Casino Royale (1967)
David Niven: Sir James Bond
Mata Bond : [In front of 10 Downing Street] Oh, Daddy, I do so long to meet him. All the girls do. He really turns me on!
Sir James : Did that finishing school teach you to talk like that?
Mata Bond : No, I taught them. Oh, do be a pet, Daddy.
Sir James : Be a good girl, do run along and watch the changing of the guard.
Mata Bond : I bet Mummy would have taken me in.
Sir James : Mummy took everyone in.
Sir James : You better bring me up to date. Who is on what assignment?
Hadley : Well, it's not a very happy picture, sir.
Sir James : [Looking at a map] Why all the black flags there?
Hadley : They've been liquidated, I'm afraid, sir. Our Finland, stabbed to death in a ladies sauna bath, sir. Our Madrid, burned in a blazing bordello, sir. And, Tokyo, sir, garroted in a geisha house.
Sir James : It's depressing that the words "secret agent" have become synonymous with "sex maniac."
Sir James : I remember your chap Lenin very well. First class organizer. Second class mind.
Sir James : My dear, Miss Lynd.
Vesper Lynd : Who are you, sir?
Sir James : I am Sir James Bond.
Vesper Lynd : But, I thought you were retired, Sir James?
Sir James : The whole world believes that you were eaten by a shark, Miss Lynd.
Vesper Lynd : That was no shark. That was my personal submarine. But enough of this polite conversation. What is the purpose of your visit?
Sir James : I desperately need your help.
Sir James : [Giving a description of his era's spy type] ... vocationally devoted, sublimely disinterested. Hardly a description of that sexual acrobat who leaves a trail of dead beautiful women like so many blown roses behind him - that bounder to whom you gave my name and number.
Mata Bond : You know, if you weren't my dad I think I could fancy you.
Sir James : That's very good of you, my dear. Rather warm in here, don't you think?
Mata Bond : Cool it, Charlie. So you want me to go to Berlin, huh?
Sir James : Now Mata, you remember the old house on the Felmannstrasse?
Mata Bond : Yeah, where Mum had a dancing school.
Sir James : That has now become International Mother's Help. But that's just a cover for its real function. It is... Does he speak English?
Mata Bond : Hey Charlie, you speak English?
Charlie : No.
Sir James : [In Mata's room] Who are all these people?
Mata Bond : They're the high priests of the temple. Okay, Fred, up it!
[a priest gets up and bows as he leaves]
Sir James : What an extraordinary performance. They seem to treat you like some kind of goddess.
Mata Bond : Well, I am the celestial virgin of the sacred altar.
Sir James : Figuratively speaking, of course.
Mata Bond : Of course.
Sir James : It's vaporized lysergic acid, it's highly explosive!
Sir James : [Legionnaire salutes and rattles off something in French] Beg pardon?
French Legionnaire : [consults the book chained to his belt] The French have arrived!
Sir James : Look out!
French Legionnaire : [turns and punches a bad guy, then grabs his fist] Merde!
Sir James : Beg pardon?
French Legionnaire : [consults his book again] Ooch?
Sir James : [Jimmy Bond is flailing his arms crazily trying to communicate] I never should have sent him to a Progressive school.
Sir James : Be careful, that's my loose kneecap.
Sir James : Calamity makes strange be-bedfellows. But, why, I wonder, in the strength of your unity, do you disturb an old-fashioned gentleman in his retirement?
M : We need your inspirational leadership in this dark hour.
Le Grand : Please give us the benefit of your inconquerable powers of deduction.
Ransome : For the freedom loving peoples of the world!
Smernov : For the sake of the glorious, socialist revolution.
Sir James : If I may interrupt this flow of cliche, it is now that time of day I have set apart for - Debussy.
Sir James : Hadley, we're up against an opposition of fiendish ingenuity. They make incredible use of women.
Hadley : Yes, they tend to, nowadays, sir.
Sir James : Female spies harassed me in Scotland. Female spies chased me to London. We need an A-F-S-D.
Hadley : Sir?
Sir James : Anti-Female-Spy-Device. We find the one man all women want and we train him not to want women.
Agent Mimi : Naught else, remains?
Sir James : Nothing to sp-speak of, I'm afraid. It was found in a tree, a hundred yards from where he stood. It took off, was it were and flew like a bi-bird. But, whether it is an article of ap-apparel or an-an anatomical fea-feature? That is the question? Should it be given Christian bu-burial? Just how pe-personal is - a - toupee?
Agent Mimi : It can only be regarded as - a heirloom.
Sir James : From now on, all remaining agents and trainees will be known as James Bond 007, including the girls.
Cooper : Won't that be rather confusing, sir?
Sir James : Exactly! The enemy won't know which way to turn. You are now, James Bond.
Miss Moneypenny : Congratulations, 007.
Cooper : And you, 007, sir.
Sir James : Good hunting, 007!
Agent Mimi : Sleep on hard nails, on thinkin' on my dearie. All a long night, awake, grovelin' in grief. Comfort me, Jamie, lad. Gimme your bosom to weep on. Doodle me, Jamie.
Sir James : Really, madame!
Agent Mimi : I here by claim my widow's due according to McTarry tradition, let me be comforted. Doodle me!
Sir James : A quaint custom, but one more honored in the breech, than in the observance.
Agent Mimi : Then you'll have to pay the Piper!
Sir James : All this trouble just to make up for your feelings of sexual inferiority? I'm beginning to think your a trifle neurotic.
Sir James : Look at my garden. Out there - there is a b-black rose. Not dark red. But, black - as a raven's wing at midnight. Gentlemen, I would not exchange one single pe-petal of that lovely flower for anything your world has to offer, including an Aston Ma-martin complete with lethal accessories.
Mata Bond : Oh! You want me to be a spy - like mum, huh? Well.
Sir James : Family tradition, my dear.
Mata Bond : Do I get an exploding brief case and a secret transmitter?
Sir James : That won't be necessary.
Mata Bond : Well, I have to have some equipment.
Sir James : Your mother wiped out three divisions of infantry and five brigades of calvary and, well, frankly, she had much less equipment than you have.
Agent Mimi : [Referring to a painting on the wall] To your right Sir James Bond, Lady Mary. Daughter of Douglas McTarry, raped by the Campbells in 1622. In retaliation of which Lord Douglas sent his only son, Hamish, out to rape twel' Campbell lasses.
Sir James : At-t-t the same time?
Agent Mimi : Eldest first, of course. As prescribed by scripture. Youngest bore him triplets. Their union thus bounteously blessed a contract of marriage was entered into which brought the McTarrys Black Loch, Ben Tarn, the Shagsa Rock, Glenlocke and a good stretch of salmon water.
Sir James : They seem to treat you like some kind of a goddess.
Mata Bond : Well, I am the Celestial Virgin of the Sacred Altar.
Sir James : Figuratively speaking, of course.
Mata Bond : Of course! Some tea?
Sir James : Ah, cup of tea, splendid.
Mata Bond : Its made from poppy seeds. Two cups of this and you're stoned out of your mind!
Sir James : So, that's your plan, huh? The world full of beautiful women and all men shorter than yourself.
Buttercup : I'm testing the temperature of the water. As I always did for my Daddy. He used to call me his little thermometer. Well, get in!
Sir James : Get in?
Buttercup : Get in!
Sir James : [Gets in the bathtub] You're sure I'm not crowding you?
Buttercup : Get in! Ah, don't you want your back scrubbed?
Sir James : Thank you. What is your name, my dear?
Buttercup : Buttercup.
Sir James : How old are you?
Buttercup : Seventeen.
Sir James : Do you go to school?
Buttercup : Daddy taught us.