National Treasure: Book of Secrets (2007)

National Treasure: Book of Secrets was hypnotic. The acting was so shockingly bad, the premise so totally unreal and the dialog so childlike that I found myself in some sort of trance trying to make sense of the noises coming forth out of the actors mouths.

First this movie pretends to be about something, which I find insulting. It is not actually about anything, it is a sequence of plot devices meant to sell apple computers.

Second, this movie did not have any characters in it. It was as if great actors had been repeatedly struck in the head and forced at gunpoint to say lines that were being made up on the spot by an 8 year old. The dialog just runs together in one long strip with seemingly no attention paid to who should logically be talking.

The actors often repeat the same phrase two or three times in one line. "It's over there, the secret book, over there where it is." This is both surreal and confusing.

The only reason to see a movie of this caliber is either big explosions, or some form of nudity. This film had neither. It had neither because it was one of the worst movies ever made. It's movies like these that make you wonder where the millions of dollars spent making this sort of painful trash could have gone. Feeding children, building low income housing, providing health care. So much could have been done, but instead the world has another soul blackening B movie that cost more money than I'll ever have in my entire life.

National Treasure: Book of Secrets made me want to cry.