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The movie that makes Thomas Edison wish he'd never invented motion pictures! *SPOILERS INCLUDED (but do you really want to watch this?)*
After I saw "You Got Served," I felt like I had just witnessed the biggest train wreck that was ever committed in the art of film-making. But little did I know that there was a much worse movie lurking at the depths of the Walgreen's bargain bin. "Charcoal Black" was and is that movie.
Standing at an excruciating 91 minutes, "Charcoal Black" might test anyone's patience, even if you love bad movies (like me). Even though Chris Robinson's story (if it could even be called that) might have some entertaining parts, the movie ends up making you want to get up and leave your nice Lay-z-boy recliner. And I can't forget to mention the bitter taste the movie leaves in your mouth afterward.
The wonderfully written story (HA!) by Chris Robinson starts off with two slave brothers, one black (Levi, played by Anthony Scott) and, well, one white (Sunshine). But the movie insists that the white one is actually an albino negro, even though Sunshine, who is played by the amazing Chris Robinson, is so obviously a white man. Anyway, the two slave "brothers" find a treasure map with no directions or writing on it decide to embark on a quest to find the treasure. The two slaves easily escape the clutches of the evil taskmaster Striker (Ted Cassidy) in a riveting scene that keeps the audience (if there is one) on the edge of their seats.
The rest of the sorry excuse for a story consists of the slaves meeting various people on their journey, such as racist white trash(redundant, I know) or even randomly placed Native Americans in Florida swamps. The story also follows Striker as he rounds up a gang to find and capture the slaves.
The slaves end up at a shack on the swamp that belongs to a woman (Phyllis Robinson) and immediately the sparks between the woman and Sunshine start to fly! Eventually the woman's house, which has nothing flammable in it, explodes by a candle (or maybe it's those sparks!), and the three must abandon the house. The chemistry between the two Robinsons is unbearable, especially since Phyllis always seems to have such a pained expression on her face.
The slaves ditch the woman and head to the treasure. Striker meets up with them with his gang of hit men hicks and they kill Sunshine. Striker's gang gets killed, but Striker remains alive and he befriends Levi randomly. Then the credits roll.
We never find out what's in the treasure - well, like anyone cares anyway. I bet Chris Robinson just gave up on the script because that's how the movie looks. Chris probably gave up on directing and everything else. In one scene where the slaves are walking, with music in the background, the editor decided to cut in the middle of the scene. So the music stops and the slaves suddenly are face to face with some Native American. Then, they decide to kill the Native American, who has no weapons (oh, but he has a threatening loincloth on).
This movie is just so stupid, you feel like your IQ has dropped 90 points. This movie is so bad, your feel like you have to take a shower or five after watching it. The story is ridiculous, the acting is horrid, the characters are flat, the writing bites, and so on and so forth.
In short, "Charcoal Black" offers a one of a kind experience: after watching it, you'll feel like you have just committed a crime.
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