Memorable quotes for
Night at the Museum (2006) More at IMDbPro »

Jedediah: Fire up the iron horse, boys.
Larry: Hey, blondie!
Jedediah: Names Jedadiah.
Larry: Jedadiah, stop the train, please!
Jedediah: No can do, crackerjack.
Larry: Whats going on here?
Jedediah: Somebodys got to pay.
Larry: Pay for what?
Jedediah: I don't know, just pay! Now stop whining and take it like a man!
Larry: Seriously, stop the train!
Jedediah: Alright, stop the train.
Larry: Thank you.
Jedediah: NOW FULL SPEED AHEAD AND RAM HIM! SPLIT HIS HEAD LIKE A WATERMELON!
Larry: [Train hits Larry] Ooh! Ow...
Jedediah: Oh, for crying out loud!

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Larry: You're an old man, I don't want to fight you.
[Gus punches Larry in the face]

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Jedediah: I told you, I don't like to be manhandled!
Larry: No, I will manhandle you, Jedediah! Now listen, guys, what is your problem, huh? Why can't you just get along?
Jedediah: Look, we're men. We fight, okay? That's what we do!
Octavius: Its kinda how we pass the time.

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Jedediah: No problemo, Gigantor.
Larry: Um, my names Larry, first of all okay, Jed? See I call you Jed, I don't call you tiny.
Jedediah: What's that supposed to mean?
Larry: Hey teeny, how does that sound?
Jedediah: I... I don't like it. It hurts my feelings.
Larry: Okay, well Gigantor makes me sound like a freak.
Octavius: I don't. I just call you Larry.
Larry: Don't be a kiss-ass.

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Teddy Roosevelt: I'm made of wax, Larry. What are you made of?

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Mr. McPhee: Control your young!

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Teddy Roosevelt: [after seeing Larry slapping Dexter] Good Lord, Lawrence! Why are you slapping a monkey?

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Easter Island Head: Hey! Dum-dum!
Larry: Yes?
Easter Island Head: You give me gum-gum!
Larry: I give you gum-gum?
Easter Island Head: You new Dum-dum. You give me gum-gum.
Larry: Gee, okay, you know what? I have no gum-gum. Sorry. And my name isn't Dum-dum. My name's Larry.
Easter Island Head: No, your name Dum-dum.
[People screaming]
Easter Island Head: Oh, you in trouble, Dum-dum. You'd better run-run. From Attila the Hun-hun.
[Larry runs as Attila and his gang are chasing him]
Easter Island Head: See you later, Dum-dum!

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Larry: [on his second night at the museum] Morning, dum-dum.
Easter Island Head: Me no dum-dum. You dum-dum. You bring me gum-gum?
Larry: Yes I did, fathead.
[holds up a handful of gum]
Larry: Lots and lots of gum-gum.
Easter Island Head: Mmm!

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Gus: He looks like a weirdy!

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Jedediah: I'm just living the Dream, Baby!

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Jedediah: [discussing why he needs to blow up his display] MANIFEST DESTINY!

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[first lines]
Taxi Driver: [as Larry walks into the street] Hey, watch it!

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[last lines]
Jedediah: Let's ride.

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[about Sacajawea]
Larry: Was she deaf? She seems a bit unresponsive.
Rebecca: That's because she's a statue...

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Teddy Roosevelt: [Monkey slaps Larry on the head, Larry retaliates] Lawrence, who's evolved?

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Larry: [looks up at Dexter] Hey, Dex, so, look. No hard feelings, all right?
Teddy Roosevelt: [Dexter slaps Larry in the forehead and Larry raises his clipboard to hit him] Lawrence!
Larry: You saw - you saw what he did just then...
Teddy Roosevelt: [interupting him] Who's evolved?
Larry: I am.
Teddy Roosevelt: Who's evolved?
Larry: I am!

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[repeated line]
Cecil: Moving on.

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Gus: Listen up, Lunch Box!

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Gus: Do you want the job or not, snack shack?

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Gus: Sweet dreams, cupcake.

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Gus: Sleep tight, hotshot.

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Gus: Keep a lid on it, butterscotch.

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Gus: Do you want to dance, hot dog?

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Gus: Look here, Hop Scotch!

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Gus: Step back, Butterscotch!

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Gus: Not so fast, Hot Dog!

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Larry: [speaking to Civil War diorama figures] Civil war dudes... You guys are brothers for God's sake... You gotta stop fighting... North wins... Slavery is bad... Sorry... Don't want to burst your bubble but South you guys get Allman Brothers...
[hesitates]
Larry: ...and... Nascar. So just chill!

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Larry: [showing lighter to cavemen] Hey guys? Quest for fire, over.

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[Jed and Octavius are popping Cecil's tires, and they are about to be blown away]
Octavius: Go! Save yourself!
Jedediah: [holding on to Octavius] I ain't quittin' you!

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Larry: Moose! I told you, you're not going to fit through with those antlers! So you and your caribou buddies have to go around back.

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Larry: Ah yes, he was our fourth president, right?
Rebecca: Twenty-sixth

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Jedadiah: I'm gonna shoot you in your dang eye. In your dadgum eye.
[gun clicks empty]
Larry: Yeah. Keep shootin'. Nothing's gonna happen.
Jedadiah: Now you know my shame. Jedediah's impotent rage. His guns don't fire. Take me away.

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Jedediah: Whoa whoa whoa, Octavius ! What are you doing, this here giant's on our land!

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Sacajawea: [Trying to track Cecil and examining the tire tracks in the snow] He went east, but he lost control and crashed
Larry: You're amazing! How can you tell that?
Sacajawea: [Points behind them where the van has crashed into the wall behind the dumpster]

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Teddy Roosevelt: Bully!

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Octavius: We expand or die!

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Larry: End of the line, cool breeze. End of the line.

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Don: It sure is chilly. Chilly-chilly-willy... the penguin.

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Mr. McPhee: Oh, haha - look at me, the comedy night guard. Do you want to get into a battle of humor? Do you?
Larry: Um, no. No I don't want to get into a battle of humor.
Mr. McPhee: That's right, because it would be a bloodbath. Nothing funny about Little Big Horn, is there?

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[repeated line]
Teddy Roosevelt: Some are born great, others have greatness thrust upon them.

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Cecil: [while Larry is chasing Cecil] These are trained horses, Larry. They won't stop until they hear a specific word.
Larry: Oh, you mean a word like... DAKOTA!

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Larry: I'm trusting you guys, and if you don't do what I say you'll end up like your buddies in the Mayan world over there, locked up. Do they look happy?
[Shows a display with bars across it]
Jedediah: [Shakes head] No. They look sad.

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Larry: [Dinosaur throws Larry a bone] Fetch?

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Larry: A little birdie told me you guys like magic. You know, magic... sorcery... illusions.
Attila the Hun: Ah, sor-sor.

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Larry: Listen, Octavus, you gotta stop that!
Octavius: It's "Octavius", Mary.

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Teddy Roosevelt: Stop babbling, boy!

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Larry: Debbie - can I call you Debbie? When I entered this office I thought I felt a connection.
Debbie: I didn't feel a connection.

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Rebecca: [to Sacagawea] You rock! I am a big fan.

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Erica Daley: Hey, how's it going with that virtual reality driving range you wanted to open?
Larry: Getting there. Still waiting for the technology to catch up with the idea. I mean it's not easy, there's a lot of moving parts.

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Gus: Instructions; you start with 1... 2... 3...
Larry: 4?
Gus: Are you cracking wise? I oughta punch you in the nose Hopscotch

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Taxi Driver: Now who they gon' get to clean up all that doo-doo?

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Reginald: [while trying to escape, Reginald is found by Christopher Columbus and the Neanderthals]
Reginald: Alright, boys. We can do this the easy way,
Reginald: [holds his cane in a threatening manner]
Reginald: or the hard way.
Christopher Columbus: [Columbus brandishes his sword and the Neanderthals raise their giant bones]
Reginald: [scared] So, it's gonna be the hard way?
Christopher Columbus: [In Italian] E' tutto finito.

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Teddy Roosevelt: [after being cut in half by a stagecoach] Oh. That's problematic.

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Mr. McPhee: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice.

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Cecil: Gotta keep it moving, Larry. I'm pretty spry for an old man.

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Cecil: Don't let anything in or out.

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Larry: All right! Let's do this, people! And... animals! And... weird faceless puppet creatures!

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Jedediah: Wait, no. I ain't working with Toga Boy.
Octavius: Romans work alone.
[Jedediah hits him on his foot with his rifle]
Octavius: OW!
Jedediah: Don't be a baby, that didn't hurt.
Octavius: [while hopping on one foot] Yes it did!
Jedediah: No it didn't! Come on!
Octavius: [hits Jedediah's behind with his sword]
Jedediah: Ow! That was MUCH harder!

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Larry: I'm not a giant. You guys are just really little.
Octavius: We may be small but our hearts are LARGE... metaphorically speaking.

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Rebecca: And up ahead is one of my favorite creatures in the whole museum: the capuchin monkey, a highly intelligent primate, known for its loving and generous nature.
Larry: Huh!
Rebecca: Excuse me?

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Easter Island Head: [shouts] Quiiiiieeeeeeettttt!
[silence]
Easter Island Head: My dum-dum wants to speak.

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Teddy Roosevelt: Larry, relax! I'm wax!

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Larry, Dexter: Oh, hey, Dexter. I'm just locking up. Do you want in?
[Dexter walks in and climbs up to his tree]
Larry, Dexter: [Dexter smiles from the tree, holding a set of baby toy keys] I don't think so. Looks like Uncle Larry pulled a fast one on little Dexy.
[locks up the entrance to the Hall of African Mammals]
Larry, Dexter: Those are baby keys for a little baby. So have fun playing with your little baby keys, little baby monkey. Maybe tomorrow, I'll bring you a little baby "diapie" so you can go poo-poo in it. Then, I'll change it for you. Then I'll tickle you 'cause you're a cute little baby. Will you cry all night about how Uncle Larry fooled you? Told you there was a storm comin'.

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