The Muppet Movie (1979)
Frank Oz: Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Animal, Sam the Eagle, Doc Hopper's Men, Marvin Suggs, Swedish Chef (assistant), Motorcycle Guy
Fozzie : [walking into the church and seeing the Electric Mayhem] They don't look like Presbyterians to me.
Fozzie : Ahh, a bear in his natural habitat - a Studebaker.
Fozzie : Hey, why don't you join us?
Gonzo : Where are you going?
Fozzie : We're following our dream!
Gonzo : Really? I have a dream, too!
Fozzie : Oh?
Gonzo : But you'll think it's stupid.
Fozzie : No we won't, tell us, tell us!
Gonzo : Well, I want to go to Bombay, India and become a movie star.
Fozzie : You don't go to Bombay to become a movie star! You go where we're going: Hollywood.
Gonzo : Sure, if you want to do it the *easy* way.
Fozzie : [to Kermit] We've picked up a weirdo...
Sam the Eagle : Kermit, does this film have socially redeeming value?
[Professor Max Krassman has just put Kermit in the electronic beanie]
Miss Piggy : [desperate] Please! Please! Not my frog, please!
Max Krassman : Say goodbye to your frog, pig!
Miss Piggy : Why should I?
Max Krassman : Because in 10 seconds, he won't know *you* from kosher bacon.
Miss Piggy : [furious] That does it!
[Animal roars and scares Kermit and Fozzie]
Floyd Pepper : Oh, yeah, that's Animal. Show 'em what you do, Animal.
Animal : I want to - eat drums!
[chews on a cymbal]
Dr. Teeth : No, no. Beat drums, beat drums!
Animal : [stops chewing] Beat drums! Beat drums!
[Starts beating his head against that same cymbal]
Floyd Pepper : Down, Animal!
Animal : DOWN!
Floyd Pepper : Back!
Animal : BACK!
Floyd Pepper : Sit!
Animal : SIT!
Fozzie : Hello, I'd like an ice cream.
Ice Cream Vendor : What do you want? Chocolate, vanilla, coffee, peach, fudge, rum, banana?
Fozzie : Honey.
Ice Cream Vendor : Honey? I beg your pardon, I hardly know you.
Fozzie : Ah! But seriously, I'd like a honey ice cream cone for me, and a dragonfly ripple for my friend the frog.
Ice Cream Vendor : OK.
[handing him the ice creams]
Ice Cream Vendor : One honey cone for the bear.
Fozzie : Yeah.
Ice Cream Vendor : And one dragonfly ripple for the frog.
Fozzie : Yucha.
Ice Cream Vendor : Don't get 'em mixed up.
Fozzie : Gotcha.
Kermit : Hey, Fozzie, look up ahead there.
Fozzie : What is that?
Kermit : Maybe we should give him a ride.
Fozzie : I don't know, he's pretty big.
Fozzie : [to Big Bird] Hey there, wanna lift?
Big Bird : Oh, no thanks. I'm on my way to New York City to try to break into public television.
Fozzie : Oh. Hm, good luck.
Miss Piggy : Oh Kermie, you were so courageous, so magnificent!
Kermit : Gee, I don't know what to say.
Fozzie : Say the bear was magnificent. After all, I did the driving.
Gonzo : And I took a hundred-foot belly flop onto a moving car!
Miss Piggy : Yes, but Kermit assumed the awesome responsibility of command!
Kermit : Gee.
Fozzie : Oh, brother.
Fozzie : [while driving down the road in the car] Ah, a bear in his natural habitat. A Studebaker!
Fozzie : [after he's thrown behind the bar, he pops up wearing a beard and dressed like the bartender]
Fozzie : Okay everybody, drinks on the house!
Male El Sleezo Patron : Hey, drinks on the house! C'mon let's go!
Fozzie : [as everyone but him and Kermit vacate the place] Yeah. Yeah. Go, go. They're on the house!
Male El Sleezo Patron : [Cut to the roof of the El Sleezo, where everyone else is now]
[Among the confusion and chatter of everyone else]
Male El Sleezo Patron : Wait a minute! There're no drinks up here! What's he talking about? The bartender told us there were drinks on the house!
Fozzie : [Cut back to the interior of the El Sleezo. After Fozzie removes the beard and moustache] Works every time.
Fozzie : [after singing "America the Beautiful"] Patriotism swells in the heart of the American bear.
Fozzie : No problem.
Fozzie : Kermit, where are we?
Kermit : [Looking at a map] Well, let's see. We're just traveling down this little black line here, and uh, just crossed that little red line over here.
Fozzie : [after taking his eyes off the road to focus on the map] How about, let's take the blue line, huh?
Kermit : No, we can't take that, that's a river.
Fozzie : Oh. I knew that.
Kermit : Yeah sure.
Fozzie : Well, listen Kermit, why don't we just go and...
Kermit : [Cutting him off] Fozzie? Uh, Fozzie?
Fozzie : Yeah?
Kermit : Who's driving?
Kermit : [after Fozzie parks the car in front of a church and turns it off] Boy, it feels like we've been driving for days.
Fozzie : [Still upbeat] Funny, yet I'm still wide awake!
Kermit : Yup. Me, too.
[Two seconds later Fozzie's head falls back, and he immediately starts snoring. Kermit jumps at that, then shrugs]
Kermit : [quietly] Me, too.
[Drops his head back and settles in himself]
Animal : [last lines - into camera] Go home! Go home! Bye-bye.
Fozzie : I'm a professional. I've had three performances.
[Kermit and the Muppets arrive in Hollywood]
Miss Piggy : Oh, Kermie, look, it's wonderful. Like a dream come true.
Kermit : Well, don't count your tadpoles until they've hatched, I still have to audition, you know.
Floyd Pepper : Hey, there ain't nothin' to it but to do it!
Lord's Secretary : [closes the door] And where do you think you're going?
Kermit : Oh, hi there. We're here to audition for Lew Lord.
Lord's Secretary : You just can't walk in here off the street you know, especially with all these animals.
Kermit : Animals? Wh-What's wrong with animals?
[Muppets mutter indignantly but indistinctly]
Lord's Secretary : This is a movie studio, not a zoo. Besides...
Lord's Secretary : ...I'm allergic to animal hair. Now get along all of you.
Kermit : Now wait a second, miss. I may not be one of your fancy Hollywood frogs, but I deserve a chance, and we're going to stay right here in this office until you let us in to see Lew Lord. Aren't we, gang?
[the Muppets shout "Yes" indistinctly]
Lord's Secretary : [on the phone] Security, Miss Tracey. I want to report a...
[the Muppets shake their fur, causing the secretary to sneeze convulsively until she finally opens the office door]
Fozzie : Wacka, wacka.
Kermit : [as he and the gang enter his office] Um, Mr. Lord, forgive the interruption, but I'm here to audition.
All Muppets : Yes! Yes!
Kermit : We've come over 2000 miles, and...
[Stops when Lew Lord turns around in his chair to face him, making him nervous now]
Kermit : Um... oh boy.
Miss Piggy : Kermie, we are all with you.
Kermit : Um, please sir, my name is Kermit the Frog, and we've read your ad, and, well, we've come to be rich and famous.
Lew Lord : [Has a brief staredown with Kermit, then into his intercom] Miss Tracy, prepare the standard 'Rich and Famous' contract for Kermit the Frog and Company.
[They all look stunned for a moment, then all the rest of the Muppets start cheering and celebrating behind Kermit, who just looks on shocked and starry-eyed]
Kermit : Did we do something wrong, Officer?
All Muppets : [Shocked when it reveals that the police officer is Max]
Kermit : Okay, Guys! Let him explain the violation issue.
Max : This whole disguise is only so that I can warn you!
Fozzie : Okay, Sure, Sure.
Max : I never thought Doc was going to hurt Kermit, I thought he was going to lean on him. But now he has hired a frog killer in from the coast, And the man is DEADLY!
All Muppets : [Everybody gets shocked about the frog killer]
Kermit : Hey Dr. Teeth, What's up ahead?
Dr. Teeth : Well, Just an old ghost town.
Kermit : Okay.
Kermit : You tell Doc Hopper. I'll wait for him there.
Max : What?
Fozzie : [as everybody get scared and concerned] You could killed, Kermit.
Kermit : Listen you guys, I can't spend my whole life running away from bullies, It's time for a showdown.