Blonde Crazy (1931)
Bert Harris: Oh, that dirty, double-crossin' rat! I'd like to get my hooks on him. I'd tear him to pieces!
Bert Harris: The age of chivalry is past; this is the age of chiselry.
Bert Harris: Now, you play ball with me... and your worrying days will be over.
Ann Roberts: Yeah? How about the nights?
Bert Harris: [smirks] Well, I'll see what I can do about those too, honey!
Ann Roberts: [final lines] No matter what happens. No matter what it is. I'll be waiting.
Bert Harris: If I had the wings of an angel hoooney, over these prison walls I would fly!
Pawnbroker: [inspecting the stolen bracelet Bert has brought in] It's nice. Maybe it's too nice. What'll I do with it? That stuff is hard to sell.
Bert Harris: Who cares? Give to your wife for a Christmas present.
[grabbing the pawnbroker by the ear]
Bert Harris: Listen three-balls, I want five thousand dollars and I want it in a hurry. It's worth twenty thousand. And don't give me any backtalk.
Bert Harris: Listen, Ann. The girl that got the job is a friend of one of the bellhops. So everything's all fixed now, see?
Ann Roberts: What do you mean, fixed?
Bert Harris: Well, you see, she didn't want the job very bad anyhow. They're going to get married in a couple of weeks. She just wanted money for a baby carriage.
Ann Roberts: Thanks.
Bert Harris: Bert.
Ann Roberts: Bert?
Bert Harris: Call me Albert, for short.
Ann Roberts: Goodbye, Bertie.
Peggy: And let me tell you something about this place. I've been here six months and I know! For the love of Mike, stay away from those bellhops. They can't do a girlie any good. And the worst monkey of them all is that guy, Bert Harris. He's dynamite. Everybody in this joint owes him money from those crooked dice of his.
Ann Roberts: He can't do me any harm. I haven't any money and I don't shoot craps.
Peggy: Oh, yeah? Well, maybe you have something else he can use.
Ann Roberts: Oh, it's you.
Bert Harris: Body and soul.
[Ann enters the room and Bert turns out the lights]
Bert Harris: I never did like bright lights. Look, honey, I got some hooch and sandwiches and stuff for us. Nice and quiet here. Not a chance of anybody finding us. I knew you'd come.
[Ann slaps Bert and leaves the room]
Bert Harris: That's a fine way to treat a fella that gets you your job!
Bert Harris: [on the phone] Hello, Peggy? How 'bout given little Bertie a big break? Come up in 610.
Peggy: You mean you want me to come right up?
Bert Harris: Sure, I'm waitin' for ya, hoooney. Everything all set. Can you come up right away?
Peggy: Sure can! I'll fly up, big boooy!
A. Rupert Johnson, Jr.: Hello. Kinda hot tonight.
Ann Roberts: Too hot. Shall I do your bed?
A. Rupert Johnson, Jr.: Kind of early, isn't it?
Ann Roberts: Not if you're going to bed.
A. Rupert Johnson, Jr.: Well, a bed doesn't mean much to a fellow like me. Just a place to rest my head.
Ann Roberts: What a treat for the bed.
A. Rupert Johnson, Jr.: Yeah! Say, how 'bout little nip together? Just you and me.
Bert Harris: Oh, come on, honey, don't put on the chill that way.
Bert Harris: I didn't mean to get you sore. I like you, Ann, really. You know, you're the first girl to sock me for going for her.
Ann Roberts: Yeah?
Bert Harris: You know, honey, I'd like to have you sock me like that everyday.
Ann Roberts: Oh, would you?
Bert Harris: Sure, hun. I'd love it.
[Ann slaps Bert, again, across the face]
Peggy: After all I told you, you went and fell for this shrimp slime. You dirty little tramp!
[Peggy slaps Ann. Ann slaps her back and she falls to the ground. Bert laughs hysterically]
Bert Harris: It hurts
Bert Harris: It hurts me more than it does you, hoooney.
[Peggy slaps Bert]
Ann Roberts: You sound like Santi Claus in wolf's clothing.
Bert Harris: Honey, I'm Santa Claus, Robin Hood and the Goose that laid the Golden Egg - all in one.
Bert Harris: Seriously, Ann, there's a lot of loose money lying around if you only know where to look for it. Now, the world owes me a living and I'm going to collect it, see? I'm not built for work. That's for horsin', for slack-offs like that four-eyed goon clerk. Now, you've got beauty and a swell figure. We're a perfect combination! With my ideas and your looks, we could churn the world.
Bert Harris: Everybody's got larceny in his heart. Everybody's looking for something for nothing. Honest men are scarcer than feathers on a frog.
Ann Roberts: I'm awfully tired. I think I'll turn in.
Bert Harris: That's not a bad idea. You can sleep in the lower and I'll take the upper. You don't mind do you? You see, I was in such a hurry when I bought the tickets, I just got one compartment.
Ann Roberts: I sort of figured you'd be in hurry when you bought the tickets, Bert. So, I bought a berth in the next car. You don't mind do you? I'm sure you'll sleep better that way. Oh, I mustn't go without letting you know how much I care for you, Bert, dear.
[lightly slaps Bert's face and leaves]
Lady in Hotel Lobby #1: Take a look at the house detective. He's giving us the once over.
Lady in Hotel Lobby #2: You look, babe. I haven't got my glasses.
Lady in Hotel Lobby #3: I laughed till I thought I'd die.
Lady in Hotel Lobby #4: I'd give a million to have seen that chump's face.
Lady in Hotel Lobby #3: You should have seen his expression when I told him I still had his letters.
Lady in Hotel Lobby #4: My motto is: speak all languages and write none.
Bert Harris: You know, that's the best part of being in the big dough, you can canvas the field and can have all the dames you can use.
Ann Roberts: Is that you're ambition?
Bert Harris: Oh, no, not exactly. But, you can't blame me for looking around, honey. You won't give me a tumble.
Ann Roberts: I could go for you. Sometimes I think I even want to. You're nice. You're not a collar ad, but, you're not bad looking either. But, just when I get set to fall, you spoil everything.
Bert Harris: What do you mean?
Ann Roberts: Just this: love doesn't mean anything in your life. You think you can turn it on and off by pushing a button - like you do a light. You worship nothing but dough. No, you're not my type, Bert. You got started on the wrong foot and little Nell is not going to be just another in your life.
Bert Harris: Well, I say you're wrong. And maybe someday you'll find it out. I may not know much about making love; but, there's one thing I do know - and that is I wanted you from the first day I saw you. But, if I can't have you, I'll have somebody else. Oh, come on, we're getting too serious. Let's dance.
Dapper Dan Barker: I don't like to play with strangers; but, you look all right to me.
Dapper Dan Barker: Just to pass the time away, I'm working up a new deal. Its a little out of my usual line; but, a buck is a buck.
Bert Harris: It keeps the wolf away.
Dapper Dan Barker: Exactly.
Helen Wilson: Will you stop worrying about Dan.
Bert Harris: But, Dan's a nice guy and I don't want to be making a chump out of him.
Helen Wilson: Oh, forget it. We have an understanding. He has his friends and - I have mine.
Bert Harris: How nice for you.
Bert Harris: I know what's bothering you. You're burned up by that blonde dame.
Ann Roberts: Why should I be jealous of a bleached-out bag like that? Of all the conceited apes I ever saw, you take the cake. One of the million reasons I could never go for ya. I wish you could get it in your thick skull that I'm not at all interested in your lady friends.
Ann Roberts: Oh, you make me sick.
Bert Harris: You mean that blonde makes you sick. Ha-ha-ha!
[Ann slaps Bert]
Bert Harris: Where are you hoooney? Oh Ann, are you there? Is it all right for me to come in?
Ann Roberts: Hey, what do you mean crashing in like that? Can't you see I'm takin' a bath?
Bert Harris: Yeah? Move over!
Ann Roberts: Well, it don't sound good to me; but, if I don't give you the money you'll probably steal it. So, take it, my friend.
Bert Harris: Honey, where?
Ann Roberts: In my brassiere.
Bert Harris: Where?
Ann Roberts: In my brassiere.
Bert Harris: You got pockets in that?
Bert Harris: [after retrieving $2,500 from Ann's brassiere] I've taken money out of a lot of funny places. But, never anything like this before, hoooney.
Pawnbroker: All right, I'll buy it.
[Bert grabs the five grand out of the Pawbroker's hands]
Pawnbroker: My, but you're a tough guy.
Bert Harris: Not tough. Just mercenary.
[Slaps the pawnbroker with the five grand]
Ann Roberts: Oh, Bert, sometimes you act like a kid. You lie and you pout and you won't give in.
Bert Harris: Who's lying?
Ann Roberts: You are! But, that's all right. I'll pretend to believe ya, Skippy.
Bert Harris: I think I could prime that chump for a take. He looks like ready money.
Ex-Con: Its tough nowadays. Sometimes I think I'll go legit.
Dapper Dan Barker: You couldn't do it. Trick laws and shyster lawyers won't let a guy go straight.
Bert Harris: Mmmm, Browning! Not really.
[Reading an inscription in a book of poems by Robert Browning]
Bert Harris: "To Ann, This book's so suitable. Joe." You never told me. "No shade encroaching on the matchless mould, Of those two lips, which should be opening soft, In the pure profile; not as when she laughs, For that spoils all: but rather as if aloft, Yon hyacinth, she loves so, leaned its staff's, Burthen of honey-coloured buds to kiss, And capture 'twixt the lips apart for this." Now, honey, I ask you. - Is this the kind of hooey that guy Reynolds hands out?
Ann Roberts: Why, I think it's lovely.
Bert Harris: He may be a poet to you; but, he's just a peasant to me.
Bert Harris: Come on, let's get out of here. I'm starved. I could eat the hip of a horse.
Ann Roberts: Well, I'll go with you but I'm not very hungry. I had a late luncheon. Who's guest do you think I was?
Bert Harris: Don't tell me, don't tell me: Einstein.
Ann Roberts: Well, thank heavens that's over with. You have no idea how hard it is to put up with getting pawed by somebody you don't care for. Are you satisfied with our revenge? Isn't that a darn sight more gratifying than just punching him in the nose?
Bert Harris: With all of this dough in my hands, how can I say you're wrong.
Bert Harris: Listen, Ann, I'm nuts about you. Simply because I don't say it in the usual way and say all the usual things, doesn't mean that I mean it any the less. It's not easy for me. Oh, I don't know, I want you, that's all.
Bert Harris: Sounds all right Jerry, but, I can't get interested. I don't know what I want...
Jerry: Oh, its the greatest thing in the world! Did you ever see one of 'em? A good luck charm.
Bert Harris: I hope it brings you luck, Jerry.
Jerry: I don't know how you can pass it up. I can get 'em made up for two bucks a gross. I got a half a dozen staff at 20 dollars a week that do nothing but look up deaths in obituary columns all over the country. Then, I send out a swastiska charm addressed to the dead guy. COD. Three-fifty. The dead man's family is so touched by the fact that he sent away for a good luck piece just before kickin' off that they keep the charm and send me the dough. Three dollars and forty cents profit on each. Not big dough, but, what a bargain. What a bargain! Pretty, ain't it. I can peddle more than 500 a week.
Joe Reynolds: So, you see, I didn't intend to steal the money. I meant to return it. But, this is the sort of thing that could happen to anybody.
Bert Harris: Sure, it's happened to lots of guys. They're up in Sing-Sing now.