Own the rights?
22 out of 24 people found the following review useful: Memorable, 26 August 2002 Author: sickcritik (sickcritik@hotmail.com)
Most barbarian flicks are ONLY as good as their damsels in distress, or if you're REAL lucky, their damsels who INFLICT distress. This Argentina-lensed epic boasts BOTH and sets its tone right off when a blonde waif (Dawn Dunlap), absently picking flowers along a river, is attacked by a pair of, um, barbarians who howl something while dropping trou like, "Nothing like a VIRGIN to brighten a man's morning!" Clearly, it's a family picture. While back at the village, the victim's big sis Amethea (Lana Clarkson) is indulging in a ceremonial bath with her closest gal pals in honor of her wedding day. But this preening party ends when hordes of snarling troops overrun the village slashing at the throats and limbs of everyone in sight. Amethea narrowly survives and vows vengeance against this savagery and to reunite with her beefy beau's loins (Frank Zagarino). A whole lot happens afterward, yet none is as memorable as when the can-tastic Ms. Clarkson is strapped topless on a rack in a damp dungeon where escape would surely be impossible if not for the raw might of her vice-grip -- gulp! -- VAGINA! Dr. Kegel would be proud. CineSchlockers should note that both Lana and her rack returned for the non-sequel sequel Barbarian Queen II: The Empress Strikes Back. 31 breasts. 67 corpses. Nipple painting. Acid-washed horndog. Gratuitous blind fortune teller. Face biting. Amethea brazenly declares her quest, "I'll be no man's slave and no man's whore! And if I can't kill them all, by the gods, they'll know I've tried!"
13 out of 14 people found the following review useful: Best reason to see this movie: Lana Clarkson on the rack, 30 October 1998 Author: Troy Whigham from Florida
I was in college when this film was released and it really made an impression on me. Now, I'm not saying that it moved me to deep philosophical thinking. Rather, this movie is one that can be seen in fast-forward mode on your VCR and you won't miss a bit of the plot (which I'll give in a bit). The impression it made on me was one of Lana Clarkson, who plays the lead role, topless and tied to an upright rack while she's tortured with a needle by a smallish man with large glasses.Now the reason she's there: Amathea (Lana Clarkson) was about to be married to the prince of her village when soldiers charge in and slaughter just about everyone. The prince is captured and Amathea escapes into the woods where she joins up with 3 other warriors. They plan to go to the city and rescue the prince. Along the way they manage to kill a few straggling soldiers, rescue a woman tied to fence who's topless and has been whipped, and make friends with rebels seeking to overthrow the local ruler. Amathea's sister allows herself to be captured by the ruler so that she can be his concubine and Amathea is captured while trying to rescue her. The king thinks Amathea is part of the rebel movement and orders her to be tortured until she identifies the rebel leaders. After the 5 minute torture scene, Amathea throws the torturer into a vat of acid and escapes, freeing the gladiators and the prince and creating a mediocre fight scene wherein the ruler is overthrown and the people are free.Don't see this movie for the plot. Don't see it for the dialogue. You'll want to see it because the 4 main actresses in the film eventually have nude scenes in this order: rape, nipple play, wrestling, woman on the fence topless, rape, stripped topless, Lana's torture scene. The rape scenes are weak, the wrestling is short. I'm convinced that the only reason they made a sequel was to show Lana Clarkson on a rack again (see "Barbarian Queen II"). Unless you're into bad barbarian sword-and-sandle movies, mild rape, Lana Clarkson, and/or bondage, you can skip this movie. Me, I saw it for Lana Clarkson.
6 out of 6 people found the following review useful: For your eyes only, 28 October 2001 Author: Kakueke
The Barbarian Queen is Queen Amethea (Lana Clarkson), whose village is burned by evil warriors on the day of her prospective wedding, after which most of the people are killed or enslaved. She leads a group of rebels in opposition, including some women (like herself) whose forms fit well into the clothing of the day, and eventually leads an uprising by freeing the slaves. Not for its cultural or intellectual value at all, this film is most noteworthy for the women winning the swordfights with men but not faring so well if they are captured and/or enslaved. Nudity and bondage and fondling yes, but I have to say the most memorable scene occurs when Queen Amethea uses a unique method of escape after she has been captured and tied up in the warrior camp and is being fondled by one of her captors. Clear cut--for those who like this stuff yes, otherwise not much to offer.
3 out of 3 people found the following review useful: An enjoyably trashy chunk of 80's sword and sorcery fantasy exploitation cheese, 9 February 2007 Author: Woodyanders (Woodyanders@aol.com) from The Last New Jersey Drive-In on the Left
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
A horde of vile degenerate pervert marauders led by the evil Lord Arrakur (robustly overplayed with deliciously hammy aplomb by Arman Chapman) pillage a small peaceful village. They kill most of the guys and have their wicked nasty way with the ladies. Feisty warrior Queen Amethea (winningly essayed with delightful go-for-it spunky relish by the gorgeously voluptuous Lana Clarkson; Kaira in "Deathstalker") and several luscious female companions (who include future director Katt Shea Ruben of "Stripped to Kill" and "Dance of the Damned" fame) go to Arrakur's kingdom to free their people. They get caught instead, but manage to escape so they can get a group of rebels and Arrakur's gladiators to join forces to overthrow Arrakur's cruel reign of tyranny at the film's stirring conclusion. Directed with suitably lowbrow flair by Hector Olivera, this gleefully trashy low-budget sword and sorcery fantasy action exploitation romp certainly delivers the expected sleazy goods with a pleasing blend of energy and abundance: we're got plenty of priceless dopey dialogue (all-time favorite line: "You're much too beautiful a girl to let yourself be broken into food for the royal dogs"), a constant speedy pace, lots of gratuitously bared distaff skin on frequent display (cute'n'cuddly brunette hottie supreme Dawn Dunlap in particular looks absolutely yummy as Amethea's sweet innocent younger sister Taramis), several exciting gory sword fights, a rousing score by James Horner and Chris Young, and a memorably disgusting bespectacled nerd torturer who uses a metal claw to paw one of Amethea's breasts. Good junky fun.
4 out of 6 people found the following review useful: Lana Clarkson bares it all in this silly female 'Barbarian' romp that's trashy and entertaining at the same time., 6 April 2003 Author: Michael Pilkington (mjpilkington@yahoo.com) from Richmond, CA
After surviving a brutal attack on her village on the day of her wedding to a tribal prince (Frank Zagarino), a tough female warrior (the late Lana Clarkson) seeks revenge. With the help of two equally powerful warriors (Katt Shea, Susana Traverso), she recruits more rebels before taking the battle to an evil army led by an evil king (Arman Chapman).Silly, poorly acted (and poorly dubbed) romp is loaded with action and gratuitous nudity (just about every female bares it all, including Clarkson). Nothing original here, except the heroine using her vagina as a weapon against one of her captors and he complains that she's "too tight." Trashy and entertaining at the same time. My evaluation: ** out of ****.
3 out of 5 people found the following review useful: Very hilarious. Not to be taken seriously, 12 May 2003 Author: Norman Berry (norm1972@hotmail.com) from Cleveland, Ohio
I don't have much to say about this film. I was 13 when it first came out, and I saw it on video in '86. My only reason for watching this film was for the scantily dressed women warriors that were in it, having sex nearly every other scene. The torture chamber was my favorite scene, and the best line in the movie was when the torturer had Lana Clarkson on the rack, and after a brief torture, he decides to "bone" her. His reason, aside from suddenly being horny is "You're making a contribution to science." That line had me in stitches. Remember this line fellas the next time your girlfriend holds out on you!
2 out of 5 people found the following review useful: Quite amusing barbarian action, you should try this., 17 January 2003 Author: hgm from Uusikaupunki, Finland
Almost typical female barbarian action with lots of swordplay and lousy plot. Allmost typical because the Mighty Female Barbarians are looking like big eyed, blond haired Hollywood bimbos. Well in my opinnion that's a winning combination.
1 out of 4 people found the following review useful: Awful But Hilarious Cult Classic, 25 September 2007 Author: Benjamin Gauss from Salzburg, Austria
Another awful, but hilarious contribution to the Sword & Sorcery genre starring the late Lana Clarkson, Héctor Oliviera's "Barbarian Queen" of 1985, is a film that is absolutely ridiculous in almost any aspect, but that shouldn't be missed by any fan of movies of the "so bad it's good" kind. Most of these cheaply produced and trashy Sword & Sorcery (or should I say Boobs & Sorcery) flicks are awful as hell, but they're hilarious unintentional comedies, and "Barbarian Queen" is the epitome of such a hilarious (semi?) unintentional comedy. I personally can't help it - I love films of that kind, awful as they may be, and I personally always laugh my ass of and have the time of my life watching them.This little film's thin plot in particular tells the story of 'barbarian queen' Amethea (Lana Clarkson) who, together with a few other busty female warriors, decides to free her tribe from slavery and tyranny after their village has been razed to the ground by a ruthless tyrant. It's often stated that this is set in the times of the Roman empire, but the villains really have nothing Roman about them, I'd say the movie is set in a typical, undefinable Sword'n'Sorcery fantasy time, some of the folks look like medieval knights, others like Barbarians from more ancient times...The whole movie is quite similar to an earlier Lana Clarkson movie, "Deathstalker" of 1983, In which she played a role that was almost the same as in this one. I personally enjoyed Deathstaker more, since it was gorier and the unintentional comedy factor was at times even higher, but "Barbarian Queen" is definitely also recommended if you're looking for a good laugh. The acting is, unsurprisingly, god-awful, and the settings sometimes make you wonder if the hilarious flaws are really unintentional. Apart from its value as an unintentional comedy, "Barbarian Queen" delivers a good amount of sleaze, and a busty female cast that gets topless every five minutes."Barbarian Queen" may be a god-awful film, but people with a sense of humor should have a good time watching it and laughing their asses off.
2 out of 8 people found the following review useful: they don't make them like this anymore and we should be thankful for that at least, 3 October 2005 Author: movieman_kev from United States
I reviewed the sequel to this film a while back so I thought what the hell, I might as well re-watch the first one and write a review for this as well. Anyways, Lana Clarksen stars as Amethea, all ready to marry Prince Argan. When all of a sudden Roman soldiers attack the peaceful village, kill the man and rape the woman and sell them as slaves. Amathea can't stand for that so she, and two other floozies...um...I mean "barbarians" seek out to avenge the town. Horribly acted, moronic action, and not even funny or amusing in a campy way. the bottom of the sword & sorcery barrel, fling this one in the dung heap along with it's sequel.My Grade: F Eye Candy: Lana Clarkson, Dawn Dunlap, Katt Shea, and Susana Traverso get topless
2 out of 8 people found the following review useful: Embarassing mess, 14 August 2004 Author: pumaye from Firenze, Italy
Terrible, terrible, terrible movie, that came out during the outburst of Conan clones of the early to mid Eighties, based on a no-plot or always the same plot situation and plethora of good looking women, possibly naked and often raped, that eventually get their revenge and won the day. This one shows the beauty that was the late Lana Clarkson, already cast in several other movies of that kind, as a very unfortunate bride to be that saw her village devastated the day of her marriage and her sister and spouse ransomed by savages. She will have them back in the end, but after several efforts. Stupid, bad acted, with not enough nudes to really satisfy a voyeur and too much cartoonish violence. It is without a single redeeming quality. Avoid at all cost
Add another review
