[
Alien eats David's hat]
Max:
That could have been your head David.
Max:
I told you, I blew a fuse when I totaled that electrical tower. I was checking out some daisies.
David:
You crashed while looking at FLOWERS?
Max:
I crashed into electrical towers and my star charts were erased. I need the ones in your head to complete my mission.
David:
So you need ME and my INFERIOR brain to fly that thing?
Max:
Correction, I need the SUPERIOR information in your INFERIOR brain to fly this... thing.
Max:
Are we there yet? Where are we anyway?
David:
Geez, I have no idea where we are. We got to get directions.
Max, David:
[
they hear "Trapped in My Mind" coming from a convertible on the highway] Hmm.
David:
I wonder if that's that Twisted Sister stuff Carolyn was talking about.
Teen in Car:
Come on.
David:
[
they lower the space ship beside the car at a stop sign] Hi, you wouldn't happen to know the way to Fort Lauderdale, would you?
Max:
[
Max sticks his 'head' out] Try to make your directions clear because we get lost easy.
Teen in Car:
[
freaking out] Fly!
[
they speed off]
Max:
Hey! Thanks for nothing!... Were those geeks, David?
David:
Yes, Max. Those were geeks.
Max:
I do not leak, you leak!
[
after stopping at a pasture, David steps off the ship to urinate]
Max:
What are you doing?
David:
Can't I have a little privacy?
Max:
Do not know privacy.
Max:
Hey, blimpo... too many Twinkies.
Max:
Ooh, a threat. Look, I'm really shaking!
David:
That's it?
Max:
That's it, Davy!
David:
Davy?
Max:
If you wanna learn how to swim, you have to jump in the water. Don't forget to feed Bruiser. Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun... Whoa! I think I got some stuff out of your head that has nothing to do with navigating this ship!
David:
You sound just like a human!
Max:
No! That dumb dog will never learn to catch a frisbee. You are the inferior species, you dumb dork!
David:
Buttface!
Max:
Scuz-bucket! Ha-ha!
David:
My dad took me to see the Bee Gees a couple months ago. Who did you see?
Carolyn McAdams:
Twisted Sister.
David:
Never heard of her.
Carolyn McAdams:
It's a him.
David:
Oh.
Carolyn McAdams:
Actually, it's a them.
Max:
See ya later, Navigator!
Jeff Freeman, 16 Years:
This is totally rad, dude! You're my big little brother!
R.A.L.F. (Robotic Assistant Labor Facilitator):
Pardon me, coming through.
David:
[
flying into Florida] Al's Gator City... This must be Florida, Max!
Max:
And that must be Big Al!
Max:
Compliance!
Carolyn McAdams:
All right, listen, um, I gotta go, um, is there anything else you want when I come back?
David:
How about a Big Mac, large fries and a Coke? They're still around, I hope.
Carolyn McAdams:
Well, now, that all depends, Do you want New Coke, Classic Coke, Cherry Coke, Diet Coke or caffeine-free Coke?
David:
Huh?
Carolyn McAdams:
Nothing, Forget it.
David:
What are we doing all the way up here you geek?
Max:
Geek?
David:
I swear to God if I was driving this thing we'd be home by now!
Max:
Oh yeah?
David:
Yeah!
Max:
Oh yeah?
David:
Yeah!
Max:
Ok turkey YOU fly it
[
Max turns everything off]
Radar operator 1:
Japanese air force report sightings of the aircraft above Tokyo sir.
Dr. Faraday:
Tokyo?
Radar operator 2:
Japanese air force reports the aircraft has left Japanese airspace.
Dr. Faraday:
Where's it going now?
David:
[
David looks at a gooey alien] What's this?
Max:
A very unpleasant creature.
David:
What's his problem?
Max:
He has a cold.
David Scott Freeman:
Mom... have I really been gone eight years?
Helen Freeman:
Yeah.
David Scott Freeman:
It's like a bad dream.
David Scott Freeman:
Where do you go next, Max?
Max:
Back in time to when I picked up my creatures. By now they're so hungry, they could eat a zigzog.
David Scott Freeman:
What's a zigzog?
Max:
Kind of like a hippo, but with feathers.
Woman Officer:
David, what is the date today?
David:
[
sighs] It's the Fourth of July.
Woman Officer:
And what year?
David:
[
impatiently] 1978!
Detective Banks:
[
a beat] David... who is the President of the United States?
David:
Duh. You need that for your paperwork?
Detective Banks:
Mmm-hmm.
[
long pause]
Detective Banks:
Well?
David:
It's Jimmy Carter!
David:
[
long, awkward pause as the Woman Officer and Detective Banks look at David, then at each other]
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