Louise Lasser: Nancy
Nancy : I was just saying to someone the other day that the Scandinavians seem to have such an instinctive feel for the human condition.
Fielding Mellish : That's very wise, you know. That's, I think, pithy.
Nancy : Oh, it was a - pithy. It had... great pith.
Fielding Mellish : Yeth. Pith.
Nancy : Pith?
Nancy : Can... can you, like, define the meaning of love?
Fielding Mellish : What do you... define... it's love! I love you! I... I want you in a way of cherishing your... your... your totality and your otherness, and... and in the sense of a presence, and a being, and a whole coming and a going in a room with grapefruit, and... and love of a thing of nature in a sense of not wanting or being jealous of the thing that a person possesses.
Nancy : Do you have any gum?
Nancy : I want to go and work with pygmies in Africa... and I want to work with lepers in a leper colony. I don't think that you...
Fielding Mellish : I'm willing to... No, that's perfectly OK. I love leprosy! If that's what you're asking me... I'm perfectly willing to... I like leprosy, I like cholera. I like all the major skin diseases.
Fielding Mellish : You don't have hostility to the male sex, do you?
Nancy : Oh, Women's Rights do not automatically mean castration.
[Fielding reacts with great pain, doubling over]
Fielding Mellish : Oooh, don't say that word! Now I've got to walk around like this for two days!
Nancy : Oh, I know! You know, I'm the same way on that word "appendicitis". Ooh.
Fielding Mellish : Oooh, but "castration"...!
Nancy : "Castration", "appendicitis", either one!
Nancy : Would you like to volunteer for the Volunteers for San Marcos?
Nancy : Listen, why don't you take my phone number. Here. And call me on Saturday. Call me on Saturday. Okay.
[accidentally rips the paper she's writing on]
Nancy : It's those two pieces - right there. Bye.
Fielding Mellish : See you later.
Nancy : I may be bombing an office building, but, I'll find out.
Nancy : It has nothing to do with the fact that you're short. And it has nothing to do with the fact that you're not bright enough. And it has nothing to do the fact that your teeth are in bad shape.
Nancy : Well, then, maybe it's my fault. Maybe I just can't give.
Fielding Mellish : What do you mean you can't give? Then why don't you receive and I'll give.
Nancy : I'm not ready to receive.
Fielding Mellish : Well, then - then, you give and I'll receive.
Nancy : Well, I can't receive.
Fielding Mellish : You see, I'm a person who can only receive if another is giving.
Nancy : Well, I can't give. I'm sorry.
Fielding Mellish : But, if we each receive, it might work.
Nancy : Well, I can't receive. My trouble is I'm receiving and receiving and I'm only not able to give or to receive.
Fielding Mellish : But, I would like to give. If only you could receive.
Nancy : I can't receive. I don't know how I can help you. I really don't.
Fielding Mellish : See, if we both receive or both give...
Nancy : I told you! I can't receive and I can't give. It's not gonna work out.
Howard Cosell : They approach one another cautiously. Nothing unique about that. Now, Mellish begins to make his moves - and so does Nancy. The two are working together, closely. The action growing more rigorous. It is swift, rhythmic, coordinated - what's that? A cut over Mellish's right eye. The doctor comes into examine the cut. No, it will not be stopped. It continues. I tell you, ladies and gentlemen, although you can see for yourselves, I have never seen action like this. That's it. It's over. It's all over! The marriage has been consummated! Nancy and Fielding Mellish, in their most real since, are now man and wife. And, if humanly possible, I'm gonna break through these fans to talk to the two. Excuse me. Excuse me. Nancy, I know that this is very personal, but, was it - everything you expected?
Nancy : Well, Howard, it all went by so fast. I just had no idea that it would be so quick. Really. I was expecting a longer bout.
Howard Cosell : No difficulties of any kind?
Nancy : Well, as you - as you know I'm extraordinarily ticklish. So, I had a kind of a little rough time there. I couldn't stop laughing and I - you know - I thought it'd get in my way; but, I really trained well for this and I think it sort of helped. So, there really wasn't any time that I didn't feel in complete control, you know.
Howard Cosell : How about you Fielding? I was concerned about that cut. I thought they might stop the action. Did you have that feeling?
Fielding Mellish : Yes, I was, Howard. I thought that - that I'd have to finish it up quickly; because, I thought the referee might come in and stop it. I knew I was leading at that point. And I was just hoping they'd let me go all the way. And I did.
Howard Cosell : No disappointments at all?
Nancy : Well, I had heard that he'd be in great, great shape. And I felt that he wasn't. That he could use a little seasoning and, you know, sort of, timing - the timing was a little off. But, I think he'll be fine. I mean he's not the worst I've had. Not the best! But, not the worst.
Howard Cosell : Are you offended by what Nancy just said, Fielding?
Fielding Mellish : Well, I'm not offended; but, I don't agree with it. I mean, I was in great shape. I thought I had her in real trouble with the right hand up early and I was in good form. My breathing was good. I've been training very hard for this. And I just gave a hundred per cent.
Howard Cosell : When do you anticipate your next bout?
Fielding Mellish : Well, I think we could probably do this again in the late Spring.
Nancy : In the late Spring?
Fielding Mellish : Well I think I'll be ready by the late Spring.
Nancy : As long as the late Spring?