The Cannonball Run (1981) Poster

Burt Reynolds: J. J. McClure



  • J.J. McClure : Listen to what I'm telling you. You go find a doctor. Get me Dr. Kildare. Get me Dr. Livingston. Get me Dr. Frankenstein. Just get me a doctor! Go where the - go where the doctors hang out.

    Victor Prinsi : Where is that?

    J.J. McClure : Bars, golf courses.

    Victor Prinsi : Golf course, bar. All right. Where else? Hospital!

    J.J. McClure : Try that too.

  • J.J. McClure : what about a black trans-am? No, that's been done!

  • Doctor Nikolas Van Helsing : I'm Nikolas Van Helsing, professor of proctology and other related tendencies. A graduate of the University of Rangoon. And assorted night classes at the Knoxville Tennessee school of faith healing.

    J.J. McClure : You may be a little over qualified for this job.

  • Mr. Foyt : Well, how do you all feel now you have raped the American highways?

    J.J. McClure : Beautiful!

  • J.J. McClure : I'm sure that doctor's a very sweet man, basically.

    Victor Prinsi : Oh, thank you.

    J.J. McClure : But don't you ever tell me where you found him. Ever.

  • J.J. McClure : Look, we can't have a car with numbers on it. So, we're going to have to disguise the car somehow.

    Victor Prinsi : Alright.

    J.J. McClure : How about a big, black limousine with diplomatic plates?

    Victor Prinsi : Nah!

    J.J. McClure : Nah. I know, a bloodmobile. They wouldn't stop a bloodmobile, would they?

    Victor Prinsi : Nah!

    J.J. McClure : Nah.

    Victor Prinsi : An ice cream truck! Yeah, an ice cream truck! Y'know, they gotta get there before it melts!

  • J.J. McClure : What's Dr. Gay do?

    Victor Prinsi : He's my shrink. He was committed yesterday.

    J.J. McClure : Why?

    Victor Prinsi : He was smoking bananas. He gets very upset when he talks to 'Him'.

    J.J. McClure : So do I!

  • Fenderbaum : [Fenderbaum and Blake's Ferrari drives alongside J.J.'s ambulance]  Pull over! We want to give you our blessing!

    Victor Prinsi : J.J., there are two priests in that car. They want us to pull over.

    J.J. McClure : Victor, that's two priests driving a Ferrari. When's the last time you saw two priests drive a Ferrari? What are they doing, taking home the bingo money?

    Victor Prinsi : No, they're doing the work of the Lord. In a Ferrari, they can just do it faster.

  • Jamie Blake : I just want to thank you for informin' them about us back in Missouri. You know, how we're flashers and sex maniacs.

    J.J. McClure : Well, I was just repayin' you for what you and the chocolate monk did back in Ohio.

    Fenderbaum : Chocolate Monk?

    Jamie Blake : He can say that. Yeah, he can say that, cause he's ridin' around with the "Good Year" blimp!

    J.J. McClure : [Looking at Vic]  He can say that. He can say that cause if I had the time, I'd take those rosary beads and shove em up your nose.

    Jamie Blake : These rosary beads? Up this nose?

    J.J. McClure : Yeah.

    Jamie Blake : Will ya take a little advice? Bring friends.

    Fenderbaum : Ha! Lots of em.

  • J.J. McClure : They weren't 'Fathers'...

    J.J. McClure , Victor Prinsi : ...They were 'mothers'!

  • J.J. McClure : Thanks to you, Victor, we do not have a female patient in the back. Thanks to your wonderful cousin Tessie.

    Victor Prinsi : Well, it's not my fault that she didn't fit in the stretcher!

    J.J. McClure : She doesn't fit in the AMBULANCE!

  • [J.J. is pissed that Captain Chaos has disappeared] 

    J.J. McClure : When you don't want him he's around! When you want him he's not around! I'm gonna go get a beer!

    Captain Chaos : DA-DA-DUM!

  • Gas Station Attendant : 7-11, how can I help you?

    J.J. McClure : Pumps one and two, hit 'em!

    Gas Station Attendant : What are you, some kind of nut? You've got one unleaded there and one premium!

    J.J. McClure : She goes both ways. The round orange moon pie with the white hat on, he'll pay for it.

  • J.J. McClure : Hey, Victor, didja get anything to eat?

    Victor Prinsi : Yeah, I gotta lotta goodies for you guys and a Big Gulp Dr Pepper for me!

    [singing and dancing] 

    Victor Prinsi : "I'm a peppa/You're a peppa/He's a peppa/She's a peppa/Wouldn't ya like to be a peppa too?

    J.J. McClure : [impatiently]  WILL YOU GET IN HERE?

  • J.J. McClure : You all right, Victor?

    Victor Prinsi : Oh, I'm fine, J.J. It only hurts when I point.

  • Pamela Glover : Are you one of those volleyballers?

    J.J. McClure : Cannonballers. No.

  • J.J. McClure : Excuse me. Excuse me. Hey, Mad Dog!

    Mad Dog : Hey, J.J!

    J.J. McClure : Look, you probably didn't realize this, but the parking lot's outside.

    Mad Dog : I know. The brakes went out.

    J.J. McClure : Who do you think you are? The president?

    Mad Dog : [imitating Richard Nixon]  Well, let me make one thing perfectly clear, we feel terrible about it. Now, if they can't take a joke,

    [gives the up yours arm gesture sans finger] 

  • Pamela Glover : I can't believe this is happening to me. This is not a joke any more. I'm being kidnapped.

    J.J. McClure : Well, you can call it kidnapping if you want to be rude.

  • [At the Portofino Inn, Victor, in his Captain Chaos persona, saves a woman's dog from drowning in the bay and is hailed a hero, but J.J. is furious, as his selfless act cost him and J.J. the championship win] 

    Victor Prinsi : [as Captain Chaos]  J.J., I've saved that woman's dog.

    J.J. McClure : [furious]  Victor... we could've won that race. Do ya understand what I'm telling you? We could've won it!

    Doctor Nikolas Van Helsing : You understand that? You had to go and pull that stupid stunt.

    Pamela Glover : He's right, Victor.

    J.J. McClure : We are sick of Captain Chaos. We are so sick of Captain Chaos that we could throw up. So you know what, Victor? There's not gonna be anymore Captain Chaos.

    [grabs and rip off the mask from Victor's head; yells] 

    J.J. McClure : NO MORE! Ya see what I'm telling you? NO MORE!

    [snatches Victor cape and slams it on the ground] 

    J.J. McClure : No more Captain Chaos EVER! Now what do ya think of that?

    [crowd laughs as Victor seemingly feels broken-hearten over J.J. act of poor sportsmanship] 

    Victor Prinsi : I don't care, because...

    [changes into a new superhero persona with a American flag-like mask and cape] 

    Victor Prinsi : I've always wanted be... Captain USA! Da-Da-DUM!

    [J.J. and the racer laughs] 

    Victor Prinsi : It's a dirty job, but somebody go to do it.

  • [the racers, all neck and neck, are approaching the finish line, with Mad Dog and Batman in the lead] 

    Mad Dog : We got 'em.

    Batman : We got 'em!

    [Suddenly a car come in the way, forcing Mad Dog & Batman's GMC truck to do a 180 stop. Bradford and Shakey's motorcycle slips and skids] 

    J.J. McClure : [screams]  LOOK OUT!

    [J.J. and Victor's ambulance van and all the other cars come to screeching halt] 

    J.J. McClure : [yells]  Okay, it's a foot race!

    Doctor Nikolas Van Helsing : I've got the card.

    J.J. McClure : No, gimmie that, Doc! Come on, it's a foot race!

    [All the racers storm out and begin running to the finish line to see who can be the first to punch at the clock and win the race] 

    Victor Prinsi : Have no fear! Chaos is here! DA-DA-DUM!

    J.J. McClure : [hands Victor the time card]  Take it and win, Captain!

    Pamela Glover : Come on, Chaos! You can do it!

    [as Victor and Marcie sprints, J.J. jumps on the other racers, tackling them down] 

    Doctor Nikolas Van Helsing : Does anyone need medical attention?

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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