The Goodies (TV Series 1970–1982) Poster


Graeme Garden: Graeme Garden, Big Bunny, Celtic Kilty, Graeme Oddie, Robot Graeme Garden



  • [the Goodies have been told there's half an hour to go before the end of the world] 

    Tim : At least there's time to do the ironing.

    [Brings in the ironing board and a basket of laundry] 

    Tim : Just think, this is the end of Derby County... and the Muppets!

    Graeme : The Muppets?

    Tim : Yes, when we go, they'll go too, you know... oh, I do hope they don't suffer.

    Graeme : They're not real, you know!

    Tim : Well, of course they're real!

    Graeme : Don't be silly... the Muppets are just dollies!

    Tim : If they're "dollies", how come they can sing and dance and make sophisticated funny remarks?

    Graeme : Look, Kermit the frog is a green sock.

    Tim : [suddenly disturbed]  What?

    Graeme : Kermit the frog is a man on his knees with a green sock on his hand!

    [to demonstrate, he uses a green sock as a glove puppet and imitates Kermit] 

    Graeme : "Hello frog lovers, and welcome to the Muppet Show! I'd like to welcome our very special guest, Miss Piggy. Yay-ay-ay-ay!"

    Tim : Well she has GOT to be real.

    Graeme : Pair of old y-fronts and a mop head.

    [He holds up a pair of underpants and a mop head, and speaks like Miss Piggy] 

    Graeme : "Hello Kermit, spawn of my heart, frog of my dreams!"

    [as Kermit] 

    Graeme : "Hi there Miss Piggy, and what can I do for you?" Fozzie Bear is a brown woolly jumper with a hat on!

    [Holds up a brown pullover and a hat and speaks like Fozzie] 

    Graeme : "Oh boy, funn-y! Oh Kermit, I hope those two old guys don't heckle me!"

    [Holds up two sponge balls and imitates Waldorf and Statler] 

    Graeme : "Boo boo, the bear's a comedian, the comedian's a bear! Boo, boo!"

    [Waves a feather duster in Tim's face and bellows] 

    Graeme : "A-NI-MAL!"

    Tim : [Nearly hysterical]  No, stop it! Lies! LIES!

    Graeme : [holds up the green sock again and sings]  "Halfway up the stairs is the stair where I"...

    Tim : NO!

    [runs into the kitchen, screaming] 

    Graeme : I'll release his inhibitions through anger and violence! My life's work is at an end. I can die a happy man.

    [Tim emerges screaming from the kitchen and throws the gas cooker at Graeme] 

    Graeme : You shouldn't have hit me with that! You'll ruin the cake!

  • Bill : Listen! If he goes, I go.

    Graeme : It's a deal.

  • Graeme : Don't worry, the windscreen won't shatter.

    Bill : How come?

    Graeme : No glass.

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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