The Muppet Movie (1979) Poster

Frank Oz: Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Animal, Sam the Eagle, Doc Hopper's Men, Marvin Suggs, Swedish Chef (assistant), Motorcycle Guy



  • Dr. Teeth : [after the Electric Mayhem paint the Studebaker]  Doc Hopper will never recognize you now.

    Fozzie : I don't know how to thank you guys.

    Kermit : I don't know *why* to thank you guys.

  • Fozzie : [walking into the church and seeing the Electric Mayhem]  They don't look like Presbyterians to me.

  • Fozzie : Ahh, a bear in his natural habitat - a Studebaker.

  • Fozzie : Hey, why don't you join us?

    Gonzo : Where are you going?

    Fozzie : We're following our dream!

    Gonzo : Really? I have a dream, too!

    Fozzie : Oh?

    Gonzo : But you'll think it's stupid.

    Fozzie : No we won't, tell us, tell us!

    Gonzo : Well, I want to go to Bombay, India and become a movie star.

    Fozzie : You don't go to Bombay to become a movie star! You go where we're going: Hollywood.

    Gonzo : Sure, if you want to do it the *easy* way.

    Fozzie : [to Kermit]  We've picked up a weirdo...

  • Kermit : Where did you learn to drive?

    Fozzie : I took a correspondence course.

  • Kermit : Hey, Fozzie, I want you to turn left if you come to a fork in the road.

    Fozzie : Yes sir, turn left at the fork in the road.

    [drives past a giant fork] 

    Fozzie : Kermit!

    Kermit : I don't believe that.

  • Sam the Eagle : Kermit, does this film have socially redeeming value?

  • Miss Piggy : [gushing]  Ooh, you mad, impetuous thing, it's champagne!

    Insolent Waiter : Not exactly. Sparkling Muscatel, one of the finest wines of Idaho.

  • Kermit : It's too bad the dancing girls are on vacation; this crowd's getting ugly.

    Fozzie : Huh. If you think this crowd's ugly, you should see the dancing girls.

  • Kermit : Gee. A Studebaker. Where did you get it?

    Fozzie : Oh, my uncle left it to me.

    Kermit : Huh, is he dead?

    Fozzie : No, he's hibernating.

  • Miss Piggy : Kermie, whisper sweet nothings into my ear.

    Kermit : Uh... motorcycle cop.

    Miss Piggy : "Motorcycle cop" is a sweet nothing?

    Kermit : A motorcycle cop is chasing us.

  • Kermit : [navigating in the Studebaker]  Bear left.

    Fozzie : Right, frog.

  • Kermit : [asks the waiter to taste the wine for him and Miss Piggy]  Will you taste it for us, please?

    Insolent Waiter : [tastes the wine, makes a face and spits it out]  Ooh! Ah... Excellent - choice.

    Kermit : [to Miss Piggy]  Should be, for ninety-five cents.

    Miss Piggy : [impressed]  Ooooh!

  • [Professor Max Krassman has just put Kermit in the electronic beanie] 

    Miss Piggy : [desperate]  Please! Please! Not my frog, please!

    Max Krassman : Say goodbye to your frog, pig!

    Miss Piggy : Why should I?

    Max Krassman : Because in 10 seconds, he won't know *you* from kosher bacon.

    Miss Piggy : [furious]  That does it!

  • Fozzie : There was this sailor who was so fat!

    Sailor : How fat was he?

    Sailor : [breaks bottle and points it towards him threateningly] 

    Fozzie : [Nervously]  Uh, he was so fat that everybody liked him and there was nothing funny about him at all.

  • [Animal roars and scares Kermit and Fozzie] 

    Floyd Pepper : Oh, yeah, that's Animal. Show 'em what you do, Animal.

    Animal : I want to - eat drums!

    [chews on a cymbal] 

    Dr. Teeth : No, no. Beat drums, beat drums!

    Animal : [stops chewing]  Beat drums! Beat drums!

    [Starts beating his head against that same cymbal] 

    Floyd Pepper : Down, Animal!

    Animal : DOWN!

    Floyd Pepper : Back!

    Animal : BACK!

    Floyd Pepper : Sit!

    Animal : SIT!

  • Fozzie : Hello, I'd like an ice cream.

    Ice Cream Vendor : What do you want? Chocolate, vanilla, coffee, peach, fudge, rum, banana?

    Fozzie : Honey.

    Ice Cream Vendor : Honey? I beg your pardon, I hardly know you.

    Fozzie : Ah! But seriously, I'd like a honey ice cream cone for me, and a dragonfly ripple for my friend the frog.

    Ice Cream Vendor : OK.

    [handing him the ice creams] 

    Ice Cream Vendor : One honey cone for the bear.

    Fozzie : Yeah.

    Ice Cream Vendor : And one dragonfly ripple for the frog.

    Fozzie : Yucha.

    Ice Cream Vendor : Don't get 'em mixed up.

    Fozzie : Gotcha.

  • Miss Piggy : [as Beaker combs her hair, he comes across a tangle]  Ow!

    [turns around] 

    Miss Piggy : Watch it!

    [Beaker beeps back hurriedly] 

    Kermit : [through his megaphone]  Miss Piggy, you look beautiful!

    Miss Piggy : Thank you!

    Kermit : [aside]  Hollywood talk.

  • Kermit : Hey, Fozzie, look up ahead there.

    Fozzie : What is that?

    Kermit : Maybe we should give him a ride.

    Fozzie : I don't know, he's pretty big.

    Fozzie : [to Big Bird]  Hey there, wanna lift?

    Big Bird : Oh, no thanks. I'm on my way to New York City to try to break into public television.

    Fozzie : Oh. Hm, good luck.

  • Miss Piggy : Oh Kermie, you were so courageous, so magnificent!

    Kermit : Gee, I don't know what to say.

    Fozzie : Say the bear was magnificent. After all, I did the driving.

    Gonzo : And I took a hundred-foot belly flop onto a moving car!

    Miss Piggy : Yes, but Kermit assumed the awesome responsibility of command!

    Kermit : Gee.

    Fozzie : Oh, brother.

  • Dr. Teeth : It's the man with the badge, the PO-lice, the cops, the fuzz, the P-I-...

    Miss Piggy : Don't you dare!

    Dr. Teeth : I wouldn't think of it.

  • Animal : IR-RI-TA-TED! IR-RI-TA-TED!

    Kermit : Don't worry, Animal, your big scene is coming up.

    Floyd Pepper : Yeah, just be cool and eat another seat cushion.

    Animal : SEAT CUSHION!

    [rips off some upholstery and stuffing at the corner of his chair and eats it] 

  • Kermit : That's Piggy!

    Fozzie : Yes, I know!

    Rowlf the Dog : Hey, you do think we should help her with her bags?

    Fozzie : Aah, no.


    Fozzie : No, nah, un-uh.

  • Fozzie : [while driving down the road in the car]  Ah, a bear in his natural habitat. A Studebaker!

  • Fozzie : [after he's thrown behind the bar, he pops up wearing a beard and dressed like the bartender] 


    Fozzie : Okay everybody, drinks on the house!

    Male El Sleezo Patron : Hey, drinks on the house! C'mon let's go!

    Fozzie : [as everyone but him and Kermit vacate the place]  Yeah. Yeah. Go, go. They're on the house!

    Male El Sleezo Patron : [Cut to the roof of the El Sleezo, where everyone else is now] 

    [Among the confusion and chatter of everyone else] 

    Male El Sleezo Patron : Wait a minute! There're no drinks up here! What's he talking about? The bartender told us there were drinks on the house!

    Fozzie : [Cut back to the interior of the El Sleezo. After Fozzie removes the beard and moustache]  Works every time.

  • Fozzie : Oh, I'm so nervous. If I'm not funny, I won't be able to live with myself.

    Dr. Bunsen Honeydew : Well, then you'll have to get another apartment, won't you?

  • Fozzie : [after singing "America the Beautiful"]  Patriotism swells in the heart of the American bear.

  • [repeated line] 

    Fozzie : No problem.

  • Dr. Bunsen Honeydew : Sound is ready. Gimme a level.

    Animal : [yelling through microphone]  *TES-TIIIING!*

    [we see Bunsen's headphones rattle repeatedly] 

    Animal : Ah-ha-ha-ha.

  • Fozzie : Kermit, where are we?

    Kermit : [Looking at a map]  Well, let's see. We're just traveling down this little black line here, and uh, just crossed that little red line over here.

    Fozzie : [after taking his eyes off the road to focus on the map]  How about, let's take the blue line, huh?

    Kermit : No, we can't take that, that's a river.

    Fozzie : Oh. I knew that.

    Kermit : Yeah sure.

    Fozzie : Well, listen Kermit, why don't we just go and...

    Kermit : [Cutting him off]  Fozzie? Uh, Fozzie?

    Fozzie : Yeah?

    Kermit : Who's driving?

  • Kermit : [after Fozzie parks the car in front of a church and turns it off]  Boy, it feels like we've been driving for days.

    Fozzie : [Still upbeat]  Funny, yet I'm still wide awake!

    Kermit : Yup. Me, too.

    [Two seconds later Fozzie's head falls back, and he immediately starts snoring. Kermit jumps at that, then shrugs] 

    Kermit : [quietly]  Me, too.

    [Drops his head back and settles in himself] 

  • Animal : [last lines - into camera]  Go home! Go home! Bye-bye.


  • [Doc Hopper is following Kermit and Fozzie in the rainbow disguised car] 

    Kermit : Fozzie, they're right behind us!

    Fozzie : I know, I know.

    Kermit : But Fozzie, how did they recognize us?

    Fozzie : They recognized YOU. There's a hundred bears around.

  • Floyd Pepper : Yeah, the road manager. We couldn't go anywhere without him.

    Fozzie : He's the man with the contacts?

    Dr. Teeth : No, he's the man with the van.

  • Fozzie : I'm a professional. I've had three performances.

  • [Kermit and the Muppets arrive in Hollywood] 

    Miss Piggy : Oh, Kermie, look, it's wonderful. Like a dream come true.

    Kermit : Well, don't count your tadpoles until they've hatched, I still have to audition, you know.

    Floyd Pepper : Hey, there ain't nothin' to it but to do it!

    Lord's Secretary : [closes the door]  And where do you think you're going?

    Kermit : Oh, hi there. We're here to audition for Lew Lord.

    Lord's Secretary : You just can't walk in here off the street you know, especially with all these animals.

    Kermit : Animals? Wh-What's wrong with animals?

    [Muppets mutter indignantly but indistinctly] 

    Lord's Secretary : This is a movie studio, not a zoo. Besides...


    Lord's Secretary : ...I'm allergic to animal hair. Now get along all of you.

    Kermit : Now wait a second, miss. I may not be one of your fancy Hollywood frogs, but I deserve a chance, and we're going to stay right here in this office until you let us in to see Lew Lord. Aren't we, gang?

    [the Muppets shout "Yes" indistinctly] 

    Lord's Secretary : [on the phone]  Security, Miss Tracey. I want to report a...

    [the Muppets shake their fur, causing the secretary to sneeze convulsively until she finally opens the office door] 

  • [repeated line] 

    Fozzie : Wacka, wacka.

  • Fozzie : [after Kermit has turned down Doc Hopper's offer]  Five hundred dollars? Would you consider a bear in a frog suit?

    Kermit : Fozzie!

    Fozzie : I'm sorry, sir, I just lost my head.

    Doc Hopper : [as Kermit and Fozzie drive off]  Just a minute, Mr. Frog. Everything's negotiable!

  • Kermit : [as he and the gang enter his office]  Um, Mr. Lord, forgive the interruption, but I'm here to audition.

    All Muppets : Yes! Yes!

    Kermit : We've come over 2000 miles, and...

    [Stops when Lew Lord turns around in his chair to face him, making him nervous now] 

    Kermit : Um... oh boy.

    Miss Piggy : Kermie, we are all with you.

    Kermit : Um, please sir, my name is Kermit the Frog, and we've read your ad, and, well, we've come to be rich and famous.

    Lew Lord : [Has a brief staredown with Kermit, then into his intercom]  Miss Tracy, prepare the standard 'Rich and Famous' contract for Kermit the Frog and Company.

    [They all look stunned for a moment, then all the rest of the Muppets start cheering and celebrating behind Kermit, who just looks on shocked and starry-eyed] 

  • Insolent Waiter : Miss Piggy? Miss Piggy! Are you Miss Piggy?

    Miss Piggy : Yes.

    Insolent Waiter : Telephone.

  • Rowlf the Dog : It's the fuzz, the police, the man with the badge. The P - I...

    Miss Piggy : Don't you dare!

    Rowlf the Dog : Oh, I wouldn't think of it.

  • Kermit : Did we do something wrong, Officer?

    All Muppets : [Shocked when it reveals that the police officer is Max] 

    Kermit : Okay, Guys! Let him explain the violation issue.

    Max : This whole disguise is only so that I can warn you!

    Fozzie : Okay, Sure, Sure.

    Max : I never thought Doc was going to hurt Kermit, I thought he was going to lean on him. But now he has hired a frog killer in from the coast, And the man is DEADLY!

    All Muppets : [Everybody gets shocked about the frog killer] 

    Kermit : Hey Dr. Teeth, What's up ahead?

    Dr. Teeth : Well, Just an old ghost town.

    Kermit : Okay.

    [to Max] 

    Kermit : You tell Doc Hopper. I'll wait for him there.

    Max : What?

    Fozzie : [as everybody get scared and concerned]  You could killed, Kermit.

    Kermit : Listen you guys, I can't spend my whole life running away from bullies, It's time for a showdown.

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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