Page Miss Glory (1935)
Pat O'Brien: Click Wiley
Gladys : [Click and Ed have just ordered some sophisticated clothing from a couple of haberdashers] You two are certainly milking our "golden calf." Evening clothes, riding habits, "Olde" English monograms on your shirts... a little while ago you were lucky to have soup stains.
Click Wiley : [nonchalantly] You heard my secretary: even the best is not good enough for us.
Gladys : By the way, the "golden calf" has been awfully quiet for the last 10 minutes.
[jumps up to go check on Loretta, aka Dawn Glory]
Click Wiley : You know, Eddie, I'm anxious to see those riding habits.
Ed Olson : I'm anxious to see the horse.
Gladys : Hey! She's gone!
Ed Olson : [Click and Ed jump up in a panic] Maybe we better cancel those Olde English monograms!
Slattery : Mr. Wiley, I've always considered you a very fascinating man.
Click Wiley : Thanks.
Slattery : So fascinating, in fact, that I've been spending the last few days studying your life's work. Digging into the past. Tracing your career, as it were.
Click Wiley : Why... I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about.
Slattery : Then permit me to refresh your memory. In 1932, traveling under the name of Frank Benson, you inserted an ad in the Personal Column of a Waukesha paper for the heirs of a millionaire - who existed only in your imagination. According to you, he died in New York without leaving a will. You offered to investigate all claims for the slight fee of 10 dollars each - *just* to cover expenses. You got quite a collection of 10-spots out of it - - to investigate the will of a man who never existed.
Ed Olson : [butting in before Wiley can respond] They deserved it. Every one of those apple-knockers who sent in ten dollars must've been lying. Trying to get something for nothing.
Gladys : Why don't you get married yourself?
Click Wiley : Well, I tell you Gladys, I never met a dame yet who could get by with me.
Gladys : [hands Click a magazine] Why don't you give Garbo a break. I hear she's lonely.
Click Wiley : Well, I don't know. I like her mouth; but, I don't care much about her chin and hair.
Ed Olson : Poor Garbo. This'll finish her!
Click Wiley : Now, I like this one's hair much better.
Ed Olson : Sure. Jean Harlow.
Click Wiley : And this one's ankles just about suit me.
Ed Olson : Marlene Dietrich.
Gladys : You don't want much. Garbo's mouth. Harlow's hair. Dietrich's ankles. What else?
Mr. Yates - Assistant Hotel Manager : You have a complaint to make, Mr. Wiley?
Click Wiley : Yes. The service hasn't been quite what it should be lately. And, after all, a hotel like this depends upon it's service for it's reputation. For, after all, if you haven't got that, what have you got?
Mr. Yates - Assistant Hotel Manager : I have your bill, Mr. Wiley. It is now four weeks in arrears.
Click Wiley : You yourself said she was glorious. If she can carry you away, you a woman, what do you think she'll do to those judges? Boy, she'll make the headlines.
Click Wiley : Well, all right, boys, here's the lowdown. This girl is an absolute perfect beauty! There's probably never been anything like her before. Her Creator gave her everything.
Click Wiley : I'm selling the great American myth for a foot powder, a mouthwash, a cake of soap, and a hair tonic.
Click Wiley : One minute alone with her and he'd marry her.
Gladys : At least we'd have her off our hands.
Click Wiley : That's fine, marry off our meal ticket - five minutes after the event she wouldn't be worth a lead quarter to us. Dawn Glory's the idol of the nation! Whoever heard of a married idol?
Click Wiley : Wait a minute! Take it easy! This is the greatest story since the armistice! Follow me.