JoAnne Fletcher:
I've heard enough from you for one lifetime, Morris. Go tell it to that tramp of yours, that Scully, what's-her-name.
Morris Fletcher:
Dana Scully - Special Agent Dana Scully.
JoAnne Fletcher:
Special Tramp Dana Scully!
Morris Fletcher:
She's my partner, Joanne.
JoAnne Fletcher:
I'm supposed to be your partner.
Morris Fletcher:
My name is not Morris Fletcher. It's Fox Mulder. Special Agent Fox Mulder with the FBI. Dana Scully is my FBI partner. I am not your husband, we are not married, we are complete strangers and I have a whole other life that I'm desperately trying to get back to.
JoAnne Fletcher:
You know, Morris, most men when they have a mid-life crisis they go out and buy themselves a sports car. They don't run around calling themselves Fox.
[
Mulder has swapped bodies with another man]
Mulder:
If I shoot him is that murder or suicide?
Scully:
Neither, if I do it first.
[
after finding Mulder's bedroom full of junk]
Morris Fletcher:
This guy hasn't been laid in 10 years.
Morris Fletcher:
You guys are the Lone Gunmen, aren't you? You guys are my heroes. I mean look at the crap you print.
Byers:
We uncover the truth.
Morris Fletcher:
The truth? That's what's so great about you monkeys. Not only do you believe the horse pucky we create, you broadcast it as well. I mean look at this!
[
headline reads: "Saddam testing mandroid army in Iraqi desert."]
Morris Fletcher:
There is no Saddam Hussein. This guy's name is John Gillnitz, we found him doing dinner theatre in Tulsa. Did a mean "King and I." Plays good ethnics.
Ringo Langly:
Are you trying to say that Saddam Hussein is a goverment plant?
Morris Fletcher:
I'm saying I invented the guy. We set him up in '79. He rattles his saber whenever we need a good distraction. Ah... if you boys only knew how many of your stories I dreamed up while on the pot.
Morris Fletcher:
Oh baby, I like this.
[
Scully handcuffs him to the bed]
Scully:
[
Scully fires a bullet into the wall next to Morris] You call me baby one more time, you're gonna be peeing through a catheter.
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