Whatevers reviewed by Phelous

by SpeedyEric | created - 16 Jun 2011 | updated - 2 weeks ago | Public

I don't like this movie. It doesn't look too friendly. That monster seems so fake. My nerves are gonna break. Phelous don't let me down. You need to be around. Grab that running one up, and blast that thing a new one. This movie looks shitty. Phelous, oh Phelous, bring on Mortal Komedy. Oh Phelous, oh Phelous, and some more horror movies. Oh Phelous, oh Phelous, I don't care 'bout how you sound. Oh Phelous, oh Phelous, what's your opinion about?

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1. Mac and Me (1988)

PG | 95 min | Adventure, Family, Fantasy

An alien trying to escape from NASA is befriended by a wheelchair-bound boy.

Director: Stewart Raffill | Stars: Christine Ebersole, Jonathan Ward, Tina Caspary, Lauren Stanley

Votes: 10,779 | Gross: $6.42M

Fair enough.

"Fair enough" is in the #9 spot of the Top 10 Phelous Moments 2012 list. The Japanese Cut was later reviewed.

2. I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer (2006 Video)

R | 92 min | Horror, Mystery, Thriller

A group of teenagers in Colorado find themselves being stalked and killed one by one by a mysterious figure with a hook, exactly one year after they covered up a friend's accidental death.

Director: Sylvain White | Stars: Brooke Nevin, David Paetkau, Torrey DeVitto, Ben Easter

Votes: 9,531

A ZOMBIE FISHERMAN?!?!?!

3. Funny Games (2007)

R | 111 min | Crime, Drama, Thriller

44 Metascore

Two psychopathic young men take a family hostage in their cabin.

Director: Michael Haneke | Stars: Naomi Watts, Tim Roth, Michael Pitt, Brady Corbet

Votes: 85,009 | Gross: $1.29M

Later re-reviewed.

"Mmm, what you say? Mm, that you only meant well? Well, of course you did. Mmm, what you say? Mm, that it's all for the best? Of course it is. Mmm, what you say? Mm, that it's just what we need? And you decided this. What you say? Mmm, what did you say?"

4. The Ruins (2008)

R | 90 min | Horror

44 Metascore

A group of friends whose leisurely Mexican holiday takes a turn for the worse when they, along with a fellow tourist, embark on a remote archaeological dig in the jungle where something evil lives among the ruins.

Director: Carter Smith | Stars: Shawn Ashmore, Jena Malone, Jonathan Tucker, Laura Ramsey

Votes: 66,808 | Gross: $17.43M

OOOH NOOOOOOOOOO!

5. Silent Hill (2006)

R | 125 min | Horror

31 Metascore

A woman, Rose, goes in search for her adopted daughter within the confines of a strange, desolate town called Silent Hill.

Director: Christophe Gans | Stars: Radha Mitchell, Laurie Holden, Sean Bean, Deborah Kara Unger

Votes: 204,994 | Gross: $46.98M

Later re-reviewed.

"SILENT HILL!"

6. Troll (1986)

PG-13 | 82 min | Comedy, Fantasy, Horror

A wicked troll king in search of a mystical ring that will transform him to human form invades a San Francisco apartment complex where a powerful witch lives.

Director: John Carl Buechler | Stars: Michael Moriarty, Shelley Hack, Noah Hathaway, Jenny Beck

Votes: 8,660 | Gross: $5.45M

7. Troll 2 (1990)

PG-13 | 95 min | Comedy, Fantasy, Horror

A family vacationing in a small town discovers the entire town is inhabited by goblins in disguise as humans, who plan to eat them.

Director: Claudio Fragasso | Stars: Michael Paul Stephenson, George Hardy, Margo Prey, Connie Young

Votes: 29,282

"Oh my gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood."

8. Skinned Deep (2004)

R | 97 min | Comedy, Horror

A family vacation is turned into a nightmare when they are abducted by a family of deranged killers in this "Texas Chainsaw" style comedy sci-fi horror thriller romantic drama.

Director: Gabriel Bartalos | Stars: Les Pollack, Aaron Sims, Kurt Carley, Linda Weinrib

Votes: 1,454

"WHY?"

9. Hobgoblins (1988)

Not Rated | 88 min | Comedy, Horror, Sci-Fi

A young security guard must track down diminutive aliens who kill people even as they make their fantasies come true.

Director: Rick Sloane | Stars: Tom Bartlett, Paige Sullivan, Steven Boggs, Kelley Palmer

Votes: 10,470

10. The Crawlers (1993)

R | 91 min | Horror

People from a small town are attacked by evil radioactive tree roots growing in the forest.

Directors: Fabrizio Laurenti, Joe D'Amato | Stars: Mary Sellers, Jason Saucier, Bubba Reeves, Chelsi Stahr

Votes: 1,016

One of the Troll 3's.

11. Cabin Fever (2002)

R | 93 min | Horror

56 Metascore

Five college graduates rent a cabin in the woods and begin to fall victim to a horrifying flesh-eating virus, which attracts the unwanted attention of the homicidal locals.

Director: Eli Roth | Stars: Jordan Ladd, Rider Strong, James DeBello, Cerina Vincent

Votes: 70,848 | Gross: $21.16M

"Ooh, faced!"

12. The Midnight Meat Train (2008)

R | 100 min | Horror, Mystery

58 Metascore

A photographer's obsessive pursuit of dark subject matter leads him into the path of a serial killer who stalks late night commuters, ultimately butchering them in the most gruesome ways imaginable.

Director: Ryûhei Kitamura | Stars: Vinnie Jones, Bradley Cooper, Leslie Bibb, Brooke Shields

Votes: 56,459 | Gross: $0.08M

BUCKFUTTALITY! "Buck futter!"

13. Day of the Dead (2008 Video)

R | 86 min | Action, Horror, Thriller

When a small Colorado town is overrun by the flesh hungry dead a small group of survivors try to escape in a last ditch effort to stay alive.

Director: Steve Miner | Stars: Mena Suvari, Nick Cannon, Michael Welch, AnnaLynne McCord

Votes: 19,716

"I'm a vegetarian, by the way."

14. Resident Evil (2002)

R | 100 min | Action, Horror, Sci-Fi

33 Metascore

A special military unit fights a powerful, out-of-control supercomputer and hundreds of scientists who have mutated into flesh-eating creatures after a laboratory accident.

Director: Paul W.S. Anderson | Stars: Milla Jovovich, Michelle Rodriguez, Ryan McCluskey, Oscar Pearce

Votes: 234,875 | Gross: $40.12M

"HE'S INFECTED WITH THE T-VIRUS!!" (dramatic music cue)

15. Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004)

R | 94 min | Action, Horror, Sci-Fi

35 Metascore

Alice wakes up in Racoon city hospital after the city has been overrun by zombies. Alice must now make it out of the city before a mucilage bomb is dropped on the city.

Director: Alexander Witt | Stars: Milla Jovovich, Sienna Guillory, Eric Mabius, Oded Fehr

Votes: 177,503 | Gross: $51.20M

"I GOT A SHOTGUN."

16. Resident Evil: Extinction (2007)

R | 94 min | Action, Horror, Sci-Fi

41 Metascore

Survivors of the Raccoon City catastrophe travel across the Nevada desert, hoping to make it to Alaska. Alice joins the caravan and their fight against the evil Umbrella Corp.

Director: Russell Mulcahy | Stars: Milla Jovovich, Ali Larter, Oded Fehr, Iain Glen

Votes: 175,362 | Gross: $50.65M

"What? What is this?"

17. Feardotcom (2002)

R | 101 min | Crime, Horror, Thriller

16 Metascore

A New York City detective investigates mysterious deaths occurring 48 hours after users log onto a site named feardotcom.

Director: William Malone | Stars: Stephen Dorff, Natascha McElhone, Stephen Rea, Udo Kier

Votes: 19,034 | Gross: $13.21M

Feardotcom.com

18. Santa's Slay (2005)

R | 78 min | Comedy, Fantasy, Horror

Santa Claus is actually a demon who lost a bet with an Angel, so he becomes the giver of toys and happiness. But when the bet is off, he returns to his evil ways.

Director: David Steiman | Stars: Bill Goldberg, Douglas Smith, Emilie de Ravin, Robert Culp

Votes: 8,465

For Christmas 2009

19. Night of the Lepus (1972)

PG | 88 min | Horror, Sci-Fi, Thriller

Giant mutant rabbits terrorize the south-west.

Director: William F. Claxton | Stars: Stuart Whitman, Janet Leigh, Rory Calhoun, DeForest Kelley

Votes: 3,902

And he diiiiieeeees!

20. I Know How Many Runs You Scored Last Summer (2008)

Not Rated | 80 min | Comedy, Crime, Horror

A cricket team are dismissed by a moustachioed serial killer with a razor sharp cricket glove and an arsenal of sharpened stumps. One by one the killer exacts revenge for the torment he endured 20 years earlier.

Directors: Stacey Edmonds, Doug Turner | Stars: Jai Koutrae, Stacey Edmonds, Az Jackson, David Gambin

Votes: 524

21. Day of the Dead 2: Contagium (2005 Video)

Not Rated | 103 min | Horror

In 1968, in the Ravenside Military Hospital in a military facility in Pennsylvania, the army loses control of an experiment of a lethal bacteriologic weapon that changes the DNA and ... See full summary »

Directors: Ana Clavell, James Glenn Dudelson | Stars: Laurie Baranyay, Stan Klimecko, John F. Henry II, Justin Ipock

Votes: 3,238

22. Automaton Transfusion (2006)

75 min | Horror

Three teens find themselves in a town over run with zombies. Deciding to fight back, they go on a punch you in the throat, action packed, non stop ride through the city, woods, and schools.

Director: Steven C. Miller | Stars: Garrett Jones, Juliet Reeves London, William Howard, Rowan Bousaid

Votes: 2,213

23. Pet Sematary II (1992)

R | 100 min | Fantasy, Horror

35 Metascore

A teenage boy and his father move to his recently-deceased mother's hometown, where they encounter the ancient Native American cemetery with the power to raise the dead.

Director: Mary Lambert | Stars: Edward Furlong, Anthony Edwards, Clancy Brown, Jared Rushton

Votes: 17,924 | Gross: $17.09M

24. Night of the Living Dead 3D (2006)

R | 80 min | Horror

32 Metascore

Both an homage to and a re-imagining of the original 1968 film, this update follows a group of survivors trapped in a farmhouse battling a siege of undead zombies....in 3D!

Director: Jeff Broadstreet | Stars: Brianna Brown, Joshua DesRoches, Sid Haig, Greg Travis

Votes: 3,273 | Gross: $0.22M

25. The Deaths of Ian Stone (2007)

R | 87 min | Horror, Thriller

Deaths tells the story of an all-American guy who is murdered each day by horrifying pursuers, only to wake up in slightly different lives to experience the terror of being murdered again.

Director: Dario Piana | Stars: Mike Vogel, Jaime Murray, Christina Cole, Michael Feast

Votes: 12,293

"Pardon my tits."

26. Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever (2009)

R | 86 min | Horror

A high school prom faces a deadly threat: a flesh-eating virus that spreads via a popular brand of bottled water.

Director: Ti West | Stars: Rider Strong, Noah Segan, Alexi Wasser, Rusty Kelley

Votes: 12,207

27. Quest for the Mighty Sword (1990)

PG-13 | 94 min | Fantasy, Adventure

Once upon a time a god gave a mighty sword to the king of Aquiles to bring justice to his people. Now he wants it back - but the king rather gives his life than the sword. Goddess Dehamira,... See full summary »

Director: Joe D'Amato | Stars: Eric Allan Kramer, Margaret Lenzey, Donald O'Brien, Dina Morrone

Votes: 589

The other Troll 3.

(Rape horn)

28. Army of Darkness (1992)

R | 81 min | Comedy, Horror

57 Metascore

A man is accidentally transported to 1300 A.D., where he must battle an army of the dead and retrieve the Necronomicon so he can return home.

Director: Sam Raimi | Stars: Bruce Campbell, Embeth Davidtz, Marcus Gilbert, Ian Abercrombie

Votes: 153,883 | Gross: $11.50M

For April Fool's 2010

29. Hostel (2005)

R | 94 min | Horror

55 Metascore

Three backpackers head to a Slovak city that promises to meet their hedonistic expectations, with no idea of the hell that awaits them.

Director: Eli Roth | Stars: Jay Hernandez, Derek Richardson, Eythor Gudjonsson, Barbara Nedeljakova

Votes: 161,254 | Gross: $47.33M

I don't care.

30. Hostel: Part II (2007)

R | 94 min | Horror

46 Metascore

Three American college students studying abroad are lured to a Slovakian hostel, and discover the grim reality behind it.

Director: Eli Roth | Stars: Lauren German, Heather Matarazzo, Bijou Phillips, Roger Bart

Votes: 81,456 | Gross: $17.61M

31. Death Row (2006 TV Movie)

Not Rated | 90 min | Comedy, Crime, Horror

A documentary film crew gets trapped in an abandoned prison.

Director: Kevin VanHook | Stars: Jake Busey, Kyle Schmid, Stacy Keach, Claire Coffee

Votes: 622

32. Humans (2009)

90 min | Action, Adventure, Horror

A team of several researchers travel to the Swiss Alps to investigate a scientific discovery on human evolution.

Directors: Jacques-Olivier Molon, Pierre-Olivier Thevenin | Stars: Sara Forestier, Lorànt Deutsch, Dominique Pinon, Manon Tournier

Votes: 769

With Benzaie.

33. The Reaping (2007)

R | 99 min | Horror, Thriller

36 Metascore

A former Christian missionary, who specializes in debunking religious phenomena, investigates a small town which seems to be suffering from the 10 biblical plagues.

Director: Stephen Hopkins | Stars: Hilary Swank, David Morrissey, AnnaSophia Robb, Idris Elba

Votes: 40,991 | Gross: $25.12M

"You spin me right round, baby. Right round, like a record, baby. Right round, round, round."

34. Ghost Ship (2002)

R | 91 min | Horror

28 Metascore

A salvage crew discovers a long-lost 1962 passenger ship floating lifeless in a remote region of the Bering Sea, and soon notices that its long-dead inhabitants may still be on board.

Director: Steve Beck | Stars: Julianna Margulies, Gabriel Byrne, Ron Eldard, Desmond Harrington

Votes: 88,808 | Gross: $30.11M

THEY'RE THE BEST!

Phelous saying "THEY'RE THE BEST" is in the #6 spot of the Top 10 Phelous Moments 2012 list.

35. Evil Grave: Curse of the Maya (2004)

90 min | Horror

A couple purchases a house in the country only to find out a family was murdered. They uncover a curse which brings the dead back to life. It's "Dawn of the Dead" meets "28 Days Later".

Director: David Heavener | Stars: David Heavener, Amanda Bauman, Joe Estevez, Todd Bridges

Votes: 358

Aka "Dawn of the Living Dead"

36. Open Graves (2009)

R | 88 min | Horror, Thriller

A group of surfers discover an old board game which claims a life every time it is played.

Director: Álvaro de Armiñán | Stars: Mike Vogel, Eliza Dushku, Iman Nazemzadeh, Naike Rivelli

Votes: 2,797

37. Turistas (2006)

R | 93 min | Horror, Mystery, Thriller

36 Metascore

A group of young backpackers' vacation turns sour when a bus accident leaves them marooned in a remote Brazilian rural area that holds an ominous secret.

Director: John Stockwell | Stars: Josh Duhamel, Melissa George, Olivia Wilde, Desmond Askew

Votes: 34,597 | Gross: $7.03M

38. .com for Murder (2002)

Unrated | 96 min | Horror, Sci-Fi, Thriller

This high-tech, psychological thriller is set in the shadowy world of the Internet. Sondra Brummel is recovering from a skiing accident in her boyfriend's mansion, and accidently contacts a... See full summary »

Director: Nico Mastorakis | Stars: Nastassja Kinski, Jeffery Dean, Nicollette Sheridan, Roger Daltrey

Votes: 2,043

"Tic... Tac..."

39. Pulse (1988)

PG-13 | 95 min | Horror, Sci-Fi

A visiting son tries to warn his father and stepmother that they are being menaced by a living and intelligent pulse of electricity that moves from house to house and terrorizes the residents therein.

Director: Paul Golding | Stars: Cliff De Young, Roxanne Hart, Joey Lawrence, Matthew Lawrence

Votes: 2,016 | Gross: $0.04M

"I know what I know, boy...but I'm not telling it!"

40. Octane (2003)

R | 91 min | Horror, Mystery, Thriller

While on a late night road trip home, a woman must save her rebellious teenage daughter who runs off with a bizarre group of blood-letting psychos.

Director: Marcus Adams | Stars: Madeleine Stowe, Norman Reedus, Bijou Phillips, Mischa Barton

Votes: 2,968

Aka "Pulse."

41. Pulse (I) (2006)

PG-13 | 90 min | Horror, Sci-Fi

27 Metascore

When their computer hacker friend accidentally channels a mysterious wireless signal, a group of co-eds rally to stop a terrifying evil from taking over the world.

Director: Jim Sonzero | Stars: Kristen Bell, Rick Gonzalez, Christina Milian, Ian Somerhalder

Votes: 27,278 | Gross: $20.26M

The horror film about staticy internet ghost who are weakend by the color red.

42. Pulse 2: Afterlife (2008 Video)

R | 89 min | Drama, Horror, Sci-Fi

After ghosts invade the human world through the Internet, a father must protect his daughter from the psychotic spirit of his ex-wife.

Director: Joel Soisson | Stars: Todd Giebenhain, Diane Ayala Goldner, Rachel Robinson, Dodie Brown

Votes: 2,494

43. Pulse 3 (2008 Video)

R | 91 min | Horror, Sci-Fi

A restless girl embarks on a journey back to a city populated by the dead in search of a mysterious internet lover.

Director: Joel Soisson | Stars: Noureen DeWulf, Rider Strong, Lynn Blackburn, Jackie Arnold

Votes: 1,768

"Who are you? What did you do?"

44. Pulse (2010 TV Movie)

53 min | Horror

A year earlier medical student Hannah Carter freaked out in the operating theatre when her doctor mother, a cancer patient,died. Now she is back to resume her studies amongst whispers of ... See full summary »

Director: James Hawes | Stars: Emily Beecham, Stephen Campbell Moore, Arsher Ali, Alan Williams

Votes: 137

45. Fatal Pulse (1988)

90 min | Crime, Thriller, Horror

A girl is killed and raped minutes after fighting with her boyfriend (Jeff) and he left her. Jeff is the assistant of professor Caldwell at the university, and he wanted to return with his ... See full summary »

Director: Anthony J. Christopher | Stars: Michelle McCormick, Ken Roberts, Joe Estevez, Alex Courtney

Votes: 238

"You get the fuck outta here!"

46. Incubus (2006)

R | 84 min | Horror, Mystery, Thriller

Stranded after a car accident, a medical school student and her friends try to find shelter - only to cross paths with a deranged killer.

Director: Anya Camilleri | Stars: Tara Reid, Akemnji Ndifornyen, Alice O'Connell, Russell Carter

Votes: 1,975

Working title: "Pulse."