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more like "Blooper"
The stunning reviews this movie has gotten has me absolutely baffled. I am serious. There's a big part of me that's wondering why? Why is this movie getting such great reviews? I was wondering that before... and AFTER I watched it.
This movie is stupid. The time travel logic is broken, it's dumb, and it's so confusing that if you're thinking about what's going on at all... you are in severe danger of breaking your brain.
Just because it's something kinda new doesn't make it original or refreshing. The premise is only a few angles askew from something like Back to the future, Terminator or Star Trek.
Seriously... little to nothing made sense to me. I am just mad as hell that crap like this gets so much praise when it's not very good to begin with.
All eye candy and little else
I had high expectations going into Avatar. Now I admit, it's probably stupid to go into any movie with expectations that are too high, lest they be crushed. However, even without high expectations, Avatar impresses only on a technical level, and on that level only. The story is very predictable, and as I watched this movie I was overcome with a feeling as if I had seen this all before in something in a made for TV movie on SyFy. This is pretty bad considering this is the same guy who made The Abyss and Terminator. I can only say that if you go see this movie, expect beautiful visuals... and a standard humdrum story that you've seen before if you follow any number of science fiction TV shows or just sci-fi in general. Oh, and if this is the 22nd century, why are they still using manually propelled wheelchairs?
At best... mediocre
I don't know what hold Joss Whedon has over his fans, but he has made the most dull and shallow characters i've ever seen in the film Serenity. Apparently a girl is holding a secret and that secret is... too mind-numbingly uninspired to tell. Yes, she kicks ass and there are "revears" who go around killing everybody. There are space battles to be sure but mostly every action scene is a fist in the face knockdown drag out that is a veritable yawn each time. Who is this assassin anyway sent to kill these rebels? Who cares anyway? He's like the rebels. He's got no personality and he's about as deep as a kiddy pool. The story is suitable for movie of the week, but not a theatrical film. The characters are all stereotypes and argue way too often. I'll tell you right now that Joss Whedon strove for scientific accuracy when it comes to space physics and noises in the vacuum of it. Again, so what? This is called Science Fiction for a reason, because it doesn't follow the rules. If we wanted a completely scientifically accurate movie they'd call it "Science Fact". Joss Whedon really under thought this movie. He didn't spend enough time fleshing out the characters and writing a good enough story for the transition between TV show and theatrical movie. I expect better when people make the bold proclamation "This is one of the best science fiction movies ever!". Nope, not even close. I'd rather watch Star Trek: The Motion Picture. Don't bother with Serenity, it is remarkably boring.
The Transformers: The Movie (1986)
Transformers The Movie... enough said.
21 years later, Transformers The Movie resides in the lists of cult favorites everywhere. Personally, I am one of the biggest G1 Transformers fans out there. Therefore my point of view is probably quite biased. But the fact is this movie has a huge cast of characters and an equally big list of famous actors portraying these characters. Michael Bay's Transformers, as good as it is still does not stack up to the classic film from 1986. If you're any kind of a Transformers fan, you'll find yourself smiling, getting goose bumps and even crying. What makes this movie so good is not just the intensely beautiful animation, great characters but also the dark tone and Vince Dicolas amazing musical score. There are some great lines in this movie and some new characters introduced. These plot details were interwoven to be introduced in episodes in season 3 of the original Transformers series. Nevertheless, the movie never stops being exciting, fun and incredibly enjoyable. This is a very fast 90 minutes and even if you're not a Transformers fan, you'll still enjoy this movie. The movie still has at least as big an emotional impact on me today as it did 21 years ago. It's one film that stands the test of time. As a Transformers fan, it's one of the best movies ever. As a movie critic, it's one hell of a great animated movie. Either way, you must see it at least once.
The Golden Compass (2007)
Should have been called "The movie where nothing happens"
There's been a lot of controversy surrounding this movie. Well let me tell you right now the only controversy you should be concerned with is how bad this movie is. The story surrounds a young woman named Lyra, who agrees to travel in an airship with Nicole Kidman. Now, not only is Nicole Kidman's character one of the creepiest in the history of cinema, she's also psycho and hates when little girls still wear their hand bags in the house. The focus on Lyra really hurts the movie, as she is stereotypical and completely predictable. The young lady that portrays her is better than Jake Lloyd, but that's not saying much. Anyways, we meet some characters, some more characters, and each time new ones join it's like we have to sit through 5-10 more minutes of unnecessary and expository dialog that has no bearing on the story itself. In short, the movie wastes too much time with ancillary details and quickly loses focus on the story, only to take us on a very boring journey. You know what my Golden Compass is telling me? It's telling me "Stay away from this movie!"
This is a dog of a movie. I wasn't put off by the CG or Beowulf's bare, digitally rendered ass. No, what I did have a problem with is that the first hour of the film could have easily been summed up in a two to three minute minute montage. Instead, what we got was a pointless exercise with barely emotional characters, incredibly loud screaming and lots of pointless scenes of Beowulf sitting around doing nothing. In short, there is action in the movie to be sure, but it is very little. There is just far too much talking and not enough doing. Beowulf is not the deep and intriguing character he was portrayed as in the books. In this movie there is very little we know about his background. I don't think anyone will find themselves excited by seeing a naked CGI man jumping around fighting with a giant troll then meeting with Angelina Jolie, who is naked except for some gold paint. As for the climax? Well hopefully you were wise enough to not ignore my warning and not go see this mess. It's certainly not the worst movie ever by a very long shot, but considering it's potential, it could have been a lot better.
Futurama: Bender's Big Score (2007)
The movie starts out very funny, and then gets less funny over the ensuing 90 minutes. In short, the movie is more preoccupied with emotional topics. It seems more bent on trying to satisfy all the fanboys who've wanted to see Fry and Leela get together. Of course I won't tell you if that happens or not. The plot is creative but it comes at the expense of all the main Futurama characters, who are all apparently dumb as rocks by opening spam e-mails and entering their private information for scammers to use to take over Planet Express. This made me angry because their personalities seem to oscillate between intelligent and stupid throughout the series and the movie. If they're going to act a way, they should stick within their own personal boundaries and not go outside their character. In doing so, I was very annoyed. Al Gore makes a cameo appearance and still rambles on, but he does make fun of himself(No, there are NO references to ManBearPig, although Eric Cartman's head does appear in a jar in one scene in the movie). Anyways, Lots of emotional stuff goes on with Fry befriending a narwhal, and the movies gags and comedy gets more generic by the minute. The movie limps to a very depressing and bitter end which I can only guess is supposed to have some meaning or message for us. Even more disappointing is that a lot of the characters seem to be somewhat incidental and don't serve much purpose. I must say though that even the hardcore may watch it 2 or 3 times but will eventually see past the first 10 minutes and just see a movie that was not very well written. It's got great emotional content, but the problem is that it severely overwhelms the comedy and action. I am super serial when I say that it's a movie only for the hardcore Futurama fans and even then I would only recommend a rental.
Death Proof (2007)
Problematic on every level
Don't get me wrong, I am not offended by the blood and gore in the film. I want to say that the gore was actually kept to a minimum. What did offend me however is that there's way too much talking for the first 40 minutes of the film. This group of four girls talk and talk forever and ever about sex, drugs and alcohol. Finally, the movie starts to pick up steam and something finally happens. However, we are then introduced to yet ANOTHER group of four girls who are stunt women. We are forced to watch them drive about. They talk about sex, then they talk to one another about guns and sex in a diner, then they talk a farmer into lending them his car, then finally something happens. The last twenty minutes are dynamite. Problem is that it's too little, too late. The ending is quite kick-ass, but it seems to me the movie had to limp on and on just to get to that point. I was quite disappointed and unless you find inane babble about drugs and sex to be entertaining, I think you will be too.
The greatest summer movie of all time
Transformers, it's a movie that everybody has been very negative about ever since it was first announced. Once you see the movie, you'll find yourself enjoying it on every possible level. It's a lot of fun to watch. It's not a intellectual movie, it's not thought-provoking or deep. That's not the point, the point of the movie is to be complete 100% fun and enjoyment. The highlight of the film is Peter Cullen, who voices Optimus Prime and also does a voice-over for the very beginning of the film. He has a booming heroic voice that will send chills up and down your spine. The movies CGI is incredible, the jokes are not particularly fresh or new, but they are a lot of fun. You'll find yourself laughing throughout the film. There are a lot of moments to cheer during the movie. Whether you are new to Transformers or are a total G1 fanatic, you'll love this movie. The only way you won't enjoy this movie is if you enter the movie expecting it to be bad. In any case, you will leave completely entertained and blown away, because after this film Hollywood will be hard-pressed to make anything bigger.
My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006)
MSEG is never dull, never boring, and best of all it's never gross, except for the joke at the beginning about a man wishing he could "orally gratify" himself. It also has more of a story to it than you saw in the movie trailer. It also manages to remain entertaining and thoroughly entertaining throughout! Uma Thurman is an absolutely beautiful and delightful woman, she is great as super heroine g-girl, as for the other supporting characters they are there to be there since all or most of our attention ought to be focused on Uma. Anyways, the movie plays out like any other great Ivan reitman film. This movie is not like Evolution, but is closer to "Ghostbusters" in the fine tradition of that great humor.