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"Scrubs" Her Story II (TV Episode 2006) Poster

(TV Series)

(2006)

Quotes

Turk: J.D., this is an intervention. First off, I just want to say everyone here loves you, this is a safe space. But you're such a committ-a-phobe! Every time you date a girl with potential you wind up ruining it over some trivial reason. Let's think about some of the great girls you let slip through your fingers: Kylie, Jaime, Gift Shop Girl, Minnie McSkinny, Mole Butt, Tina Two-Kids, Rumplefugly... I'm forgetting someone...

Carla: [narrating] Oh, my God, Turk... if you forget Elliot she's gonna cry.

[out loud, while nodding towards Elliot who's starting to moan]

Carla: Turk, aren't you forgetting the greatest girl of them all?...

Turk: [snapping his fingers] Heidi Horse-Face!

Elliot: [almost crying] Me, Turk... she's talking about me, OK?

J.D.: Relax, Elliot... you're Mole Butt.

Elliot: [moved] Really? Sorry, Turk...

Carla: J.D., there's somebody else here who wants to say something...

Billy Dee Williams: Don't mess this up, man... be smooth.

Turk: Lando's right.

Billy Dee Williams: Billy Dee!

Turk: [mouthing] Lando...

Dr. Cox: Joanna, now I'm not much for this sensitive crap... but, darn it all, you've found someone who's willing to let you annoy them instead of me.

Elliot: Don't screw this up, J.D., or you'll just gonna end up where you always do: lying on that couch in a fetal position wishing you hadn't driven another one away.

Dr. Cox: If Jordan were conscious, she'd... she'd agree

[Jordan sits unconscious on the couch; she has a fake arrow through her head]

Dr. Cox: Oh, now, who put that fake arrow through her head? Eh? Which one of you?... It was me... I did it...

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Janitor: Wow, she looks like a young Carla

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Dr. Cox: Weeeeell, look what we have here: it is a visual representation of how alcohol affects people of different ages. We have the young...

[indicates Julie]

Julie Quinn: [brightly] Morning!

Dr. Cox: [moving to Elliot] ... the slightly older...

Elliot: [clearly hungover] Please stop talking.

Dr. Cox: [moving to Carla] ... the slightly older still...

Carla: [mumbles incoherently]

Dr. Cox: [moving to Jordan, who is wearing dark sunglasses and not moving] ... and last, the very, very, VERY old. She is unconscious and virtually unwakeable. Witness.

[he grabs Jordan's shoulders and shakes her]

Dr. Cox: Jorda-roo! Jorda-licious! Jorda-roni!

[Jordan doesn't react]

Dr. Cox: Uh-huh.

J.D.: Ha! I'll get you ladies some more coffee. Jordan, if you're willing to pay for it, just sit there frozen.

[no response]

J.D.: How very generous.

[he reaches into Jordan's purse and takes out her credit card]

Julie Quinn: That's so funny!

J.D.: [forcing a smile] Yeah...

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Turk: [being introduced to Julie's godfather, Billy Dee Williams] Lando Calrissian!

Billy Dee Williams: Call me Billy Dee.

Turk: Yes, Lando.

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J.D.: You're okay buttercup?

Julie Quinn: The glass broke in my month

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Carla: Hey Turk, guess what?

Turk: She's not a guy honey. And besides Young Carla is a compliment

Carla: Really? So how would you feel if I'd say hey it's skinny Turk

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Turk: So, when am I gonna get to meet Julie?

J.D.: Do I want her to meet Turk this soon? What if he doesn't like her?

Turk: What are you doing?

J.D.: I'm saying all my thoughts out loud so that I don't mess this relationship up

Turk: I don't understand

J.D.: I forgot, sometimes Turk is slow. You know what? It's time for her to meet the people in my life. I think she's gonna do great

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Julie Quinn: Did you know, J.D's parents thought he was gonna be a girl. They didn't have a name ready when he was born, so until he was 3 years old they called him Joana

Dr. Cox: I don't know who you are, but thank you for this

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Jordan: Could we go somewhere less collage-y? One of the boys here could be the baby I gave up in high school

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Dr. Cox: Joana, now i'm not much for this sensitive crap but darn now you finally found someone who is willing to let you annoy them instead of me.

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Dr. Kelso: I have it on good authority that she's a dude.

Carla: I made that stuff up.

Dr. Kelso: In that case, it's time for her to meet Bob Kelso, licensed hetero!

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Elliot: Why is Julie behind that bush crying?

J.D.: Who knows? Could be anything! You know what's interesting Turk, she's not saying that's so sad. She's actually crying

Turk: You're an Idiot

J.D.: Yes I am

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Julie Quinn: That's so funny! That's so funny! Look how big that pancake is that's so funny

J.D.: [whispering at Turk] Make-her-stop

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Dr. Cox: ...there is not such thing as a perfect person...

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Turk: If you found someone to make you happy by just sitting around and holding hands, then eventually all the other stuff won't matter

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Dr. Kelso: People think I'm a clueless old geezer but nothing happens in this hallways without passing by me

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J.D.: You used to be afraid of commitment, too. Then somehow you got over it and now you're married.

Turk: That's because I was never as bad as you.

J.D.: Oh, really? Remember Whitney "The Snapper"?

Turk: Ahhhhhhhhh!

[flashback to Turk in college dorm room with attractive girl]

Turk: Thanks for paying for dinner.

Whitney: And for dessert, you're gonna get a little Whitney

[snaps]

Whitney: a-

[snaps]

Whitney: la-

[snaps]

Whitney: mode!

Turk: [makes horrified face] Get out.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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