Buzz:
[
Woody, scared, walks backwards and he gets startled by Buzz. Buzz kept talking to his "mission log"] And according to my navi-computer, the...
Woody:
[
whispering] SHUT UP! Just, SHUT UP, you idiot!
Buzz:
Sheriff, this is no time to panic.
Woody:
This is a perfect time to panic! I'm lost, Andy is gone, they're gonna move to their new house in two days, AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!
Buzz:
Mine? My fault? If you hadn't pushed me out of the window in the first place...
Woody:
Oh yeah? Well, if you hadn't shown up with your stupid little cardboard spaceship and taken away everything that was important to me...
Buzz:
Don't talk to me about importance! Because of *you*, the future of this entire universe is in jeopardy!
Woody:
WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
Buzz:
Right now, poised at the edge of the galaxy, Emperor Zurg has been secretly building a weapon with the destructive capacity to annihilate an entire planet! I alone have information that reveals this weapon's only weakness. And *you*, my friend, are responsible for delaying my rendezvous with Star Command!
Woody:
[
pauses and looks incredulous] YOU! ARE! A! TOYYYYY! You aren't the real Buzz Lightyear! You're - you're an action figure!
[
holds hand up to eyes indicating something small]
Woody:
You are a child's play thing!
Buzz:
You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity.
[
waves in military fashion]
Buzz:
Farewell.
[
starts to walk away]
Woody:
Oh, yeah? Well, good riddance, ya loony!
Sid Phillips:
[
Reading warning on rocket] "Extremely dangerous. Keep out of reach of children." Cool!
Rex:
What if Andy gets another dinosaur? A mean one? I just don't think I can take that kind of rejection!
Mr. Potato Head:
How come *you* don't have a laser, Woody?
Woody:
It's not a laser. It's...
[
sighs in frustration]
Woody:
It's a little light bulb that blinks.
Hamm:
What's wrong with him?
Mr. Potato Head:
Laser envy.
[
Mr. Potato Head rearranges his facial features crazily]
Mr. Potato Head:
Hey, Hamm. Look, I'm Picasso.
Hamm:
Gee, I don't get it.
Mr. Potato Head:
You uncultured swine! What're you lookin' at, ya hockey puck?
[
first lines]
Andy:
[
Andy is playing with his toys and mimicing the voices of his toys and holding Mr Potato Head] Alright, everyone. This is a stick-up. Don't anyone move.
[
empties Hamm]
Andy:
Oooh, money, money, money.
[
mimicing Bo Beep]
Andy:
No, no. Stop it you mean potato.
[
as Mr. potato Head]
Andy:
Quiet, Bo Beep. Or your sheep will get it.
[
as Bo Beep]
Andy:
Oh no, not my sheep, somebody do something.
Woody:
[
Andy brings in Woody and pulls on his pull-string] Reach for the sky.
Andy:
[
as Mr Potato Head] Oh no. Sheriff Woody.
[
as Woody]
Andy:
I'm hear to stop you one-eyed bart.
[
pulls one of Mr. Potato head's eye and mimics his voice]
Andy:
NO! How do you know it was me?
[
as Woody]
Andy:
Are you gonna come quietly?
[
as Mr. Potato Head]
Andy:
Not so fast Sheriff
[
brings in Slinky]
Andy:
I brought my attack dog with a built in forcefield.
[
as Woody, and brings in Rex]
Andy:
I brought my dinosaur, he leaps forcefield dogs
[
pushes Slinky aside]
Andy:
You're going to jail bart, say good-bye to the wife and tatertot.
[
then Molly picks up and drools over Mr. Potato head]
Andy:
You saved the day again Woody.
Woody:
[
Andy pulls on Woody's pull-string] You're my favorite deputy.
Buzz:
I've set my laser from stun to kill.
Woody:
Oh, great. If anyone attacks we can blink em' to death.
[
repeated line]
Buzz:
To infinity, and beyond!
[
Mr. Potato Head watches hopefully as Andy open birthday presents]
Mr. Potato Head:
Mrs. Potato Head, Mrs. Potato Head, Mrs. Potato Head... hey, I can dream, can't I?
Mr. Potato Head:
Did you all take Stupid Pills this morning?
[
Preparing for the toy mutiny]
Woody:
Wind the frog.
Woody:
Wait a minute, I just lit a rocket... Rockets explode!
Woody:
Tuesday night's plastic corrosion awareness meeting, was I think, a big success. We'd like to thank Mr. Spell for putting that on for us, thank you Mr. Spell...
Mr. Spell:
[
mechanically] You're. Welcome.
Hamm:
Yes, sir, we're next month's garage sale fodder for sure.
Woody:
All right, that's enough! Look, we're all - *very* impressed with Andy's new toy.
Buzz:
Toy?
Woody:
T-O-Y, t-oy.
Buzz:
Excuse me, I think the word you're searching for is "space ranger".
Woody:
The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there's preschool toys present.
Buzz:
I just want you to know that even though you tried to terminate me, revenge is not an idea we promote on my planet.
Woody:
Oh. Well, that's good.
Buzz:
But we're not on my planet, are we?
Woody:
No. Daaaah-oof!
Buzz:
[
he attacks Woody]
Woody:
Okay, come on. You want a piece of me?
Buzz:
[
gets knocked down by Woody, he closes his helmet on Woody's hand]
Woody:
Ow!
Woody:
What chance does a toy like me have against a Buzz Lightyear action figure?
Mr. Potato Head:
Oh, really? I'm from Playskool.
Rex:
And I'm from Mattel. Well, I'm not really from Mattel, I'm actually from a smaller company that was purchased by Mattel in a leveraged buyout.
Buzz:
Can!
Rex:
[
as he and the other toys applaud and whistle] Whoooooooooooooa! Oh, wo you flew magnificently!
Bo Peep:
I've found my moving buddy.
Buzz:
[
proudly] Thank... th-thank you all, thank you!
Woody:
That wasn't flying! That was... falling with style!
Sergeant:
Molly's first present is... Mrs. Potato Head! Repeat, a Mrs. Potato Head!
Hamm:
Way to go, Idaho!
Mr. Potato Head:
Gee, I'd better shave.
[
pulls off his moustache]
Andy:
You're going to jail, Bart. Say good-bye to the wife and Tater Tots.
Woody:
I think you've had enough tea for today, let's get you outta here, Buzz.
Woody:
Buzz, you've got wings! You glow in the dark! You talk! Your helmet does that, that... *whoosh* thing! You are a cool toy!
[
loses steam]
Woody:
As a matter of fact, you're *too* cool.
Mr. Potato Head:
Son of a building block! It's Woody!
Woody:
Hey, Buzz! You're flying!
Buzz:
This isn't flying. This is falling with style!
Buzz:
Terrain seems a bit unstable. No readout yet if the air is breathable. And there seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere.
Woody:
[
sneaks up on Buzz] Hello!
[
Buzz yells. Woody screams. Buzz fires his "laser" at Woody]
Woody:
Hey hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Did I frighten you? Didn't mean to. Sorry. Howdy. My name... is Woody... and this... is Andy's room. That's all I wanted to say. And also, there has been a bit of a mix-up. This is my spot, see... the bed here.
Buzz:
Local law enforcement. It's about time you got here. I'm Buzz Lightyear, Space Ranger, Universe Protection Unit. My ship has crash-landed here by mistake.
Woody:
Yes, it is a mistake, because, you see, the bed here is my spot.
Buzz:
I need to repair my turbo boosters. Are you still using fossil fuels, or have you discovered crystallic fusion?
Woody:
Well, let's see, we got double-A's.
Buzz:
How dare you open a Space man's helmet on an uncharted planet? My eyeballs could have been sucked from of their sockets!
[
closes his helmet]
Woody:
Sergeant, establish a recon post downstairs. Code Red. You know what to do.
Sergeant:
Yes, sir!
[
jumps down]
Sergeant:
All right, men, you heard him! We're at Code Red! Repeat, Code Red! Recon plan Charlie: Execute! Let's move, move, move, move, move!
Buzz:
What's going on?
Woody:
Nothing that concerns you Space Rangers. Just us toys.
Buzz:
I'd better have a look anyway.
[
look through binoculars]
Buzz:
Why is that soldier strapped to an explosive device?
Woody:
[
moves binoculars] That's why. Sid.
Buzz:
Sure is a hairy fella.
Woody:
No, no. That's Scud, you idiot. That's Sid.
Buzz:
You mean that happy child?
Mr. Potato Head:
That ain't no happy child!
Rex:
He tortures toys, just for fun!
Buzz:
I'm Buzz Lightyear. I come in peace.
Rex:
[
shaking Buzz's hand] Oh, I'm so glad you're not a dinosaur!
Buzz:
This is an intergalactic emergency. I need to commandeer your vessel to Sector 12. Who's in charge here?
All Aliens:
[
pointing up] The Claw!
Alien #1:
The Claw is our master.
Alien #2:
The Claw chooses who will go and who will stay.
Woody:
This is ludicrous.
Woody:
[
trying to get Buzz into Molly's stroller] It's a special spaceship, I just saw it.
Buzz:
You mean it has hyperdrive?
Woody:
Hyperactive hyperdrive, and astro... uh... turf.
Sid Phillips:
No-one has ever attempted a double bypass brain transplant before.
Woody:
Listen, Lightsnack, you stay away from Andy. He's mine, and no one is taking him away from me.
Buzz:
What are you talking about? Where's that bonding strip?
[
slides under his ship with a skateboard]
Woody:
[
pulls him back out] And another thing, *stop* with this *spaceman* thing! It's getting on my nerves.
Buzz:
Are you saying you want to lodge a complaint with Star Command?
Woody:
Oh-ho! O-okay, ooh, well, so you wanna do it the hard way, huh?
Buzz:
[
gets out from under his ship] Don't even think about it, cowboy.
Woody:
Oh yeah, tough guy?
Woody:
[
pushes Buzz. Buzz's helmet opens. Buzz chokes]
Rex:
Great! Now I have guilt!
Woody:
Pull my string! The birthday party's today?
Mr. Potato Head:
Ages three and up! It's on my box! Ages three and up! I'm not supposed to be babysitting Princess Drool!
Woody:
Hey, Etch... Draw!
[
Etch draws a picture of a gun]
Woody:
D'oh! Got me again! Etch, you've been working on that draw. Fastest knobs in the west.
Mr. Potato Head:
How did I get stuck with you as a moving buddy?
Rex:
Everyone else was picked.
Woody:
Now, guys, it was an accident. You gotta believe me.
Slinky Dog:
We believe you, Woody. Right, Rex?
Rex:
Uh... yeah... uh, I mean no... uh... I don't like confrontations!
Slinky Dog:
It's Sid!
Rex:
I thought he was at summer camp!
Hamm:
They must've kicked him out early this year.
Buzz:
[
in Sid's backpack, approaching his home] Sheriff, I can see your indwelling from here. You're almost home.
Alien:
Nirvana is coming, the mystic portal awaits.
Woody:
Will you be quiet! You guys don't get it do you? Once we go into Sid's house, we won't be coming out!
Mr. Potato Head:
That's *Mister* Potato Head to you, you back stabbing murderer!
Sergeant:
[
about the second present Andy opens ] It's... it's bedsheets!
Mr. Potato Head:
Who invited that kid?
Woody:
Aaaaah! This is the part where we blow up!
Buzz:
Not today.
Buzz:
Years of Academy training wasted.
[
Woody finds Buzz dressed up as "Mrs. Nesbitt" and in the company of two headless dolls]
Woody:
What happened to you?
Buzz:
One minute you're defending the whole galaxy, and, suddenly, you find yourself sucking down Darjeeling with... Marie Antoinette and her little sister.
Woody:
Hey, who's got my hat?
Shark:
Look, I'm Woody! Howdy, howdy, howdy!
Woody:
Ha-ha, ha-ha...
[
snatches his hat away]
Woody:
Gimme that!
Alien #1:
A stranger.
Ailen #2:
From the outside.
All:
Oooooooooooooooh.
Alien:
I have been chosen. Farewell, my friends. I go to a better place.
Bo Peep:
What would you say if I get someone else to watch the sheep for me tonight?
Woody:
[
blushing and giggling] Oh-ho yeah. Thought so.
Buzz:
Do you know these life forms?
Woody:
Yes, they're Andy's toys.
Rex:
Mr. Lightyear, now I'm curious... what does a space ranger actually do?
Woody:
He's not a space ran-*ger*! He doesn't fight evil or, or... shoot lasers or fly.
Buzz:
Excuse me.
Buzz:
[
Buzz deploys his wings; all exclaim in excitement]
Hamm:
Wow. Impressive wingspan. Very good.
Woody:
Oh, what? What? These are plastic. He can't fly.
Buzz:
They are a terillium-carbonic alloy, and I *can* fly.
Woody:
No, you can't.
Buzz:
[
scoffs] Yes, I can.
Woody:
Can't.
Buzz:
Can.
Woody:
Can't, can't, ca-an't!
Buzz:
I tell you, I could fly around this room with my eyes closed!
Woody:
Okay, Mr. Lightbeer, prove it.
Buzz:
All right then, I will.
[
watching guests arrive for Andy's party]
Rex:
Any dinosaur-shaped ones?
Hamm:
Oh, for crying out loud, they're all in *boxes*, you idiot.
Rex:
They're getting bigger...
Slinky Dog:
Wait, there's a nice little one over there.
[
boy turns around, revealing the full length of the box he's carrying]
All:
Aaaaahh!
Woody:
Has everybody picked a moving buddy?
Hamm:
Moving buddy? You can't be serious!
Rex:
I didn't know we were supposed to have one already!
Mr. Potato Head:
[
holding his left arm in his right hand] Do we have to hold hands?
[
All laugh]
Woody:
You actually think you're *the* Buzz Lightyear? Hey, look, everybody! It's the *real* Buzz Lightyear!
Buzz:
You're mocking me, aren't you?
Woody:
Oh no, no no no, no. - Buzz look, an alien!
Buzz:
Where?
Woody:
[
slaps knee and laughs hoarsely]
Slinky Dog:
I knew you were right all along, Woody. Never doubted you for a second.
Woody:
[
through his voice box] Reach for the sky!
Sid Phillips:
Huh?
Woody:
This town ain't big enough for the two of us!
Sid Phillips:
What?
Woody:
Somebody's poisoned the waterhole!
Sid Phillips:
It's busted.
Woody:
Who are you calling busted, Buster?
Sid Phillips:
Huh?
Woody:
That's right! I'm talking to you, Sid Philips! We don't like being blown up, Sid. Or smashed, or torn apart.
Sid Phillips:
[
hyperventilating] W-we?
Woody:
That's right, your toys!
[
Toys get up and surround the terrified Sid]
Woody:
From now on, you must take good care of your toys, because if you don't, we'll find out, Sid!
Woody:
[
while turning head around slowly] We toys can see EVERYTHING!
Woody:
[
speaking and moving] So play nice!
[
Sid screams and runs inside]
Rex:
ROAR!
Woody:
Hey, how ya doin', Rex.
Rex:
[
stops roaring] Were you scared? Tell me honestly.
Woody:
I was close to being scared that time.
Rex:
I'm going for fearsome here, but I just don't feel it! I'm think I'm just coming off as annoying.
Buzz:
[
marveling at the interior of Pizza Planet] What a spaceport!
[
Woody punches him in the shoulder]
Buzz:
Good work, Woody.
[
At Pizza Planet]
Man On P.A.:
Before your space journey, re-energize yourself with a slice of pepperoni, now boarding at counter three.
Woody:
[
thinks Buzz has gone crazy] Let's get you out of here Buzz...
Buzz:
Don't you get it?
[
points to a doll's hat on his head]
Buzz:
You see the hat? I am Mrs. Nesbitt!
[
laughs hysterically]
Woody:
Snap out of it, Buzz!
[
opens Buzz's helmet, slaps Buzz across the face with his detached arm, then closes the helmet]
Buzz:
[
calmly] I-I-I... you're right. I'm sorry, I am just a little depressed, that's all. I can get through this.
[
breaks down again]
Buzz:
Oh, I'm a sham!
Sid Phillips:
[
talking in his sleep] I want to ride the pony.
Woody:
Buzz, could you give me a hand here?
[
Buzz throws his broken-off arm]
Woody:
Ha-ha, ha-ha. That's really funny, but this is serious!
Buzz:
[
about Sid] I don't believe that man's ever been to medical school!
Slinky Dog:
Gaddily bob-howdy!
Woody:
Oh, shut up.
[
last lines]
Woody:
Buzz? Buzz Lightyear? You're not worried, are you?
Buzz:
Me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Are you?
[
camera pans out]
Woody:
Now Buzz, what could Andy possibly get that is worse than you?
Andy:
Oh, oh, what is it? What is it? Wow, a puppy!
[
camera zooms back in]
Both:
Heh, heh!
Sergeant:
[
he can't see what Andy is holding up] It's a...
Rex:
It's A WHAT? WHAT IS IIIITTTTT?
[
Rex shakes the table, inadvertently knocking off the TalkBoy and causing the batteries to fall out]
Mr. Potato Head:
Oh, ya big lizard! Now we'll never know what it is!
Hamm:
Way to go, Rex!
[
moves forward]
Woody:
[
as the toys struggle to put the batteries back in the TalkBoy] No, no, turn 'em around! Turn 'em around!
Hamm:
He's putting them in backward!
[
to Rex]
Hamm:
Hey, you're putting 'em in backwards!
Woody:
PLUS IS POSITIVE! MINUS IS NEGATIVE! Oh, let me!
[
jumps down]
Sergeant:
[
downstairs, into the Baby Monitor] Red alert! Red alert! Andy is coming upstairs!
[
Woody puts the batteries back in properly and picks the Talkboy up]
Sergeant:
...juvenile intrusion, repeat! Assume your positions now!
Woody:
ANDY'S COMING! Everybody back to your places! Hurry!
[
mayhem breaks out]
Mr. Potato Head:
[
in a panic] Where's my ear? Who's seen my ear? Did you see my ear?
[
Andy and his mom stop at the gas station]
Andy:
Can I help you fill up?
Andy's Mom:
Sure, I'll even let you drive.
Andy:
Really?
Andy's Mom:
Yeah, when you're 16.
Andy:
Yup, yup. Very funny, Mom.
Woody:
Buzz! Go away, you disgusting freaks!
Mutant Toys:
[
one of them grab Buzz's arm from Woody]
Woody:
All back! Back, you cannibals!
[
the mutant toys sent him flying to the wall, he wakes up and attacks the mutant toys]
Woody:
He's still alive and you're not getting him, you monsters.
Mutant Toys:
[
they fix Buzz and his arm is attached]
Woody:
Hey, they fixed you? But... but they're cannibals, we saw them eat other toys. Uh, sorry. We thought you're gonna... you know... eat my friend.
Mutant Toys:
[
they were scared away]
Woody:
No, no, no, no, wait. What's wrong?
Sid's Mom:
Sid?
Sid Phillips:
Not right now, Mom. I'm busy!
Woody:
Sid! Buzz, get up! Use our legs! Fine, let Sid trash but don't blame me!
Sid Phillips:
[
torturing Woody with a magnifying glass] Where are your rebel friends now?
Sid's Mom:
[
off screen] Sid! Your Pop-Tarts are ready.
Sid Phillips:
[
running off] All right!
Woody:
[
mocking Buzz as they split-up] Rendezvous with Star Command.
[
sees a delivery truck with a "Pizza Planet" logo on it]
Woody:
Pizza Planet?
[
enlightened]
Woody:
Andy! Oh no, I can't show up back in that room without Buzz.
[
yelling to Buzz]
Woody:
Buzz! Buzz, Come back!
Buzz:
[
walking out from under the truck, annoyed] Go away.
Woody:
No, Buzz, you gotta come back, I...
[
Woody looks at the Pizza Planet delivery truck, and notices a miniture spaceship on the top]
Woody:
[
calling] I found a space ship!
[
Buzz stops and looks at the delivery truck]
Woody:
[
calling] It's a space ship, Buzz.
Buzz:
[
as the driver asks for directions] So, you're saying this spaceship can take me to some kind of port?
Woody:
[
nodding his head] Uh-huh, and when we get there, we'll find a way to transport you home.
Buzz:
Well then, let's climb aboard.
[
Buzz runs towards the truck]
Woody:
No, no, no, wait! Buzz, Buzz! Let's get in the back, no one will see us there.
Buzz:
Negative. There are no restraining harnesses in the cargo area. We'll be much safer in the cockpit.
[
Buzz climbs through the open window and jumps into the seat]
Woody:
[
whispering] Buzz!
[
the Pizza Planet truck's engine starts, Woody climbs into the back, and sees Buzz attaching a seat belt]
Woody:
Much more safer in the cockpit than the cargo bay. What an idiot.
[
the Pizza Planet truck moves forwards sharply, Woody is tossed and thrown by the extreme motion of the truck as it speeds down the road and up a hill. Items start in the back of the truck start to tumble towards Woody, one of them being a heavy tool box]
Woody:
[
asking a Magic 8 ball] Will Andy pick me?
[
Shakes the ball and flips to see the answer:]
Woody:
'Don't count on it'? Awwww! Arrrgh!
[
throws the ball down, then it falls down a crack between the table and the wall]
Mr. Potato Head:
[
while playing Battleship] Ah, ha. B-3.
Hamm:
Miss. G-6.
Mr. Potato Head:
Aw, you sunk it!
[
Hamm chuckles]
Mr. Potato Head:
Are you peeking?
Hamm:
Hey, quit your whining and pay up.
[
Mr. Potato Head plls off one of his ears]
Hamm:
No, no, not the ear. Gimme the nose.
Mr. Potato Head:
[
pulls off his nose] How 'bout 3 out of 5?
Lenny the Binoculars:
[
Sid lights the rocket on Combat Carl] He's lighting it! He's lighting it!
Lenny the Binoculars:
[
toys start to duck] Hit the dirt!
[
explosion]
Lenny the Binoculars:
[
Lenny spots RC Car rocketing toward the open moving van] Hey, look! It's Woody and Buzz, comin' up fast!
Slinky Dog:
We need more monkeys!
Woody:
Hey uh, Slinky?
Slinky Dog:
[
with a checker board] Right here, Woody. I'm red this time.
Woody:
No, Slink...
Slinky Dog:
All right, you can be red if you want.
Woody:
Not now, Slink. I've got some bad news.
Slinky Dog:
[
shouts] Bad news?
Woody:
Shhh!
[
all the toys freeze]
Woody:
Gather everyone for a staff meeting and be happy.
Slinky Dog:
Got it.
[
walks away slowly with his head down]
Woody:
Be happy!
Slinky Dog:
[
laughs hysterically]
Buzz:
You are a sad strange little man. I pity you. Farewell.
Buzz:
[
watches Sid performing a "brain transplant" on Hannah's doll] I don't believe that man's ever been to medical school.
Related Links
*
