The Postal Dude:
Only my weapon understands me.
The Postal Dude:
[
Entering Lucky Ganesh All-American grocery store] Did somebody slaughter a goat in here? Seriously, I wanna know.
The Postal Guy:
Buttsauce!
The Postal Dude:
You probably thought you weren't goin' to die today? Surprise!
The Postal Dude:
Guns don't kill people, I do!
The Postal Dude:
I know what you're thinking, but the funny thing is, I don't even LIKE videogames...
The Postal Dude:
Here I was, just enjoying my Second Amendment rights, and you people have to freak out on me!
The Postal Dude:
The gene pool is stagnant and I am the minister of chlorine.
The Postal Dude:
[
after putting on Police Uniform] I am The Law
The Postal Dude:
Hey I'm just trying to exercise my second-amendment rights here ya fuckin' Communist!
The Postal Dude:
You probably think I'm not a nice person...
The Postal Dude:
Please don't think I'm a bigot, I kill racists equally...
The Postal Dude:
I suppose it would have been more politically correct to kill the women and minorities first.
The Postal Dude:
[
at the end of the game] Honey, you won't believe the day I've had!
Postal Dude's Wife:
Did you remember my Rocky Road?
The Postal Dude:
D'oh!
[
gunshot]
The Postal Dude:
[
after finding that it's the apocalypse in the newspaper] Hmm... Normally, I'd expect a fancy cinematic to explain a such crucial story element. The font is nice, though.
The Postal Dude:
[
shoots someone] That one's for your mother!
[
shoots another person]
The Postal Dude:
That one's for the Pope!
[
shoots another person]
The Postal Dude:
That one's for Bobo the space-monkey!
[
shoots someone else]
The Postal Dude:
That one's cause I have ammo left in my gun!
[
shoots last person, bells ring]
The Postal Dude:
That one's 'cause I can!
The Postal Dude:
I was pretty hungover yesterday, but I think I remember where I work.
The Postal Dude:
Bless me, father, for I have sinned. No, really! I'm not kidding here! *Big* sinner. Yup!
The Postal Dude:
[
being arrested] Yeah, yeah, blah, blah, just cuff me already, big man!
The Postal Dude:
[
after shooting someone while you're dressed as a cop] Someone stole my donuts, and now you're all gonna pay!
The Postal Dude:
Ow, right in the stuff.
The Postal Dude:
I regret nothing.
ATF:
[
the ATF has a compound surrounded]
[
Through a loudspeaker]
ATF:
This is the ATF. Please stay inside. Do not attempt to leave the building. Pay no attention to the men with the torches.
Uncle Dave:
Stop oppressing us! We're innocent bystanders!
ATF:
[
Through a loudspeaker] We recommend you douse yourselves with something flammable, and gather in a confined space.
Uncle Dave:
The good book told me to make you die. Then myself.
ATF Agent #1:
Someone's gotta take over, now!
ATF Agent #2:
I ain't dying for this.
ATF SAC:
I want this situation neutralized. Move out!
ATF Agent #1:
I'm on it.
[
Sprints towards compound, holding a napalm canister launcher]
ATF SAC:
Go go go!
Davidian Sniper:
[
ATF Agent #1 fires a canister at the compound. The Davidian Sniper shoots back] We're not zealots! Eat lead and die, unbelieving heathen scum!
ATF SAC:
Secure the area. Comb the perimeter.
[
Last lines]
The Postal Dude:
Doh!
Terrorist:
Your mother is a goat that my father services!
Terrorist:
Infidel! I crash a plane into your mother!
Krotchy:
You think you can take Krotchy down?
Krotchy:
Have a Krotchy day!
Krotchy:
Krotchy ain't GOT no cajones, Krotchy IS cajones, bitch!
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