[
looking for his car in the mall parking garage]
Nick Fifer:
Where's my fucking Saab?
[
after tough negotiations with a tennis prodigy's mother]
Nick Fifer:
I think Mrs. Fong is Jewish.
[
On mimes]
Nick Fifer:
These guys are worse than Hare Krishnas!
[
Deborah wants to give Nick his Christmas present]
Deborah Fifer:
I have something to get you out of your midlife crisis.
Nick Fifer:
That can only mean a full-body vibrator!
Nick Fifer:
How many 16th anniversaries does a person have in a lifetime? One... maybe two.
[
Nick's given Deborah a family photo with an antique frame]
Nick Fifer:
I had to have it engraved, because I could never remember your name.
[
On an affair Nick had]
Nick Fifer:
I liked her. I loved the sex.
Deborah Fifer:
[
scornful] Oh. So, you LOVE me, but you only LIKE the sex.
Nick Fifer:
Well, now I feel like the scumbag of all time.
Deborah Fifer:
You are.
Nick Fifer:
I don't know how our marriage lasted.
Deborah Fifer:
Mutual death wish.
Nick Fifer:
Your constant interrupting of me...
Deborah Fifer:
Please! In sixteen years, I've never finished a sentence.
Deborah Fifer:
No alimony, no special stipends, just plain child support - a LOT of it.
Deborah Fifer:
How about those two beautiful creatures? Think you can handle them?
Nick Fifer:
Handle them? I can salivate over them.
Deborah Fifer:
I betrayed you? You betrayed me! What about your seven month adventure with a girl named Ed?
Nick Fifer:
You look like my Aunt Minna in that dress!
Deborah Fifer:
Do you really hate this dress?
Nick Fifer:
What I really hate is this jacket, this white jacket. I look like a Brazilian gigolo.
Nick Fifer:
Eleven hundred bucks for Sushi already. That's a lot of dead fish.
[
Last lines]
Nick Fifer:
[
defensive] Am I the kind of guy who loses his temper?
Deborah Fifer:
Please! You smashed the mime in the jaw!
Nick Fifer:
[
defensive] I gave him 100 bucks...
[
Examining his Stress Age chewing gum]
Nick Fifer:
Christ, the gum is jet black already.
Deborah Fifer:
Of course, Nicky-san. Anything for Nicky-san on most honorable anniversary.
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