The Conjuring (2013)
1/10
Paranormal "Supers" And Vatican-Approved Exorcisms
9 April 2014
Warning: Spoilers
Yep! This is the "Con"-juring, alright!

And, unless you're a gullible, Catholic-minded, wiener-head (Oops! Sorry!), then don't ever believe in this film's pious propaganda and allow it to "con" you into thinking that its story was anything else but a barefaced pack of lies. 'Cause that's all that it was..... (Based on a true story? Ha! Spare me!)

And, if you view holy sanctimony in a similar way as I do, then The Conjuring will surely leave you more than just a little tiffed by its completely demented, over-the-top exorcism-rubbish, as well as its totally insulting, self-righteous, religious overtones..... (This film's final mini-sermon on religious faith was truly despicable beyond words)

When it came to its scare-tactics - From one utterly predictable "thud & creak" sequence to the next (ho-hum!), The Conjuring's story whole-heartedly gave complete license over to those of the Catholic faith and permitted these saintly ones to claim "hauntings" as being "their" territory, and their territory alone. (Yeah! So, like, lay off, you F.N. heathens!)

In The Conjuring's story - Ed & Lorraine are 2 real goody-goody, paranormal "Supers" who "faith"-fully get down to yet another performance of a Vatican-approved exorcism. And, together, this dynamic-duo work like-the-devil to rid the plagued Perron home of its diabolically demonic possession.

If you ask me, I thought that "Supers" Ed & Lorraine were about as hilariously insincere and unconvincing as you could possibly imagine.

Like, I really wonder how much money these 2 charlatans-for-god charged for their "services" as frickin' ghost-busters. You certainly can't expect me to believe for a minute that they actually offered their "super"-natural assistance out of the sheer kindness of their Catholic-hearts and that they received no monetary gain out of it.

And, besides all of that, I certainly thought that it was just a little too convenient (and not to mention, a total "blessing-from-above") that the Warrens just happened to live but a hop-skip-and-a-jump away from the Perrons.

It really killed me when paranormal "Super", Lorraine fell through the false wall on the 2nd floor of the Peron's house. And from there she went crash-banging down, about 30 feet, to the basement's hard, concrete floor without sustaining any real injuries to speak of.... Wow!..... (Now you know why I call her & Ed "Supers"!)

All-in-all - The Conjuring was an ultimate mess of exorcism-movie clichés that sucked to heaven and hell, and beyond. And after you see the utter nonsense that this film expects one to swallow and accept at face value, I guarantee that it'll make a true disbeliever out of you, as it did me.

P.S. - I thought that this film's opening sequence with the ugly "Annabellle" doll to be one of the most absolutely under-handed bits of sucker-bait ever foisted on a movie-audience, ever.
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