Teenage Caveman (2002) (TV)

Director:

Larry Clark

Writer:

Christos N. Gage (written by)

Release Date:

2 July 2002 (USA)

Genre:

Sci-Fi | Thriller | Horror

Tagline:

The future sucks.

Plot:

Teens encounter people, who, after being used as guinea pigs for the experimental testing of a virus can live forever in a post apocalyptic world.

Plot Keywords:

Sex | Future | Human Race | Environmental Catastrophe | Interracial Sex

Awards:

1 nomination

Cast

Andrew Keegan	...	David
Tara Subkoff	...	Sarah
Richard Hillman	...	Neil
Tiffany Limos	...	Judith
Stephen Jasso	...	Vincent
Crystal Celeste Grant	...	Elizabeth (as Crystal Grant)
Shan Elliot	...	Joshua
Hayley Keenan	...	Heather
Paul Hipp	...	Shaman
David Stifel	...	Tribal Leader
Rob Hill	...	Caveman Guard
David Monzingo	...	Puppeteer (as Dave Monzingo)
Joe Reader	...	Puppeteer

Also Known As:

Adolescente delle caverne (Italy) (video title) [it]
Além da Escuridão (Brazil) [pt]
El despertar del terror (Argentina) (video title) [es]
El regreso a las cavernas (Spain) (DVD title) [es]
Oi dolofonoi ton spilaion (Greece) [el]
Teenage Caveman (France) (DVD title) [fr]

MPAA:

Rated R for strong sexuality, substance abuse, language, and violence - all involving teens.

Runtime:

USA:90 min | USA:100 min

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Color:

Color

Aspect Ratio:

1.78 : 1

Sound Mix:

Dolby Digital

Certification:

Iceland:16 | Australia:R | Portugal:M/18 | New Zealand:R18 | Argentina:16 | Finland:K-18 | Germany:18 | South Korea:18 (DVD rating) | UK:18 | USA:R

Filming Locations:

Los Angeles, California, USA

Company:

Creature Features Productions LLC

Trivia:

On the special features of the DVD there is a "Making of Teenage Caveman" and when they are talking about the make up for the genetic monsters, they are looking at a sketch of James Marsters as Spike on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (1997).

Quotes:

Judith: How did the song go? Looking forward to a little "afternoon delight?"
Vincent: I want some delight!
Neil: They don't know what you're talking about, Judith. That's one good thing about the end of the world. No more easy listening.

Movie Connections:

Remake of Teenage Cave Man (1958)

Soundtrack:

Where Eagles Dare

worst film ever made

Where to begin? This headliner at the Fecal Film Festival is without a doubt the worst thing I have ever seen. Entirely without any redeeming value whatsoever, not even camp value mind you... this film lacks any substantive plot or story line that is discernable, nor comprehendable dialogue, nor even interest as a soft core porno.

Larry Clark's disturbing debut 'Kids' was controversial for it's depiction of homeless children doing drugs and having sex on the streets of New York. Well, after seeing Teenage Caveman you begin to realize that that subject matter is a favorite of Clark's and he is less gritty filmmaker than closet pedophile.

The film even looks bad... not even visually interesting, this film was an hour and a half of my life STOLEN from me. I don't know what the budget of this cinematic excrement was, but if it was more than $500, the production designer should be arrested for theft. The film appears to be shot entirely inside a closet, with the exception of two or three minutes of exteriors with the appearance that they were filmed in vacant lots and the homeless people who live there were displaced until filming was complete.

I LIKE BAD MOVIES... Ed Wood films are very entertaining to me, because I can take enjoyment in what was going on behind the scenes and the real "camp" laughs. This film can't even boast that. It is BORING. Entirely forgettable... I had to write this review quickly before this 'piece de merde' slipped from my mind.

I think Clark was trying to make some kind of statement about the nature of organized religion, maybe about drug use, something about sexual discovery... but if anyone can figure out what the hell the message was... post it because it was way too subtle for me to pick up on.

About the sex... like everything in else in this Ishtar-wanna-be, it was bad. Clark picked "actors" who were not only unable to deliver any dialogue, but who were just plain unattractive. People who I can't imagine anyone wanting to see naked, even after twenty beers. Particularly of note as being an exceptionally bad actress is the Asian girl who set new records for a lack of screen presence. Even the sexually explicit dialogue she delivers is done so poorly that it would make the most sexually repressed pre-teenage boy yawn. (The only dialogue that I can remember now involves a young boy learning to read from Penthouse forum, and stumbling over "reaming out my wife's bunghole.") I hope whoever wrote the script is proud. I'm embarrassed for repeating it.

In fact... everyone involved with this drek should be ashamed. A film school excercise should be to take the footage from this steaming peanut loaf and put together anything that makes sense. Anyone who succeeds should get a masters.

Perhaps the sci-fi geeks who "must" see anything with a special effect in it may want to sit through this Clockwork-Orange-torture-film, but even the effects are bad. If viewed for it's technical merits, the Computer Generated effects appear to have been done on someone's laptop while riding aboard a shaky bus. The makeup on the bad-guy creature is laughably bad, but not enough so to be entertaining.

Take my advice and steer clear of 'Teenage Caveman.' As a parent, I would rather have my son or daughter watch a snuff film... at least they might learn something from it. THIS IS THE FIRST FILM I HAVE EVER SEEN TO HAVE NO REDEEMING VALUE WHATSOEVER.