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The Italian Job (2003)
Charlie Croker:
You've got no imagination. You couldn't decide what to do with all that money, so you had to get what everybody else wanted.
Stella: I trust everyone. It's the devil inside them I don't trust.
John Bridger: How are you?
Charlie Croker: [shrugging] I'm fine.
John Bridger: Fine? You know what "fine" stands for, don't you?
Charlie Croker: Unfortnately, yeah.
John Bridger: Freaked out...
Charlie Croker: Insecure...
John Bridger: Neurotic...
Charlie Croker: And Emotional.
John Bridger: You see those pillars over there?
Charlie Croker: [looks behind him and sees the pillars] What about them?
John Bridger: That's where they used to string up thieves who felt fine.
Charlie Croker: After you.
Lyle: I am The Napster.
[Lyle isn't answering Charlie's calls]
Handsome Rob: He only answers to "The Napster" now, Charlie
Charlie Croker: Oh, no. I am not calling you The Napster.
Lyle: Why not? You call him Left Ear.
Left Ear: Well, I am.
Lyle: And him Handsome Rob.
Charlie Croker: Well, that's because he is Handsome Rob!
[introducing Stella to his partners]
Charlie Croker: That's Lyle. He's my computer genius. You know he's who really invented Napster? At least that's how Lyle tells it. Said Shawn Fanning was his roommate in college and stole his idea. I think it's his first time riding that bike, though.
Lyle: Hey.
[Lyle falls over]
Charlie Croker: You okay?
Lyle: Yeah.
[a car drives up]
Charlie Croker: That's Left Ear. Demolition and explosives. When he was ten, he put one too many M-80s in the toilet bowl... lost the hearing in his right ear. He's been blowing stuff up ever since.
[a car zooms in from behind Charlie and Stella]
Charlie Croker: Handsome Rob. Premier wheel man. Once drove all the way from Los Angeles just so he could set the record for longest freeway chase. You know he got 110 love letters sent to his jail cell from women who saw him on the news?
Lyle: And then he's just the media darling... He's on the cover of all the magazines, I should of been on the cover of wired magazine. you know what he said? he said he named it Napster because it was his nickname because of the nappy hair under the hat. But he, It's because I was NAPPING when he STOLE it from me. He didn't even graduate.
Handsome Rob: I think it's time to move on, don't you? They shut him down, I wish they would do the same to you.
Lyle: You'll never shut down the real Napster.
Left Ear: This dude got dogs. I don't do dogs... I had a real bad experience, man.
Charlie Croker: What happened?
Left Ear: I had. A bad. Experience. Damn it. "I'm" deaf.
Stella: I don't go out with strange men. I just met you 5 minutes ago.
Steve: What, I'll just have to sabotage my cable till we get to know each other better?
Skinny Pete: If there's one thing I know, it's never to mess with mother nature, mother in-laws and, mother freaking Ukrainians.
Steve: What the fuck happened to my truck?
Lyle: [Handsome Rob approaches Becky, the cable technician, in the parking lot. Lyle watches, amazed] Are you kidding me? How does he do that? How do you do that? What are you saying?
[Lyle narrates the conversation with alternating Handsome Rob and ditzy female voices]
Lyle: [speaking as Handsome Rob] Hey, how are you?
Lyle: [speaking as Becky] Oh, I'm good!
Lyle: [Handsome Rob] Nice to meet you. I'm Handsome Rob. And you are?
Lyle: [Becky] Oh, my name's Becky, but it's written on my shirt!
Lyle: [Handsome Rob] Listen, I'm gonna need your shirt, and your truck.
Lyle: [Becky] Perfect! I'll give them both to you. Would you like my virginity as well?
Lyle: [Handsome Rob] If it's on the menu.
Lyle: [Becky] Oh, you're so witty! Why don't you take advantage of me?
Lyle: [Handsome Rob] Yeah, you're not too bright, are you?
Lyle: [Becky] No.
Lyle: [Handsome Rob] Perfect.
John Bridger: You know, Charlie, there are two kinds of thieves in this world: those who steal to enrich their lives, and those who steal to define their lives. Don't be the latter. Makes you miss out on what's really important in this life.
Charlie Croker: What are you talking about, John? You've been a good father.
John Bridger: Sitting in prisons doesn't make you a good father. I spent half my kid's life in prison. Don't get to be my age with nothing but this, Charlie. Find somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with, and hold onto her forever.
Steve: You blew the best thing you had going for you. You blew the element of surprise.
[Charlie punches Steve]
Charlie Croker: Surprised?
Lyle: [after realizing how much money they have stolen] Woo. Yeah.
[pauses]
Lyle: I got the Holy Spirit... get on it... it's a good train.
Charlie Croker: Don't you want to see what's inside?
Stella: Absolutely.
Cop: Don't you want to look inside?
Stella: I never look inside.
Stella: You know this was never about the gold.
Steve: What ever helps you sleep at night sweetheart.
[Stella punches Steve]
[about John]
Charlie Croker: Just because he was around me more doesn't mean he wasn't thinking about you.
Stella Bridger: [Sniffling] It would be nice if it were true.
Charlie Croker: It is true. He always regretted not having been a better father to you, Stella.
Stella Bridger: How do you know that?
Charlie Croker: Because he told me.
John Bridger: I'm sending you something.
Stella Bridger: Does it smell nice?
John Bridger: No. But it's sparkly.
Stella Bridger: [sounding slightly angry] Does it have a receipt?
Charlie Croker: A police boat can get from the station to our position in seven. That means you've got four minutes to work your magic.
John Bridger: What? You told me ten and you said that I would have five.
Charlie Croker: [slightly panicking] When?
[John smiles and then chuckles]
Charlie Croker: [sighs with relief] Do not be messing with me right now. I will kick your ass.
Lyle: [seeing the name "Becky" on the cable-girl's uniform; specifically on her left breast] Becky, huh? Wonder what she calls the other one...
Handsome Rob: And it's such a mystery why you don't have a girlfriend, Lyle.
Handsome Rob: Come on, Charlie. They were at the same college at the same time.
Charlie Croker: Why are you encouraging this?
[timing the getaway to Union Station]
Handsome Rob: It's either bad traffic, peak traffic, slit-your-wrist traffic... you know, five people died from smoking in between traffic lights.
Left Ear: You know, they do have the Metrorail, Rob, you could always use that.
Handsome Rob: Yeah, that'd be ideal for carrying a ton of gold now, wouldn't it, genius?
Charlie Croker: What's your guesstimate?
Handsome Rob: The last twenty times I done this journey, you've got an average of 32 minutes and a top time of 50, but if we had green lights all the way, we could do it in 14 minutes.
Stella: [poking fun] What? Couldn't get through traffic?
Lyle: You want all greens? 'Cause, ah, 'cause you got 'em.
[chuckles]
Charlie Croker: What have you got?
Lyle: Welcome to L.A.'s Automated Traffic Surveillance and Control Operations Center. See, they use video feeds from intersections and specifically designed algorithms to predict traffic conditions, and thereby control traffic lights. So all I did was come up with my own... kick ass algorithm to sneak in, and now we own the place.
Charlie Croker: You want to do a dry run?
Lyle: [singsong] I thought you'd never ask.
Mashkov: [as Mashkov's men are taking him away, Steve's panicking]
Steve: Look, I'll double whatever Charlie's given you, just don't shoot me!
Mashkov: Shoot you? I'm not going to shoot you. No, I'm going to take you to my workplace. I think you'll be very interested in some of the machinery I use.
Lyle: [about Stella getting into Steve's house and finding the location of the safe by impersonating a Netcom employee] So, you think she can do it?
Handsome Rob: I have my doubts... but there's no telling Charlie
Lyle: [in an accent] What, you theenk he's meexing beesness with plezore?
Handsome Rob: He should know better. Only "I'm" allowed to do that.
Wrench: [upon first seeing Stella] Whoa, whoa whoa! We didn't get a chance to meet! Wrench.
Stella: [slapping a wrapped hoagie into his outstretched hand] Ham and cheese.
Wrench: [everyone laughs] Oh, that's cold. That's really cold.
Stella Bridger: What did you do to your hand?
Charlie Croker: I punched Steve.
Stella Bridger: Well, why do you get to punch him and I don't?
Charlie Croker: Because those hands are way too valuable.
[as they are dangling from under the road way, after Left Ear's gotten all the explosives in place, and is about to insert the detonater]
Left Ear: Just give me a minute.
Charlie Croker: [impatiently] NOW?
Left Ear: I'm about to insert this detonator tube, and if the brass touches the sides, you and I will be the last people each of us will see.
Charlie Croker: [suddenly looking very nervous] Take all the time you need.
Left Ear: [after a long pause] Hey, Charlie?
Charlie Croker: What?
Left Ear: [pause] I love you, man.
Charlie Croker: I love you too.
Charlie Croker: [playing basketball with Handome Rob when his phone rings] Hello?
Stella: I want to see the look on that man's face when his gold is gone. He took my father from me, I'm taking this.
[hangs up]
Charlie Croker: [to Handsome Rob] She's in.
Steve: How about dinner?
Stella: You ask your last cable repair guy out to dinner?
Steve: No. But he had a handlebar mustache and weighed like 300 pounds.
Lyle: Wow, that is a nice car. Sorry Rob.
Charlie Croker: Me? I've been a thief since I had baby teeth.
Actor Reharsing in Car: Turn in your badge and your weapon. I don't want to see you anywhere near this investigation.
[Drinks from an imaginary cup and then pretends to crush the cup]
Actor Reharsing in Car: Crush
Charlie Croker: We set?
Lyle: Yeah. I've enhanced the viewing matrix to track both the Cartesian coordinates and three altitude angles to give the exact position and orientation of our baby.
Left Ear: We're in Italy. Speak English.
Lyle: I'm getting a NAD T770 digital decoder with 70-watt amps and Burr-Brown DACs.
Left Ear: [confused] Yeah...
Lyle: It's a big stereo. Speakers so loud, they blow women's clothes off!
Handsome Rob: Now you're talking!
Steve: Take your hands off the wheel! Don't even think about it, just do it!
Lyle: James Hymen? Come one, just once give me a cool name!
Left Ear: 140 lbs? Try 165!
Handsome Rob: Try lifting some weights!
[as everyone is leaving Lyle still notices his bike is still laying on the ground]
Lyle: Uh, Charlie?
Charlie Croker: Handsome? Think you can help him with his bike?
Left Ear: Yeah, help Knievel set up for his next jump!
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Stella: I trust everyone. It's the devil inside them I don't trust.
John Bridger: How are you?
Charlie Croker: [shrugging] I'm fine.
John Bridger: Fine? You know what "fine" stands for, don't you?
Charlie Croker: Unfortnately, yeah.
John Bridger: Freaked out...
Charlie Croker: Insecure...
John Bridger: Neurotic...
Charlie Croker: And Emotional.
John Bridger: You see those pillars over there?
Charlie Croker: [looks behind him and sees the pillars] What about them?
John Bridger: That's where they used to string up thieves who felt fine.
Charlie Croker: After you.
Lyle: I am The Napster.
[Lyle isn't answering Charlie's calls]
Handsome Rob: He only answers to "The Napster" now, Charlie
Charlie Croker: Oh, no. I am not calling you The Napster.
Lyle: Why not? You call him Left Ear.
Left Ear: Well, I am.
Lyle: And him Handsome Rob.
Charlie Croker: Well, that's because he is Handsome Rob!
[introducing Stella to his partners]
Charlie Croker: That's Lyle. He's my computer genius. You know he's who really invented Napster? At least that's how Lyle tells it. Said Shawn Fanning was his roommate in college and stole his idea. I think it's his first time riding that bike, though.
Lyle: Hey.
[Lyle falls over]
Charlie Croker: You okay?
Lyle: Yeah.
[a car drives up]
Charlie Croker: That's Left Ear. Demolition and explosives. When he was ten, he put one too many M-80s in the toilet bowl... lost the hearing in his right ear. He's been blowing stuff up ever since.
[a car zooms in from behind Charlie and Stella]
Charlie Croker: Handsome Rob. Premier wheel man. Once drove all the way from Los Angeles just so he could set the record for longest freeway chase. You know he got 110 love letters sent to his jail cell from women who saw him on the news?
Lyle: And then he's just the media darling... He's on the cover of all the magazines, I should of been on the cover of wired magazine. you know what he said? he said he named it Napster because it was his nickname because of the nappy hair under the hat. But he, It's because I was NAPPING when he STOLE it from me. He didn't even graduate.
Handsome Rob: I think it's time to move on, don't you? They shut him down, I wish they would do the same to you.
Lyle: You'll never shut down the real Napster.
Left Ear: This dude got dogs. I don't do dogs... I had a real bad experience, man.
Charlie Croker: What happened?
Left Ear: I had. A bad. Experience. Damn it. "I'm" deaf.
Stella: I don't go out with strange men. I just met you 5 minutes ago.
Steve: What, I'll just have to sabotage my cable till we get to know each other better?
Skinny Pete: If there's one thing I know, it's never to mess with mother nature, mother in-laws and, mother freaking Ukrainians.
Steve: What the fuck happened to my truck?
Lyle: [Handsome Rob approaches Becky, the cable technician, in the parking lot. Lyle watches, amazed] Are you kidding me? How does he do that? How do you do that? What are you saying?
[Lyle narrates the conversation with alternating Handsome Rob and ditzy female voices]
Lyle: [speaking as Handsome Rob] Hey, how are you?
Lyle: [speaking as Becky] Oh, I'm good!
Lyle: [Handsome Rob] Nice to meet you. I'm Handsome Rob. And you are?
Lyle: [Becky] Oh, my name's Becky, but it's written on my shirt!
Lyle: [Handsome Rob] Listen, I'm gonna need your shirt, and your truck.
Lyle: [Becky] Perfect! I'll give them both to you. Would you like my virginity as well?
Lyle: [Handsome Rob] If it's on the menu.
Lyle: [Becky] Oh, you're so witty! Why don't you take advantage of me?
Lyle: [Handsome Rob] Yeah, you're not too bright, are you?
Lyle: [Becky] No.
Lyle: [Handsome Rob] Perfect.
John Bridger: You know, Charlie, there are two kinds of thieves in this world: those who steal to enrich their lives, and those who steal to define their lives. Don't be the latter. Makes you miss out on what's really important in this life.
Charlie Croker: What are you talking about, John? You've been a good father.
John Bridger: Sitting in prisons doesn't make you a good father. I spent half my kid's life in prison. Don't get to be my age with nothing but this, Charlie. Find somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with, and hold onto her forever.
Steve: You blew the best thing you had going for you. You blew the element of surprise.
[Charlie punches Steve]
Charlie Croker: Surprised?
Lyle: [after realizing how much money they have stolen] Woo. Yeah.
[pauses]
Lyle: I got the Holy Spirit... get on it... it's a good train.
Charlie Croker: Don't you want to see what's inside?
Stella: Absolutely.
Cop: Don't you want to look inside?
Stella: I never look inside.
Stella: You know this was never about the gold.
Steve: What ever helps you sleep at night sweetheart.
[Stella punches Steve]
[about John]
Charlie Croker: Just because he was around me more doesn't mean he wasn't thinking about you.
Stella Bridger: [Sniffling] It would be nice if it were true.
Charlie Croker: It is true. He always regretted not having been a better father to you, Stella.
Stella Bridger: How do you know that?
Charlie Croker: Because he told me.
John Bridger: I'm sending you something.
Stella Bridger: Does it smell nice?
John Bridger: No. But it's sparkly.
Stella Bridger: [sounding slightly angry] Does it have a receipt?
Charlie Croker: A police boat can get from the station to our position in seven. That means you've got four minutes to work your magic.
John Bridger: What? You told me ten and you said that I would have five.
Charlie Croker: [slightly panicking] When?
[John smiles and then chuckles]
Charlie Croker: [sighs with relief] Do not be messing with me right now. I will kick your ass.
Lyle: [seeing the name "Becky" on the cable-girl's uniform; specifically on her left breast] Becky, huh? Wonder what she calls the other one...
Handsome Rob: And it's such a mystery why you don't have a girlfriend, Lyle.
Handsome Rob: Come on, Charlie. They were at the same college at the same time.
Charlie Croker: Why are you encouraging this?
[timing the getaway to Union Station]
Handsome Rob: It's either bad traffic, peak traffic, slit-your-wrist traffic... you know, five people died from smoking in between traffic lights.
Left Ear: You know, they do have the Metrorail, Rob, you could always use that.
Handsome Rob: Yeah, that'd be ideal for carrying a ton of gold now, wouldn't it, genius?
Charlie Croker: What's your guesstimate?
Handsome Rob: The last twenty times I done this journey, you've got an average of 32 minutes and a top time of 50, but if we had green lights all the way, we could do it in 14 minutes.
Stella: [poking fun] What? Couldn't get through traffic?
Lyle: You want all greens? 'Cause, ah, 'cause you got 'em.
[chuckles]
Charlie Croker: What have you got?
Lyle: Welcome to L.A.'s Automated Traffic Surveillance and Control Operations Center. See, they use video feeds from intersections and specifically designed algorithms to predict traffic conditions, and thereby control traffic lights. So all I did was come up with my own... kick ass algorithm to sneak in, and now we own the place.
Charlie Croker: You want to do a dry run?
Lyle: [singsong] I thought you'd never ask.
Mashkov: [as Mashkov's men are taking him away, Steve's panicking]
Steve: Look, I'll double whatever Charlie's given you, just don't shoot me!
Mashkov: Shoot you? I'm not going to shoot you. No, I'm going to take you to my workplace. I think you'll be very interested in some of the machinery I use.
Lyle: [about Stella getting into Steve's house and finding the location of the safe by impersonating a Netcom employee] So, you think she can do it?
Handsome Rob: I have my doubts... but there's no telling Charlie
Lyle: [in an accent] What, you theenk he's meexing beesness with plezore?
Handsome Rob: He should know better. Only "I'm" allowed to do that.
Wrench: [upon first seeing Stella] Whoa, whoa whoa! We didn't get a chance to meet! Wrench.
Stella: [slapping a wrapped hoagie into his outstretched hand] Ham and cheese.
Wrench: [everyone laughs] Oh, that's cold. That's really cold.
Stella Bridger: What did you do to your hand?
Charlie Croker: I punched Steve.
Stella Bridger: Well, why do you get to punch him and I don't?
Charlie Croker: Because those hands are way too valuable.
[as they are dangling from under the road way, after Left Ear's gotten all the explosives in place, and is about to insert the detonater]
Left Ear: Just give me a minute.
Charlie Croker: [impatiently] NOW?
Left Ear: I'm about to insert this detonator tube, and if the brass touches the sides, you and I will be the last people each of us will see.
Charlie Croker: [suddenly looking very nervous] Take all the time you need.
Left Ear: [after a long pause] Hey, Charlie?
Charlie Croker: What?
Left Ear: [pause] I love you, man.
Charlie Croker: I love you too.
Charlie Croker: [playing basketball with Handome Rob when his phone rings] Hello?
Stella: I want to see the look on that man's face when his gold is gone. He took my father from me, I'm taking this.
[hangs up]
Charlie Croker: [to Handsome Rob] She's in.
Steve: How about dinner?
Stella: You ask your last cable repair guy out to dinner?
Steve: No. But he had a handlebar mustache and weighed like 300 pounds.
Lyle: Wow, that is a nice car. Sorry Rob.
Charlie Croker: Me? I've been a thief since I had baby teeth.
Actor Reharsing in Car: Turn in your badge and your weapon. I don't want to see you anywhere near this investigation.
[Drinks from an imaginary cup and then pretends to crush the cup]
Actor Reharsing in Car: Crush
Charlie Croker: We set?
Lyle: Yeah. I've enhanced the viewing matrix to track both the Cartesian coordinates and three altitude angles to give the exact position and orientation of our baby.
Left Ear: We're in Italy. Speak English.
Lyle: I'm getting a NAD T770 digital decoder with 70-watt amps and Burr-Brown DACs.
Left Ear: [confused] Yeah...
Lyle: It's a big stereo. Speakers so loud, they blow women's clothes off!
Handsome Rob: Now you're talking!
Steve: Take your hands off the wheel! Don't even think about it, just do it!
Lyle: James Hymen? Come one, just once give me a cool name!
Left Ear: 140 lbs? Try 165!
Handsome Rob: Try lifting some weights!
[as everyone is leaving Lyle still notices his bike is still laying on the ground]
Lyle: Uh, Charlie?
Charlie Croker: Handsome? Think you can help him with his bike?
Left Ear: Yeah, help Knievel set up for his next jump!
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