Eve Peabody: From the moment you looked at me, I had an idea you had an idea.
Eve Peabody: [Discussing her career as a gold-digger] I landed a lord, almost.
Tibor Czerny: Almost?
Eve Peabody: Well, the family came between us. His mother came to my hotel and offered me a bribe.
Tibor Czerny: You threw her out, I hope!
Eve Peabody: How could I, with my hands full of money?
Eve Peabody: [at the ball] Don't forget, every Cinderella has her midnight.
Jacques Picot: You're wonderful.
Eve Peabody: You're magnificent.
Helene Flammarion: You're talking across the board.
Eve Peabody: Well. So this, as they say, is Paris, huh?
Train guard: Yes, madame.
Eve Peabody: Well, from here it looks an awful lot like a rainy night in Kokomo, Indiana.
Eve Peabody: Oh, I think it's a dream on you. You know, it... it does something for your face: it gives you a chin.
Simone: Well, where in the world did you get THAT hat? It looks positively moldy!
Customer in hat store: Well, I bought it from you three days ago.
Georges Flammarion: The ground has just opened under our feet.
Eve Peabody: Well... and me all set to jump for that tub of butter.
Georges Flammarion: We've landed in something, all right, but it's not butter.
Eve Peabody: Here they come.
Georges Flammarion: I'll stand by you as best I can.
Helene Flammarion: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have a word, please. I want to tell you something which I think will both interest and amuse you. Under our roof tonight, we have, as a guest, a person claiming one of the oldest names in the Almanach de Gotha.
Helene Flammarion: I don't know how many of you are familiar with the Hungarian aristocracy, but let me assure you that in all middle Europe there is no family...
Servant: Baron Tibor Czerny.
[Crowd gasps and mutters loudly]
Eve Peabody: When I married, I didn't realize that in the Czerny family there was a streak of... shall we say, eccentricity? And yet, I had warning. Why else should his grandfather have sent me, as an engagement present, one roller skate - covered with Thousand Island dressing?
Jacques Picot: [Shocked] What?
Georges Flammarion: Of course, of course I'd forgotten! The Czerny's are all like that. You know, I met an old aunt - the Countess Antonia. I thought she was an Indian. It turned out, that she used paprika instead of face powder.
Tibor Czerny: Remember our honeymoon in Copenhagen, darling? That Danish officer?
Eve Peabody: Oh... oh, Olaf. Oh, I never even looked at him.
Tibor Czerny: Poor fellow. He's dead now. Heaven forgive me.
Helene Flammarion: Oh, you're that kind of man. How wonderful.
Eve Peabody: Listen. Back in New York, whenever I managed to crash a party full of luscious big-hearted millionaires, there was always sure to be some snub-faced kid in the orchestra playing traps. And so at four in the morning, when the wise girls were skipping off to Connecticut to marry those millionaires, I'd be with him in some nightspot learning tricks on the kettledrum. And he always had a nose like yours.
Stephanie: Before we go any further, I'd like your attention one moment more. Is there anybody in this room named... Eve Peabody? No? Well, does anyone here know a Miss Eve Peabody? Well, I won't trouble the rest of you any further. Now, my dear, Chopin's 11th Prelude.
Prince Potopienko: It is the 12th and it is an Etude!
Prince Potopienko: Huh!
Marcel: Madame? A word with you.
Eve Peabody: With me?
Marcel: Yes, with you.
Eve Peabody: I thought so. Well, all right, let's get it over with.
Jacques Picot: I'm terribly sorry. It's difficult to concentrate on cards... sometimes.
Eve Peabody: [Referring to Jacques' dislike of Helene's feathered hat] Naturally, when you're worrying about the future of the ostrich plume.
Helene Flammarion: I don't think that's very funny.
Jacques Picot: I do.
Eve Peabody: Well, thanks.
Jacques Picot: [Trying to describe Helene's hat] Well, it's...
Eve Peabody: Oh, I think it's a dream on you. You know, it does something for your face. It gives you a chin.
Helene Flammarion: Poor Jacques! Oh, my soul, this is heaven. Baroness Czerny indeed! Of all the impudence. The consummate impudence! We'll take this with us.
Marcel: Now, Helene, don't let's hush this up and don't let's wait until tomorrow. Go on, let's have a lovely scandal!
Georges Flammarion: [Guests are filing out of Stephanie's musical soiree] Did you ever find that "Eve Peabody"?
Stephanie: Finally. I had her thrown out. She was a *horrible* old woman. Roger found her in the powder room. Imagine! You know, she claimed to be the Archduchess of Mendola.
Stephanie: [In Simone's hat shop] Oh, dear! If ever a woman needed a new hat, it is I. I'm being SUED - for fifty thousand francs.
Helene Flammarion: [Shocked] No!
Simone: By whom?
Stephanie: By the Archduchess of Mendola. You know that creature I had thrown out last night? And I thought it was that "Eve Peabody"? Ha! It really WAS the Archduchess of Mendola.
Eve Peabody: I need a taxi to find myself a job and I need a job to pay for the taxi. No taxi, no job. No job, no soap.
Tibor Czerny: You'll give me the honor of driving you around while you look for a job, huh?
Eve Peabody: I guess mine is strictly a bath tub voice.
Tibor Czerny: I don't want to think of a woman sitting around the station with an empty stomach.
Eve Peabody: Oh no. I wouldn't have much of an appetite with Ferdinand dead in a puddle.
Marcel: I remember when my grandfather fell off the yacht. We were having Crepes Suzette at the time. Well, it made all the difference.
Eve Peabody: [Pretending to talk to her fictitious mother-in-law in Budapest] Oh, yes, mama. How's Francie? What did the doctor say? Oh, good. The baby's temperature has gone down. The spots have practically disappeared. What did you say, mother? It isn't measles at all.
Georges Flammarion: [Pretending to be Tibor's mother] No, dear. It's just a plain case of alcohol poisoning. The baby must have had one high ball too many.
Eve Peabody: Oh!
Georges Flammarion: She was out all night. We picked her up in the gutter.
Eve Peabody: [Warm laughter] Oh ho ho! How cute of her. Oh, she loves it so.
Eve Peabody: Oh, I know. This is the pumpkin coach, and you're the fairy godmother.
Tibor Czerny: Cut that stuff out. It's raining. Come on.
Helene Flammarion: We put you in here.
Tibor Czerny: Oh what a delightful room.
Helene Flammarion: It's the bridal suite of the chateau.
Tibor Czerny: Well, in a way this is very like a honeymoon. Isn't it, darling?
Eve Peabody: [Chuckles uncomfortably] In a way. I feel if I'd been hit on the head with an old shoe.