Memorable quotes for
The Simpsons Movie (2007)

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[Homer is whipping the dogs pulling his sled]
Homer Simpson: Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run!
Homer Simpson: [the dogs jump over a cliff] Jump! Jump!
Homer Simpson: [the dogs land on the other side] Land! Land!
Homer Simpson: [the dogs take a breather] Rest! Rest!
Homer Simpson: [the dogs pull the sled again] Run! Run!
Homer Simpson: [Homer sets up camp and begins removing the dog muzzles] Okay, I know we've had a rough day, but I'm sure we can put that all behind us and...
Homer Simpson: [the dogs start attacking Homer, causing him to scream in pain] AGH! Not my whipping arm!
Homer Simpson: [the dogs leave Homer stranded] Why does everything I whip leave me?

---

Bart Simpson: I want a father who's the same in the morning as he is at night. Oh... what's that word...
Todd Flanders, Rod Flanders: Consistency?
Bart Simpson: Thanks losers.

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Homer Simpson: I'll let you hold the bomb...
Bart Simpson: The man knows me!

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Ned Flanders: Thank you, Lord, for this bountiful...
Ned Flanders: [screams]
Ned Flanders: PENIS!
Rod Flanders, Todd Flanders: [devoutly] ... bountiful penis.
Todd Flanders: Amen.

---

Homer Simpson: We have a great life here in Alaska, and we're never going back to America again!

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Ned Flanders: Look at that, you can see the four states that border Springfield: Ohio, Nevada, Maine, and Kentucky!
Bart Simpson: Oh yeah.

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[from trailer]
Homer Simpson: Time to save my family!

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Homer Simpson: [while choking Bart for laughing at him] I'll teach you to laugh at something that's funny!

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Tom Hanks: This is Tom Hanks saying if you see me in person, please, leave me be.

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Marge Simpson: Homer, you have to go out there, face that mob, and apologize for what you did.
Homer Simpson: I would, but I'm afraid if I open the door, they'll take all of you!
Carl: No we won't. We just want Homer!
Homer Simpson: Well, maybe not you, but they'll kill Grandpa!
Grampa: I'm part of the mob!

---

Marge Simpson: Somebody throw the goddamn bomb!

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Krusty the Clown: If you can find a greasier sandwich, you're in Mexico!

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Martin: [walks up to bullies, picks up wooden board] I've been taking your crap all my life!
[beats the bullies in one swipe]
Dolph, Jimbo Jones, Kearney: Uggghh!
Martin: Whoo! This feels good! No wonder you do it.

---

Russ Cargill: Springfield has become...
Man: Woooo! Springfield!

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Barney Gumble: Honey, I'm home.

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Homer Simpson: [after being trapped in the dome] D'OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHME!

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[Bart puts a black bra on his head]
Bart Simpson: [in the voice of a cartoon mouse] I'm the mascot of an evil corporation!

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Mayor Quimby: I hereby declare a state of emergency: Code Black.
Lenny: Black? That's the worst color there is.
[Lenny turns to Carl, his black friend]
Lenny: No offense there, Carl.
Carl: I get it all the time.

---

Chief Wiggum: [after the Simpsons' house collapses into the sink hole] They're China's problem now.

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Skull: Evil.

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Ned Flanders: Ok, boys, when you meet Jesus, be sure to call Him Mr. Christ.
Todd Flanders: Will Buddha be there?
Ned Flanders: No.

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Billie Joe Armstrong: We've been playing for three and a half hours. Now we'd like just a minute of your time to say something about the environment.
[all goes quiet, followed by angry shouts and hurled debris]

---

Marge Simpson: Mmmm, best kiss of my life.
Homer Simpson: Best kiss of your life, so far.

---

Squeaky-Voiced Teen: [during the end credits, mopping up the theater floor] Assistant Manager isn't all it's cracked up to be. Four years of film school for this?

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[watching the credits]
Bart Simpson: [to Homer] Come on, dad, let's go! I've been holding it since they put the dome on the town!

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[about the Itchy and Scratchy movie in the cinema hall]
Homer Simpson: I can't believe we're paying to see something we get on TV for free! If you ask me, everybody in this theater is a giant sucker! Especially you!
[points to us]

---

Homer Simpson: Stay back, I've got a chain saw!
[fakes chainsaw sounds vocally]

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Montgomery Burns: Smithers... I don't believe in suicide, but if you'd like to try it, it might cheer me up to watch.

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Comic Book Guy: I've spent my entire life doing nothing but collecting comic books... and now there's only time to say... LIFE WELL SPENT!

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Todd Flanders: I wish Homer was my father.
Ned Flanders: ...and I wish you didn't have the devil's curly hair.

---

Krusty the Clown: Perfect. Cut. Print. Kill the pig.
Homer Simpson: What... you can't kill him if he's wearing people clothes!

---

[Bart claps]
Lisa Simpson: What are you doing, Bart?
Bart Simpson: Eh, just passing the time.
[Bart claps, snow repeatedly falls on Homer]
Homer Simpson: Aw, my boy loves Alaska so much, he's applauding it. Lisa, why aren't you clapping?
Lisa Simpson: But Dad!
Homer Simpson: [sternly] Clap for Alaska!
[Lisa claps along with Bart]
Homer Simpson: [Homer is buried under an avalanche]

---

EPA Official: S-sir, I'm afraid you've gone mad with power...
Russ Cargill: Of course I have. You ever tried going mad without power? It's boring. No one listens to you!

---

Homer Simpson: Okay, epiphany, epiphany... oh I know! Bananas are an excellent source of potassium!
[gets slapped]
Homer Simpson: Ow! Uh, America will never embrace soccer.
[gets slapped]
Homer Simpson: More than two shakes and it's playing with yourself?

---

Bart Simpson: You just bought another load of crap from the world's fattest fertilizer sales man!

---

Cletus: [after showing Cargill a trick with his thumb] You want to know how I do it?
Russ Cargill: Four generations of inbreeding?

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NSA Worker: Hey everybody, I found one! The government actually found someone we're looking for! YEAH, BABY, YEAH!

---

Chief Wiggum: [sees Fat Tony and his mobsters dragging a body wrapped in a sheet to the lake] Uh sorry, sorry, no dumping in the lake!
Fat Tony: Fine, I will put my *yard trimmings* in a car compactor.
[he and the mobsters walk off with the body]
Lou: Uh, Chief, I think there was a dead body in there.
Chief Wiggum: I thought that too, until he said yard trimmings. You gotta learn to listen, Lou.

---

Marge Simpson: Thanks for coming over.
Comic Book Guy: [happily] Thanks for giving me your pregnancy pants; I've never known comfort like this.

---

Tom Hanks: Hello, I'm Tom Hanks. The US Government has lost its credibility so it's borrowing some of mine.

---

Homer Simpson: Thank you, boob lady!

---

Homer Simpson: I dunno what to tell you, Marge! I don't think about things. I mean, I respect those who do, but... I just try and make the day not hurt until I can crawl back in with you.

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Homer Simpson: [flipping frantically through the Bible] This book doesn't have any answers!

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Homer Simpson: [in a noose the angry mob set up] The word "apology" is tossed around a lot these days, but when it comes from in here...
[Homer motions towards his heart, prompting someone to throw a buzzsaw at him]
Homer Simpson: D'OH!

---

Homer Simpson: [gets up to leave and stops in the aisle] Ooh, floor popcorn!
[picks a pile of popcorn up off the floor and begins to eat it]

---

Ticker: Watch 'Are You Smarter Than a Celebrity?' on FOX. That's right, we even advertise our shows during movies now.

---

[Moe sports a bathrobe and a traffic cone on his head]
Marge Simpson: Why are you dressed like that?
Moe: Well, I don't like to brag, but I am now the Emperor of Springfield.

---

Ralph Wiggum: [after Bart skates by, naked] I like men now.

---

Ned Flanders: [surprised by the pink mutated multi-eyed squirrel] Well, this certainly seems odd, but, heh, who am I to question the work of the Almighty? Oh, we thank you Lord for this mighty fine intelligent design! Good job!

---

Grampa: [shouting from church floor] Twisted Tail... A thousand eyes... Trapped forever!

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Bart Simpson: [poking mutant squirrel's eyes] Jabby-jabby-jab-jab-jab!
Male EPA Worker: Hey! Jab one more eye and it's a federal crime!

---

Marge Simpson: Wait! There's something I have to get!
[Runs into house, unlocks "Keepsake Cabinet", grabs tape, washes dirty dish, and races out, mere steps ahead of fireball]
Homer Simpson: [Marge gets back into car] What'd you get?
Marge Simpson: Our wedding video.
Homer Simpson: We have a wedding video?

---

Homer Simpson: [Pig nudges the plank the Simpsons are using to escape] No, Plopper. If you push that, daddy will die.
Pig: [looks at Homer and pushes plank] Oink.

---

Marge Simpson: [grimacing at the overflowing 'Pig Crap' silo] He filled up the whole silo in just two days?
Homer Simpson: [proudly] Well, I helped.

---

Robot: Red wire, blue wire, black is usually the ground...
[begins shaking]
Robot: ... ahhh, so much pressure... PRESSURE!
[grabs Chief Wiggum's gun and shoots itself in the head]
Chief Wiggum: He was talking about it, but I never took him seriously.

---

Bart Simpson: [blushing] Did you at least bring my clothes?
Homer Simpson: Shirt, socks, everything you need.
Bart Simpson: [covering up privates] You didn't bring my pants!
Homer Simpson: Who am I, Tommy Bahama?
Bart Simpson: [face is completely red, sobs] This is the worst day of my life.
Homer Simpson: The worst day of your life *so far*.

---

Lisa Simpson: [during end credits] It looks like Maggie has something to say!
Marge Simpson: Oh my God! Her first word!
Maggie Simpson: [takes pacifier out of mouth]
[pause]
Maggie Simpson: Sequel?

---

Marge Simpson: Bart, are you drinking whiskey?
Bart Simpson: I'm troubled.

---

Russ Cargill: Anyone can pick something when they know what it is; It takes real leadership to pick something you're clueless about.
President Schwarzenegger: Ok, I pick 3!
Russ Cargill: Try again.
President Schwarzenegger: 1!
Russ Cargill: Go higher.
President Schwarzenegger: 5?
Russ Cargill: Too high.
President Schwarzenegger: 3?
Russ Cargill: You already said 3.
President Schwarzenegger: 6?
Russ Cargill: There is no 6.
President Schwarzenegger: 2?
Russ Cargill: Double it.
President Schwarzenegger: 4!
Russ Cargill: As you wish, sir.

---

Colin: I'm Colin.
Lisa Simpson: I haven't seen you at school
Colin: Just moved from Ireland. My dad's a musician.
Lisa Simpson: Is he...?
Colin: He's not Bono.
Lisa Simpson: I just thought because you're Irish and you care about...
Colin: He's NOT Bono.

---

Marge Simpson: [to Lisa] Honey, that's great. But the very best thing is that he listens to you. Because nothing means more than for a man to...
[looks up in surprise]
Marge Simpson: How did the pig tracks get on the ceiling?
[cuts to Homer holding a pig to the ceiling]
Homer Simpson: [singing Tune to Spider-Man Theme Song] Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig. / Does whatever a Spider-Pig does. / Can he swing / from a web? / No he *can't*, / He's a pig. / Look out! / He is the Spider-Pig!

---

Homer Simpson: Homer do good?
Bart Simpson: Actually, you've doomed us all. Again.

---

[from trailer]
Announcer: Wait a minute, you're just repeating everything I say!
Homer Simpson: [cuts to Homer] I know, it's WEIRD!

---

Ned Flanders: The Good Lord is telling me to confess to something...
Homer Simpson: [whispering hopefully, with his fingers crossed] Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay...

---

Homer Simpson: He's not Spider-Pig anymore, he's Harry Plopper.

---

Russ Cargill: [enters the Oval Office] President Schawarzenegger.
President Schwarzenegger: Ja. That is me.
Russ Cargill: The pollution in Springfield has reached crisis levels
President Schwarzenegger: Ach! Everything is "crisis this" and "end-of-the-world that"! No one opens with a joke! I miss Danny DeVito.
Russ Cargill: You like jokes, huh? Well, stop me if you've heard this one.
[holds up cage with the mutant squirral]
President Schwarzenegger: [gasp] Look at all those angry eyes and pointy teeth! It's like Christmas at the Kennedy Compound!
Russ Cargill: Mr. President, you chose me, Russ Cargill, most successful man in America, to head the EPA, the least successful organization. That's why I've narrowed your choices down to five unthinkable options.
[spreads the files on the President's desk]
Russ Cargill: Each one will cause untold misery and...
President Schwarzenegger: [points to File #3] I pick Number Three!
Russ Cargill: Really? You don't want to read them first?
President Schwarzenegger: I was elected to *lead*, not to *read*. Number Three!

---

Montgomery Burns: Well, for once, the rich white man is in control.

---

Santa's Little Helper: [subtitled] I did things no dog should. They will haunt me forever.

---

[Lisa and Colin are separated by the dome and are saying their good-byes]
Bart Simpson: [singing] Lisa's got a boyfriend, that she'll never see again!
[Lisa slugs him out]

---

[Bart is skateboarding naked across town]
Ralph Wiggum: [brightly] I like men now.

---

Homer Simpson: [to Pig] Maybe *we* should kiss, just to break the tension.

---

Homer Simpson: [noticing a glow] Uh, what's that ominous glow in the distance?
Angry Mob: [wielding torches] Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill...
Homer Simpson: [looking out the window] Marge, look! Those idiots don't even know where we *live*!
Angry Mob: [looking round, seeing Homer] Kill, kill, kill, kill...
Homer Simpson: D'oh!

---

Bart Simpson: [drunk] I miss Flanders. There, I said it!

---

Chief Wiggum: [shouting at a naked Bart] Stop, in the name of American squeamishness!

---

Russ Cargill: [levels a shotgun at Homer and Bart]
Russ Cargill: Hello, Homer.
Homer Simpson: So, we meet at last, whoever you are.
Russ Cargill: There's a couple of things they don't teach you in Harvard Business School, one is how to cope with defeat, the other is how to handle a shotgun, I'm going to do both right now.
Bart Simpson: Wait! But if you kill my dad, I'll never know where the treasure is buried!
Russ Cargill: What treasure?
Bart Simpson: Uhm, the treasure of Ima Wiener.
Russ Cargill: I'm a wiener?
[Homer and Bart laugh]
Homer Simpson: Classic!
Russ Cargill: Well, always leave them laughing. Goodbye, sir.
[Cargil aims the shotgun, right as he is about to fire a boulder falls on him KOing him, the camera pans up to show Maggie]
Homer Simpson: Maggie! You were the greatest accident ever to have happened.
[Maggie winks and does a hand gun at Homer]

---

Lisa Simpson: But I'm so angry.
Marge Simpson: You're a woman. You can hold on to it forever.

---

Bart Simpson: [on the blackboard, in the open sequence] I will not illegally download this movie.

---

[the Green Day barge is dissolving in polluted Lake Springfield]
Mike Dirnt: Gentlemen, it's been an honor playing with you tonight.

---

[in the middle of the movie]
Title Card: To be continued.
[pause]
Title Card: Immediately.

---

Moe: What are you telling us, were trapped like rats?
Russ Cargill: No, rats can't be trapped this easily, you're trapped like... carrots.

---

Dr. Nick: Bye, everybody!

---

Homer Simpson: It's the epiphitree!

---

EPA Passenger: Look, we can't keep stopping at every "sop", "yeld", or "one vay" sign!

---

Marge Simpson: Despite everything, I miss your father.
Bart Simpson: Me too... his big fat ass could shield us all.

---

Russ Cargill: I was tricked by an idiot!
Cletus: Hey, I know how you feel; I was beat in tic-tac-toe by a chicken.

---

Bart Simpson: You know, we are on the roof. We could have some fun.
Homer Simpson: What kind of fun?
Bart Simpson: How bout a dare contest?
Homer Simpson: That sounds fun! I dare you to... climb the TV antennae!
Bart Simpson: [Bart climbs it easily] Piece of cake.
Homer Simpson: [starts shaking the antennae] Earthquake!
[Bart falls off and hangs onto the railing]
Homer Simpson: [starts shaking the railing] Aftershock!
Ned Flanders: Uh, Homer? I don't mean to be a nervous Pervis, but if he falls, couldn't that make your boy a parapleg-erino?
Homer Simpson: Shut up, Flanders!
Bart Simpson: Yeah, shut up, Flanders!
Homer Simpson: Well said, boy!

---

Homer Simpson: [about the pig] Aw, you're gonna love him! Look, he does an impression of you!
[Homer pulls the pig's tail, causing it to bray like a donkey]
Homer Simpson: [laughing] You nailed her. He also does me.
[Homer squeezes the pig's stomach, causing it to burp; Marge giggles]
Homer Simpson: You smiled! I'm off the hook!

---

Girl on Phone: You hang up first.
Boy on Phone: No, you hang up first.
Girl on Phone: Okay.
[hangs up]
Boy on Phone: What the-? She hung up on me!

---

Homer Simpson: That could be anybody's Pig Crap silo.
[on TV, the cops rotate the silo to reveal "Return to Homer Simpson - No Reward"]

---

Homer Simpson: Now Homer Simpson's gonna show he has cajones!

---

Tom Hanks: [voiceover in TV ad] Are you tired of the same old Grand Canyon?
Dad in Advert: [bored] Here we are kids. The Grand Canyon.
Girl in Advert: Oh, it's so old and boring! I want a new one, NOW!
Tom Hanks: [appears from behind bush] Hello. I'm Tom Hanks. The US Government has lost its credibility, so it's borrowing some of mine.
Boy in Advert: Ruffle my hair, Mr. Hanks!
Tom Hanks: Sure thing, son.
[laughs as he does so. Stars come out of the boy's hair. He then smiles in wonder]
Tom Hanks: Now, I'm pleased to inform you about the new Grand Canyon.
[shot changes to that of a smouldering crater]
Tom Hanks: Coming this weekend! It's east of Shelbyville and south of Capital City.
Marge Simpson: [watching ad] That's where Springfield is!
Tom Hanks: It's nowhere near where anything is or ever was. This is Tom Hanks saying, if you're gonna pick a government to trust, why not this one?

---

Lisa Simpson: Our crisis level will be here.
Lenny: That's not so bad.
Lisa Simpson: No, this forklift is messed up.
[the forklift goes crazy until it is back to normal]
Lisa Simpson: Am I getting through to anyone?
Krusty the Clown: Hell yeah, we need a new one of those things!

---

Agnes Skinner: [pointing to Bart who skateboards past naked] Don't look where I'm pointing!

---

Grampa: [as Springfield is being sealed in the dome] That crazy old coot in church was right!

---

[the police have just found Homer's pig crap silo, which is marked "Return to Homer Simpson"]
Kent Brockman: Now, Channel 6 does not endorse vigilante violence. Unless it gets results... which it *will*.
[a picture of Homer appears in the upper-right hand corner]
News Text: [flashing] GET HIM!

---

Marge Simpson: Okay, here it goes. Homer, I've always stood up for you. When people point out your flaws, I always say, "Well, sometimes you have to stand back to appreciate a work of art."
Homer Simpson: Way back.
Marge Simpson: Lately, what's keeping us together is my ability to overlook everything you do. And I overlook these things because...
Homer Simpson: Because?
Marge Simpson: Well, that's the thing. I just don't know how to finish that sentence anymore. So I'm leaving with the kids to help Springfield, and we're never coming back. And to prove to myself that this is the end... I taped this over our wedding video. Good-bye, Homie.

---

Mayor Quimby: To make sure this wall is completely idiot-proof... Cletus! Try to dump something in the lake.
Cletus: Okay.
[tries to go to the lake to dump a possum but keeps hitting the wall]
Cletus: I can't. I - I simply can't.

---

EPA Passenger: There's something strange about that 'Sop' sign...

---

Grampa: Homer? What are you doing now?
Homer Simpson: Risking my life to save people I hate for reasons I don't quite understand. Gotta go!

---

Lisa Simpson: [Lisa and Colin are pressing their hands against the glass] I never thought my life would have an absolutely perfect moment, but this...
Bart Simpson: [sing-song] Lisa's got a boyfriend / That she'll never see again!
[Lisa cold-cocks Bart]

---

Homer Simpson: All right, boy. Time for the ultimate dare. I dare you to skateboard to Krusty Burger... and back... *naked*.
Bart Simpson: How naked?
Homer Simpson: Fourth base.
Bart Simpson: But girls might see my doodle.
Homer Simpson: Oh, I see. Then I hereby declare you chicken for life! Every morning, you'll wake up to, Good morning, chicken! At your wedding, I'll sing...
Homer Simpson: [clucks the wedding march] Buck-buck-bu-buck!

---

[car tyres screech to a halt outside. The Simpsons' silhouettes as the family make their way to the church door. Their conversation can also be heard]
Marge Simpson: I hate being late!
Homer Simpson: Well I hate going. Why can't I worship the Lord in my own way, by praying like hell on my death bed.
Marge Simpson: Homer, they can hear you inside!
Homer Simpson: Relax! Those pious morons are too busy talking to their phoney-baloney God!
[the family enter the church to total silence and angry looks. They make their way to their pew]
Homer Simpson: How ya doin'? Peace be with you. Praise Jebus.

---

[Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day sings "da-da-da" to the final part of the Simpsons tune, following his teleprompter]
Billie Joe Armstrong: Alright, well thanks a lot for coming. We've been playing for three and a half hours, now we'd like just a minute of your time to say something about the environment.
[there is a deathly silence, followed by huge boos from the Springfieldians. They start throwing things at Green Day]
Barney Gumble: Preachy!
Billie Joe Armstrong: We're not being preachy!
Tre Cool: But the pollution in your lake - it's dissolving our barge!
[Moe is sitting in a deck chair. Lisa is standing next to him]
Lisa Simpson: I thought they touched on a vital issue.
Moe: I beg to differ.
[He throws a rock at the stage, which penetrates the bass drum and hits Frank in the crotch]
Tre Cool: Oh.
Mike Dirnt: Gentlemen, it's been an honour playing with you tonight.
[Green Day put down their instruments and bring out violins as the barge sinks. Lisa looks on woefully]

---

[to the angry mob, as Homer tries to escape through the sinkhole]
Moe: The top of his head is still showing! Claw at it!

---

[Homer and Bart are at a table. We see an interior shot of Homer's mouth as he eats. Bart is angry]
Homer Simpson: Hey, what's with you?
Bart Simpson: You really wanna know?
Homer Simpson: Of course I do. What kind of father wouldn't care about
[sees something]
Homer Simpson: a pig wearing a hat!
[Krusty the Clown is filming a commercial]
Director: Action!
Krusty the Clown: Hey hey! It's your old pal Krusty for my new pork sandwich, the clogger! If you can find a greasier sandwich, you're in Mexico!
[He laughs and then takes a bite of the sandwich]
Krusty the Clown: Mmm!
Director: And... we're clear.
[Krusty spits out the sandwich]
Krusty the Clown: Perfect. Cut, print, kill the pig.
[a saw is held up to the pig. It squeals in terror]
Homer Simpson: [gasps] What? You can't kill him if he's wearing people clothes!
[the pig runs across to Homer, giving him a forlorn look. To the tune of 'Happy Together', Homer briefly imagines himself and the pig dancing in a field. He picks up the pig]
Homer Simpson: You're coming home with me.

---

Homer Simpson: Screw Springfield!
Marge Simpson: [gasps] I can't believe you'd say something so selfish.
Homer Simpson: Marge, those people chased us with pitchforks and torches. TORCHES! At four in the afternoon!
Marge Simpson: It was 7 at night.
Homer Simpson: It was during Access Hollywood.
Marge Simpson: Which is on at 4 and 7.
Homer Simpson: D'oh!

---

Lisa Simpson: This town is just one piece of trash away from a toxic nightmare! But I knew you wouldn't listen. So I took the liberty of pouring water from the lake in all your drinking glasses!
[everyone spits out their water in disgust]
Moe: See, this is why we should hate kids!

---

Bart Simpson: Look what I did to *your* picture!
[Bart holds up a picture of Homer, on which he has drawn Flanders-style hair, glasses and a mustache]
Homer Simpson: AHHH!
Bart Simpson: Howdily-doodily! Howdily-doodily! Howdily-doodily!
Homer Simpson: Why you little...!
[Homer begins strangling Bart]
Homer Simpson: I'll strangle-angle you!

---

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