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"The Erotic Adventures of Heidi", 13 January 2017

If you have a thing for 1970's German sexploitation films (and I'm not sure why you would), you might find this particular entry mildly interesting. Most of the sex films of this era were of the "report" variety (most famously the "Schoolgirl Report" series) set in urban areas and "reporting on"/exploiting the "liberated" sexual attitudes and mores of the day. There was another parallel strain of German sex comedies, however, based on traditional folk tales and set in the Barvarian countryside or in rural mountainous areas. These "Barvarian sex comedies" hearkened back (well, sort of) to the Leni Riefenstahl "mountain films" that were popular in the pre-Nazi era. They include such titles as "Bottoms Up" and "Run, Virgin, Run". This film is interesting because it's kind of a COMBINATION of the "report" films and the Barvarian sex comedies. Obviously, it's a sexed-up, "adult" version of "Heidi", but it makes the traditional children's book heroine into a sexy teenage variation on one of the "Schoolgirl Report" vixens--i.e. her "erotic adventures" include getting grades from her male teachers without doing a whole lot of studying. But then she leaves for the Barvarian countryside to do farm work where she gets involved with a handsome local, a jealous bully, and a goofy guy who keeps pulling strange things out of his lederhosen (like a trout after he falls in the lake).

I kind of enjoy the Barvarian sex comedies because of the beautiful natural scenery of the German countryside. And I enjoy the "report" films for the beautiful natural scenery of German actresses like Gisela Schwartz, the lead in this one. It's a bit of a stretch to buy these twenty-ish actresses as actual teenage schoolgirls, but at least they don't tend to have the cellulite and stretch marks of a lot of the actresses in American sexploitation films of this era, nor the obviously fake breasts and tattoos that are ubiquitous in sex films today. Genuinely pretty girls running around au natural in beautiful alpine wilderness is always a winner, no matter how flat-out stupid the plot is or how painfully unfunny the naughtiness and bawdiness may be.

I have to admit I saw this film by accident on You Tube and it was MOS ("mit out sound") for some reason, but the soundtrack probably would have been in German anyway. I'm sure I missed a few of the more subtle plot points (ha, ha), but the more interesting aspects I mentioned previously came through just fine.

4 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
"One-sided" but insightful documentary on the Traci Lords scandal, 14 December 2016

This is a short, but interesting British-made documentary on 80's underage porn star Traci Lords. It is definitely rather one-sided since Traci herself refused to talk about her porn career for years (before completely glossing over it in her self-serving and sanitized autobiography). Without the participation of Traci herself, they mostly just interview her then-colleagues like Ginger Lynn, Amber Lynn, ex-boyfriend Tom Byron, and the ubiquitous, motor-mouthed Ron Jeremy. They are all obviously bitter, but surprisingly pretty fair to Lords. They also interview one of the vice cops who were chasing porno crews around back then trying to get them for "pandering" (Some of the more paranoid people think Traci Lords was a mole sent in by the authorities to wreck the industry).

It is interesting how little most people know about this scandal. Far from being the innocent "porn victim" she has often allowed herself to be portrayed as, Traci Lords got into porn using a fake ID that was so convincing it even fooled US customs agents, who issued her a US passport to pursue her porn career in Europe. She rose to great fame in the porno industry, and it was only conveniently AFTER she turned 18 that the truth came out. She then nearly destroyed the porno industry as they lost millions recalling all her tapes, and many people were threatened with long prison sentences. Meanwhile, her only "legal" XXX appearance was in her self-produced "Traci, I Love" made after she turned 18 and released in the wake of scandal. (You can at least UNDERSTAND the conspiracy theories. . .) What is more irksome (to me) is the way her "victim" status has allowed her to enjoy measured success in the "legitimate" Hollywood film industry whereas Ginger Lynn Allen (who went to jail, partly in retaliation for her refusing to testify for Traci) has been shunned--even though she was only a few years older than Traci. And if you think things have changed, look at how Sasha Grey, the latest porn starlet to attempt a legitimate career, is treated right here on her IMDb page. Get into porn at 16, you're an innocent victim, absolved of ALL moral responsibility, but get into porn at 18, you're branded for life as a shameless slut unworthy of legitimate employment.

Perhaps, the most controversial aspect of this documentary is that it contains underage nudity (although of course not graphic sex) of Traci in scenes from her porn career. But this also serves to show how PHYSICALLY indistinguishable she was from her slightly older contemporaries like Ginger Lynn, Amber Lynn, and Christy Canyon. One of the STUPIDEST things today is the way many confuse the natural attraction men feel towards 16 or 17-year-olds like Traci, who could easily pass for 25, with "pedophilia", which is an attraction to PREPUBESCENT children. Gee, if you're attracted to 25-year-old women, how could you NOT be attracted to physically mature teenage girls who LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME?

Though admittedly "one-sided", this documentary really puts this scandal in perspective, and it's a perspective that is often lost in the moral hysteria of today.

1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Hard-to-find Hubert Frank sex /action film with a sexy, sexy Natalie Uher, 14 December 2016

A young French girl (Natalie Uher) is in love with her teacher. To get away from the situation, she decides to go on vacation to Portugal. But because of an airline strike, she opts to hitch a ride on the private plane of a wealthy, middle-aged jet-setter, who promptly drugs her, kidnaps her, and takes her to his villa in what is supposed to be North Africa (it looks like Reunion or the Canary Islands). It turns out he is not planning to sell her into white slavery (damn!), but wants to use her for a hare-brain scheme to seduce his own son, who has developed an "Oedipus complex" and run off with his step-mother (the rich man's wife). Of course, being the typical badly dubbed Euro-sexpot, our girl ends up seducing pretty much everybody, INCLUDING the step-mom. And just to complicate matters, the island is experiencing a revolt from third-world "revolutionaries" (who are unwashed, but strangely all-white), and they keep kidnapping our tres luscious heroine and tying her butt-naked to a stake and what-not. . .

Here's another softcore sex fantasy from the redoubtable (just try to doubt him only once!) Hubert Frank. Though less famous than other Euro-sex filmmakers of that era like Jesus Franco or Joe D'Amato, the German Frank is also much more underrated. Like a lot of Euro-sex filmmakers, he takes his softcore erotica to "exotic" and scenic locales, but he's also famous for including a lot of surprisingly competent action sequences (complete with impressive stunt-work and aerial plane and helicopter footage). I'm not personally a fan of softcore/actions films of American Andy Sidaris , but I think Sidaris fans would really appreciate the combination of sex/nudity and well-edited action scenes in Frank films. Frank also always adds a touch of the Jess Franco polymorpous perversity (the boy and stepmother)and the whip-lash inducing tone changes Joe D'Amato was famous for (like D'Amato Frank's films careen wildly from jolly to serious to downright appalling and back again). It's so much more interesting than the softcore sex films of today, which are five minutes of stupid story/exposition followed by ten minutes of boring sex. rinse and repeat, and no one ever leaves the San Fernando Valley condo because they're too cheap to get film permits!

With this particular film, Frank is also treading a little into David Hamilton territory in that his lead, the beautiful Natalie Uher, was (according to highly unreliable IMDb dates) only 16 at the time! But if this what a lot of 16-year-olds look like with their clothes off, then we should all just go voluntarily register as sex offenders and get it over with.(She looks a lot older than 16 to me though). Uher would go to appear in German "Playboy" and then become "Emmanuelle 6". She was a natural beauty who should NEVER have worn clothes. She wasn't much of an actress, but then it's hard to be when you're clumsily dubbed into English.

This one was pretty hard to find, but I'm glad I finally found it.

2 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
A surprisingly "feminist" Japanese "pink" film, 27 November 2016

This Japanese "pink" movie has a sexy but ridiculous premise involving a young girl who is trying to collect 100 "penis prints" (don't ask) from her sexual partners before her arranged marriage. Her "prey" is not famous celebrities or even good-looking or well-endowed guys, but up-and-coming business executives (only in Japan!). She of course has various misadventures. One guy doesn't wait for her to wipe the ink off before excitedly having sex with her. Another guy gives her a "wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am" in a dressing room before she can even get out her paper and ink blotter. The most ridiculous encounter involves a guy who has been "training" to have sex for 55 hours straight (beating my personal record by 54 hours and 45 minutes). Since she is trying to finish collecting 100 prints during a brief trip to Tokyo, you'd think this would at least slow her down a lot! Anyway the ending is quite funny and ironic. There is also a subplot where the ambitiously horny heroine meets a sexy lesbian couple who are plotting to get revenge on another vile male executive who tied up and, uh, shaved one of them.

This movie is a bit unusual among "pink" films in its nascent feminism. This plot wouldn't have been out of place in a Western sex film, but Japanese women were rarely portrayed as being this sexually aggressive back in 1981 (they were much more likely to be hapless rape victims). The fairly positive portrayal of lesbianism and female-on-male revenge and abuse plot are also different and refreshing. The lead Junko Ashanina is a definite asset to this movie, and she shows off her NICEST "asset" right in the opening scene when she bends over to get in a taxi while wearing a short skirt. Between that and the title, I'm surprised more of her paramours in the movie didn't end up giving it to her "from behind". This is pretty sexy and definitely worth watching for those who might prefer their "pink" fare less rough and more feminist.

4 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
Not for everyone, obviously, 24 November 2016

While I don't really want to defend this sub-par Japanese "pink" film, it is unfortunate when one of these films finds an audience that neither understands nor appreciates this genre. First off, people need to understand that films like this were SIMULATED. The sex is not real (and is highly stylized due to the Japanese aversion to pubic hair and genitalia), and the "rape" is certainly not real even if the Japanese actresses involved are far more talented your usual adult starlets. The elaborate rope-play was, by necessity, real, but the scene where the villain drips copious amounts of hot candle wax on the torsos of two women obviously was not.

These films are also FICTIONAL. There is, in Japan and other countries today, a small niche market within the AV (adult video) market of CONSENSUAL BDSM films where women (and sometimes men) are genuinely, but CONSENSUALLY, abused. Even these films though wouldn't hold much appeal for a genuine rapist or sexual sadist because they ARE consensual. But such a deviant would be even MORE disappointed in "pink" films which are fictional and simulated as well. Moreover, the "pink" films have much higher production values than even consensual BDSM videos today and were even backed by major Japanese studios like Nikkatsu and Toei. Clearly, they did not only appeal to sex deviants and perverts. Just like how not everyone (or really, anyone) who likes Hannibal Lector is into serial killing cannibalism, not everyone who likes films like this into real-life rape and non-consensual BDSM. There is a difference between fiction and and reality, between sex fantasy and reality, and even between fiction and sex fantasy.

A genuine problem with this particular "pink" film is it has a very anemic plot compared to a lot of the more artistic and accomplished "pink" films . A young teacher rescues a female student from a rapist and gets raped herself. A male colleague seems sympathetic in the aftermath of the rape, but soon becomes unhinged and kidnaps her and the student (when she comes looking for her). After that, the movie degenerates into a series of bondage and rape scenes and (literal) torture porn. The ending is both mean-spirited and perfunctory. It doesn't surprise me this leaves a bad taste in some people's mouths, even if frankly it doesn't hold hot candle wax to some of the truly disturbing "pink" films like "Lolita Vibrator Torture". This is not good and it's obviously not for everyone, but some reviews of it frankly read like me trying to review a Hollywood rom-com.

5 out of 7 people found the following review useful:
French re-make of "Blame It on Rio"?--well, not quite, 21 October 2016

There is a reason that some of the other reviewers have noted that the plot of this movie is very similar to the 1984 American film "Blame It on Rio". BOTH movies are remakes of a now largely forgotten 1977 French film with the same title as this one, "Un Moment d'engarement" ("One Wild Moment"). It is interesting though that the French are STILL making films like this, while the Americans wouldn't touch this subject today with a ten-foot pole. It's very doubtful older teenage girls have become more virginal since the 1970's and 1980's, and the idea that a sexual relationship between a younger person and an older person is ALWAYS "predatory" (provided the younger person is old enough to be sexually active in the first place)is a lot more debatable than it is often made out to be. Are sexually active teenage girls really a lot better off with an inexperienced guy "their own age" who doesn't even know how to successfully use a condom?

For me though it is pretty simple. There are A LOT of things that seem exciting and enticing in movies, but would be extremely foolish and probably disastrous to do in real life. I definitely wouldn't lie down on the train tracks and let a train pass over me, even though it seems exciting when they do it in movies, and by the same token, while I enjoy the fantasy of movies like this (or the two earlier versions), I certainly wouldn't do it in real life. I doubt even in real-life France that middle-age men routinely sleep with their friends' teenage daughters, but the French also just don't have the ridiculous puritanical hang-ups of Americans when it comes to anything having to do with S-E-X, and thank god for that.

For what it's worth, this version does make one concession to our more cautionary times. While the young actresses in the original "Un Moment d'engarement" and "Blame It On Rio" were both slightly underage themselves at the time like their characters, the actress here, Lola Le Lann, was actually about twenty, and ANY male of ANY age will find her VERY attractive as she frolics around completely naked in the surf. Ooh-la-la! I do think they should have switched the male roles and had the more mature and repressed Francois Cluzet get involved with his friend's daughter as opposed to the more youthful and "dangerous" Vincent Cassell. (That dynamic worked better in "Blame It On Rio" where the hapless Michael Caine had to deal with the volatile Joseph Bologna, who was trying to find the older man who slept with his daughter). Still this is a pretty entertaining and sexy movie, but definitely don't expect another American remake in this day and age.

3 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Not bad for what it is, 10 October 2016

I have several minds about this movie. It has an excellent story (based on a French novel) involving a poor but handsome young rogue who worms his way into the wealthy family of a boorish school chum and seduces all the female members. But the material REALLY requires a stronger actor who can pull off charismatic and malevolent effectively. However, this movie is saddled with Kevin Bernhardt , a typical 1980's blow-dried pretty-boy with all the charismatic malevolence of a European C. Thomas Howell. Some of the other flaws are not necessarily the fault of the original filmmakers. Cheesy English dubbing NEVER helps a halfway serious movie, but a subtitled version of this movie is not currently available. There also seems to be some strange law that "erotic" movies MUST have a sub-Kenny G soft jazz score, but I can tell you that if this kind of horrid music swelled up every time people started having sex in real life, I personally would just stop doing it!

If you take this movie as sex movie though, as opposed to a serious drama, it is actually pretty effective. The female cast is superb. The very sexy Lydie Denier plays the bitter, wheelchair-bound older sister. Denier would eventually go to Hollywood where she was almost completely wasted in bad horror movies and American "erotic thrillers". Veteran Eastern European exploitation actress Eva Czemyrs plays the mother. She is both sexy and quite BELIEVABLE (for a change) as the middle-age mother of adult children (although frankly she is way too quickly and easily seduced by her son's friend). The never-to-be-seen-again Marie Bossee is effective as the whiny girlfriend of the rich kid, who the rakish protagonist seduces and abandons (literally) by the side of the road. Veronique Beguin is not entirely believable as the adolescent younger sister, but that was probably necessary since she has a very hot and quite perverse sex scene where the protagonist teaches her how to masturbate and takes racy nude pictures of her. It's certainly not boring as far as the sex goes!

You could certainly make a better, much more serious movie with this material, which is kind of a cross between "Dangerous Liasons" and "Boudou Saved from Drowning" (later re-made in Hollywood as "Down and Out in Beverly Hills"), but it does work well as a softcore sex film. Interestingly, one of the better "erotic thrillers" of the 1990's "Poison Ivy 3" (aka "Violet") was almost a verbatim re-make of this film, but with gender roles switched. The two films share an almost identical twist involving the family maid (the one sexy female here the protagonist does NOT seduce), but the European class-consciousness works better in this French movie, even if Jaime Pressley (the star of "Violet") is far more sexy and believably malevolent than Bernhardt. This obviously could have been better, but it's not bad for what it is

Chloé (1996) (TV)
3 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
Marion Cotillard is woefully miscast, but also the only reason to see this, 4 September 2016

This is a goofy French TV movie about a troubled teenage girl who runs away from home. After taking a train to the big city, she runs into a vicious pimp (a vicious WHITE pimp, of course), who forces her to do a and striptease for his friends at a bar, takes her virginity, and then turns her out to work the streets (beating and raping her when she is being uncooperative).

The main point of interest of this movie is future Oscar winner Marion Cotillard in the lead. She is quite good, but also VERY miscast. Even at the young age of 18 or 19, she was much too mature-looking and attractive to be very believable in the role of a hapless, naive teenager. There is a scene at the beginning where a male school chum makes a wager with her and another girl that if he lies on the tracks and allows a train to pass over him one of them will have sex with him. "Chloe" is upset when he chooses the OTHER girl, but frankly it beggars belief that ALL the guys in rural France would not all be throwing themselves under trains for a shot at this sumptuous beauty. And the belief beggaring continues when she falls for the seedy charms of a low-rent pimp and becomes a low-rent streetwalker later in the movie.

Frankly, the best reason to see this movie is the uninhibited nude scenes that Cotillard was wont to do early in her career. If you're a straight male, so much blood will no doubt be regularly flowing FROM your brain that you'll take the absurd plotting, unintentionally campy melodrama, and woeful miscasting completely in stride. Be warned though that the version playing of this on Amazon Prime has all the nude/sex scenes removed for god knows what reason (this is the same service that is currently streaming the notorious Hong Kong "category III" film "Red to Kill" totally uncut). There is really no good reason to watch this nonsense if you can't at least appreciate the wonders of Cotillard's nude form. Otherwise, you might as well just sit through a sanctimonious Lifetime movie on this subject (and in French to boot).

1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
"Ice Cream with Two Scoops", 4 September 2016

I expected this film to be a racy teen sex comedy along the lines of other early 80's fare like "Little Darlings", the German film "Boarding School", or the French film "Girls" (which is ALSO only currently available in a German dub with no English subtitles). But this is actually a film about a pair of sisters (Desiree Nosbusch and Valerie Dumas), whose parents are divorcing after their father leaves their mother for a younger woman, and who plot together to try to repair their fractured family. This is a more innocent "coming-of-age" movie that at times plays like a teenage, non-identical-twin version of "The Parent Trap", but it is also a fairly realistic film about growing up that probably MOST resembles other sweet and innocent French films like "Peppermint Soda" (also about two sisters) or the later French teen film "La Boum" (which they used to show a lot in French class in American high schools).

It does have some scenes that are perhaps not fit for a high school French class, like the topless skinny-dipping scene the other reviewer mentioned. But frankly this is nothing you wouldn't see today on a lot of European beaches (if you're the kind of pervert who goes there to ogle barely pubescent girls anyway). A lot of people (especially a lot of American people), make a big deal today about "underage nudity". But you're not going to get excited about seeing someone naked if you're not ALREADY attracted to them to begin with. And if you're really NOT attracted to them, some innocuous topless skinny-dipping shouldn't bother you. Besides, 18-year-old French beauty Valerie Kaprisky ALSO appears in the skinny-dipping scene, so I don't know why anyone would even be looking at the much younger Valerie Dumas.

German actress Desiree Nosbusch, who plays the older sister, meanwhile would go to appear in the much more graphic, scandalous, and genuinely disturbing German horror film "Der Trance" a year later. I'll freely admit to being perverted enough that I kinda wished THIS film was more of a racy teen comedy with Desiree Nosbusch and Valerie Kaprisky having a contest to see who could lose their virginity first (but that probably would have taken five minutes and ended in a tie). It's kind of ironic that French films are always accused of being sex-minded when actually most French teen films are sweet and realistic and simply take the eventual loss of virginity for granted while it is the American films that often regard it as a raunchy quest for the Holy Grail. The raunchiest thing about this is if you put the French title in Google translator, it comes up as "Ice Cream with Two Balls"!

Trap (2015/III)
3 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Kind of a weird South Korean cross between "The Postman Always Rings Twice" and "Lolita", 4 September 2016

This South Korean movie is kind of a cross between "Lolita" and "The Postman Always Rings Twice", but much weirder than either. A young writer goes to a rustic, isolated mountain resort to work on a project, but becomes very distracted by the pretty young assistant of the owner. At first, he is secretly obsessed with her, crawling on the rusty roof of a tin shack to spy on her as she bathes, but eventually she reciprocates his attentions and they enter into a full-blown sexual pas de deux, which leads to an inevitable conflict with her brutish employer (who she is also sexually involved with).

The girl at first perversely appears to be a high-school age schoolgirl, but after the protagonist follows her to "school" one day, he finds out that things aren't as they seem. The girl eventually goes from a coquettish lolita to a Lana Turner-esque femme fatale, but she does not have the venal yet rational motives of a traditional femme fatale, but seems playing a much more sinister and psychotic game. The movie is also quite surreal. It has a dearth of dialogue (which is fortunate since the version I saw had no English subs) and a lot of weird and arresting imagery like an abandoned SUV in the middle of the deep woods. The narrative is very disjointed, elliptical, and time-disoriented. It may have been a mistake by the low-budget production, but there is no attempt at continuity as far as the weather goes. Scenes go back and forth between snowy winter and what looks like late spring, so much so that's it impossible to tell how long the writer is even at the cabin. But mistake or not, this only adds to the effectively disjointed, surreal atmosphere.

The movie is also genuinely erotic. It opens with a graphic male-on-female oral sex scene, but then slowly builds up the sexual tension for about an hour before ending with a lot more sex scenes, some of which are quite perverse (the employer checks if his young mistress has been faithful to him by pulling down her pants and sniffing her--a scene very similar to one in the novel "Lolita" that, not surprisingly, was never adapted in any of the movies). It's impossible to tell whether the actress (Je In Han) is 17, as she appears at the beginning, or closer to 30, as she looks by the end, but regardless she is very attractive and has numerous tantalizing nude/sex scenes. Of course, it's not all that hard to find a hot girl to do nude sex scenes, but very few of them are able to go through such impressive acting paces or appear in a movie that is nearly this interesting. Recommended.

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