The Conjuring (2013)
Generic, clichéd cinema. Nothing new here.
29 July 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Don't let the rave reviews fool you. I regretfully made that mistake, as I did with The Cabin in the Woods as well. You can't trust IMDb reviews nowadays.

Also don't believe the people telling you that this movie strays from the typical horror film formula, or that it's any better than other horror films of today. Sure there's no gore, no nudity, no profanity... but so what? I see that same statement made in every horror movie review I read. The thing is... most horror films AREN'T filled with gore and nudity, and haven't been that way since the 80s. It's nothing new and it doesn't make this movie special.

By no means is this film deserving of such rave reviews. I'd give it a four out of ten at best. It was entertaining and the cinematography was great, but it's lacking in all other aspects.

This genre has been done to death. I mean honestly... you'll find every ghost story cliché you can think of right here in this film. If that's what you're looking for, by all means, watch the movie. Be my guest. But if you're looking for something new, fresh, and genuinely scary... The Conjuring isn't what you're after.

The amount of clichés is laughable. Off the top of my head, this film contains:

A typical old haunted house, suspenseful music leading up to disappointing jump-scares, loud banging noises, creaky doors, creepy dolls, creepy little girls, doors opening by themselves, objects flying around the room, stupid characters making stupid choices, minimal lighting and flickering lights, bad costume make-up, humorous whispering and 'demonic' voices.

I've seen it all before. Over and over and over again. When will film- makers dare to be different? When will they finally stray from the typical horror movie formula? Critics will tell you to see this movie for its nostalgic essence... I'm sorry, but nostalgic value is no excuse to blatantly copy ideas from classic filmmakers.

I'll admit that the suspense frightened me. I was expecting something shocking to appear on the screen any minute. The score was great and very atmospheric, but unfortunately, it all built up to nothing. The jump-scares, badly made-up faces and loud banging noises were laughable.

And may I ask why Reagan from The Exorcist was in this film? One of the "spooks" was literally a carbon copy of her. This movie was nothing but a copy of a copy of a copy.

And what was with that scene with the cameraman and one of the daughters? They stared at each other and flirted a bit, as if something was going to blossom between them... but nothing came of it. Pointless.

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