Totally Rotten Musicals, Dude!

by TsarStepan | created - 2 months ago | updated - 1 month ago | Public

Which of these nightmarishly terrible musicals* brings you the most dread?

Let's commiserate in tone deaf terms how much these musicals make our collective ears bleed ... over here.

(*Musicals from 1970 to 1999 with IMDb average rating no higher than 5.9)

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1. The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987)

PG | 100 min | Adventure, Comedy, Family

1 Metascore

Dodger must confront the struggles of life as he is visited by the Garbage Pail Kids and intimidated by some older bullies.

Director: Rod Amateau | Stars: Anthony Newley, Mackenzie Astin, Phil Fondacaro, Katie Barberi

Votes: 7,099 | Gross: $1.58M

2. Sextette (1977)

PG | 91 min | Comedy, Musical, Romance

On the day of her wedding to her sixth husband, a glamorous silver screen sex symbol is asked to intervene in a political dispute between nations, which leads to chaos.

Director: Ken Hughes | Stars: Mae West, Timothy Dalton, Dom DeLuise, Tony Curtis

Votes: 1,107

3. The Creature Wasn't Nice (1981)

PG | 88 min | Comedy, Horror, Musical

When the spaceship Vertigo stops to explore a previously unknown planet, the crew finds an unrecognized dollop of protoplasm and takes it aboard ship to return it to earth for analysis. On ... See full summary »

Director: Bruce Kimmel | Stars: Cindy Williams, Bruce Kimmel, Leslie Nielsen, Gerrit Graham

Votes: 1,483

4. Yes, Giorgio (1982)

PG | 110 min | Comedy, Musical

A famous opera singer, Giorgio Fini, loses his voice during an American tour. He goes to a female throat specialist, Pamela Taylor, whom he falls in love with.

Director: Franklin J. Schaffner | Stars: Luciano Pavarotti, Kathryn Harrold, Eddie Albert, Paola Borboni

Votes: 602 | Gross: $2.28M

So? Pavoratti has two Razzie nominations from being in this film?

5. Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (1978)

PG | 113 min | Adventure, Comedy, Fantasy

Small town band hits it big, but they must battle a nefarious plot in the music industry.

Director: Michael Schultz | Stars: Peter Frampton, Barry Gibb, Robin Gibb, Maurice Gibb

Votes: 5,603 | Gross: $20.38M

6. The Apple (1980)

PG | 90 min | Music, Musical, Sci-Fi

39 Metascore

In 1994, a young couple enters the world of the music industry, and subsequently the world of drugs.

Director: Menahem Golan | Stars: Catherine Mary Stewart, George Gilmour, Grace Kennedy, Allan Love

Votes: 1,741

7. Grease 2 (1982)

PG | 115 min | Comedy, Drama, Musical

52 Metascore

An English student at a 1960s American high school has to prove himself to the leader of a girls' gang whose members can only date greasers.

Director: Patricia Birch | Stars: Michelle Pfeiffer, Maxwell Caulfield, Lorna Luft, Maureen Teefy

Votes: 30,781 | Gross: $15.17M

8. Can't Stop the Music (1980)

PG | 124 min | Biography, Comedy, Musical

A pseudo autobiography of disco's The Village People.

Director: Nancy Walker | Stars: Ray Simpson, David Hodo, Felipe Rose, Randy Jones

Votes: 3,397 | Gross: $2.00M

9. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! (1978)

PG | 83 min | Adventure, Comedy, Horror

9 Metascore

A group of scientists band together to save the world from mutated killer tomatoes.

Director: John De Bello | Stars: David Miller, George Wilson, Sharon Taylor, J. Stephen Peace

Votes: 11,610

10. Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984)

PG | 94 min | Comedy, Drama, Musical

55 Metascore

A developer tries to bulldoze a community recreation center. The local breakdancers try to stop it.

Director: Sam Firstenberg | Stars: Lucinda Dickey, Adolfo Quinones, Michael Chambers, Susie Coelho

Votes: 3,387 | Gross: $15.10M

11. Fairy Tales (1978)

R | 76 min | Adventure, Comedy, Fantasy

On his twenty-first birthday, the Prince goes on a quest that takes him across the land searching for the one woman that gets him sexually excited, Princess Sleeping Beauty.

Director: Harry Hurwitz | Stars: Don Sparks, Sy Richardson, Irwin Corey, Robert Harris

Votes: 577

12. The Pirate Movie (1982)

PG | 98 min | Adventure, Comedy, Musical

19 Metascore

The crew of a large ship sail the high seas encountering other pirates from other ships. The boy from the ship ends up having to save his girlfriend who is kidnapped by a bunch of other pirates.

Director: Ken Annakin | Stars: Kristy McNichol, Christopher Atkins, Ted Hamilton, Bill Kerr

Votes: 3,822

13. Popeye (1980)

PG | 114 min | Adventure, Comedy, Family

64 Metascore

The adventures of the famous sailor man and his friends in the seaside town of Sweethaven.

Director: Robert Altman | Stars: Robin Williams, Shelley Duvall, Ray Walston, Paul Dooley

Votes: 27,311 | Gross: $49.82M

14. Xanadu (1980)

PG | 96 min | Fantasy, Musical, Romance

35 Metascore

A struggling artist living in Los Angeles meets a girl who may hold the key to his happiness.

Director: Robert Greenwald | Stars: Olivia Newton-John, Gene Kelly, Michael Beck, James Sloyan

Votes: 11,066 | Gross: $22.76M

15. Freddie as F.R.O.7. (1992)

PG | 90 min | Animation, Adventure, Comedy

The story about a man-sized frog named Prince Frederic who is turned into a frog by his wicked aunt Messina and hired by British Intelligence to solve the mysterious disappearances of some ... See full summary »

Director: Jon Acevski | Stars: Ben Kingsley, Jenny Agutter, David Ashton, Brian Blessed

Votes: 621 | Gross: $1.12M

16. The First Nudie Musical (1976)

R | 97 min | Comedy, Musical

The son of famous studio owner is forced to make porno films to keep the bankrupt studio from being made into a shopping center. In an attempt to get back on the high ground he makes a ... See full summary »

Directors: Mark Haggard, Bruce Kimmel | Stars: Stephen Nathan, Cindy Williams, Bruce Kimmel, Leslie Ackerman

Votes: 542

17. Earth Girls Are Easy (1988)

PG | 100 min | Comedy, Musical, Romance

66 Metascore

A Southern California girl befriends three furry aliens after their spaceship lands in her swimming pool.

Director: Julien Temple | Stars: Geena Davis, Jeff Goldblum, Jim Carrey, Damon Wayans

Votes: 18,922 | Gross: $3.92M

18. A Little Night Music (1977)

PG | 124 min | Comedy, Musical, Romance

Fredrik Egerman is very happy in his marriage to a seventeen-year-old virgin, Anne. Only she's been a virgin for the whole eleven months of the marriage, and being a bit restless, Fredrik ... See full summary »

Director: Harold Prince | Stars: Elizabeth Taylor, Diana Rigg, Len Cariou, Lesley-Anne Down

Votes: 643

19. Fast Forward (1985)

PG | 110 min | Drama, Musical

Eight young people from Ohio, who are dancers, come to New York City to compete in a major talent competition. But, when they get there, they learn that they have to wait some time before ... See full summary »

Director: Sidney Poitier | Stars: John Scott Clough, Don Franklin, Tamara Mark, Tracy Silver

Votes: 575

20. Zachariah (1971)

GP | 93 min | Comedy, Drama, Musical

Two gunfighters separate and experience surreal visions on their journey through the west.

Director: George Englund | Stars: John Rubinstein, Patricia Quinn, Don Johnson, Country Joe and the Fish

Votes: 543

21. Shock Treatment (1981)

PG | 94 min | Comedy, Musical

36 Metascore

Janet and Brad become contestants on a game show... but wind up as captives instead.

Director: Jim Sharman | Stars: Jessica Harper, Cliff De Young, Richard O'Brien, Patricia Quinn

Votes: 4,200

The unwanted bastard child of The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)?

22. The Return of Captain Invincible (1983)

PG | 90 min | Musical, Fantasy, Comedy

In World War II, Captain Invincible used his superpowers against the Nazis, and he was a hero. But when they accused him of supporting the Communists, he retired to Australia. Now, after a ... See full summary »

Director: Philippe Mora | Stars: Alan Arkin, Christopher Lee, Kate Fitzpatrick, Bill Hunter

Votes: 623

23. Back to the Beach (1987)

PG | 92 min | Comedy, Musical

Frankie and Annette, having grown up and put aside their beach-partying lifestyle, visit their daughter in Southern California and discover there's still some wild times left in them.

Director: Lyndall Hobbs | Stars: Frankie Avalon, Annette Funicello, Lori Loughlin, Tommy Hinkley

Votes: 2,564 | Gross: $13.11M

24. A Chorus of Disapproval (1989)

PG | 92 min | Comedy, Drama, Musical

A man new to a smallish British town joins an amateur theatre company. Once there, he discovers that the drama on stage is quite often nothing compared to what's happening behind the scenes... See full summary »

Director: Michael Winner | Stars: Jeremy Irons, Anthony Hopkins, Richard Briers, Barbara Ferris

Votes: 683 | Gross: $0.22M

25. The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (1982)

R | 114 min | Comedy, Musical

40 Metascore

A town's Sheriff and regular patron of a historical whorehouse fights to keep it running when a television reporter targets it as the Devil's playhouse.

Director: Colin Higgins | Stars: Burt Reynolds, Dolly Parton, Dom DeLuise, Charles Durning

Votes: 9,216 | Gross: $69.70M

26. School Daze (1988)

R | 121 min | Comedy, Drama, Musical

49 Metascore

A not so popular young man wants to pledge to a popular fraternity at his historically black college.

Director: Spike Lee | Stars: Laurence Fishburne, Giancarlo Esposito, Tisha Campbell-Martin, Kyme

Votes: 5,652 | Gross: $14.55M

27. The Wiz (1978)

G | 134 min | Adventure, Family, Fantasy

An adaptation of "The Wizard of Oz" that tries to capture the essence of the African-American experience.

Director: Sidney Lumet | Stars: Diana Ross, Michael Jackson, Nipsey Russell, Ted Ross

Votes: 12,833 | Gross: $21.05M

28. Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny (1972)

G | 96 min | Family, Fantasy

When Santa's sleigh gets stuck in Florida, he tells a group of kids the story of Thumbelina.

Director: R. Winer | Stars: Jay Ripley, Shay Garner, Pat Morrell, Bob O'Connell

Votes: 1,091

29. All of the Above (2014)

56 min | Comedy

Two friends decide to open a coffee shop.

Director: Nic Stanich | Stars: Erin Curtis, Ben Greene, Robert Stephens, Madeline Walter

ALL OF THE ABOVE! All of the above movies fill me with dread!

30. The Meaning of Life (1983)

R | 107 min | Comedy, Musical

The comedy team takes a look at life in all its stages in their own uniquely silly way.

Directors: Terry Jones, Terry Gilliam | Stars: John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones

Votes: 106,196 | Gross: $14.93M

To paraphrase two British philosophers: All musicals are sacred. None of these musicals are terrible. Each one is a wonderful work of lyrical art in its own fashion.



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