Ghost of Christmas Present: Here, Scrooge. I have brought you home.
Ebenezer Scrooge: You're not going.
Ghost of Christmas Present: My time upon this little planet is very brief. I must leave you now.
Ebenezer Scrooge: But we still have so much to talk about, haven't we?
Ghost of Christmas Present: There is never enough time to do or say all the things that we would wish. The thing is to try to do as much as you can in the time that you have.
Ebenezer Scrooge: Yes, but...
Ghost of Christmas Present: Remember, Scrooge, time is short, and suddenly, you're not there anymore.
Ebenezer Scrooge: [Ghost of Christmas Present has brought Scrooge to Bob Cratchit's home] I want to look in the window.
Ghost of Christmas Present: It will cost you nothing, which I'm sure is good news for you.
Ebenezer Scrooge: Will they be able to see me?
Ghost of Christmas Present: No, which I'm sure is good news for them.
Ebenezer Scrooge: [watching Fezziwig's Christmas party] What a marvelous man...
Ghost of Christmas Past: What's so marvelous? He's merely spent a few pounds of your mortal money. Three or four, perhaps. What is that to be deserving of so much praise?
Ebenezer Scrooge: You don't understand. He had the power to make us happy or unhappy, to make our work a pleasure or a burden. It's nothing to do with money!
[trying to collect Christmas donations]
1st Portly Gentleman: Er, Mr. Scrooge... er, sir... er, we find it more than usually desirable that we make some slight provision for the poor and destitute.
Ebenezer Scrooge: Excellent! Then I suggest you do so!
2nd Portly Gentleman: You... you miss our point, sir. The poor suffer greatly at this time. Many thousands are in want of common necessaries.
Ebenezer Scrooge: Are there no prisons?
1st Portly Gentleman: Oh, indeed there are, sir. That's something there's no shortage of.
Ebenezer Scrooge: And the workhouses, are they still in operation?
2nd Portly Gentleman: They are, sir. I wish I could say they were not.
Ebenezer Scrooge: Heh. I am very glad to hear it. For a moment, I was afraid that something had occurred to stop them in their useful purpose!
[starts to walk away]
1st Portly Gentleman: Oh, but... but... but sir! A few are endeavoring to raise a fund to buy the poor some food and drink and means of warmth.
2nd Portly Gentleman: We choose this time, sir, because it is a time when want is keenly felt and abundance rejoices. What may we put you down for, sir?
Ebenezer Scrooge: Nothing, sir.
1st Portly Gentleman: Ah, you wish to be anonymous.
Ebenezer Scrooge: I wish...
[slams his cane against the footbridge railing]
Ebenezer Scrooge: ... to be left alone, sir! That is what I wish! I don't make myself merry at Christmas and I cannot afford to make idle people merry. I have been forced to support the establishments I have mentioned through taxation and God knows they cost more than they're worth. Those who are badly off must go there.
2nd Portly Gentleman: Many would rather die than go there.
Ebenezer Scrooge: If they would rather die, then they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population. Goodnight, gentlemen.
[walks away, then turns back]
Ebenezer Scrooge: Humbug!
Ebenezer Scrooge: Why do you walk the earth? Why'd you come to persecute me? And what is that great chain you wear?
Jacob Marley's Ghost: I wear the chain I forged in life. I made it, link by link and yard by yard, while on Earth, and now I will never be rid of it, any more than you will ever be rid of yours!
Ebenezer Scrooge: [shocked] Mine?
Jacob Marley's Ghost: It was as heavy and long as this seven Christmases ago. It's a terrible, ponderous chain you are making, Scrooge!
Ebenezer Scrooge: Tell me more, Marley, but speak comfort to me!
Jacob Marley's Ghost: I have none to give.
Ebenezer Scrooge: None?
Jacob Marley's Ghost: Comfort comes from other sources, Ebenezer Scrooge, and is given by other ministers than I to other kinds of men than you. When I lived, my spirit, like yours, never walked beyond the narrow limits of our counting house.
Ebenezer Scrooge: But you were always a good man of business, Jacob.
Jacob Marley's Ghost: Mankind should be our business, Ebenezer, but we seldom attend to it... as you shall see.
Ebenezer Scrooge: How shall I ever understand this world? There is nothing on which it is so hard as poverty, and yet, there is nothing it condemns with such severity as the pursuit of wealth.
Ebenezer Scrooge: Who are you?
Ghost of Christmas Past: I am the spirit whose coming was foretold to you.
Ebenezer Scrooge: You don't look like a ghost.
Ghost of Christmas Past: Thank you.
Ebenezer Scrooge: May I inquire more precisely who or what you are?
Ghost of Christmas Past: I am the Ghost of Christmas Past.
Ebenezer Scrooge: Long past?
Ghost of Christmas Past: No. Your past.
Ebenezer Scrooge: And what business brings you here?
Ghost of Christmas Past: Your welfare.
Ebenezer Scrooge: [scoffs] To be wakened by a ghost at one o'clock in the morning is hardly conducive to my welfare!
Ghost of Christmas Past: Your redemption, then.
[In front of a toy store window]
Bob Cratchit: Well, my loves, which one do you like best, eh?
Kathy Cratchit: I like that dolly in the corner.
Tiny Tim: I like all of them.
Bob Cratchit: Good boy. And why not one in particular?
Tiny Tim: Well... you said I can't have none of them, so I might as well like them all.
Ebenezer Scrooge: And be good enough to leave me alone during business hours.
Nephew Fred: Seven o'clock on Christmas Eve? That's not business hours, that's drudgery for the sake of it, and an insult to all men of goodwill.
Bob Cratchit: Here, here!
Nephew Fred: [surprised] Thank you, Bob Cratchit.
Ebenezer Scrooge: [Slowly turns to Cratchit] Another word from you, Cratchit, and you will celebrate Christmas by losing your position.
Bob Cratchit: Yes, Sir. Sorry, Mr. Scrooge.
Ebenezer Scrooge: [Turning back to Fred] You're quite a powerful speaker, Sir. I wonder you don't go into politics. You're fool enough.
Tom Jenkins: Hot broth, Mr. Scrooge. A small token of Christmas esteem, with the compliments of Tom Jenkins.
Ebenezer Scrooge: No.
Tom Jenkins: And there'll be a free can of broth, sir, every night for the coming year in gratitude for your infinite kindness... in giving me another two weeks to pay.
Ebenezer Scrooge: One week.
Tom Jenkins: Ten days?
Ebenezer Scrooge: *One* week.
Tom Jenkins: [defeated] One week.
Ebenezer Scrooge: And put a lid on that stuff, I'll take it home.
Jacob Marley's Ghost: [Scrooge has arrived in Hell] Ah! So there you are.
Ebenezer Scrooge: Marley! Where am I?
Jacob Marley's Ghost: I should have thought it was obvious. I heard you were coming down today, so I thought I'd come to greet you, show you to your quarters. Nobody else wanted to.
Ebenezer Scrooge: That's... that's very civil of you, Marley. I... I... I... I am dead, aren't I?
Jacob Marley's Ghost: As a coffin nail.
Ebenezer Scrooge: I... I had rather hoped I'd end up in Heaven.
Jacob Marley's Ghost: Did you, indeed? You may find your office here rather small, but not, I trust, unfamiliar.
Ebenezer Scrooge: Office?
Jacob Marley's Ghost: Your activities in life were so pleasing to Lucifer that he has appointed you to be his personal clerk. A singular honor. You will be to him, so to speak, what Bob Cratchit was to you.
Ebenezer Scrooge: That's not fair! It's... it's...
Jacob Marley's Ghost: Diabolical. I must confess, I find it not altogether unamusing.
[a knock at the door]
Ebenezer Scrooge: Fire and damnation! Don't they know that I'm trying to run a business here?
[flings the door open]
Nephew Fred: Uncle Ebenezer! I cannot tell you what a joy it is to see your happy, smiling face.
Ebenezer Scrooge: Oh... it's you.
Nephew Fred: A merry Christmas, Uncle Ebenezer! God save you.
Ebenezer Scrooge: God save me from Christmas. It's another humbug.
Nephew Fred: Christmas a humbug? Come, now. I'm sure you don't mean that.
Ebenezer Scrooge: And I'm sure that I do mean that. Merry Christmas, indeed. What reason have you got to be merry? You're poor enough.
Nephew Fred: What reason have you got to be miserable? You're rich enough.
Ebenezer Scrooge: There is no such thing as rich enough, only poor enough.
Nephew Fred: Don't be so dismal, Uncle Ebenezer!
Ebenezer Scrooge: What else can I be when I live in a world full of fools babbling "Merry Christmas" at one another? What's Christmas but a time for finding yourself a year older and not a day richer? There's nothing merry in that. If I could work my will, nephew, every idiot who goes about with "Merry Christmas" on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding and buried with a stake of holly through his heart.
Jacob Marley's Ghost: [to Scrooge] See the phantoms filling the sky around you. They astound you, I can tell, these inhabitants of hell. Poor wretches whom the Hand of Heaven ignores. Beware, beware, beware, lest their dreadful fate be yours!
Ebenezer Scrooge: [about Bob Cratchit] Fifteen shillings a week, a wife and five children... and he still talks of a Merry Christmas!
[Scrooge is covertly watching Harry's Christmas party]
Tom - Friend of Harry's: Harry, I've visited you every Christmas for the past five years, and to this day I can never understand this extraordinary ritual of toasting the health of your old uncle Ebenezer. I mean, everyone knows he's the most miserable old skinflint that ever walked God's earth.
Ebenezer Scrooge: [glaring] Who's he?
Ghost of Christmas Present: Oh... just a friend.
Nephew Fred: My dear Tom, it's very simple. He is indeed a despicable old miser, worse than you could ever possibly imagine.
[Ghost of Christmas Present bursts out laughing]
Ebenezer Scrooge: You find this amusing?
Ghost of Christmas Present: Believe it or not, he likes you.
Nephew Fred: See, I look at it this way: If I can wish a Merry Christmas to him, who is beyond dispute the most obnoxious and parsimonious of all living creatures, then I know in my heart that I am truly a man of goodwill.
Ebenezer Scrooge: [rising to lunge at Fred] Scoundrel!
Ghost of Christmas Present: Wait! There's more to come.
Nephew Fred: And besides... I like old Scrooge!
Ghost of Christmas Present: What did I tell you?
Jacob Marley's Ghost: You will be visited by three ghosts.
Ebenezer Scrooge: I... I think I'd rather not.
Ebenezer Scrooge: [to Bob] You still don't recognize me, do you Cratchit?
Bob Cratchit: Yes. No. You're Father Christmas?
Ebenezer Scrooge: [chuckles] No.
[pulls down his mask briefly]
Mrs. Cratchit: [screams] It's Mr. Scrooge! He's gone mad!
Bob Cratchit: It's all right, dear. There's nothing to be frightened of.
Ebenezer Scrooge: No, I haven't gone mad. And on Monday, when your salary is doubled.
Bob Cratchit: Doubled?
[to his wife]
Bob Cratchit: He has gone mad!
Ebenezer Scrooge: We'll set together and discuss how I can help your family to start with. We'll find the right doctors to get Tiny Tim well. And we will get him well you don't.
Bob Cratchit: Yes! I believe you, I believe anything!
Ebenezer Scrooge: I hate life!
Ghost of Christmas Present: Nonsense, man! Why?
Ebenezer Scrooge: Because life hates me, that's why!
Ghost of Christmas Present: Scrooge, you're an even bigger fool than I took you for!
Ebenezer Scrooge: [asking about the ghost's elder brothers] How many of them are there?
Ghost of Christmas Present: What year is this?
Ebenezer Scrooge: Eighteen hundred and sixty.
Ghost of Christmas Present: Then I have eighteen hundred and fifty-nine brothers.
Ebenezer Scrooge: [singing] I will start anew / I will make amends / and I will make quite certain / that the story ends / on a note of hope / on a strong amen / and I'll thank the world / and remember when / I was able to begin again!
Ghost of Christmas Present: [to Scrooge] Come over here, you weird little man!
Ebenezer Scrooge: [upon hearing Harry's two fold comments about him] As for you, Nephew, if you were in my will, I'd disinherit you!
Ghost of Christmas Present: How many of my brothers have you rejected in your miserable lifetime!
Ebenezer Scrooge: I have never met any of your brothers, sir!
Ghost of Christmas Present: You have never looked for them!
Ghost of Christmas Present: [to Scrooge] I must admit I found it hard to believe you'd be as horrible as they said you'd be... but now that I look at you, I can see that they were understating the truth!
Jacob Marley's Ghost: [consigning Scrooge to his quarters in Hell] Watch out for the rats. They nibble things.
Ebenezer Scrooge: I think Bob Cratchit's really rather fond of me.
Ghost of Christmas Present: Oh, ho ho ho, and so's his wife! Couldn't you tell?
Ebenezer Scrooge: She doesn't really know me.
Ghost of Christmas Present: That is one of the few things wherein fate has blessed her.
Ebenezer Scrooge: And, er... what will become of Tiny Tim?
Ghost of Christmas Present: What's this? Concern over a sick child? Have you taken leave of your senses?
Ebenezer Scrooge: Don't mock me, spirit. Is the child very sick? Not that it's of any great importance to me whether he is or not, but is he?
Ghost of Christmas Present: Well, of course he's sick.
Ebenezer Scrooge: You mean he's seriously ill.
[Ghost of Christmas Present stops walking, gives Scrooge a grave look]
Ebenezer Scrooge: Will he live?
[Ghost is quiet]
Ebenezer Scrooge: Well, will he?
Ghost of Christmas Present: What does it matter to you, Ebenezer Scrooge? If he's going to die, then he'd better do it, and decrease the surplus population.