Team at any price]
Hannibal: I like mathematical progressions, but we're really picky about whom we work for.
B.A. Baracus: That's right, sucker! Real picky!
Hannibal: Two things, Mason. Firstly, stop bothering the Wild West Show and leave it alone. Secondly, it is not wise to impersonate the A-Team - and if you continue to do so, we will lose our quiet and peaceful demeanor and come back here and turn your studio upside down.

---

"The A-Team: Pure-Dee Poison (#2.17)" (1984)

Tawnia Baker: I can't tell you guys how included this makes me feel. I mean were like family, practically. I, I mean it's great, don't you think?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Tawnia, you may not be thanking us for long.

"Hannibal" Smith: I love it when a partnership comes together, don't you?

"Hannibal" Smith: Phase one of our operation is a succes
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Well, phase one is always the easiest. The bad guys never know it when we're doing phase one.
"Hannibal" Smith: Heh, heh.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Phase two, that's when the soup sticks to the spoon!

Charles Drew: You trying to be funny?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: I'm trying to save you ten miles o' missery.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Now they may have asked us to dance, but they don't know that we're gonna do a flamenco on their little heads.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Alright, the bar's closed. Hands over your heads and start repenting, or we're gonna drop a little hell fire on your pitiful juice and send you all to kingdom come.

Reverend Taylor: Well, Hannibal, I really gotta give you credit, I never could figure out how you were gonna get it done.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Well, Reverend, sometimes our work is a little like yours, just a matter of faith.

---

"The A-Team: The Out-of-Towners (#1.7)" (1983)

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [to B.A] Now Face booked us on a commercial flight because you said you'd fly if it wasn't Murdock at the controls.
"Howling Mad" Murdock: [aghast] You didn't tell me he said that. You said you'd fly with another pilot but not me? You said that?
"B.A." Baracus: [Glaring at Murdock, in his face] YEAH!
"Howling Mad" Murdock: [wilting, turns away] Wise choice.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Face, I need garbage!
[slams the door]
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Now I dont just mean any garbage.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Ah, you mean a specific kind of garbage.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: When I say garbage, I mean garbage, dirty garbage.
Amy Amanda Allen: Most garbage is dirty, Hannibal. That's why they call it garbage.
"Howling Mad" Murdock: No, he means real garbage.
"B.A." Baracus: Only a sucker like you would understand garbage!

Bernie: Looks like we are preparing for war.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Could be we are.

Bernie: So tell me, why are you doing this?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Anyone can spend their afternoon playing golf, but don't you think this is more fun?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [using a wireless to comunicate] Stay with 'em, kid. And let me know if they pick up reinforcements.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: [into the receiver of a taxi cab] Auf wiedersehen.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck: [Face and Hannibal are using walky talkies] Even when they play dirty, they play dirty.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Yeah, but we play dirtier.

---

"The A-Team: Black Day at Bad Rock (#1.5)" (1983)

bad guy: You're gonna pay for that, man!
Hannibal: I'm gonna cut you a check next time I'm down at the bank, man!

Hannibal: [B.A. has been wounded] How is he, Doc?
Dr. Maggie Sullivan: Not very good. Your friend here has a .50-caliber hole in his leg. I had to tie off an artery. It took 60 stitches to close him up. What were you hunting? Elephants?
Hannibal: [shrugging, with a smile] Quail.

[Murdoch is giving a direct blood transfusion to B.A, who is squirming]
Hannibal: B.A., just relax.
B.A. Baracus: I told you guys for the last time. I don't want this sucker's blood in me. It's going to make me crazy like him.
Murdock: No, it's not going to make you crazy, it'll make you mellow. You can even room with me at the V.A. I'll have them bring in an extra bunk and we can sit together and watch the walls melt.
B.A. Baracus: Hannibal!

"Faceman": Hannibal, you'll talk him out of it, won't ya?
Hannibal: Face, if anybody could talk B.A. out of anything, he'd be a professional wrestler. Now, give him some time. He'll, he'll cool off. Eh, the worst think that could happen to you is he's gonna be taking a couple of swings at you.
"Faceman": One ought to do it.

Deputy Jack Harmson: 'Course you realise, when we run these prints through we are gonna find out who you guys are.
Hannibal: I told you before, we're ballet dancers.
"Faceman": That guy over at doc is our choreographer.
Hannibal: Yeah, we had a nasty audience. I don't think they liked our pas de'deux. Opened up on us from the first row with a 50 caliber machine gun.

Hannibal: Murdock will be here right away, you're the same blood type. We'll do a direct transfusion and get you on your feet.
B.A. Baracus: Murdock?
Hannibal: You're both AB negative, remember?
B.A. Baracus: I'm ain't swapin' blood with that sucker, he's crazy!
Hannibal: B.A. he's the only donor we have, unless we're gonna get you into Cedar-Siani. You have very special blood.
B.A. Baracus: I ain't letting you put any of Murdock's crazy juice in me, no way man. He's nuts.

---

"The A-Team: The Beast from the Belly of a Boeing (#1.12)" (1983)

Face: Oh, so now we're in the charity business?
Hannibal: Face, don't you remember in '69 when we had six days of R&R coming?
Face: Yeah, we tried to get that flight out of Da Nang to Hawaii.
Hannibal: Right, all the flights were booked. Beller Air bumped two tourists and we got a flight out. We owe 'em this one.

Hannibal: Military history has taught us that conflict is merely the seizing of space from ones aggressor. They've got the space up there, we got the offensive posture down here.
Face: So the two of us assume an offensive posture against six guys with guns in an airplane at 35.000 over the ocean?
Hannibal: Well, it's the application of the theory that's interesting.

Jackson: [Pulls a fake moustache off of Hannibal's face] It seems you've lost some weight, Mr. Beller.
Face: He's been sick.
Hannibal: Yeah, a virus. Haven't been able to eat for weeks. Runny nose, infected ears. Moustache falls off.

Jackson: Who are you?
Hannibal: [removing his wig] Were a couple of ah, freelance Lone Ranger types. Beller hired us to handle you guys.
Face: Lone Ranger types?
Hannibal: Yeah.
Jackson: All right. Get back to the luggage compartment and get the parachutes. We're bailing out just as soon as we're out of range of the radar. Unless you have wings, you're dead. And you and Tonto can crack your lousy jokes as you go into the ocean.
Face: Get 'em up, Scout!

Murdock: Well, Hannibal, you be my eyes, and I'll bring this sucker home.
Hannibal: You're on.
B.A. Baracus: This is my worst nightmare.

B.A. Baracus: Listen Murdock, I'm only gonna say this once. Don't be messing round up here. You tell Hannibal how to get this thing down. Couse I'm scared. And when I'm scared I tend to get mean. And you don't ever wanna see me mean.
Airline pilot Larry Hertzog: Have you had any flight experience, Smith?
Hannibal: Paper airplanes, does that count?

---

"The A-Team: Waiting for Insane Wayne (#4.17)" (1986)

Kincaid: Who's Tully?
Face: Me, I'm Tully.
Kincaid: That means you're, eh, Three Fingered Harry?
Hannibal: [Hannibal tucks his hands in his arms] Harry couldn't make it. Got a job runnin' guns from South America.
Kincaid: Well, just who the hell are you?
Kincaid: Peco Bob. I fill in for Harry. My specialities are: smokin' cigars, eatin' snakes alive, and runnin' off drifters.

Hannibal: [posing as Peco Bob] Where did this no good squatter set up?
Hannibal: [Kincaid shows him on a map] Now if that red line is your ranch, he's not on your property. If he registered two years ago and got squatters rights, he's legal.
Kincaid: If I wanted a legal opinon I'd seek out a lawyer. What I want is a little funny business from some guys who, eh, don't ask too many questions.
Hannibal: What do you mean 'funny business'? You want us sneak up on him in church and give him a hot foot?
Kincaid: I want you to kill 'em. Burry the body two counties over. Is that plain enough for ya?

Hannibal: [posing as Peco Bob] Aren't we forgetting something, Mr. Kincaid?
Kincaid: You mean money?
Hannibal: Well...
Murdock: [posing as Insande Wayne] I do this not for play, but for pay!
Kincaid: You said on the phone a hundred thousand dollars. Half now, and half when the job is finished.
Murdock: Well, I know that, but insane people can change their minds from time to time. I want it all... now!
Kincaid: What if I say no?
Murdock: Then I'm gonna put a pox on your house!
[laughs like a maniac]

Hannibal: Now, let me tell you something else, Kincaid. We just went to work for Bill Sherman and you just paid our fee. So, when Insane Wayne and Three Fingered Harry finaly get here, tell them four other guys, who are also in the special forces, just decided to suit up.

Hannibal: Well, I guess that's the end of the friendly part of these negotiations.
Kincaid: I can't believe you all are so dumb.
Hannibal: Yeah, dumb like a bag o' rocks, but smart enough to figure you might put a sniper in that stand of trees over there. And maybe another in that stand of trees over there. And so we mined those potential ambush sites.
Kincaid: I don't believe you.
Hannibal: Never bet in the aces, pal. B.A., cut some lumber.
Kincaid: They did it again! They took my money again!

Insane Wayne: You know what I'm thinking?
Hannibal: That the A-Team wouldn't be this easy to take down.
Insane Wayne: No, I'm thinking where the money is? Oh, I'm talking about that ten thousand dollars you took from Kincaid... I like it. It's mine.

---

"The A-Team: West Coast Turnaround (#1.9)" (1983)

Hannibal: I like to see the size of a slug - before I step on him...

Hannibal: Murdock, B.A. take the right. Face, stay with me.
Face: Er, Hannibal, if we're gonna fight, I'd really prefer to be teamed with B.A.
Murdock: Me too.
Hannibal: Are you guys saying you don't wanna team up with me?
Face: Yes.
Murdock: Yes.
Hannibal: Why?
B.A.: I'll tell you why. Because when you're on the jazz, man, you're dangerous!

Chuck Easterland: You guys are a bunch of clowns. Very funny. I'm bustin' a gut here.
Hannibal: [Referring to Murdock] He's a mental patient. Eh, he's not dangerous, usually, but he does hallucinate.

Hannibal: What do you think, B.A.?
B.A.: Oh, man, this rig is about 16.000 overweight. And the rear brakes is whistling Dixie. And these air hose, they got dry rot.
Hannibal: Wonderful. All they have to do is get to farmer's market in L.A.

Amy: You guys think you're gonna hang armored plating all over my new car? You're nuts!
Hannibal: You got us into this, Amy. We gotta use what's available.

Chuck Easterland: I told you to get out of here. Maybe next time you'll listen.
Hannibal: I doubt it. I'm stubborn. It's a serious character flaw.

---

"The A-Team: Semi-Friendly Persuasion (#2.22)" (1984)

Face: You say you're Society doesn't believe in violence, well, heh, we're not exactly caterers.
Eric: We want you to build our meeting house.
Hannibal: We're not exaclty carpenters, either.

Kerl: [appalled at seeing the A-Team's weapons] Are those the tools of logic, Colonel?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: In some cirles, yes they are.

Kale Sykes: Who the hell are you?
"Faceman" Peck: Pretty snappy comeback!
Kale Sykes: I asked you a question, boy!
"Hannibal" Smith: Face, did he call me 'boy'?
"Faceman" Peck: Yeah, no doubt about it, this is devinately a force to be reckoned with.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Face, we were fired. We don't work for them anymore.We work for us. And we're gonna go back there, and take Kale and his sleazeballs and teach 'em a little A-Team religion.

Kerl: Are you expecting me to thank you?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: No. No, even though you're one of the most narrow mindest men I ever met in your own way, I admire you for one thing, Kerl: You don't change your tune when you win. Most people do.

Hannibal: It's just society's electricity, guys. The freedom to think... People's thought are the most elusive and their most valuable. And the soldiers pay the price to protect it.

---

"The A-Team: The Battle of Bel Air (#2.15)" (1984)

"Hannibal" Smith: [to Tawnia] We don't give autographs, honey. What's going on, Murdock?
Tawnia Baker: I got some very important information for you: Colonel Decker is after you.
"Faceman" Peck: Now there's a hot flash.

Col. Decker: Freeze, Smith!
Hannibal: I'm sorry, our store Santa Clause has gone for the day. You'll have to come back, if you want to tell him what you want for Christmas.
Col. Decker: My Christmas present is you, Smith.
Hannibal: You have expensive taste.

"Hannibal" Smith: [to Decker] All right, you just hang in there, Colonel. Took us ten years to break Lynch's spirit. Arrivederci!

Tawnia Baker: You guys are a real trip!
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: We can be a real mean trip, too. You got a lot of explaining to do.
Tawnia Baker: I'm telling you, I am a reporter. I work for L.A. Career Express and I know Amy Allen very well.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Which is very difficult for us to confirm on short notice, seeing as Amy's in Jakarta right now.

Hannibal: You couldn't fill this building with enough money to get me to pull you out of a burning wreck. But I would take you and this whole network of terrorism you've set up and flush you down the sewer, just to see what kind of sound you'd make.

---

"The A-Team: In Plane Sight (#2.14)" (1984)

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Murdock, are you going straight on me?
Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: Straight, sir?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Well, you know, no soliloquys, no songs, the words coming from your mouth could come from the mouth of an insurance salesmen. You're turning legit.

Faceman: I don't believe it. You mean they actually keep records on drug smuggling?
Hannibal: Everybody keeps records. Even ones they never want found. Remember Nixon?

B.A. Baracus: Hey, Hannibal, I ain't flying, man. Now I don't know how you guys be getting me in and out of these planes, but this time I'm ready for you. This time...
Face, Hannibal: Eclipse.
[B.A. falls into a hypnotic trance]

Drug Dealer Wilson Corless: If I were you, Colonel, I would arrest these men and forget about everything else. I have friends in the Colombian government who could make things very difficult for you.
Venezuelan Army Colonel Sanchez: I could care less about you're friends in the Colombian government. This is Venezuela you're in now.
Drug Dealer Wilson Corless: [Hannibal laughs out loud] Venezuela?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Yeah, we knew we couldn't extradite you from Colombia, so we nailed you in another country. Neat, huh?

Venezuelan Army Colonel Sanchez: Who are you men, wha- what have you got to do with all of this?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: We are agents for the United States drug enforcement agency. Undercover, of course.

---

"The A-Team: Beneath the Surface (#4.19)" (1986)

Templeton "Faceman" Peck: I can't believe that Fulbright would sink that low. That he would find an unrequited love from my youth and force her to set me up, that's just...
"Hannibal" Smith: She's after the reward, Face.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Why Hannibal, you are so cynical.

"Hannibal" Smith: [stiffling a laugh] How many times did you con this guy, Face? I bet he was your number one stooge.
Elaine: He talked about you constantly. Always told me what a great guy you were.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: I am a great guy! Barry was interested in pirates, and for twenty bucks I sold him a treasure map.
"B.A." Baracus: I'm glad I didn't know you when I was a kid.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck: You know, Hannibal, I'm worried about Rebecca. What if the military's detained her?
"Hannibal" Smith: Well, if they detained her, it's because they wanted to take back the reward they paid her.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Well, of course, if there was a treasure, I'd, eh, I'd own half of it because I sold him the map in the first place.
"Hannibal" Smith: Face!
[gives him a stern, persuasive grin]
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Ok, Barry owns the whole thing, ok? He'd want me to have half of it, cause he's a friend of mine, but...

"Hannibal" Smith: [to Barry's parrot] One wrong move, bird, and you're a feather duster. Got it?

---

"The A-Team: The Bells of St. Marys (#3.11)" (1984)

"Hannibal" Smith: Charlotte said you were having some trouble with the record company, and trouble provides our main source of employment.

"Hannibal" Smith: We never mess around with our clients. It muddies the atmosphere, it distorts our thinking, it is dangerous.
"Faceman": That rule!
"B.A." Baracus: Hannibal's right. Can't mess with these ladies.
"Faceman": Aw, come on, guys, rules were made to be broken.
"Hannibal" Smith: Noses are also made to be broken, right, Face?

"Hannibal" Smith: Life is full of risks. Even good pieces can give you indigestion.

Zeke Westerland: Might be, we gotta sing a little different tune, now.
"Hannibal" Smith: You don't by any chance happen to know 'Chicken in a breadbox', do ya?

"Hannibal" Smith: [on the phone] Zeke, you stooped lower than I thought.
Zeke Westerland: [chuckles wickedly] Son, I'm so low I can walk under a swamp alligator with my hat on.
[more chuckles]

---

"The A-Team: The Rabbit Who Ate Las Vegas (#1.6)" (1983)

Hannibal: It's always darkest just before it goes totally black.

Darlene: Well you see, we just have to save the professor, his mind's a national resource.
Hannibal: [Looking at a picture of the professor] That's lucky, his body is a natural disaster

Hannibal: You're name swings open a lot of doors in this town, Gianni.
Gianni Christian: It also swing closes a lot of caskets, too.

Jackie Martell: Looks like somebody's being set up. For a hit. But feds...
Gianni Christian: We always suspected. Noone ever knew who hit the Montana brothers...
Hannibal: And Crazy Tommy T. You think he drowned on a fishing trip? We sent him over Niagara falls with a rubber duck.

Hannibal: [Thinly disguised as an African American] Remember, black is beautiful.
B.A.: Not on you it ain't!

---

"The A-Team: When You Comin' Back, Range Rider?: Part 1 (#2.5)" (1983)

Hannibal: Ah-HAH! No matter how smart they are, they ALWAYS screw up in some way!

[Face has launched a film production company]
Hannibal: "Miracle Films"?
Face: "If it's a good film, it's a Miracle." Catchy, huh?

Daniel Running Bear: Are you the only hot dog vendor here in the park?
"Hannibal" Smith: Do you see any other hot dog vendors?
Daniel Running Bear: No.
"Hannibal" Smith: Ah, well you won't. I got contract for the city.
Daniel Running Bear: Could I have a hot dog, please?
"Hannibal" Smith: Are you kiddin'? You mean a luke-warm dog. I just fired her up.

Col. Decker: [using a bull horn] This is Col. Decker of the U.S. army. You are completely surrounded.
"Hannibal" Smith: Aw, no kidding.
"Faceman": Colonel Decker, do you hear that?
Amy Allen: You know this guy?
"Faceman": Everyone in Vietnam knew him. He's one of those guys who always got the job done under any circumstances and he never lost any sleep over how he did it.
"B.A." Baracus: Yeah, Hannibal and this guy mixed it up once in the Doom Club.
Amy Allen: The Doom Club?
"Hannibal" Smith: Eh, The Nang officers open mess.
Amy Allen: So, you didn't like the way he sugared his coffee?
"Hannibal" Smith: No, I didn't like the way he blew up Kong hospitals like it was his favorite sport.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [looking at a herd of horses] I don't know how the rest of you feel, but I wouldn't sleep well tonight, not if those animals are gonna wind up on the sticky side of a postage stamp.

---

"The A-Team: One More Time (#1.10)" (1983)

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Colonel, I'm impressed you read the paper. I thought you stayed away from anything that didn't have pictures.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: What kind of a rock did they find you under?
Army Col. Lynch: Not nearly as big as the one I'm going to use to crush you, Smith.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: We accept the assignment. It's better than being pulled into a dumpster by a slime monster which I should have been playing anyway.
"B.A." Baracus: Hannibal, you're crazy. Just like Murdock.

"B.A." Baracus: Where are we?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Borneo.
"B.A." Baracus: Where?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Shhh!
"Faceman" Peck: Borneo. You know, small island in the Western Pacific Ocean divided between Malaysia, Indonesia and Brunei.
"B.A." Baracus: Are you sure?
"Faceman" Peck: Positive. I used to date a geography major.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: The U.S. Military pushed you out of an airplane.
"Faceman" Peck: That's right, pushed all of us.
"B.A." Baracus: Hey man, the last thing I remember, we were being detained by the MP's. We all were. And they don't push out no airplane for robbin' no bank of Hanoi!
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: 'm afraid they did, when we told them we wouldn't take the mission if you didn't come along. I think they spiked our milk.
"Faceman" Peck: Yeah, and that's a terrible thing to do to something that baby's drink.

---

"The A-Team: Skins (#3.17)" (1985)

"Hannibal" Smith: Of course, we do have one problem, though, eh, we're going to have to fly to Kenia, and B.A. is... well, he's not that fond of airplanes.
B.A. Baracus: [refusing to lose face in front of their female client] What you talking about, man?
"Hannibal" Smith: Eh, well, eh, you know, how you're eh...
Murdock: Scared. The word is scared. Scared. You're scared to fly.
B.A. Baracus: Huh, me? Scared of flying? That's just an act I put on sometime. I ain't afraid of nothing!
Kamora Kaboko: Great. There's a flight that leaves tonight.

"Hannibal" Smith: [of screen, on an airplane] I love it when B.A. comes together... to sleep.

"Hannibal" Smith: Face, that Amsterdam shipment is exactly what you ordered. Put the grenades in your room.

"Hannibal" Smith: I can hardly wait to find out what happens next.

Faceman: Er, Hannibal, we got a lotta balls juggling here, I just hope your plan comes together.
"Hannibal" Smith: Have a little faith, Lieutenant.

---

"The A-Team: Steel (#2.11)" (1983)

Hannibal: There are two ways we can do this: the easy way and the hard way. In a few minutes my friends and I are going to come down on you like your worst nightmare. You're gonna wish the Earth had opened up and swallowed you whole.
bad guy: What's the easy way?
Hannibal: That *was* the easy way.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Now, we can do this the hard way, or the easy way. In about a minute I and my three friends are gonna unleash on you your worst nightmare. You're gonna wish the earth opened up underneath your feet and swallowed you whole.
Mobster Tommy Tillis: What's the easy way?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Oh, that was the easy way.

"Hannibal" Smith: What do you think, B.A.?
Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: I think maybe I wanna meet this dude, and maybe help him with his bridgework. Like bustin' up his mouth.
"Faceman": Hey, B.A., that's very funny. You know, you're developing a sense of humor. Slowly, but, eh, it's developing.
[B.A. growls at him]

"Hannibal" Smith: I thought we were caught up in a jurisdiction dispute between hardhats, but it looks like we've kicked over a rock and found a scorpion.

Randy Stern: But there's only four of you.
Mickey Stern: Yeah, he's got an army!
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Yeah, well, the poor suckers haven't got a chance.

---

"The A-Team: Say It with Bullets (#2.16)" (1984)

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Come on, Face, what happened to all that eye-hand coordination?
Lt. Templeton "Faceman" Peck: I'm concentrating. Don't rush genius!

Col. Decker: [outside, over bullhorn] It's over, Smith. You lost.
"Hannibal" Smith: And I was having such a nice day.
"Faceman" Peck: Oh, don't worry, he'll give us a minute like he always does.
Col. Decker: [off screen] You've got thirty seconds to give up your weapons before we open fire.
"Hannibal" Smith: Got to give the man credit, he's learning.

Decker: [on military phone] Decker here.
Hannibal: Hello, Decker, how's tricks?
Decker: Get smart, Smith. You and your people are at the bottom of a well. The only way up is past me.
Hannibal: Anything you say, CD.

Decker: [over bullhorn] Smith, this is Decker. I've given orders to fire, Smith. Quit while you're still alive.
John Smith: Oh, he's always so pompous when he thinks he's got us cornered. Let's drop a little ice down his pants.

Hannibal" Smith: [to B.A] You know how to find that adress?
Tawnia: I do.
[Hannibal throws her a surprised look]
Tawnia: I hang out at the beach quite a bit.

---

"The A-Team: Members Only (#4.15)" (1986)

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: This is a very exclusive club, Face. What are you? Their token fugitive?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: I'm not sure about this, Face.
Lt. Templeton Peck: Ashley. I'm Ashley Hemmings.
Capt. H.M. Murdock: [posh accent] Funny. You're a dead ringer for Templeton Peck.
Lt. Templeton Peck: What are you doing at my club?
Capt. H.M. Murdock: I'm a guest of Dr. Richter's
Lt. Templeton Peck: Your psychiatrist takes you to his country club?
Capt. H.M. Murdock: Every Friday.

McKeever: What did you say that you did for a living?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: I recover valuable objects for people.

Lt. Templeton Peck: Well, this it typical: one minute you're a member of an exclusive club, the next minute you're a waiter. A fake waiter.
Adrian Prescott: Oh, I'm sorry about you losing your membership.
Capt. H.M. Murdock: Why don't you become one of Dr. Richter's patients? Then maybe he can bring you here, as a guest.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Yeah, look at the bright side, Face. Chuck McCraw and Bob McKeever lost their memberships too.
Sgt. B.A. Baracus: Yeah, they'll probably start their own club in prison.

Shecky Greene: I understand we have a very special friend of the General is here with us tonight. He'd like to pay his respects. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's have a nice, warm welcome for Colonel John 'Hannibal' Smith.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [Hannibal gets an enthousiastic applause] Thanks Shecky. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to say a few words about General 'Bull' Fulbright. A man I've known all my life. Needless to say, we don't call him 'Bull' for nothing.
[the General jumps up from his seat to strangle Hannbal]

---

"The A-Team: The Road to Hope (#4.5)" (1985)

"Howling Mad" Murdock: I rest my case, mein colonel. The woman came to the table, she looked around and she saw only you.
Hannibal: It's because I'm better looking.
"Howling Mad" Murdock: [laughs mockingly] It's because I made myself invisible.

Hannibal: She should be selling bridges in Brooklyn.
Faceman: Oh, come on, Hannibal, please! The Brooklyn Bridge goes for five, six hundred thousand dollars, minimum. Believe me, I know. I've sold it twice already.

Hannibal: Well, I can see why you guys are confused, but think about me? I mean I walk into the back of a restaurant and the next thing I know I'm in a science fiction movie.

Scarett: You've got something for me?
Hannibal: Yeah, I got a great new gorilla story I know you love 'em, so I came right out.
Scarett: Save the jokes, 'cause I've got plans for you, wiseguy.
Hannibal: Let me guess. We're gonna dig some more graves?
Scarett: Man's a mind reader.

---

"The A-Team: The Only Church in Town (#2.3)" (1983)

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Face, you gotta be kidding. You want us to go to Equador to find or rescue the sweetheart of Sigma Kai? I mean, I think all this high living has made your brain go soft.
Murdock: I sure do wish you'd show me how to scam mansions, Face.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [travelling in a beat up old car] This map isn't gonna do us any good. It was designed for people who travel by donkey.
Reporter Amy Amanda Allen: Yeah, well, it feels like we're travelling by donkey.

Mother Superior: What are you planning to do with all these guns?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Shoot at the bad guys, ma'm.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck: You know, eh, you were right. If you had told me on that night 15 years ago that you were going to be a nun, I eh, I don't think I could have accepted it. Then I would have to say goodbye to you and, eh, I'm realising right now how very much I hate to do that.
Sister Teresa: Well, then don't. Besides, it's usually word that somebody is leaving.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Someone is leaving. Me.
Sister Teresa: No, not to me. To me you're always here. You always will be.
[they hug]
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [off screen] Let's go, Lieutenant.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: The commander calls.
[starts to leave]
Sister Teresa: Faceman? God bless you.

---

"The A-Team: Bad Time on the Border (#2.4)" (1983)

Amy Allen: B.A., didn't you say that Maria said her mother is really sick?
"B.A." Baracus: Yeah, real sick. And if we don't help her, she won't have anybody in the world.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Whoever separated them, isn't big on human diginity.
"B.A." Baracus: Yeah, when I get finished with them, they're gonna be real big on pain!

"Faceman": [Face is seasick] What about a plan?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Heh! You're a terrific shade of green, you know, brings out the color in your eyes.
"Faceman": You don't have a plan, do ya?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Of course I have a plan. But... it's a secret.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: All right, now who's plan was this?
"Faceman" Peck: Not mine!
"B.A." Baracus: Not mine.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Then who's?
"Faceman" Peck: Murdock!
"B.A." Baracus: It was Murdock.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: No it wasn't!

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: B.A., I talked to that producer friend of mine. He's gonna sponsor Maria and her mom. They'll live in his Beverly Hills mansion, collect a nice salary, and have the rare opportunity of studying a gigantic American ego up close.

---

"The A-Team: Trial by Fire (#5.2)" (1986)

Gen. Hunt Stockwell: I understand the Army is reviewing candidates for your firing squad.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Aw, gee, you didn't have to go to all this trouble just to cheer me up.

Col. Roderick Decker: I pursued Colonel Smith and the A-Team for three long years. I lost track of how many laws they broke and how much military property they destroyed. I can tell you this: Rules mean nothing to these men, and they're loyal to no one but themselves. I have no doubt that they're capable of the crimes for which they're accused.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: What a guy.

Benny Conway: [shouting] Are you out of your minds?
Lt. Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Well, it wouldn't be the first time we were accused of it.
Benny Conway: Nobody tries to plead guilty in a capitol case!
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: A man can only live with his guilt for so long.
Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: Yeah. We hate guilt.
Benny Conway: But we are winning! Their case is shot full of holes and ones Colonel Quyet testifies, it will be shot down entirely.
Lt. Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Eh, would you mind not using words like 'full of holes', 'shot down', I mean it conjures up such a negative image.

[after Hannibal described how they had robbed the bank]
Mayor Laskov: That's quite a heroic saga, colonel. How much did you steal from the bank?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Ten million piasters.
Mayor Laskov: That's about... one million US dollars. A bank of Hanoi check showed a loss of fifty million piasters.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Then some North Vietnamese got very rich. All we stole was ten million.

---

"The A-Team: The Island (#3.8)" (1984)

"Faceman" Peck: [the A-Team has been contacted through an ad in the paper] All right, lets assume for the moment that this is legit.
"Hannibal" Smith: Okay.
"Faceman" Peck: All right. Chances are Decker reads the same newspaper, right?
"Hannibal" Smith: Okay.
"Faceman" Peck: Right! So, we show up, bingo! He grabs us.
"Hannibal" Smith: Now Face, did I ever make it easy for Decker?

"Hannibal" Smith: B.A. is the van ready?
"B.A." Baracus: Guns and ammo!
"Hannibal" Smith: Ready to go!
"Howling Mad" Murdock: [reading a book] Boy, I sure hope we don't run into any arborescent Calla Montrichardia.
"Hannibal" Smith: No, 'specially one of those.

"Hannibal" Smith: Now, the village is about two miles from here. We can get help there.
Kalani: The village? That's suicide. It's the first place Vescari is going to look. If he finds you there, he'll destroy the place.
"Hannibal" Smith: My plans do not include being found.

"Hannibal" Smith: I don't know which I hate the most, hard narcotics or slavery, so I'm coming back tomorrow, and I'm gonna cream your whole operation.

---

"The A-Team: The Say U.N.C.L.E. Affair (#5.6)" (1986)

Hannibal: Murdock, start counting seconds... Now
Murdock: One Scooby Dooby Do, Two Scooby Dooby Do... Eleven Scooby Dooby Do, Twelve Scooby Dooby Do...
Hannibal: Well, What do ya know
Murdock: I know I'm tired of counting Scooby Dooby Dos

Murdock: It's so nice to be back in L.A. The freeways, the shallow people, the superficial relationships, how could we have lived anywhere else?
Frankie: And don't forget the smog.
Murdock: Oh, the smog... and at sunset, when the light hits the inversion layer just right, it turns a beautiful shade of orange.
Hannibal: Brings a tear to the eye.

Carla: This is the last time I will be able to communicate. You must find Stockwell within the next 36 hours.
Hannibal: Or what?
Carla: Everything folds up and disappears. This process has already begun. Unless the General's voice hits the blue phone before the deadline, everything, every bit of this operation will vanish. You would be on your own.
Frankie: Well, what about our pardon?
Carla: It disappears with the General.

Hannibal: Frankie, show Murdock to the Madonna memorial shower and develop that film.

---

"The A-Team: The Sound of Thunder (#4.23)" (1986)

Hannibal Smith: Now first we need transportation.
B.A. Baracus: I know, we'll have to fly. I'll do it this time, because this Morrison guy can clear us, you guys won't have to be knocking me out no more for none of these crazy capers we've been going on.

General 'Bull' Fullbright: This is my mission, we're gonna do it my way. You know, we're all part of the same team.
Hannibal Smith: Correction. The team did not join you, you are joining the team. Now if you wanna tag along, fine, but keep your mouth shut and be a good soldier.

Hannibal Smith: Now look, Tia, I know you don't trust Fulbright, you don't even know what he's about, but that could come with time, if you take some time with him.
Tia: All I take is his life!
Faceman: And they say daughters want everything.

Tia: He is not my father, he is my enemy!
Hannibal Smith: Well, whoever he is, he's waiting up the river for you. And the two of you are gonna have a talk. When that's finished you can both do whatever you want. Now, would you like to walk up there like a little lady, or do you wanna go over my shoulder?
Tia: I will listen to him... and then I will kill him!

---

"The A-Team: Dishpan Man (#5.1)" (1986)

Hannibal: Hey kid, you're not that swift. I did some pretty squirly things in 'Nam, and lived to tell about them. You're like bread on a windowsill. Mine, when I want ya.

John "Hannibal" Smith: Face, B.A., I'd like you to meet 'Dishpan' Frankie Santana, the best special effects man in Hollywood.
Bosco "B.A." Baracus: Is this the dude who blew you up, Hannibal?
Frankie "Dishpan" Santana: And who are you, a labor rep from the jewelery market?
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: I like him. He's got a reckless streak.

John "Hannibal" Smith: He says Captain Curtis is alive.
H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: Curtis is alive?
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Wait a minute: then he could testify that we hit that bank in Hanoi under orders. Yeah, then we'd uh - we'd be free to be normal people. No offense, Murdock

Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Hannibal, just one question. How are we gonna get on an airplane controlled by terrorists?
John "Hannibal" Smith: Effects!

---

"The A-Team: Labor Pains (#2.8)" (1983)

"Hannibal" Smith: How does baloney and whole wheat sound?
Murdock: Actually, Colonel, it makes almost no sound at all.

"Hannibal" Smith: You know, your first impression, mister, is just like a lizard's breath.
Ray Cross: I haven't started to make a first impression yet.

Ted Jarrett: You'll never get away with this! You'll have a union in this Valley over my dead body!
"Hannibal" Smith: That's exactly what I was telling our union members this morning!
Murdock: We're working on a theme song and uniforms and I'm pushing for matching bow-ties, and not that clip-on junk, those are for geeks! And geeks are a whole 'nother union.

"Hannibal" Smith: Murdock, are you watching the road?
Murdock: Well, sure, it's just laying there like a big ole tongue going aaaaaaaah.

---

"The A-Team: Till Death Do Us Part (#1.11)" (1983)

"Hannibal" Smith: You look just like that guy at Lucy's in Saigon.
"Faceman" Peck: Well, you look like Lucy.

Jacqueline 'Jackie' Taylor: This is the wildest thing I've ever done. You guys are crazy!
"Hannibal" Smith: Speaking of Murdock, where is he?

"Hannibal" Smith: I've explained it to you before: If we get Jackie in a marriage contract, Calvin can't touch her. If he kills her, you get the money.
"Faceman" Peck: But what if he kills me?
"Hannibal" Smith: Well, then the orphanage in your will gets the money. See, he gets nothing!

Murdock: Eh, would you mind delivering this for me?
"Hannibal" Smith: What is it?
"B.A." Baracus: It's that stupid letter he was writing last night, Hannibal. The man is nuts. He's writing Cutter a letter, telling him how sorry and bad he feel for leaving the man at the altar.
"Hannibal" Smith: [sincerely] He was lucky to have had you, as short a time as he did.
"B.A." Baracus: Oh man!

---

"The A-Team: Lease with an Option to Die (#4.4)" (1985)

Hannibal: [Hannibal gets a call on the top secret mobile phone] It's long distance. It's for Mr. B.A. Baracus. The... head of the A-Team.

B.A. Baracus: They broke my mother's arm. Nobody put they're hand on my mother and lives to tell about it. We're going to Chicago right now, Hannibal!
Hannibal: B.A., now take it easy. We're behind you on this thing 100 percent.
Face: B.A., whatever you say. Remember, you're our leader.
B.A. Baracus: Look man, I know I exaggerate sometime, but you do it all the time!
Face: Well but ac-, actually, I always felt you had leadership potential.
B.A. Baracus: Hey man, we gotta find the fasted way possible to get to my mother.
Murdock: That's gonna mean flying, big guy.
B.A. Baracus: That's right, flying!

Faceman: [pretending B.A. leads the A-Team] Boy, B.A., you got us on the jazz now!
Hannibal: Oh, he loves it when a plan comes together!

Hannibal: I wish I could promise you that he'd come home for Christmas someday and stay.
Mrs. Baracus: Oh I know you can't, and I accepted that a long time ago. But I'll tell you one thing Hannibal, I sleep a whole lot better now, knowing that he's not out there alone. He's with his family.

---

"The A-Team: Chopping Spree (#2.19)" (1984)

"Faceman" Peck: You know, we're supposed to be in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. The Prince is real anxious to get back those two wives of his that were kidnapped by the Bedouin Sheik. Also, he's wiring to our account one milion Riyals.
"Hannibal" Smith: That's nice.
"Faceman" Peck: Isn't it?
"B.A." Baracus: Hey man, I don't want those Riyows, or Ryhows, whatever it is, I want cash money!
"Faceman" Peck: Which at the current range of exchange comes to 430.000 dollars, thank you very much.

Templeton Peck: Hannibal, this is disgusting. I'm selling used cars, do you know what this does to the self esteem of an artist like myself?
John "Hannibal" Smith: [disguised as rich Johnny B] Ah, poor chap, sales not going well, what?
Templeton Peck: Not going well? I had to slow myself so half the stiffs around here don't think I, my customers are set-ups.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [disguised as rich Johnny B] You know, B.A., your gold looks really good on me.
Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: No it don't!

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: That old hearse over there. What a great way for four wanted guys to get into a funeral full of cops.

---

"The A-Team: Recipe for Heavy Bread (#2.2)" (1983)

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [the Team finds out Faceman has been using the alias 'Mr. Toney'] Mr. Toney? You gotta be kidding!
B.A. Baracus: Sounds like some hairdresser to me.
Amy Allen: Mr. Toney, isn't that the name of a famous L.A. decorator?

Lin Duk Coo - Pastry Chef: The Colonel love it, when plan come together.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: You bet he does!

Tom Anderson: I don't think you know what you're messing with, Smith.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Oh yes I do, I'm just impetuous. I'm also nuts and trigger happy, so get in the van before I foam at the mouth and start blasting.

Lin Duk Coo - Pastry Chef: [tearfully] A-Team is my best friend I think. You saved my life.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: No, you saved ours.

---

"The A-Team: Incident at Crystal Lake (#3.25)" (1985)

Face: I think we should make some swift vacation plans.
Hannibal: Before they send another girl after us with long legs, huh?
Face: Ah, no, that could happen to anyone.
Hannibal: Yes, Face, but it always happens to you.

Hannibal: I'm gonna show these guys what a weekend in the country is really like.
Jenny Sherman: What about saving yourselves?
Murdock: We are beyond saving.

Col. Decker: I'm through losing you guys. If you they do anyting, if they even twitch, shoot to kill.
Hannibal: Now if you had been that way last year, you'd have gotten a lot further, a lot quicker.

Hannibal: [the A-Team is waiting for a chopper to arrive] What's happening, Murdock?
Murdock: What do you think? Cry baby ain't going
[referring to B.A]

---

"The A-Team: Harder Than It Looks (#2.20)" (1984)

"Hannibal" Smith: Miss Teasdale, I heard you were a bit of a loon, but you really jumped the double yellow line with this.

"Howling Mad" Murdock: Sneaking back into a warzone with the same plan, second time, is insane.
"Hannibal" Smith: It's brilliant. They'll never think we're crazy enough to do it.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: They'll never catch us, Mr. Teasdale. And just so you know: we're like socks. You can put us through a rough wash once, but you'll never use us again. Good luck, Jennifer.

Jennifer Teasdale: You guys are incredible! I can't believe you actually did it!
Templeton Peck: Neither can I. We lost our wheels, B.A. did 15 rounds with Godzilla, Hannibal did a 20 story high dive, we had our boat blown out from under us, and we still managed to save the girl, her boyfriend and retrieve the movey.
Marcus: Now all you have to do is stop them from blowing up the dam.
"Hannibal" Smith: Dam?
"Howling Mad" Murdock: I wanna cry.

---

"The A-Team: Deadly Maneuvers (#2.21)" (1984)

"Hannibal" Smith: Look, you seem like a semi-nice girl under all that greed and make-up. Let me take you some advice: Don't lie to me. It's not nice to lie to me.

King: [posing as a doctor] You haven't got a prayer, Smith. You drank some of that milk, I can see it on you.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: I save my prayers for Sundays.

"Hannibal" Smith: [trying to contact Murdock] Reflex, this is Hammer, do you read me?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Now, next time you think you wanna take somebody out, pal. Don't get yourself a squad, get yourself a team.

---

"The A-Team: The Crystal Skull (#5.10)" (1986)

Gen. Hunt Stockwell: [on the phone] The President is calling me every hour. If he can't return that skull to King Fassaad, King Fassaad can't put his country's oldest religious back in his museum. That means he's broken his promise to his people, the President has broken his promise to him, I've broken my promise to the President, and you've broken you're promise to me. Now in that scenario, who's dog get's kicked?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [hangs up] We're all invited to the White House, for dinner.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: What's the story?
Frankie: The Chief's got all the conforts of home. Furniture, radio, a diamond the size of a rock. And those monks that lead 'em, they've got uzi's under their robes.
Murdock: Boy, and they had the nerve to question me.

Australian Mercenary: You didn't say anything about no monks!
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Well, monks do go with a monastary, now don't they?
Australian Mercenary: I understand you have some diamonds?
Face: [posing as a monk] Men of God have no need for such... barbels.

---

"The A-Team: There's Always a Catch (#2.9)" (1983)

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: You wouldn't be a suckfish named Garber, would you?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Lets get a move on. In the meantime, Face, you'd better renew your acquaintance with your old friend, eh... 'The Magnificent Templeton'.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [tapping his wristwatch] You know, we've been here almost an hour.
Templeton Peck: Don't tell me what time it is! Tell me what a great plan you just thought of.

---

"The A-Team: Bullets and Bikinis (#3.1)" (1984)

"Hannibal" Smith: We gotta get our hands on Joey's girl. She knows what we need to know.
Sandy: I hear you can find her every morning taking her beauty swim at her private beach, usually without her clothes on.
"Hannibal" Smith: Really? Perfect. Face, you go out and say hello.
"Faceman" Peck: Why, you mean that sweet, beautiful creature who pulled a 357 Magnum on you?

Sandy: I don't know how we can ever pay you back for all you've done for us.
"Hannibal" Smith: I got a tan, what more could I want?
Sandy: And eh, I think I owe you an apology, Mr. Peck.
"Faceman" Peck: What happened to 'Face'?
Sandy: Well, I respect you now.

"B.A." Baracus: What is this, Hannibal?
[throws him a newspaper]
"Hannibal" Smith: It's today's paper.
"B.A." Baracus: Right. Today's paper, which means today is the ninth. Which means I got here in a day.
"Faceman" Peck: Well, what's a day or two among friends?
"B.A." Baracus: A plane ride, to me!

---

"The A-Team: The Grey Team (#5.12)" (1986)

Hannibal: [on the phone with Stockwell] We'll get Randy Anderson’s daughter back, because he's a decent man. But not for you General, not any more.

Face: Romeo in there just wrecked everything, now she's going to get the KGB death squad.
Hannibal: Yeah, great isn't it?

Hannibal: What are we gonna do when this thing's over? I mean what are we really qualified to do?
Face: Go after thugs in the park?
Hannibal: And outlawed motorcycle gangs, organized crime figures, why, there's a world of slimeballs out there.
Murdock: I knew it. I just knew you had a plan.
Hannibal: Comforting, isn't it?
B.A. Baracus: I'll get the van!

---

"The A-Team: Beverly Hills Assault (#3.23)" (1985)

"Hannibal" Smith: Eh, this is Howling Mad Murdock, Templeton Peck and B.A. Baracus.
Tepper: Howling Mad? You got a temper problem or something?
"Howling Mad" Murdock: Oh, no, no, no, actually, this is the guy here with the personality disorder.
[indicating B.A]
"Howling Mad" Murdock: I just consider myself on another plane from the mass populus, that's all.
"B.A." Baracus: His plane crashed years ago and left him with no brains in his head.

"Faceman" Peck: At last! A case that doesn't require mosquito netting.
"Hannibal" Smith: Oh, I don't know, Face, It's still a jungle out there on Rodeo Drive...

Brooks: I've got a gun pointed right at your belly.
"Hannibal" Smith: Well, I guess we're covered.
Brooks: This whole thing was a set up wasn't it? The mansion, the painting, Murdock, too.
"Hannibal" Smith: You're pretty quick. You watch a lot of gameshows, huh?
Brooks: You know if I were three feet in front of a bullet, I don't think I'd be cracking so many jokes.

---

"The A-Team: When You Comin' Back, Range Rider?: Part 2 (#2.6)" (1983)

"Hannibal" Smith: You know, this worked great in a movie I once did.
Face: 'The Giant Gila Monster vs. Billy the Kid', right?
"Hannibal" Smith: You remember that one?
Face: Who could forget it?

"Hannibal" Smith: [to Bus Carter] We're here to file a grievance against the Carter Railway Line for the Wild Horses of America, Western Devision.
Face: Not to be confused with the Horse's Butts of America, of which we hear you are a member of long standing.

Bus Carter - Rancher: Well, well, if it ain't old Buffalo Bill himself.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: It wouldn't do any good trying to call you names, 'cause I can't imagine any name you haven't been called before.

---

"The A-Team: The Maltese Cow (#2.13)" (1983)

Sam Yeng: Not even A-Team can fight the Lung Chin.
"Hannibal" Smith: Now don't take book on that, Sam. I mean if they walk on two legs and breathe air, they eat dirt and they do the chicken just like everyone else.

John "Hannibal" Smith: We want you and your whole pond of Peking ducks out of this neigborhood by two o' clock tomorrow. And pal, I don't mean 2.05.

Officer: Tell him this is his, he asked for it. You can remember that?
Hannibal: Can ducks play the blues?

---

"The A-Team: Mind Games (#4.9)" (1985)

David Vaun: A piece of advice: don't mess around in something that isn't your business.
John "Hannibal" Smith: Hm, that's good advice. I'll take it. Is there anything else? Or did you just kidnap us to be sure we'd listen up?

John "Hannibal" Smith: Face, can you let the air out of your head for the minute and listen to us?

John "Hannibal" Smith: Now who said: Only use the air to create areas of opportunity on the ground?
"Hunkman": Patton, General George.
"B.A." Baracus: That was football coach Willy Hayes, fool!
John "Hannibal" Smith: Right, B.A.

---

"The A-Team: Firing Line (#5.3)" (1986)

Hannibal: Well, how long do we have to let you know, I mean, before you get us out?
Gen. Hunt Stockwell: Colonel... That's not part of the deal. I can't get you out.
B.A.: Say what?
Face: Wait a minute, what do you mean you can't get us out of here?
Gen. Hunt Stockwell: Well, I could not assist three federal prisoners convicted of murder in escaping. Contact me upon your successful evasion of your current situation. Then we have a deal.

Ramon: You're the A-Team. I heard you were killed. You were killed this morning!
Hannibal: Well, we're back.

Hannibal: So, we do these missions, and after that, we're free to go? We don't work for you or the government anymore?
Gen. Hunt Stockwell: By then, you can work for the local McDonald's for all I care.

---

"The A-Team: Pros and Cons (#1.3)" (1983)

Hannibal: Murdock, how'd I ever let you talk me into this?
Murdock: I don't know; I have intermittent memory loss.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [Representing himself as his own agent] Your script, 'Sinbad goes to Mars', is absolutely beautiful and John is perfect casting as the Martian.

Amy Amanda Allen: We found a book called 'The Reformed Convict' by Dwight Pepper.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Dr. Pepper? Are you kidding?
Amy Amanda Allen: It's his first book. He's a doctor of psychology from L.S.U
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Face, you're the good doctor.

---

"The A-Team: The Heart of Rock N' Roll (#4.6)" (1985)

Face: Boy, C.J. Mack. I wore out three copies of his 'Blood Simple' album when we were in 'Nam.
B.A.: Hey man, there isn't a dude alive who haven't heard of C.J. Mack.
Murdock: You can say that again, brother, for right in the middle of the blood and the guts and the noise, you could hear the reasuring sounds of C.J. Mack. And 'Blood Simple' was practically the common soldier's anthem.
Hannibal: That was before he got send up for manslaugther.
Rick James: Before he got send for manslaughter, that's nothing. The judge gave him full sentence man, 'cause he was rock and roll and loud music and all that silly nonsense. But that was way back then. And he pleaded guilty. And he admitted he fell asleep at the wheel, and he admitted he hit the girl, but he wasn't on no drugs, he didn't have any alcohol in his system. He's a special kinda cat, man, and he took the full account. I don't know what it is, but something's happened, he's into something, and I really wanna help him.

C.J. Mack: It's all ok, Devon, really. Relax.
Devon Paige: Relax? Not only are you an escaped prisoner, but you're consorting with known felons.
Hannibal: Extremely well known felons, I must say. I'm Hannibal Smith.

Devon Paige: Do you have any idea what kind of trouble you're in?
Hannibal: Not half as much trouble as he was in prison, Miss Paige.
C.J. Mack: Really. I finally feel safe here.

---

"The A-Team: The A-Team Is Coming, the A-Team Is Coming (#4.14)" (1986)

Hannibal Smith: Sorry you had to go through all this, Katrina.
Katrina Karpov: It was wonderful!
Face: Somehow I thought candlelight diner might be more to your liking.
Katrina Karpov: It was like James Bond, no?
Murdock: You know Katrina, I have to agree with you. From a standpoint of entertainment on the Murdock scale of one to ten, I'd have to give it a nine.
B.A. Baracus: A nine? Let me see you drive like that!
Murdock: But I never give a ten, never, never, never, never, never. I mean there's no such thing as perfection in the arts, B.A.
B.A. Baracus: [raising his fist] This is a ten on B.A. scale. Ten being total pain!

Murdock: Hannibal, don't you think it's a bit of a mistake to let Face stay in there with Katrina? I mean isn't that like giving the henhouse keys to the fox?
Hannibal Smith: Captain, we must all deal with our own weaknesses
Murdock: Ah yes, the old tragic flaw. The cornerstone of Greek drama from Euripides to the latter episodes of Mr. Ed.

Dimitri Shasta Kovich: Try this on him. Is variation on sodium penthanol. Is not only truth serum but, if induced can also cause temporary amnesia.
Hannibal Smith: Hm. Peppermint. My favorite flavor.
Dimitri Shasta Kovich: Be careful! If you use too much, act like laughing gas.

---

"The A-Team: Trouble Brewing (#3.24)" (1985)

Maryann Rogers: Excuse me, but do you think you could please not smoke?
Hannibal: Sorry, ladies
[continues lighting his cigar]
Maryann Rogers: Cathy are really into health, and, eh, it's really a habit you should try to stop. Nicotine depletes your vitamin C, and, well, it's not good at all for the nerves.
Hannibal: I don't inhale.

Cathy Rogers: You guy are unreal! I mean, is there anything you can't do?
Hannibal: Ballet. We stopped going to class.

Faceman: Hannibal, I don't like to complain, but why is it that I'm always the one who has to stick his head in the lion's mouth?
Hannibal: It's your personality.

---

"The A-Team: Body Slam (#4.7)" (1985)

"Hannibal" Smith: You two met in 'Nam, huh?
Hulk Hogan: Yeah, B.A. was the baddest dude I ever met in 'Nam.
Murdock: B.A. says he saved your life over there.
Hulk Hogan: Hey, he didn't save my life, I saved his live.
"B.A." Baracus: No man, you get it all wrong, you've been getting it mixed up for years, man. Don't you remember Da Nang and the tent I visit?
Hulk Hogan: Yeah when we were pinned down in the hut.
Hulk Hogan, "B.A." Baracus: And you took a shell that knocked you cold
Hulk Hogan: You took the shell!
"B.A." Baracus: No, you took the shell!
[they angrily but heads]
"Hannibal" Smith: I think they both took the shell.

Hulk Hogan: What's the plan, Hannibal?
"Hannibal" Smith: We go to Pappa Kotero and we say... where did you hide it?

"Hannibal" Smith: Hey, Hulk, is there such a thing as a five man tag team?

---

"The A-Team: A Small and Deadly War (#1.4)" (1983)

Face: Yeah, when I was a kid I always wanted to be a policeman. Did you know that?
Hannibal: No.
Face: Why, I remember, in the orphanage, I had a whole scrapbook of Dick Tracy and his crime stopper texts.
Hannibal: Really.
Face: Oh yeah, my favorite TV show was Dragnet.

B.A: All right Hannibal, how do we shut these guys down? I mean these guys are S.W.A.T. trained in special weapons and tactics. That's our bag. It's gonna be like going up against ourselves.
Hannibal: Exciting, isn't it?

Hannibal: It's the same plan we nailed that Kong General with outside Ka-san.
Face: Ah, You mean where I took it in the leg.
Murdock: Where I got shot down?
B.A.: That was a terrible plan!
Hannibal: Now we got all the kinks worked out of it.

---

"The A-Team: The Doctor Is Out (#4.11)" (1985)

Hannibal: [to 'Sarah'] Eh, I'd ask you to join us, but I don't know which side you are on. See, you're a bus full of people, and we don't feel like playing driver.

Colonel Mack Stoddard: Visiting time at the zoo.
Hannibal: [laughs] Stoddard, you're quite a character. A regular recruiting poster. Hiding out here in the bushes playing Bomba the jungle boy, acting as God. Doesn't your ego get a little squeezed in these wide open spaces?

Hannibal: Doc, if she's your patient, answer one question for me: who is she?
Dr. Richter: From time to time... everybody.

---

"The A-Team: Waste 'Em! (#3.21)" (1985)

"B.A." Baracus: [looking through binoculars] Damn! He sure got a lot of security for someone who's just collecting garbage.
H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: You know, Colonel, It's not gonna be easy going in there to find out what that guy is all about.
"Faceman" Peck: But, eh, you got a plan, right?
"Hannibal" Smith: Well, Lieutenant, if you can't get in, you're gonna have to get them out.
H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: You know, I have to tell ya, I find your, your, your small quotes to be utterly inspirational. As a matter of fact, it's the most interesting part of my day.

"Faceman" Peck: Hannibal, you're not serious. You're going in there unarmed, you'll be leaving in a casket.
"Hannibal" Smith: Well, I said I'd be unarmed. I didn't say anything about you'd being unarmed.

A.J.: What'll it take to keep you guys on the payroll full time?
"Hannibal" Smith: I'll tell you the truth, A.J., it's awful hard to keep us in one place.

---

"The A-Team: Water, Water Everywhere (#2.10)" (1983)

Hannibal: Good work, Amy, did you have any trouble?
Amy: Let's just say the file clerk at the hall of records is kinda cute and has always wanted to work at a newspaper...

Hannibal: I'm gonna need something mobile. With a tank on it.
Face: Oh, that's all we need, just a tank with wheels, haha, no problem, I can get that at any Seven Eleven store. They're open twentyfour hours.
Amy Allen: Come on Face, we all know you can do it.

---

"The A-Team: Fire (#3.4)" (1984)

"Hannibal" Smith: I didn't get a chance to tell ya, but you really know how to work a fire-hose.
Fire Chief Annie Sanders: For a woman?

Roy Kelsey: Cute little dustbuster you got here, pal, what are you planning to do, knock off apples from trees?
"Hannibal" Smith: No, not really, I use it to spray lice.

---

"The A-Team: Uncle Buckle-Up (#4.12)" (1985)

Face: Ruff the Bear?
Hannibal: This is gonna be it, Face, this is gonna be the part that takes off.
Face: But Hannibal, a bear? And on TV. TV is not for you, you're a powerhouse! You need 28 feet of canvas to explode out of. You'll get lost on the little screen.
Hannibal: Yeah, now, I've been thinking about that, Face. But you know, television is an intmiate medium, and... I'm an intimate kind of a guy.
Face: Like Rambo is an intimate kind of guy.

Hannibal: Well, this is it guys, an actor can tell when his career is coming to an end. You can only play the Aquamaniac a certain number of times before you've explored every aspect of his character. That was my change at television immortality.
Face: But Hannibal, it was just a bear. They weren't looking for the definitive Hamlet, they just wanted a guy who wouldn't sweat too much in a fur coat.

---

"The A-Team: Blood, Sweat, and Cheers (#4.8)" (1985)

John "Hannibal" Smith: You must be Kyle Lovesick.
Kyle Ludwig: Ludwig! Kyle Ludwig. Who are you supposed to be, huh?
John "Hannibal" Smith: I'm the clean racing fairy. This is my helper
[indicating B.A]

John "Hannibal" Smith: How's it going, Jack?
Jack Harmon: Yeah.
[recognizing Hannibal]
Jack Harmon: John! What are you doing here?
John "Hannibal" Smith: We'll talk later.
Jack Harmon: But Colonel Decker will be here looking for ya.
John "Hannibal" Smith: Hm. I'd be disappointed if he wasn't.

---

"The A-Team: Judgement Day: Part 2 (#4.2)" (1985)

Hannibal Smith: Now Face, if we had endless amounts of money at our disposal and we could do whatever we want, whenever we wanted, we wouldn't really need you, now would we?
Faceman: Hm. That's why I stick around, Hannibal. You have such a wonderful way of making one feel so much a part of the team.

B.A. Baracus: [referring to Murdock] Man's not long for this world, Hannibal.
Hannibal Smith: I'm not sure he was ever in it.

---

"The A-Team: The Taxicab Wars (#2.7)" (1983)

Cal Freeman: [Murdock has just done a sock puppet show] Are you sure he's okay? I mean, he doesn't seem quite normal.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: That sock is telling the truth.

Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: He's got a cape and mask in here, Hannibal. This dude is gonna drive around in a taxi with a cape and mack on.
Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: B.A., I want that back!
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: No cowl, Murdock? You were gonna do Captain Cab without a cowl?
Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: Hannibal, I wanted a cowl, I really did, I just couldn't figure out how to make it.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Ah.
Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: You shouldn't encourage him, Hannibal. He's getting worse. Now get out of here, Murdock! If I catch you a sheet around your neck again, or talking to your socks, I'm gonna split your personality, permanently!

---

"The A-Team: Timber! (#3.5)" (1984)

Murdock: People have been looking for this missing link for years. I'm gonna tie this baby and I'm gonna get my name right up there with Charles Darwin and Leo Bell.
Hannibal: Leo Bell, who's that?
Murdock: That's the guy in the room next to me. He's got a mouth so big he can put a whole jar of peanut butter in it, lid and all.
Hannibal: Really?
Murdock: Aye.
Face: Jealous?

Face: Boy, these trees really look a lot bigger when you get outside...
Hannibal: The bigger they are, the harder they fall.
Face: Now, you had to use that one, didn't you, Hannibal?

---

"The A-Team: A Nice Place to Visit (#1.13)" (1983)

"Hannibal" Smith: Look, do you have a cemetery around here?
Harold Watkins: Cemetery, hey, have we got a cemetery. Fact is, people's dying to get in there.
Harold Watkins: [laughs] Eh, you get it? You see, dying? You know, dying to get in!
"Hannibal" Smith: I'll bet Johnny Carson's holding his breath waiting for you to drop out of the sky.

Deke Watkins: Well, you boys got an awful lot of stupid in you.
"Hannibal" Smith: I got a thing about living with cockroaches. My friends and I are gonna do some exterminating.
Deke Watkins: Oh, you should've left town when you had the chance.
Face: That was our next line.

---

"The A-Team: Curtain Call (#2.23)" (1984)

Face: I told you Decker saw us at that toll crossing this morning.
Hannibal: Well, you were right, feel better now?

Hannibal: Face, you're gettin' slow.
Face: Slow? Twelve minutes? Hannibal, I had to say hello!

---

"The A-Team: Road Games (#3.18)" (1985)

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Did Meeks pick the right pair of cufflinks?
"Howling Mad" Murdock: Of course! He picked the pink and purple babies that B.A. bugged.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [wearing a ski mask and firing a machine gun] This establishment is closed down!
Racketeer Johnny Royce: You again!
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Yeah, I'm like a lick of garlic, I linger. Now, guess what you just rolled? Snake eyes! You gentlemen want to step back from the tables?
[starts staying bullets at the roulette tables]

---

"The A-Team: Judgement Day: Part 1 (#4.1)" (1985)

"Hannibal" Smith: Now lets concentrate on rescuing the girl.
Faceman: Hannibal has a plan.
"B.A." Baracus: We're going through the front door again, right?
"Hannibal" Smith: I think he's getting to know me!

Lori: I can't believe you came after me!
"Hannibal" Smith: Yeah, we're pretty amazing.

---

"The A-Team: Diamonds 'n Dust (#2.1)" (1983)

Landers: They say bad luck runs in families.
Hannibal: I've heard it's the same with stupidity. Or was that ugliness?

Baker: You guys are crazy!
Hannibal: [indicating Murdock] No, he's crazy, we're just bad tempered.

---

"The A-Team: The Duke of Whispering Pines (#4.18)" (1986)

John "Hannibal" Smith: I always wanted to do a bridge swap. Just like in the movies.
H.M. Murdock: Aren't they traditionally used for the exchange of spies?
H.M. Murdock: Works for anybody who doesn't trust each other.

H.M. Murdock: [the A-Team is turning a catering truck into an armored car] What are we gonna call this thing?
John "Hannibal" Smith: B.A.'s mistake.

---

"The A-Team: The Big Squeeze (#3.15)" (1985)

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: I love it when a corpse comes apart.

Hannibal: [Irish accent] In the words of me dear, departed father: bring on the suckers!

---

"The A-Team: The Spy Who Mugged Me (#5.11)" (1986)

Gen. Hunt Stockwell: I trust you're all acquainted with the Jaguar?
Frankie: The Jaguar? Oh yes, yes, six or twelve cylinder?
Hannibal: No, he's talking about a terrorist, Frank.

Hannibal: For a guy who doesn't walk, Jourdan sure gets around.

---

"The A-Team: The Bend in the River: Part 2 (#3.3)" (1984)

El Cajon: Señor, you are the man with many lives, like the cat, no?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: I'm the one with the gun with many bullets.

Face: You don't really trust this pile of pig slop, do ya, Hannibal?
Hannibal: If we want any chance of destroying that Nazi generator, we don't have much choice. And, if you talk that way about him, you may not live to date his daughter.

---

"The A-Team: Cup A' Joe (#3.14)" (1985)

Hannibal: How's it look, B.A.?
B.A.: The fools under the truck. I hope he knows what he's doing!
Face: You might be surprised at what ole' Murdock knows. I get the feeling more and more that his brain works on many dfferent levels. Like layers, peeling away one after the other, exposing new and wonderful aspects of H.M. Murdock.
Hannibal: That's very poetic, Face.
Face: I thought so.
B.A.: Poetic? You mean pathetic! You peel at Murdock's brain, you get nothing but jello!

Patty Dutton: I never thought I'd see the day when Cactus Jack Slater and his boys would start packing like that!
Hannibal: This time we did 'em over easy. Next time we'll scramble 'em.

---

"The A-Team: There Goes the Neighborhood (#4.10)" (1985)

Joe Skrylow: But just who are you guys?
Murdock: [Peter Lorre voice] We're your new neigbors.
Joe Skrylow: All four of ya? So you guy's aren't, eh...
[makes a fey handgesture]
B.A. Baracus: He ain't talkin' bout what I think he's talkin' bout is he?
Hannibal Smith: Eh, we're all recently divorced. We all decided to live together to share expenses.

Joe Skrylow: [admiring B.A.'s machine gun] Hey, that's a really nice home defence weapon. Were you guys in the military?
Hannibal Smith: 'Nam.
Joe Skrylow: Yeah. Sorry I missed that picnic.

---

"The A-Team: Champ! (#3.16)" (1985)

B.A. Baracus: [Murdock is massaging B.A] Hannibal, I hope this plan of yours works, before this fool disconnects my back.
"Hannibal" Smith: Ah, Doesn't a rat always come back for the cheese?

Sonny Monroe's Girlfriend: Do you know that when Sonny and I first met, he changed the combination of his safe to my measurements? Ooh, isn't that romantic?
"Hannibal" Smith: Yeah!

---

"The A-Team: Double Heat (#3.6)" (1984)

Ray Evans: Look it was just a coincidence we were there...
"Hannibal" Smith: I don't believe in coincidence. More importantly, neither does he.
"B.A." Baracus: That's right. I hate coincidence!

"Hannibal" Smith: Eh, I'm Leo the Lizard, otherwise known as Hannibal Smith.

---

"The A-Team: The White Ballot (#2.12)" (1983)

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: That sheriff is gonna be out of wind just trying to get out of his own way.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: I'm sorry, Miss Allen, but due to security problems, were gonna have to incarcerate you with Colonel Decker and his drones. I wish we could find more amusing company.

---

"The A-Team: Where Is the Monster When You Need Him? (#4.3)" (1985)

Sheriff: You must turn the plane around now, or I will be forced to take you all prisoner.
Faceman: My amigo! Look, only a week ago I was down here, you said to me 'hombre de carra', that's, eh 'Faceman' in Spanish. You said 'me casa e su casa' that's my house is your house. Well, whatever happened to come to my house and be a guest for dinner, whatever happened to all that, amigo mio stuff, huh?
Hannibal: Does, eh, this guy have a daughter, Face?

Jerry: How can we beat these guys with prop weapons and special effects?
Hannibal: Jer, you never know how clever or stupid the enemy is until you test him!
Jenny: Hey, be careful, okay?
Faceman: Ah. Careful is my name.
Hannibal: Lake Charles is your name.

---

"The A-Team: Mission of Peace (#4.20)" (1986)

Hannibal: You know something, Fulbright? You're too dedicated. You should go away for a awhile.
[cut to Hannibal packing Fulbright in a crate bound for Australia]

---

"The A-Team: The Trouble with Harry (#4.21)" (1986)

Hannibal Smith: Ok, I gotto get the money out of the trunk. You go over there and 'entertain' those guys in blue.
Hulk Hogan: Heh. Hey man, forget it. I'm a wrestler, not an entertainer.

---

"The A-Team: Bounty (#3.22)" (1985)

Hannibal: They never learn. You gotta know when to hold 'em, and know when to walk away.

---

"The A-Team: Breakout! (#3.13)" (1984)

Deke Logan: Well, you've come to the end of the road, pal. You just dug yourself a grave.
Hannibal: No, this is too short for me.

---

"The A-Team: Without Reservations (#5.13)" (1987)

"Hannibal" Smith: How's the pain?
Faceman: Well, only hurts when I breathe.
"B.A." Baracus: You was out cold for a day and a half in the hospital.
Frankie Santana: They say you hit on two nurses while you were sedated.
Faceman: Really? How did I do?
"Hannibal" Smith: You invoked great sympathy. The left their telephone numbers.

---

"The A-Team: Family Reunion (#5.8)" (1986)

Hannibal: Howdie fellas, Thanksgiving diner isn't till four O'clock.
Owens: Cut it, Smith. I want Bancroft. I don't give a rat's brain about you or your men.
Hannibal: Well, seeing as you've got a rat's brain, I tempted to believe you.

---

"The A-Team: Moving Targets (#3.19)" (1985)

"Pasadena" Murdock: You can call me 'Pasadena' Murdock.
B.A. Baracus: Makes more sense to call you 'fool'!
"Pasadena" Murdock: But 'fool' doesn't have that nice ring to it.
Hannibal Smith: What's this?
Face: Oh, he's an adventurer, forging new frontiers.
Hannibal Smith: No kidding!

---

"The A-Team: Alive at Five (#5.7)" (1986)

Tony Tedesco: You are a dead man.
Hannibal Smith: Yeah, but I gotta see Atlantic City before I die.

---

"The A-Team: The Theory of Revolution (#5.5)" (1986)

Face: Eh, Colonel, what do you suppose Stockwell is gonna say about us knocking this country sideways?
Hannibal: I don't know, but I'm gonna enjoy it.

---

"The A-Team: Hot Styles (#3.12)" (1984)

John "Hannibal" Smith: Oh, I'm, eh, sorry about that hole in your boat.
Johnny Turian: What hole?
John "Hannibal" Smith: [pulls out a grenade] The hole that, eh, this is gonna make.
John "Hannibal" Smith: [throws the grenade down the corridor] Abandon ship!

---

"The A-Team: The Little Town with an Accent (#4.22)" (1986)

Face: [on the phone] Guess who McMahon ran to?
Hannibal: Well, am I gonna like this?
Face: I think you're gonna love it: Sonny Marlini.
Hannibal: Sonny 'The Enforcer' Marlini from Detroit?
Face: Aha. The very same. looking eh, very tanned, healthy and itching to kill.

---