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4 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
I actually saw this!, 9 January 2007
7/10
Author: Bryce David

GOLDEN NINJA WARRIOR has to be seen to be believed. It's so bad that it's a thing of beauty. I had an old video in a clamshell case which I sold on eBay and a few weeks afterwards I sorta regretted it because I wanted to see this wonky film again. It's truly one of the funniest action films I've seen, almost in the same league as INFRA-MAN. There's a fight scene in it which was one of the most surreal bits ever captured on film. I need to see this again. It's just too much. The final fight scene in and around colorful apartments buildings which look like they were designed for the Teletubbies is also unforgettable.

A must see for cheap, sleazy kung-fu films and lovers of really "so bad it's good" movies.

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3 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Joseph Lai Fails to deliver, 25 August 2006
4/10
Author: Undead_Master

This is a ninja movie from Joseph Lai and Godfrey Ho... For those that don't know the history, These guys made a bunch of ninja movies during the 80's that were created by combining ninja footage (with mostly European actors) into really bad Hong Kong films...

The ninja's usually wore headbands that said "ninja" on them, and in general the movies were incredibly funny. Unfortunately, this one just barely fits in with the rest of them. All the primary actors from the other films are missing (except for the opening credits) and it appears that this one is not really a cut and paste movie... If it's a combination of two movies it's much more difficult to tell than usual and certainly more effort was put into hiding it.. possibly even using some of the same actors from the original movie or finding decent look-alikes... I still get the feeling that there is something not quite right about it, but who can be sure? It could just be constructed very poorly.... It definitely feels that the ninja stuff is out of place somehow, but it's not as obvious as the other films.

Anyway, on the surface, It seems that they were trying to make a real movie this time, but they failed to make it entertaining. It's mostly a softcore sex film with some poorly choreographed martial arts mixed in. There is very little of the charm contained in the other movies and it's generally pretty boring.

The plot makes absolutely no sense, which isn't necessarily a bad thing (you don't expect these films to make sense anyway). There are some very funny lines and a few of the fights are kind of amusing so i wouldn't skip it altogether. Just make sure you aren't expecting the standard Joseph Lai/Godfrey Ho ninja film or you will be disappointed.

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5 out of 7 people found the following review useful:
This movie left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth., 19 February 2004
Author: (str0ntiumd0g@msn.com) from Belfast, Northern Ireland

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

****Plot spoilers ahead! Beware!****

Okay now I like old ninja movies. The fights are usually pretty well choreographed, the storylines are unbelievable and the dubbing is hilarious. While Golden Ninja Warriors has all these things there are a few points that I didn't totally enjoy.

The good side of Golden Ninja Warriors is that it is bad. The Golden Ninjas (who don't wear gold, only black by the way) and the Red Ninjas have fought for centuries over a butt-ugly statue that gives the owner ultimate power or something else stupid. I wasn't paying a whole load of attention to the narrative at the start. There is another storyline involving the female golden ninja and hunting down the killer of the father. It turns out that the evil ninja (okay I'm not using the characters' names but I really gave up caring about names about fifteen minutes into it.They will be known as good ninja, girl ninja, evil ninja etc. It's easier) works for the girl ninja's father's killer. What a coincidence! Now the fighting in this movie is pretty good. The only thing is that they have sped up the film speed so it comes across as more Keystone Cops than Ninja Action! Hilarious!

Another excellent thing about this movie is the ninja magic. Now when I first remember hearing these words in American Ninja I laughed. A lot. However this movie makes American Ninja look like oscar winning stuff! Badly done stop motion camera action stinks this movie up seriously. The editing jumps around all over the place. Don't get me started on the Wonder Woman costume changes. Man it's really bad. But good. You know what I mean.

Now for the bad points. Like I stated above I have a problem with this movie. It's the attitude towards women that this women has. I know that it is an early Asian movie but it made the movie unappealing. Within the first ten or fifteen minutes we get to see a girl being viciously whipped for a prolonged period of time. This is followed by the beginnings of a sexual assault. Now there is plenty of nudity and sex in this movie and, usually, I'm all for it but this movie just makes it look as unappealing as possible. Women seemed to be continually beaten in this movie and not just in the fight scenes. The part that really got was the rape scene near the end. The good female ninja is captured by the evil ninja and given to her father's killer. When we next see her she has been bound and proceeds to be beaten for about five minutes in pretty bad way. She is then raped. Now this is the part I didn't get. She is a highly skilled ninja assassin. Now I was expecting some amazing escape before this happened. I sat there thinking any second now she will break this guys neck and get away. Any second now. Any second. Okay this isn't a good thing at all. Now I have watched a lot of movies, good and bad. I've seen movies that slightly glamourize it and I've seen movies that portray it as the brutal act it is. This movie just makes it seem a bit bland really. It just seemed a bit pointless.

All in all there were large parts of this movie I could have done without. The action was comedically good but it could have done without most of the sex and nudity (am I really saying that?).

Where's Michael Dudikoff when you need him....

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2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
As Bad as they get?, 27 January 2007
Author: wettsteinguitarist from Canada

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Let me clear something up first off; When it comes to reviewing Godfrey Ho's movies, the lower the score means the better the movie. I am starting to become a Godfrey Ho collectionist just for the sake of how bad these movies actually are. They are my favorite productions ever made. Ever.

The first Ho film I ever watched was "Thunder Ninja Kids: Wonderful Mission." My dad found it in some bargain bin and thought it sounded funny. I could never get past the 10 minutes, it was so awful and my body wasn't accustomed to the painful magic of Godfrey Ho. But months later, at 4 o clock in the morning (thanks to caffeine pills) my friend and I had nothing more to do than watch this terrible movie. And from that day forth, we were hooked. I bought every other Thunder Ninja Kid movie off Ebay, and it was even funnier to see that none of them had anything to do with each other. They became my favorite movie series, and a few months later (bringing us to the present), I find myself with Golden Ninja Warrior from ebay in my hands.

I rated all of the thunder ninja kids films with my friend, on a bad scale, and "Golden Adventure" ended up ultimately being the worst/funniest film out of the 4, (and the funniest film I have ever seen). But no, nothing can compare to Golden Ninja Warrior.

Pretty much, this movie makes no sense at all. Watch your children because it also has random, unexpected scenes of softcore porn everywhere, some are just hilarious how they come out of nowhere and how they have no point in telling the story (one scene "Eric" is doing his wife when the phone rings, or another when Sherry is petting her cat and then decides to get changed to leave for something. They could've just had Eric sitting in a room when the phone rang, and the scene with Sherry and the cat was just weird, and the nudity was so unnecessary. Those made the film that much funnier, as It is just something you'd expect Godfrey Ho to do. Yet, the film also had some really, really, really, really bad scenes. I mean REALLY bad. I read on Wikipedia that some of Godfrey Ho's movies involve woman abuse for no reason, and I thought it was the occasional slap here or there, but no... There is a prostitution scene in the beginning for absolutely no reason that is very graphic, and the lead heroine ninja gets raped near the end... in like a 10 minute scene. It was disturbing and uncalled for.

The ninja scenes were the most random in any Ho film I've seen before. Example: Woman is walking through garden, man pulls up in car, walks into garden, kicks her in the face, they both turn into ninjas, fight, the woman disappears, the man turns back into normal, gets back into his car, and drives away. It made NO sense at all. The plot was the most confusing thing I've ever witnessed. At one moment, the golden ninja warrior is a statue that everyone is after (which we never get to see, and is only talked about once) yet the other moment, the golden ninja is Sherry, and then another moment the golden ninja are all the black ninja.

This beats out all of the thunder ninja kids films, and you have to give credit for the pointless 1 minute Richard Harrison footage in the beginning that is obviously the same footage from Ninja Dragon, Ninja Terminator and Ninja Squad. If you are a fan of Godfrey ho films and if you have somehow missed out on this one, buy it immediately. However, be warned for the random sexual scenes.

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Best film ever, 21 September 2009
Author: tfarrell1976 from United Kingdom

Hey compared to hard candy this film is harmless, frankly is film is better that the ninja terminator because of its portrayal of women, we should have more films like this. Anyway apart from the comedic abuse of women, the plot is far better than modern films as simply Godfrey Ho allows you to create your own plot to the film.

for example I had the Death Fairy cast as a lonely heroine looking for people to play fetish games with, and then when her fetish Buddie's dies she became so distraught she decided to throw herself of a cliff after spending the last 15 minutes, go go dancing in bargain basement legoland

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I am astounded, 27 August 2009
2/10
Author: badbones777 from United Kingdom

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Well. Where can one begin? This film is not a film in the conventional sense. By estimate anywhere up to 1/3 or a half of this film is made up of stock footage and sequences from other films. Okay so it was a cheap 1980's crappy action flick but even so! Ed Wood may have gotten away with that sort of thing, but I call shenanigans! The result is a "movie" (in as much as, yes, the pictures on the screen move, but you'll wish they wouldn't!) that seems to be the result of the director/editors throwing random sections of fight scene footage at the screen in much the same way a simian slings it's faeces at its cage wall. The good thing is it is just as amusing to watch as that! It is totally devoid of plot, lacks even vestigal artistic merit, and due to the confusing and totally random nature of how it skips from scene to scene I daresay there are some people out there who think it contains some sort of message or is doing something subtle and Lynch-ian. It isn't. It's a garbled, confusing mess that barely qualifies as a film. This doesn't stop it being utterly hilarious and perfect for watching with a few drinks and mates to rip it to pieces.

The above score is the rating for it as a film. It gets 2 stars because a) it didn't let me put in half marks and b) Nothing is as bad as "The Killing Edge". If you want a rating based on sheer (if unintentional) hilarity then go and tack another 3 stars on the end!

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Supreme Ninja Film Power, 19 March 2009
8/10
Author: CsyAngela from United Kingdom

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I've recently acquired a pile of these Godfrey Ho/Joseph Lai movies and for the curious I've got to state on little caveat: If you're sitting down to watch one of these films for the first time, get some beer.

This one may or may not be a sequel to Ninja Terminator, as it has that crazy statue and Richard Harrison in it...for about ten seconds. The usual ham-fisted narrative gibbers on about some Golden ninjas obtaining a statue from Red ninjas for supreme ninja power and to be honest with it doesn't really matter, because what we're all here for is non-sensical ninja madness, teleporting, POV flying knives, and Keystone cops speed ninja battles.

But what of the actual story? You know, the one these ninja fights are tacked on to? Well, it's sleaze city as a girl tries to infiltrate a hooker ring (I think) to get revenge for her dad being killed (possibly), which involves a disturbingly large amount of misogynistic violence. It's not totally offensive though, as the crazy dialogue, editing, and ninja battles just cuts through the grimness. In a nutshell, the end result is too stupid to be insulting.

If you're in the UK, you can pick these films up for pennies! I've watched scores and scores of bad movies, and these ninja films never ceased to make me laugh - enjoy!

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1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
A look into the minds of the creators?, 27 January 2008
2/10
Author: intelligiser (intelligiser@yahoo.co.uk) from West Midlands, England

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This film is just so... weird. Ever since accidentally buying "Ninja Terminator", I've become somewhat of a fan of Godfrey Ho, because his movies are just so mind blowingly terrible and disjointed they cause hilarity, albeit unintentionally.

According to a short little recap at the start of this film, Gold Ninja Warrior is either the sequel or prequel to "Ninja Terminator" (or maybe a retelling of the same story or anything, it's kinda hard to tell). However, the tale of the titular statue is completely lost in the tale of a sex slave, drug dealing, gun trading ring of gangsters being taken down by a ninja.

Unfortunately, unlike Ninja Terminator, the fight scenes in this film are just terrible. Not only that, but I'm fairly sure that there is actually more time dedicated on screen to watching helpless women being beaten up and raped than there is ninjas fighting. I might be wrong on that, but this film has the only graphic sex scene which I actually felt *wrong* after seeing.

Speaking of the rape scene (and you'll know it immediately), it doesn't even make sense. So a fat business man can rape a ninja? The woman had previously killed about 50 bajillion armed gangsters single handedly, and now she has a small length of rope around her wrists (her legs are fine), she can't fight off an overweight, middle aged, unarmed business man? No. Doesn't make sense.

As the one line summary above suggests, I believe that this film is actually a look into the minds of the creators of this film more than anything else. There is an unnecessarily large amount of time dedicated to seeing nude women being hit, which considering the summary on the back of my DVD box says "...the Red Ninjas intend to steal the statue and send their best Ninja heroine to draw out the Golden Ninjas leader, Max." seems just wrong. Also, none of that blurb actually happens. The only time the statue appears is in the recap of events in "Ninja Terminator" right at the start.

This film just plain sucks, even for a Godfrey Ho film (and he is involved, albeit uncredited, and I'm not 100% convinced that Joseph Lai isn't another pseudonym of him anyway). The fight scenes are just plain boring. The only guy in the film who looks like he has any training only appears for about 2 minutes and then gets lamely knocked over by the lead character. The plot makes no sense and randomly jumps about. The editing is terrible (people will jump off a wall dressed as a ninja and land dressed regularly, then 4 seconds later be a ninja again, and so on).

Go buy Ninja Terminator instead. That is an amusingly bad film with surprisingly good fight scenes (even if Jaguar One is a complete and utter dick for no reason), and doesn't feel you leaving dirty like this film does.

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