Memorable quotes for
Hollywood Ending (2002)

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Val: ...driving around his 1938 Vintage Roadster. If someone saw me in a vintage '38, they'd think I was Himmler!

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Ed: [Reading audience response card] Would you recommend this film to a friend? Not unless I was friendly with Hitler...

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[Val has just seen the terrible work of his latest film he directed while blind]
Val: Call Dr. Kevorkian.

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Ed: Look, I love Val. I love him. But with all due respect... he's a raving, incompetent psychotic.
Ellie: He's not incompetent.

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Val: What the hell am I doing in Canada? Lori, they got moose up here. Moose. Are moose carnivorous?

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Val: You know, part of me wants it so badly.
Lori: And the other part?
Val: Also wants it. That's the problem.

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Val: For God sakes, this is a woman I was married to for 10 years. We made love. I'd hold her head over the toilet bowl when she threw up.
Lori: From making love with you?

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Val: For me, the nicest thing about masturbation is afterward, the cuddling time.

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Val: We had sex.
Ellie: Yes, we had sex. But we never talked.
Val: Sex is better than talk. Ask anybody in this bar. Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.

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Val: We once had a discussion about music and he threatened to push me down a flight of stairs.
Psychiatrist: What happened?
Val: It worked. He pushed me down a flight of stairs.

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Val: I love ya, scum bag.

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Val: This guy stole my wife.
Al Hack: He doesn't hold that against you.

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Val: You know, I would kill for this job, but the people I want to kill are the people offering me the job.

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Val: A tenth of a point after quadruple break-even! You are really a shark, Al.

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Ellie: Our marriage wasn't going anywhere.
Val: Where do you want it to go? Where do marriages go? After a while they just lay there. That's the thing about marriages.

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Val: At the Plaza Hotel. For God's sake, I got the bill. You had the escargot that afternoon. It's so disgusting. Sex and snails with that roast beef from Beverly Hills.

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Al Hack: You don't have a brain tumor.
Val: Al, with all due respect, I have to hear that from someone who went to a greater medical school than the William Morris Agency.

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Val: She's living with a guy the best you can say about him is that sometimes he returns phone calls.

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Ellie: You were on the cutting edge of everything.
Val: So, how did I go from the cutting edge to the buttering edge?

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Val: Thank God the French exist.

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[Ellie has called Lori a wind-up doll]
Val: That wind-up doll happens to have a Ph.D.
Ellie: In what? The history of gym?

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