Dr. Bart Keppel:
[
voiceover narration for motivational film] Nothing can happen in this country until someone sells something. We are traditionally a nation of salesmen. But most importantly, we have turned salesmanship into a creative art. Salesmanship, a profession that has become a way of life, our most powerful weapon in the war of ideas and economies, a tribute to American creativity.
Lt. Columbo:
I had an uncle who made a killing in real estate up in San Dimas. Know what he did before he started sellin' dirt? Drove a school bus. Now he owns a ranch, a couple of Cadillacs, sends out embossed Christmas cards.
Lt. Columbo:
Oh, that reminds me... erm... Mr Norris' secretary showed me an agenda of a Board of Director's meeting that was scheduled to take place today. And on the top of the list it said "Terminate Keppel." I was just wondering about that, er, I don't know quite how to put this, how about it doc, were you about to be canned?
Dr. Bart Keppel:
I think you've put it very directly, you're about as subtle as a train wreck!
Dr. Bart Keppel:
[
to Columbo] Your innuendoes keep clumping through our conversations like hob-nailed boots! And if I didn't find you an extraordinarily...”amusing" fellow, I might even be offended.
Dr. Bart Keppel:
[
at an intersection] Which way?
Lt. Columbo:
Beg your pardon?
Dr. Bart Keppel:
Right or left? You didn't tell me where the murder was committed, Liuetenant, so I couldn't possibly know how to get there, could I?
Lt. Columbo:
Turn right.
Dr. Bart Keppel:
Nice try, though.
Lt. Columbo:
Can't win 'em all!
Lt. Columbo:
Doctor? Doctor Keppel? Doctor Keppel? Good afternoon, Doctor! Afternoon! Er, Doctor? Scuse me, Sir.
Dr. Bart Keppel:
I gather you are not a golfer?
Lt. Columbo:
Er, no, Sir, I do bowl, a little.
Dr. Bart Keppel:
It's customary to be very still when a man's trying to hit a golf ball.
Lt. Columbo:
Oh, did I ruin your shot?
Dr. Bart Keppel:
No, just a little.
Lt. Columbo:
Well, listen, I'm sorry. Since it was my fault, maybe they'll let you do it over?
Dr. Bart Keppel:
Not at the stakes we play!
Dr. Bart Keppel:
Tania Baker is the kind of girl that a man doesn't like to admit he knows at all, and certainly not if he's married, and I am married. I hope I can rely on your discretion, Lt., now that you know?
Lt. Columbo:
Oh, absolutely, Sir. Nothing to worry about. No, I'm from homicide, I'm not from the vice squad.
Dr. Bart Keppel:
Why don't you come to the point, Lt.?
Lt. Columbo:
The real point?
Dr. Bart Keppel:
Yes, the real one. That one. Go ahead. Go ahead!
Lt. Columbo:
I think you're guilty of homicide. I think you killed Mr. Norris, and I think you killed the projectionist.
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