A Mature and Balanced Analysis of Bangin' Ladies Past and Present.

by Bhoooop_Daahuut | created - 30 Sep 2015 | updated - 29 Aug 2016 | Public

Son, you've got no chance whatsoever with anyone here. Neither have I, neither has that guy over there. The sooner you admit that and move on the sooner we can get to mooning over them. Now, if you'll excuse me for a second, I've got to go to the bathroom.

1. Kirsten Dunst

Actress | Spider-Man

Kirsten Caroline Dunst is an American actress, who also holds German citizenship. She was born on April 30, 1982 in Point Pleasant, New Jersey, to parents Inez (née Rupprecht), who owned an art gallery, and Klaus Dunst, a medical services executive. She has a younger brother named Christian Dunst, ...

For me, talking physical appearances - it probably doesn't get any better than K.D. and over the years Hollywood has sold me any amount of cack films, just on account of the fact her name is on the jacket and her ridiculously pretty face is on the screen. The girl is like a good cheddar cheese too: she just gets better with age. Although the word on the street is that she smells a hell of a lot better than cheese.

2. Amanda Seyfried

Actress | Les Misérables

Amanda Seyfried was born and raised in Allentown, Pennsylvania, to Ann (Sander), an occupational therapist, and Jack Seyfried, a pharmacist. She is of German, and some English and Scottish, ancestry. She began modeling when she was eleven, and acted in high school productions as well as taking ...

Amanda and her insanely white, insanely large eyes - oh hell yes. Slap on Alpha Dog, hear her say the world 'polo' and make it sound like the best damn thing in the world. The guy who she said it to died. But I heard he went to the grave happy.

3. Natalie Wood

Actress | West Side Story

Natalie Wood was born on July 20, 1938, in San Francisco, California, as Natalia Nikolaevna Zakharenko. Her parents, Maria Stepanovna (Zudilov) and Nikolai Stepanovich Zakharenko, were Russian-born émigrés, of Ukrainian and Russian descent, who spoke barely comprehensible English; they changed the ...

Oh yes, Natalie was a top class hottie of her day. Those eyes, that bone structure and she had a great sense of style. Bad news is, the old girl checked out in very, very dubious sounding circumstances. I'm not saying she came up against foul play, but lets put it this way: If Michael Wagner ever offers you a trip on his yacht, think carefully before you answer.

4. Emma Stone

Actress | La La Land

Emily Jean "Emma" Stone was born in Scottsdale, Arizona, to Krista (Yeager), a homemaker, and Jeffrey Charles Stone, a contracting company founder and CEO. She is of Swedish, German, and British Isles descent. Stone began acting as a child as a member of the Valley Youth Theatre in Phoenix, Arizona...

Yes, that's right - superhero films pretty much suck a$$. Emma on the other hand - doesn't. Or at least she wouldn't when I asked her agent.

5. Abbey Lee

Actress | Mad Max: Fury Road

Abbey Lee is known for her work as a fashion model and actress. She appeared in two Victoria's Secret Fashion shows (in 2008 and 2009). She has appeared on the cover or has been featured in many international fashion magazines, including Vogue, Numero, Muse, Dazed and Confused, V and W. She has ...

She doesn't really care for smegs who eat schlangers, which, unfortunately kind of rules me out. She does however, look great wearing just two strips of muslin and a pair of furry boots.

6. Zooey Deschanel

Actress | New Girl

Zooey Deschanel was born in 1980 into a showbiz family. Her father, Caleb Deschanel, is an Academy Award-nominated cinematographer (perhaps most notably for The Passion of the Christ (2004)) and her mother, Mary Jo Deschanel (née Weir), is an actress who appeared in Twin Peaks (1990). Her paternal ...

Yes, her name may sound like the product of pathetic hippies going at full belt, but that's where the negatives end. Zooey can make a lame sitcom good simply by being in it making various facial expressions. Let's take that a step further: Zooey can make talking on a cell phone with an odd, quizzical expression on her face look as sexy as having a colossal cranial injection of pornography, chocolate and beer.

7. Megan Fox

Actress | Transformers

Megan Denise Fox was born in Rockwood, Tennessee, to Gloria Darlene (Cisson) and Franklin Thomas Fox, a parole officer. Megan began her training in drama and dance at age 5 and, at age 10, moved to St. Petersburg, Florida where she continued her training and finished school. Megan began acting and ...

I don't care if you don't like Megan Fox. I don't care if you think she's a plastic storefront for hollow modern Hollywood. I don't care if it turns out that her personality isn't that great. I just have two words for you: Jennifer's Body. Were I that bag of frozen peas resting beneath her newly tenderised rump - it'd be a good enough day.

8. Barbora Bobulova

Actress | Cuore sacro

Born in Martin, Czechoslovakia (now Slovakia) in 1974, Barbora Bobulova graduated from the Academy of Dramatic Arts of Bratislava and briefly studied in New York before moving to Italy in the mid-1990s. Her first major role was in Marco Bellocchio's The Prince of Homburg (1997) but her breakthrough...

There once was an interminable TV movie about Coco Chanel. Long story short - it blew. What didn't blow was Babs with dark hair playing the titular role. Watch it with the sound down, whatever. Just watch it. Look at Babs; look how damn beautiful she is. I rest my case.

9. Mila Kunis

Actress | Black Swan

Mila Kunis was born Milena Markovna Kunis to a Jewish family in Chernivtsi, Ukraine, USSR (now independent Ukraine). Her mother, Elvira, is a physics teacher, her father, Mark Kunis, is a mechanical engineer, and she has an older brother named Michael. Her family moved to Los Angeles, California, ...

Just think, when she was Jackie in 'That 70's Show' you didn't really see it. You were too busy looking at the ginger and feeling all fond of Ashton Kutcher. But my eyes were firmly on The Kunis. When she came on TV recently advertising booze; that just made me dig her dusky, petite little self even more.

10. Winter Ave Zoli

Actress | Hellboy

Winter Ave Zoli was born in New Hope, Pennsylvania. At the age of 11, she moved with her family to Prague, Czech Republic, where she was able to fully plant her Czech roots from her fathers side of the family. She studied middle school and high school at the International School of Prague. She ...

Do you dig waifish, slightly vulnerable-looking chicks in really, really tidy order? Well then, you may want to check into Sons of Anarchy for the season(s) and stare misty-eyed at Winter, all the while fantasising about how nice you'd treat her if you got the chance.

11. Marilyn Burns

Actress | The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

Marilyn Burns was born Mary Lynn Ann Burns on May 7, 1949 in Erie, Pennsylvania, and raised in Houston, Texas. She attended the University of Texas at Austin where she graduated with a Bachelor's degree in Drama. Marilyn was one of the original scream queens, remembered primarily for her role in ...

The Burns, The Burns, oh lord The Burns. Marilyn may, sadly, no longer be with us but the memory of her amazing, beautiful round little a$$, as seen in all it's 70's, painted-on bell-bottom glory in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre will live on in the hearts and minds of film fans and males with a pulse forever and a day. Oh yeah, bottom aside, she was tidy too. RIP Mazza.

12. Winona Ryder

Actress | Little Women

Winona Ryder was born Winona Laura Horowitz in Olmsted County, Minnesota, and was named after a nearby town, Winona, Minnesota. She is the daughter of Cynthia (Istas), an author and video producer, and Michael Horowitz, a publisher and bookseller. Her father's family is Russian Jewish and Romanian ...

Winona started life in cult and allegedly she nicked a load of stuff from a shop. That's what her biog says anyway. My take is more straightforward: WR has both acting chops and the kind of face that makes me willing to blow my month's salary in a heartbeat just to make her smile. Well, I would if I was in her dating hemisphere, which I'm not. And, if I hadn't just insulted her.

13. Sophie Turner

Actress | Game of Thrones

Sophie Belinda Jonas (née Turner; born February 21, 1996) is an English actress. Turner made her professional acting debut as Sansa Stark on the HBO fantasy television series Game of Thrones (2011) (2011-2019), which brought her international recognition and critical praise. For her performance, ...

Yeah you followed Game of Thrones saying nothing while you watched her gradually power towards the age of consent. Well, dry your eyes because, crassness aside, a great looking female is a great looking female. No more, no less. Sophie has that whole elegance thing nailed. Like she belongs in a different time altogether. Guess that's why she got the GoT gig.

14. Claudine Auger

Actress | Thunderball

Claudine Auger, a former Miss France (1958), received her dramatic training at the Paris Drama Conservatory and is best known to US / UK audiences as the stunning brunette "Domino" opposite Sean Connery in the James Bond thriller Thunderball (1965), She has kept fairly busy since her Bond days, ...

Okay, so some of the ladies, respectfully ogled on this list, you may have to do a little research. That's my polite way of saying Claudine is, at the time of writing, about a billion years old. So, I want you to wind the clock back to Bond #2 and Sean Connery's truck-driving, toupee-wearing self looking understandably smug while cuddling this dark-haired, cat-eyed, beauty-spotted vision of a girl. Boom! And we're clear.

15. Jane Lyle

Actress | Ta paidia tou Diavolou

Jane Lyle is an actress, known for Island of Death (1976).

Gettin' obscure now; so obscure in fact that there's no picture of her. So get your researching pants on gents! Chances are you haven't seen an uncut print of Island of Death. Bet you haven't seen Anglo-Greek car-crash The Devil's Men. Erotic Nightmare? You wish. Well, if you favour, high-end obscure, totty, then check Jane out. She was a sandy-haired, blue-eyed doe who could melt $hit just by existing. Asthetics aside, she did three increasingly obscure films and then disappeared forever.

16. Vera Farmiga

Actress | Up in the Air

Vera Farmiga is an American actress who received an Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actress for her role in Up in the Air (2009) and a Primetime Emmy Award nomination for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series for her role in Bates Motel (2013).

She was born Vera Ann Farmiga, the ...

Oh Vera. MILFy goodness incarnate. She's a strange one, to be sure. Bates Motel as case in point: Sometimes she's sexy, sometimes petulant and unhinged, sometimes vulnerable and needy. It's complicated. She's beautiful, but there's something more too; something that comes from within. Whatever the case, it's very, very forking nice.

17. Vanity

Actress | The Last Dragon

Vanity was a glamorous Canadian model and lead singer of the all-girl group "Vanity 6". She specialized in playing sultry female characters often in trouble with the law.

Vanity was born Denise Katrina Matthews in Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada, the daughter of Helga Senyk and James Levia Matthews. ...

Vanity: Someone has to keep a torch burning for her. Some time singer (until she fell out with Prince), actress (until the work dried up) and punching bag for panto cretin Nikki Sixx, this lady used phenomenal natural beauty and charisma to make up for a lack of actual talent. Whatever works. Her looks and the fact that she was probably clinically insane for most of her 80's reign render her one appealing package. Sadly, since fame she has become so religious that even God is scared of her. I prefer to remember her how she was: off her paps and doin' dudes.

18. Taylor Momsen

Actress | How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Taylor Momsen was born on July 26, 1993 in St. Louis, Missouri, USA as Taylor Michel Momsen. She is an actress, known for How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000), Spy Kids 2: Island of Lost Dreams (2002) and Underdog (2007).

Yeah Momsen, I see you wearing that uniform, playing your latest acting role. Are you really that character from The Pretty Reckless when you get home and close the door at night, when you buy your groceries, when you talk to your Dad on the phone? I kinda doubt it. Just like I kind of doubt that you even come close to *beep* for Satan. But am I criticising you? Hell to the no. You're playing a role, but you're playing it well and looking damn fine, doing it. Here's to your lovely skinny ass!

19. Gretchen Mol

Actress | The Thirteenth Floor

Gretchen Mol was born November 8, 1972, in Deep River, Connecticut, the daughter of a school principal and his artist wife. Deep River is a small community located on the Chester Bowles Highway (Rt. 9), nine miles northwest of Old Saybrook (home of the legendary Katharine Hepburn), within commuting ...

Yeah, you know you love the Mol. One glimpse is enough. Her list of credits? No idea what half of that is, but it's enough to make me yell out, "Give this lady a gig in something I might have half a chance of watching!" The reason? Quality MILFy goodness with something of a flavour of old-skool Hollywood glamour about her. Get down.

20. Kim Butcher

Actress | Doomwatch

Kim Butcher is an actress, known for Doomwatch (1970), The Confessional (1976) and Frightmare (1974).

"Hey dude, I've like never heard of Kim Butcher, yo." Okay, well, shut up 'homie' and check out the awesomely obscure 70's Brit Horror Frightmare. Await the first reveal of Miss Butcher playing slutty, proto-cannibalistic ner-do-well, Debbie and then die of heart failure screaming, "Holy fap it's the best looking female I've ever seen!" She's so hot the IMDB can't even show her picture. Straight men would die.

21. Julie Benz

Actress | Dexter

Julie Benz was born in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, USA on May 1, 1972. Julie's father is a Pittsburgh surgeon and her mother is a figure ice skater. The family settled in nearby Murrysville, when Julie was two, and she started ice skating at age three. She competed in the 1988 U.S. Championships in ...

Do you like elegant ladies of a certain age? Ones who can nail down a sympathetic, flawed character onscreen and look good doing it? Would you dig a lady of that nature doing a slightly vulnerable impersonation of Lara Croft? If the answer to any or all of these is a rousing FK YEAH! then get onboard with Jules. She's very pretty, she has great hair, what else do you need?

22. Elisha Cuthbert

Actress | The Girl Next Door

Elisha Ann Cuthbert (born November 30, 1982) is a Canadian actress and model. She became internationally known for playing Kim Bauer in the series 24 (2001); Danielle in the teen comedy film The Girl Next Door (2004) and Carly Jones in the 2005 in of House of Wax (2005). She was voted the sexiest ...

Small wonder that the comely Miss Cuthbert, during the first few Seasons of 24 got kidnapped about once every 17 seconds. Being honest, looking at her in them jeans and that little cropped away tee in Season 2, had me rummaging through the cupboard for some chloroform and duct tape myself. But enough of my hobbies. Cuthbert has got it and if you want to see her doing 'sexy facial expression acting' bang on the otherwise insufferable House of Wax. Good times.

23. Rachel Hurd-Wood

Actress | Peter Pan

Rachel Clare Hurd-Wood is an English actress and model, best known for her roles as Wendy Darling in Peter Pan (2003), Corrie McKenzie in Tomorrow, When the War Began (2010), and Sibyl Vane in Dorian Gray (2009). She was born on 17 August 1990 in the Streatham district of South London, England, as ...

Girl, you just made the list. The reason? Keeping the dream alive, for lovers of redheads - #1 and #2 - making period costume look something other than a load of balls.

24. Carmen Lavigne

Actress | Watchmen

Carmen Lavigne is an actress and director, known for Watchmen (2009), Man of Steel (2013) and Red Riding Hood (2011).

Carmen La-who? Lavigne, dung face. You know you saw her lurking in the background in Little Red Riding Hood, being all alluring and *beep* Check out the big black waterfall of hair, the pale skin, that profile. Okay, so she hasn't had a major role in any big films. Neither have you.

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