Blue Demon (2004) (V)

User Rating:

3.1/10   

Director:

Daniel Grodnik

Writers:

Daniel Grodnik (writer)
Lisa Morton (writer)

Release Date:

15 October 2004 (USA)

Genre:

Action | Comedy | Horror | Romance | Sci-Fi | Thriller

Plot Keywords:

Shark Attack | Terrorist Plot | Cg Effects | Genetic Engineering | Shark

Cast

Dedee Pfeiffer	...	Marla Collins
Randall Batinkoff	...	Nathan Collins
Danny Woodburn	...	Lawrence Van Allen
Josh Hammond	...	Avery
Christine Lakin	...	Katie
Jeff Fahey	...	General Remora
Rachel Grodnik	...	Roxie
Whitney Sloan	...	Mercedes
Cricket Selna	...	Mel
Jana Kramer	...	Carrie
Angela Gots	...	Tanya
Fiona Gubelmann	...	Alice
Dave Thompson	...	Harry
Alex Barad	...	Gate MP
Evan Grayson	...	LC

Also Known As:

Galazios tromos (Greece) [el]
Terreur sous la mer (France) (TV title) [fr]

MPAA:

Rated PG-13 for some action violence and brief strong language.

Runtime:

99 min | USA:95 min

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Color:

Color

Certification:

USA:PG-13 (certificate #41110) | Australia:M

Filming Locations:

Los Angeles, California, USA

Company:

Marla's Gardens Company

Soundtrack:

Been There Once

"Goin' my way?" "Perhaps, where to?" "To the moon, for BLUE DEMON!" "Nah, I saw that - - that sucked."

Ah, Blue Demon. The direct-to-video shark movie that dares not have "shark" in the title. Nor quality in general. I love movies where people, while ensnared in rubber jaws, beat at the snout of giant plastic shark mouths while screaming for their life, with absolutely no blood squirting from their bodies just off the coast of AnyBeachTown, USA. I just enjoy them. However, this one sinned against me, and people of my type. They tried to "beat" all critics to the punch by making fun of the film themselves with a technique known as "tongue-in-cheek." Listen--don't make my shark movies tongue-in-cheek. Sharks don't have tongues, nor should your movies about them. So, sorry to disappoint you, but despite your best intentions, I am still going to make fun of your film.

Matthew McConaughey stunt butt man plays Dr. Collins, and Michelle Pfeiffer's little sister, Michelle Pfeiffer Jr., also plays Dr. Collins (for theirs is a union of matrimony and giant stink-fish). Also, Jeff Fahey plays the hammiest evil general this side of any movie that features an evil hammy general that directly parallels its badness to this badness. Just picture George C. Scott in Patton, then take away everything good about George C. Scott. And Patton. Then, you'll have it. Lastly, we have six genetically engineered Great White Sharks, the leader of this pack being named Red Dog, for reasons that remain unknown (and unfunny).

The plot? WELL, Dr. Collins and Dr. Collins are marine biologists (of course) and have been experimenting with Great White Sharks, attempting to manipulate them in order to use them as a defense mechanism (honestly, haven't we all considered trying this at one point?). Then, because these sharks are smarter than average sharks, they escape from their pen of chicken wire and good intentions. Darn, why can't these scientists ever learn to make these pens more secure?! Because there'd be no movie if the cartoon fish didn't escape, stupid. The escaped sharks terrorize many, and eat barely anyone. As Youngest Lambert Daughter from Step-By-Step (who has blossomed into her own successful career, in the sarcastic way) looks on after delivering her two lines, she watches as two maintenance divers in the water "fall victim" to the sharks. And by fall victim, I mean that one diver is kinda eaten, while the other diver simply disappears.

Soon after, we see an annoying dork child fishing on a dock with her father, and she catches the BIGGEST fish in her life...

...Bet you thought I was gonna say shark! Well, no, she caught a BASS! Haha! I LOVE jokes that people who produce direct-to-video movies make, because they're really good at things like intelligent comedy, or anything at all, ever.

Anyway, the father takes uses this opportunity to take his eyes away from the water and take out his camera, because his stupid daughter is so stupid that this stupid lame fish she caught will most likely be the most proud moment of her stupid life. While fidgeting with his camera, the big shark bursts out of the water, smashes its underbelly against the dock, and then slides retardedly back under the waves. The random shark pop-up attack invokes a true feeling not of shock, but of disappointment and frustration, because after witnessing how annoying this girl can be, you so desperately want her to be pulled underneath the water and eviscerated into 80 bajillion pieces, and then hopefully beaten with a large hammer that the shark could have on its person. After surviving the shark plop, the daughter randomly tells her father very flatly that she loves him. It's good for a laugh.

The sharks then move on to couple who end up "skinny dipping" (in bathing suits) in the water and as they share a kiss, exchange the following bewildering dialogue:

DUDE: That was my first kiss!

GIRL: I'm going to the moon! That was MY first kiss, too!

Huh? Who's going to the moon? What's stranger than that weird weird expression is that this couple appears to be in their mid-to-late twenties. I sure hope they can have some sex before they die of being 87.

Uh oh, looks like our main characters have been blamed for letting loose the sharks and are dubbed terrorists. They escape the lab and Matthew McConaughey stunt butt man makes a phone call to somewhere via payphone and says "I need to speak to whoever is in charge...of sharks." He is immediately hung up on. And drat, he can't make a call because he has no more change. He gets back in the car to see his wife with a tracking device she made to find the sharks...with her cell phone...a cell phone that he does not use to finish his call. Was this one of those "tongue-in-cheek" jokes? Or was this an illogical error? Who will know? Surely not I, for I hate almost everything.

We find out General Crazy is evil. Then we cut to Red Dog, stupid shark leader, swimming slowly with a giant bomb in his mouth, heading towards the San Francsico bridge. I forget why. I'd make up a reason, but it would be better than what the real reason was, and might make this film more plausible, which I don't want to happen. But don't worry, the shark comes back and blows itself and Jeff Fahey up. Then, you sigh.

WRAP UP:

Number of Sharks: 6

People Eaten: 2 (3, if you count the possibility of General Ham's exploded body.)

Seriously. Two people in a killer shark movie. That just blows.

So, all in all, if you long to see many scenes of people frantically typing on computers while looking bewildered and hordes of CGI sharks swimming quickly at the camera with the last shark's mouth "eating" the screen, you could do a lot worse.