5.2/10
18,107
95 user 110 critic

Vampire Killers (2009)

Lesbian Vampire Killers (original title)
Their women having been enslaved by the local pack of lesbian vampires thanks to an ancient curse, the remaining menfolk of a rural town send two hapless young lads out onto the moors as a sacrifice.

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(screenplay), (screenplay)
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4,558 ( 2,702)

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From $9.99 (SD) on Amazon Video

ON DISC
1 win & 1 nomination. See more awards »

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Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
...
Margarita Hall ...
Daughter of Darkness 1
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Daughter of Darkness 2
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Jimmy
...
...
Ms Rossi
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Fletch
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Steve
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Blonde
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Lotte
...
Anke
...
Trudi
...
Heidi
John Pierce Jones ...
Landlord (as John Pierce-Jones)
...
Sidney Goatherder No.7 / The Storyteller
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Storyline

Centuries ago, Baron Wolfgang MacLaren vanquished the Vampire Queen Carmilla in the remote Cragwich; however, before decapitating the evil vampire, she curses the locals and descendants of the baron, swearing that every woman would turn into a lesbian vampire on the eighteenth birthday. On the present days, the clumsy and naive cuckold Jimmy is dumped again by his girlfriend Judy and misses her. His best friend Fletch is fired in his job of clown after hitting an annoying boy. The two friends are broken and decide to camp in the countryside to forget their problems, and Jimmy throws a dart in a map in a pub to decide where they should go. They head to Cragwich and when they arrive in the bar Baron's Rest, they see four hot girls leaving the place in a Kombi. The innkeeper offers the old Mircalla cottage in the woods for them, the same place the girls will lodge. Meanwhile, Lotte, Heide, Anke and Trudi have trouble with their van and Jimmy and Fletch reach them in the forest and they ... Written by Claudio Carvalho, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Plot Summary | Plot Synopsis

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After Twilight, The Real Party Starts See more »


Motion Picture Rating (MPAA)

Rated R for language, sexual content and horror violence | See all certifications »

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Details

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Release Date:

20 March 2009 (UK)  »

Also Known As:

Vampire Killers  »

Box Office

Opening Weekend:

£648,634 (UK) (22 March 2009)
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Company Credits

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Technical Specs

Runtime:

| (European Film Market)

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Aspect Ratio:

2.35 : 1
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Did You Know?

Trivia

Writers Stewart Williams and Paul Hupfield were challenged to think of the dumbest and yet most commercial title possible for a film, Lesbian Vampire Killers was the answer. They then went away and wrote the script. See more »

Quotes

Fletch: Yep, lesbian vampires. Just another one of God's cruel tricks to get on my tits. Even dead women'd sooner sleep with each other than get with me it would appear. But eatin' me alive, oh no, that's fine. Next time he'll have me bummed by a big gay werewolf I swear.
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Connections

Featured in Here I Am (2011) See more »

Soundtracks

General Custard
(Barrie Gledden (as Gledden) / Kes Loy (as Loy) / Lacey
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User Reviews

 
If I could give this a 0/10, I would.
9 August 2009 | by (United Kingdom) – See all my reviews

People seem to compare this to Shaun of the Dead a lot so, when I watched this, I really tried not to. Here's the thing, though... It's quite hard to do. Outside the more obvious things like the parodying of different horror movie antagonists, and the "loser with a fat best friend" pairing of Horne and Corden, the first 10 minutes is pretty much how Shaun of the Dead starts without the zombies and through Corden's acting you can hear him screaming "I want to be Nick Frost!" to himself.

Outside of this though, the movie is still terrible. Most of the humour derives from horror movie clichés (you'll have lost count of them before you even open the popcorn) and all of the jokes are unoriginal and incredibly predictable. In fact, nearly everything that I gathered was supposed to be funny to some extent reminded me of a joke from another British comedy that was done so much better. One of the "running gags" through the movie is that Horne/Corden fails at doing something simple like kicking a door down while a supporting character does it with ease. When I saw this I couldn't help but think the writers were thinking "Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright did that thing with the fences in Shaun of the Dead/Hot Fuzz, we need something similar".

The acting is pretty terrible throughout as well. When the women came into the picture about 20 minutes in, all of them (with the exception of the lead female) speak with this very fake and very annoying European accent. One of them also has a gimmick of only saying "Ja, ja" which got old after... I dunno, the first time she said it? But when I heard the girls speak for the first time I honestly felt embarrassed about what I was watching and, had I been watching this at a cinema, I would have most definitely walked out. Let's be thankful most of the girls only had a bit-part.

The plot... Well, what is there to it? It's as if the writers thought to themselves "Let's make the most generic vampire plot imaginable. It's okay though; because it's a comedy we can get away with it". The thing is, you can only get away with an uninspired plot if the rest of the movie is original and inspired and, since the rest of the movie can't even get the "funny" right, it doesn't get anything else right either. Not even the horror bits. My girlfriend jumps a mile whenever there's a jumpy part of a movie but she didn't flinch for the entire 80 minutes of this. Why? Because the entire movie is an uninspired, unoriginal, incredibly predictable and incredibly lazy piece of garbage that didn't need to be made.


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