Memorable quotes for
Total Recall (1990) More at IMDbPro »

Benny: [to Mary, the three-breasted hooker] Baby, you make me wish I had three hands.

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Douglas Quaid: If I am not me, then who the hell am I?

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Douglas Quaid: I'll be back!

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Lori: Doug, honey... you wouldn't hurt me, would you, sweetheart? Sweetheart, be reasonable. After all, we're married!
[Lori goes for her gun, Quaid shoots her in the head, killing her]
Douglas Quaid: Consider that a divorce!

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Benny: You ever fuck a mutant?

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Vilos Cohaagen: [after Cohaagen's team kills Kuato] Well, my friend...
[puts his hands on Quaid's shoulders]
Vilos Cohaagen: ...you're a hero.
Douglas Quaid: Fuck you!
Vilos Cohaagen: Don't be modest. Kuato is dead. The entire resistance force is wiped out and you were the key to all of this.
Douglas Quaid: [to Melina] He's lying.
Melina: [to Quaid] You two-faced bastard!
Vilos Cohaagen: You can't blame him, princess.
[His finger grazes Melina's face]
Vilos Cohaagen: He's innocent. You see, Quaid, none of my people could get close to Kuato. Those fuckin' mutants could always sniff us out. That's when Hauser and I sat down and invented you: Douglas Quaid, the perfect mole.
Douglas Quaid: You know you're lying. Hauser turned against you.
Vilos Cohaagen: Uh-uh. That's what we wanted you to think. The truth is, Hauser volunteered to become "Doug Quaid." It was the only way to fool the psychics.
Douglas Quaid: Get your story straight.
[Points to Richter]
Douglas Quaid: This idiot has been trying to kill me ever since I went to Rekall. You don't send your own men to kill a mole you're trying to plant.
Vilos Cohaagen: Richter wasn't in on it. You set him off by going to Rekall.
Douglas Quaid: So, why I am still alive?
Vilos Cohaagen: Because we gave you lots of help.
[points to Benny]
Vilos Cohaagen: Benny here...
Benny: [to Quaid] My pleasure, man.
Vilos Cohaagen: The guy on Earth with the suitcase containing the mask, the money, the message from Hauser. All of that was set up by us.
Douglas Quaid: Sorry. I still don't buy it. It's too perfect.
Vilos Cohaagen: Perfect, my ass! You go to Rekall and pop your memory cap before we can activate you. Richter goes hog-wild trying to kill you, drawing a lot of attention to us... and screwing up everything that I spent a whole year planning. Frankly... I'm amazed it worked!
Douglas Quaid: Well, Cohaagen. I've got to hand it to you. It's the best mind-fuck yet.

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Douglas Quaid: Ever heard of Rekall? They sell those fake memories.
Harry: Oh, "Rekall, Rekall, Rekall." You thinking of going there?
Douglas Quaid: I don't know, maybe.
Harry: Well, don't. A friend of mine tried one their "special offers," nearly got himself lobotomized.
Douglas Quaid: No shit?
Harry: Don't fuck with your brain, pal. It ain't worth it.
Douglas Quaid: I guess not.
[Continues jackhammering, Harry watches in disbelief]

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[Douglas Quaid seeing his real personality on the screen]
Hauser: Now, this is the plan. Get your ass to Mars.

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Hauser: Howdy, stranger! I'm Hauser. If things haven't gone wrong, I'm talking to myself and you don't have a wet towel around your head. Now, whatever your name is, get ready for the big surprise. You are not you, you're me.
Douglas Quaid: [to himself] No shit.
Hauser: All my life, I worked for Mars Intelligence, doing Cohaagen's dirty work. But then I met someone, a woman. She taught me a few things, like I was playing for the wrong team. All I can do now is make up for it. You see...
[Points to his head]
Hauser: ...there's enough shit in here to fuck Cohaagen good, and if you're hearing this, it means is that he's got to you first. Now, here comes the hard part, old buddy. Now it is all up to you.
Douglas Quaid: [displeased] Great...
Hauser: Now, let's start by getting that bug out of your head.
[shows the nose device]
Hauser: Take this out of the case, and stick it up your nose. Don't worry, it's self-guiding. Just shove real hard.
[Quaid takes a deep breath, and sticks the nose device up his nose]
Hauser: When you hear a crunch, you're there. Now, pull it out. Be careful! That's my head, too.
[Quaid screams in pain while Hauser grins, then Quaid pulls out the bug]
Hauser: This is the plan. Get your ass to Mars, and go to the Hilton Hotel and show the fake Brubaker I.D. at the front desk, that's all there is to it. Just do as I tell you. You can nail that son of a bitch that fucked you and me. I'm counting on you, old buddy. Don't let me down!

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Agent: [Quaid enters the hotel room, and the phone immediately rings; he picks it up] If you want to live, don't hang up.
Douglas Quaid: What do you want?
Agent: I'll explain later. You've been bugged and they're tracking you. They're gonna bash down your door in three minutes unless you do exactly as I say.
[Quaid searches himself, trying to find the bug]
Agent: Don't bother searching, the bug's in your skull.
Douglas Quaid: [looking himself in the mirror in disbelief] Who are you?
Agent: Never mind. Wet a towel and put it over your head. This will muffle the signal.
Douglas Quaid: How did you find me?
Agent: I advise you to hurry. This will buy you some time; they won't be able to pinpoint you.
[Quaid goes into the bathroom, pulls out a towel and wets it, and puts it on his head]
Agent: Enough, you look beautiful.
[Quaid goes back to the phone]
Agent: Now, go to the window. Go!
[looks up to Quaid]
Agent: Do you see me down here?
[Quaid nods yes, and the man shows Quaid a package]
Agent: This is the suitcase you gave me.
Douglas Quaid: I gave you?
Agent: [puts the suitcase down] I'm gonna set it here. Come and get it and keep moving.
Douglas Quaid: Wait, who are you?
Agent: We were buddies in the agency back on Mars. You told me that if you ever went missing, I was to come find you and deliver this suitcase to you. So, here I am, and goodbye.
Douglas Quaid: Wait! What was I doing on Mars?
[the agent hangs up]
Douglas Quaid: Shit!

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[Quaid points a gun at Dr. Edgemar's head]
Douglas Quaid: All right, let's say you're telling the truth and this is all a dream. I could pull this trigger and it won't matter.
Dr. Edgemar: It won't make the slightest difference to me Doug, but the consequences to you will be devastating. In your mind, I'll be dead, and with no one to guide you out, you'll be stuck here in permanent psychosis. The walls of reality will come crashing down around you. One minute, you're the savior of the rebel cause; next thing you know, you'll be Cohaagen's bosom buddy. You'll even have fantasies about alien civilizations as you requested; but in the end, back on Earth, you'll be lobotomized! So get a grip on yourself, Doug, and put down that gun!

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[a door is sealed shut, causing Richter to lose Quaid]
Richter: Open the goddamn door!
Everett: I can't.
Richter: Open it!
Everett: They're all connected.

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Hauser: Howdy, stranger! This is Hauser. If things have gone wrong, I'm talking to myself, and you've probably got a wet towel wrapped around your head.
Hauser: So, whatever your name is, get ready for a big surprise: YOU are not YOU, You are ME.
Douglas Quaid: No shit.

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Douglas Quaid: Well, Cohaagen, I have to hand it to you. It's the best mindfuck yet.
Vilos Cohaagen: Oh, don't take my word for it. Someone you trust wants to talk to you.
Douglas Quaid: Who is it this time, my mother?

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Melina: Hello, Hauser. Still bulging, I see.
[rubs his deltoid, then grabs his crotch]
Melina: What you been feeding this thing?
Douglas Quaid: Blondes.
Melina: I think it's still hungry.

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Lori: No wonder you're having nightmares. You're always watching the news.

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Lori: [Kicks Doug in the face] That's for making me come to Mars.
[kicks his groin]
Lori: You know how much I hate this fucking planet!

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Melina: Kuato's gonna make you remember some things you knew when you were Hauser.
Douglas Quaid: Like what?
Melina: All sorts of things, like maybe you'll remember that you loved me.
Douglas Quaid: I don't need Kuato for that.
Melina: Since when?

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Kuato: What do you want, Mr. Quaid?
Douglas Quaid: The same as you; to remember.
Kuato: But why?
Douglas Quaid: To be myself again.
Kuato: You are what you do. A man is defined by his actions, not his memory.

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Richter: You have to make a decision, sir.
Vilos Cohaagen: Kill him.
Richter: It's about goddamn time.

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[last lines]
Melina: I can't believe it, it's like a dream. What's wrong?
Douglas Quaid: I just had a terrible thought... what if this is a dream?
Melina: Well, then, kiss me quick before you wake up!

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Lori: Sorry, Quaid. Your whole life is just a dream.

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Douglas Quaid: See you at the party, Richter!

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Douglas Quaid: Come on, Cohaagen! You got what you want. Give those people air!
Vilos Cohaagen: My friend, in five minutes, you won't give a shit about the people. Fire it up, Doc!
Richter: Excuse me, Doctor, is he gonna remember any of this?
Doctor: Not a thing.
Richter: Oh, really?
[punches Quaid in the face. Quaid glares back at Richter]
Vilos Cohaagen: Oh, Quaid, I'm having a party tonight. Why don't you and Melina drop by? Remind him, Doc?
Doctor: Sure.
Richter: See you at the party.

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Douglas Quaid: What about the guy you lobotomized? Did he get a refund?

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Fat Lady: [slurred] Two weeks.

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Benny: Hey, Quaid! I'm gonna squash you!
Douglas Quaid: Benny! Here!
Benny: [shouts] Where the fuck are you?
Douglas Quaid: [killing him with a large drill] Screw you, Benny!

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Douglas Quaid: Cohaagen, you got what you wanted; you must give those people air!

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[Quaid enters a Johnnycab to escape from killers]
Johnnycab: Please state the street and number.
Douglas Quaid: [absently] Shit! Shit!
Johnnycab: I'm not familiar with that address. Would you please repeat the destination?
[Douglas Quaid rips Johnnycab from the floor, and throws him in the back]

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[Quaid wakes up in a Johnnycab]
Douglas Quaid: Where am I?
Johnnycab: You're in a Johnnycab.
Douglas Quaid: I mean, what am I doing here?
Johnnycab: I'm sorry. Would you please rephrase the question?
Douglas Quaid: How did I get in this taxi?
Johnnycab: The door opened. You got in.
[Johnnycab rolls his eyes]

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[the taxicab pulls up]
Johnnycab: The fare is 18 credits, please.
[Quaid gets out]
Douglas Quaid: Sue me, dickhead!
[cab tries to run him down, crashes, and explodes]
Johnnycab: We hope you enjoyed the ride!

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Richter: I want that fucker dead!
Helm: I don't blame you, man. I wouldn't want a guy like Quaid porkin' my old lady.
Richter: You saying she likes it?
Helm: No, I'm sure she hated every minute of it.

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Vilos Cohaagen: Richter, do you know why I'm such a happy person?
Richter: No, sir.
Vilos Cohaagen: Because I've got the greatest job in the solar system. As long as the turbinium keeps flowing, I can do anything I want. Anything! In fact, the only thing I ever worry about is that one day... if the rebels win, it all might end. And you're fucking making it happen!

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Vilos Cohaagen: Kuato wants what's in Quaid's head, and he might be able to get it 'cause they say he's psychic; and I have a plan to keep this from happening. Do you think you could play along?
Richter: Yes, sir.
Vilos Cohaagen: Great, 'cause otherwise, I'll erase your ass!

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Lori: Listen to me, Sweetheart. Those assholes at Rekall have fucked up your mind. You're having paranoid delusions.
[Quaid holds up his bloodied hands]
Douglas Quaid: You call this a delusion?

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Melina: That was your wife?
[Quaid nods]
Melina: What a bitch!

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Helm: Look at that shit!
Richter: What the hell's this?
Agent: The Martians love Kuato. They think he's fuckin' George Washington.
Helm: Kill the bastard!

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Douglas Quaid: Excuse me, what's that?
Burly Miner: You mean the Pyramid Mine? I used to work there until they found that alien shit inside.
Douglas Quaid: Well, it's a rumor isn't it?
Burly Miner: Ha! Think so?

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Benny: Hey, man, I got five kids to feed!
[Quaid hands him a wad of cash]
Douglas Quaid: Take them to the dentist.

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Vilos Cohaagen: Well, my boy. You're a hero.
Douglas Quaid: Fuck you.
Vilos Cohaagen: Well, don't be modest.

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Vilos Cohaagen: [Cohaagen has Quaid strapped into a memory machine and is about to turn him back into Hauser] Relax, Quaid. You'll like being Hauser.
Douglas Quaid: The guy's a fucking asshole!
Vilos Cohaagen: Not true! He's one of my best friends. Besides, he's got a big house and a Mercedes and... you like Melina, right? Well, you get to fuck her every night. That's right, she's going to be Hauser's babe.
Melina: [also strapped into a memory machine] I'll bust his balls!
Vilos Cohaagen: Uh-uh, Princess. We're having you fixed. You're gonna be respectful, compliant, and appreciative... the way a woman should be.
[she spits in his face]

---

[the traitorous Benny shoots George/Kuato]
Melina: How can you do this? You're a mutant.
Benny: [shrugs] I needed the money. I got four kids to feed.
Douglas Quaid: What happened to number five?
Benny: [beat tone] Aw, shit, man! You got me. I don't have any kids. I ain't even married. Now, shut up and put your fuckin' hands in the air!

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Harry: Hey, Quaid.
Douglas Quaid: Harry.
Harry: How was your trip to Mars?
Douglas Quaid: What trip?
Harry: You went to Rekall, remember?
Douglas Quaid: I did?
Harry: Yeah, you did. I told you not to, but you went anyway.
Douglas Quaid: What are you, my father?

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Douglas Quaid: Ever heard of Rekall? They sell those fake memories.
Harry: Oh, "Rekall, Rekall, Rekall". Why? You thinking of going?
Douglas Quaid: I don't know, maybe.
Harry: Well don't. A friend of mine tried one their "special offers", nearly got himself lobotamised.
Douglas Quaid: No shit?
Harry: Don't fuck with your brain, pal. It ain't worth it.
Douglas Quaid: I guess not.

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[Kuato is dying]
Kuato: Quaid... Quaid...
Benny: Forget it, man, his fortune-telling days are over.
Kuato: Start the reactor. Free Mars...
[Richter appears and shoots Kuato through the head]

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Tony: You got a lot of nerve showing your face around here, Hauser.
Douglas Quaid: Look who's talking.

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Vilos Cohaagen: What the fuck is going on down there?
Richter: I'm trying to neutralize a traitor, Sir.
Vilos Cohaagen: If I wanted him dead, you moron, I wouldn't have dumped him on Earth!
Richter: We can't let him run around. He knows too much.
Vilos Cohaagen: I just spoke with Lori. She says he can't remember jack shit!
Richter: That's now. In an hour, he could have total recall.
Vilos Cohaagen: Listen to me, Richter, I want Quaid delivered alive for re-implantation. Have you got that? I want him back in place with Lori.

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Technician: Sir, the oxygen level is bottoming out in Sector G. What do you want me to do about it?
Vilos Cohaagen: [as if obvious] Don't do anything.
Technician: But they won't last an hour, sir.
Vilos Cohaagen: Fuck 'em. It'll be a good lesson to the others.

---

Douglas Quaid: [an old woman/luggage thief grabs the briefcase left on sidewalk for Quaid] Sorry, Ma'am, but this is mine.
Woman in Phone Booth: [struggling with him] I don't see your name on it!
Douglas Quaid: Someone lent it to me.
[continues to struggle with the Old Lady]
Woman in Phone Booth: You go find your own bag!
[resisting]
Douglas Quaid: Excuse me, Ma'am, but I NEED it!
[Quaid rips it away from her and walks away]
Woman in Phone Booth: Fuck you, asshole!
[Quaid turns and bows]

---

Richter: But I thought...
Vilos Cohaagen: [interrupts] Who told you to *think*? I don't give you enough information to *think*! You do what you're told. *That's* what you do!

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Dr. Lull: [after Quaid goes crazy at Rekall] Listen to me, he's been going on and on about Mars. He's really been there.
Bob McClane: Use your head, you dumb bitch! He's just acting out the secret agent portion of his Ego Trip.
Dr. Lull: I'm afraid that's not possible.
Bob McClane: Why not?
Dr. Lull: Because we haven't implanted it yet!

---

[first lines]
[Doug awakens from a nightmare]
Lori: Doug? Honey, are you all right?
[nods]
Lori: You were dreaming. Doug? Was it about Mars?
[nods]
Lori: [kisses him] Is that better?
Douglas Quaid: Hmm.
Lori: My poor baby. This is getting to be an obsession.

---

Douglas Quaid: What the hell is going on? What the fuck did I do wrong? Tell me!
Harry: You blabbed, Quaid! You blabbed about Mars!
Douglas Quaid: Are you crazy? I don't even know anything about Mars!
Harry: You should have listened to me, Quaid. I was there to keep you out of trouble.
Douglas Quaid: Harry, you're making a big mistake. You got me mixed up with somebody else.
Harry: Uh-uh pal, you got yourself mixed up with...
[Quaid kicks him in the chest, commencing the fight]

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Douglas Quaid: I don't remember you.
Melina: What are you talking about?
Douglas Quaid: I don't remember you. I don't remember us. I don't even remember me.

---

Benny: Hey, man, you need a cab?
Douglas Quaid: Well, what's wrong with this one?
[points to other cabbie]
Benny: [laughs] He ain't got five kids to feed.
Douglas Quaid: Where's yours?
Benny: Right over there man.
[takes Quaid with him]
Punk Cabbie: Hey. Hey, man, that's my fare. Hey, asshole, that's my fare.
Benny: Eat this!
[gives him the finger]

---

Benny: I'm gonna drill you, sucker! I'm gonna grind you up!

---

Douglas Quaid: Relax. You'll live longer.

---

Bob McClane: What is it that is exactly the same about every single vacation you have ever taken?
Douglas Quaid: I give up.
Bob McClane: You! You're the same. No matter where you go, there you are. It's always the same old you. Let me suggest that you take a vacation from yourself. I-I know it sounds wild. It is the latest thing in travel. We call it the Ego Trip.

---

[Lori tries to distract Quaid by acting sexy, but he quickly he catches on]
Douglas Quaid: Clever girl!
[He points a gun at her head]
Lori: You wouldn't kill me, would you, honey? After all we've been through...?
Douglas Quaid: [Thinking it over] Some of it was fun.
[He suddenly punches her, knocking her out]
Douglas Quaid: Nice knowing you.
[He leaves]

---

[Richter and his men shoot Quaid numerous times, but he just gets up and starts laughing]
Richter: [Realizing what's going on] Son of a bitch.
[Quaid's image suddenly fades away and the real Quaid comes around the corner and starts shooting. Richter and several others manage to find cover]
Richter: [Yelling out to his men] He's got a hologram!

---

Lori: I love you.
Douglas Quaid: Right. That's why you tried to kill me.
Lori: No... I would never do anything to hurt you. I want you to come back to me.
Douglas Quaid: Bullshit.
Dr. Edgemar: What's bullshit, Mr. Quaid? That you're having a paranoid episode triggered by acute neuro-chemical trauma? Or that you're really an invincible secret agent from Mars who's the victim of an interplanetary conspiracy to make him think he's a lowly construction worker? Stop punishing yourself, Doug. You're a fine, upstanding man. You have a beautiful wife who loves you. Your whole life is ahead of you. But you've got to want to return to reality.

---

[Quaid's costume malfunctions and his cover as the Fat Lady is blown]
Douglas Quaid: [to a group of Agency officers] Catch!
[he throws the Fat Lady mask, and one of the officers catches it]
Fat Lady: [smiling] Get ready for a surprise!
[the mask explodes]

---

Hauser: Howdy, Quaid. If you're watching this, that means that Kuato is dead, and you led us to him. I knew that you wouldn't let me down. Sorry for all of the shit I've put you through, but hey, what are friends are for? All I want to do is wish you happiness and good living, old buddy, but unfortunately, that's not gonna happen. You see, that's "my" body you have there, and I want it back. Sorry for being an Indian giver, but I was here first. So, adios, amigo!
[the screen zooms out to reveal Cohaagen, who puts his hand on Hauser's shoulder]
Hauser: And thanks for not getting youself killed. Maybe now, we will meet in dreams, you never know.

---

Melina: [as she and Quaid enter her room, she slaps Quaid on the side of the face] You son of a bitch! You're alive? I thought that Cohaagen tortured you to death!
Douglas Quaid: I guess he didn't.
Melina: And you couldn't give me a message? You didn't know what happened to me?
[hugs Quaid]
Melina: I'm gald to see you alive.
[starts kissing him and Quaid shoves her away]
Douglas Quaid: Melina, listen. I have something to tell you... I don't remember you.
Melina: What?
Douglas Quaid: I don't remember you. I don't remember us. I don't even remember me.
Melina: Did you get amnesia? How did you get here?
Douglas Quaid: Hauser left me a message.
Melina: Hauser? You're Hauser.
Douglas Quaid: Not anymore. Now I'm Quaid. Douglas Quaid.
Melina: Come on, Hauser. Have you lost your mond?
Douglas Quaid: I didn't lose my mind. Cohaagen stole it. He somehow found out that Hauser switched sides, so he turned him into another person... me. So, he dumped me on Earth with a wife and a lousy job...
Melina: [interrupting] Did you say wife? Are you fuckin' married?
Douglas Quaid: She's not really my wife.
Melina: She's not really your wife? How stupid of me! She was Hauser's wife?
Douglas Quaid: Let's just forget about her.
Melina: No, let's forget about everything. I'm sick of you and your goddamn lies!

---

Vilos Cohaagen: Don't touch that! Get away! Get back!
Douglas Quaid: What are you afraid of? Turn it on.
Vilos Cohaagen: Impossible! Once the reaction starts, it'll spread to all the turbinium in the planet. Mars will go into global meltdown. That's why the aliens never turned it on.
Douglas Quaid: And you expect me to believe you?
Vilos Cohaagen: Who gives a shit what you believe? In thirty seconds you'll be dead, and I'll blow this place up and be home in time for Corn Flakes.
[Shoots several inches near Quaid]
Vilos Cohaagen: I didn't want it to end this way, I wanted Hauser back, but no, you had to be Quaid!
Douglas Quaid: I am Quaid!
Vilos Cohaagen: You're nothing! You're nobody! You're a stupid dream! Well, all dreams come to an end.

---

Douglas Quaid: [after fooling Richter and company with the hologram-bracelet, Quaid reappears on the other side of the reactor-site... right in front of Cohaagen's guards] Ha ha ha, you think this is the real Quaid...?
[They turn to face nothing]
Douglas Quaid: ...it is!
[Quaid shoots the guards]

---

Richter: You wanted to see me sir.
Vilos Cohaagen: Richter, you know why I'm such a happy person?
Richter: No, sir.
Vilos Cohaagen: Because I have one of the greatest jobs in the solar system. As long as the turbinium keeps flowing, I can do anything I want. Anything!
[gets up from his chair]
Vilos Cohaagen: In fact, the only thing I worry about is, one day, if the rebels win, it all might end.
[In Richter's face]
Vilos Cohaagen: And you're fuckin' making it happen! first, you tried to kill Quaid and you let him get away.
Richter: It wouldn't help if the package is damaged, sir.
Vilos Cohaagen: I know that.
Richter: But, I thought...
Vilos Cohaagen: [interrupting] Who told you to think? I don't give you enough information to think! You do as you're told, that's what you do.

---

Douglas Quaid: What do you want?
Dr. Edgemar: This is going to be very difficult for you at accept, Mr. Quaid.
Douglas Quaid: I'm listening.
Dr. Edgemar: I'm afraid you're not really standing here right now.
Douglas Quaid: You know, Doc, you could have fooled me.
Dr. Edgemar: I'm quite serious. You're not here, and neither am I.
Douglas Quaid: Amazing. Where are we?
Dr. Edgemar: At Rekall.

---

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