Diane Keaton: Luna Schlosser
Luna Schlosser : Oh, I see. You don't believe in science, and you also don't believe that political systems work, and you don't believe in God, huh?
Miles Monroe : Right.
Luna Schlosser : So then, what do you believe in?
Miles Monroe : Sex and death - two things that come once in a lifetime... but at least after death, you're not nauseous.
Luna Schlosser : "Regis - register commies, not guns." What's that mean?
Miles Monroe : What?
Luna Schlosser : "Register commies, not guns."
Miles Monroe : Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. There was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service.
Luna Schlosser : Sex is different today. You see, we don't have any problems. Everybody's frigid.
Miles Monroe : Oh, that's incredible. So are the men are impotent?
Luna Schlosser : Yeah, most of them, except for the ones whose ancestors are Italian.
Miles Monroe : Alright, I knew there was something in that pasta.
Luna Schlosser : Men go crazy over for me. I'm great physically. I got a Ph.D. in oral sex.
Miles Monroe : Yeah, they make you take any Spanish with that?
Luna Schlosser : What?
Miles Monroe : Well, I don't know. I was an English major, myself. You know, Chaucer, Pope, I minored in foreplay. It's a two credit course at NYU.
Luna Schlosser : Do you want to perform sex with me?
Miles Monroe : Perform sex? Uh, uh, I don't think I'm up to a performance, but I'll rehearse with you, if you like.
Luna Schlosser : Okay. I just thought you might want to; they have a machine here.
Miles Monroe : Machine? I'm not getting into that thing. I, I'm strictly a hand operator; you know, I, I... I don't like anything with moving parts that are not my own.
Luna Schlosser : Please! I wanna go home! I'm getting a headache! I'm hungry! I haven't had a stress pill! I haven't had a bath in seven hours! I'm telling you, I'm not accustomed to this. I need my orb! I want to relax. Look at me! Look at me. I'm shaking!
Miles Monroe : Gee, you know you'd be great to take on a camping trip.
Luna : Miles, I wrote a song about the revolution.
Miles Monroe : There's not going to be any revolution, unless we stop the Aries Project.
Luna : Don't you worry about that; you just relax. Now, listen:
[Plays guitar and sings]
Luna : Rebels are we! Born to be free! Just like the fish in the sea!
[Note: the rebels in Bananas, which Woody Allen had made two years earlier, sing the same song]
Luna Schlosser : [Luna's house party. Herald's arrived, bearing a gift; a Keane-like painting, of some big, doe-eyed, little girl, peering out at the viewer, from behind a pole, and is presenting it to Luna] Herald, it's wonderful! Oh, you shouldn't have, really!
Herald Cohen : [Herald's proudly smiling, next to this videos painting] Ijust thought you'd like it!
Luna Schlosser : [Luna's staring at it, a very long cigarette holder in one hand, and a look of intenseness is on her face, as she visually studies the painting] Oh, it's keen! It-it's pure keen! No
[spreads her hand, as if overcome with a revelation]
Luna Schlosser : No, it's greater than keen...
Luna Schlosser : it's 'Cugat'!
Miles Monroe : You'd probably feel a lot safer with Mr. White Teeth back there.
Luna Schlosser : Who?
Miles Monroe : The Rebel Chieftain with the wall-to-wall muscles on his chest.
Luna Schlosser : You mean, Erno?
Miles Monroe : Yeah, Erno. It's a great name, if you happen to be the star of a vampire movie.
Luna Schlosser : He's brilliant.
Miles Monroe : Yeah. He couldn't be with us today. He's got to go take his handsome lesson.
Miles Monroe : Alright, just get your part right. Don't worry about me!
Luna Schlosser : Well, if we get screwed up, it's because of you!
Miles Monroe : [mockingly] "If we get screwed up it's because of you!" "If we get screwed up it's because of you!"
Luna Schlosser : Oh, you're retarded! You know that? I'm on a mission with Retarded Man.
Luna Schlosser : I absolutely do not want to hear about it, Herald. This world is so full of wonderful things. What makes people suddenly go berserk and hate everything anyway. I mean, why does there have to be an underground? After all, there's the orb, and there's the telescreen, and there's the Orgasmatron. What more do they want?
Herald Cohen : It's hard for us to understand the criminal element. We're artists. We respond only to beauty.
Luna Schlosser : Herald, I wrote a new poem today.
Herald Cohen : You didn't?
Luna Schlosser : Yes, I did: A little boy caught a butterfly, And said to himself, I must try, To understand my life, And help others, Not just mothers, And fathers, But friends, Strangers too, With eyes of blue, And lips full red and round, But the butterfly didn't make a sound, For he had turned into a caterpillar, By and by.
Herald Cohen : It's deep! You're so obviously influenced by McKuen!
Luna Schlosser : Oh, Herald, do you really like it?
Herald Cohen : Only one thing, they change from caterpillars *into* butterflies. Not the other way.
Luna Schlosser : They do? They do? Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! I always get that wrong!
Luna Schlosser : I went the University at a population center.
Miles Monroe : You went to a University? It's hard to believe. For what?
Luna Schlosser : Cosmetic Sexual Technique and Poetry.
Miles Monroe : No kidding? They teach you sexual technique in school?
Luna Schlosser : You have to know it in case something goes wrong with the machine.
Miles Monroe : What do you do? Switch to manual?
Luna Schlosser : You want to get into the machine now?
Miles Monroe : No! You know, we don't need that. You know, really I'm...
Luna Schlosser : Really, I think it'd be great if we did, Miles. I wouldn't be frigid.
Miles Monroe : You won't be frigid with me. I, believe me, nobody ever is. I got the magic fingers. You're gonna be, you know, I swear, I cured more women in frigidity. It's my specialty! Two minutes in bed with me and you'll sell that thing for scrap iron. Really! I've got a lot of fast moves. Really, I swear.
Miles Monroe : Who are you?
Luna Schlosser : Who am I? I'm Luna.
Miles Monroe : Who?
Luna Schlosser : Luna! Don't you remember? We were outlaws. Aliens! The police captured you, I escaped. I'm with the Underground. Remember! The Western District? Miles! I'm Luna! Luna! Remember! Luna!
Miles Monroe : Your name is not Luna, is it?
Miles Monroe : Oh, no. No, please. Don't enter the light. Oh, cover those lights, please. Please. Don't get up. I was just passing through. Oh!
Luna Schlosser : Erno. Erno, what's happening?
Erno Windt : Something's gone wrong with the treatment.
Miles Monroe : Yes, I...
Erno Windt : His brain is locked somewhere else. He believes he's another person.
Miles Monroe : No, no, no. I need magic.
Luna Schlosser : Miles! Miles, Who are you, Miles?
Miles Monroe : I'm Blanche. Blanche DuBois. It means White Woods.
Erno Windt : He's like a sleepwalker we can't upset him or it could be fatal.
Luna Schlosser : What are we going to do?
Erno Windt : You've read "Streetcar Named Desire." Play along with him.
Miles Monroe : Try not to appear nervous. Smile. - Peasants.
Luna Schlosser : Relax. You're shaking like a leaf!
Miles Monroe : How do you want me to shake?
Luna Schlosser : Everything's going to be fine.
Miles Monroe : So, how come you're shaking?
Luna Schlosser : Because, you're making me nervous.
Miles Monroe : Don't blame me! - Hello.
Luna Schlosser : Would you get a grip on yourself.
Luna Schlosser : Certainly, you don't expect me to tie myself down to one man? My love is a free gift to all the Bolshevik brothers.
Miles Monroe : Do what you want. You're over 21. Little tramp!
Luna Schlosser : We're *here* on business.
Miles Monroe : Free love. I created a bohemian monster. Next thing you know, she'll want to have group sex with the robots.
Luna Schlosser : [posing as Dr. Timken's Assistant] Ah, in deed. One moment. A moment. A medical moment.