Porky's (1981) Poster


Wyatt Knight: Tommy



  • Pee Wee Morris : [to Tommy, about the normal-sized condom he was given]  It's too big.

    [Everybody else laughs] 

    Tommy Turner : Peewee, we don't have any training rubbers.

    Mickey : He needs the junior size.

    Brian Schwartz : [Seriously]  Peewee, tie a knot in it.

    Meat : [as Peewee is given another condom and he returns to the bus]  Hey Peewee, what do you think this is? The return desk at Macys?

  • Billy : [trying to warn Pee Wee about Cherry Forever]  She's married to some big black stud and he's gonna cut your pecker off.

    Tommy Turner : Yeah, I hear he's packing tweezers.

  • [in a high-pitched falsetto voice] 

    Tommy Turner : Hi I'm Paulie the Penis. And I just love to have fun. Ha Ha Ha.

  • Tommy Turner : Jesus Christ! It's the mother lode.

    Billy : I never seen so much wool. You could knit a sweater.

    Tommy Turner : This has gotta be the biggest beaver shoot in the history of Florida.

  • Coach Brakett : [Walks up on the gang while Ted and Brian are away from the gang talking about his plan for revenge against Porky]  Count me in.

    Tommy Turner : [Sees him]  You could get fired, Coach.

    Coach Brakett : Are you kidding? I gotta be the worst coach that ever lived.

    [They all laugh] 

    Coach Brakett : I'm long gone after this semester, anyway. And don't call me Coach anymore. Call me Roy. I'm only 23 for Christ sake.

    Tommy Turner : You look much older.

    Coach Brakett : Why don't you go and sit on a snake, Turner.

    [Tommy laughs; Roy shows the kids a scar on his head] 

    Coach Brakett : You see this? Porky gave me that about 6 years ago. I always wanted a shot at that mutha. I'd feed him his nuts for lunch.

  • [introducing Cherry to the boys one by one] 

    Tommy Turner : And this is the *pride* of Angel Beach. Anthony Tuperello, affectionately known as *Meat*.

    Cherry Forever : Oh, my God. The boy's deformed!

    [laughter from the guys] 

  • Tommy Turner : [to the rest of the guys at Cherry Forever's house]  Okay, Cherry's ready. Everyone get their clothes off.

    Tim : Wait. What's this bullshit?

    Billy : She's got to make sure everybody clean. No VD.

    Steve : How's she going to tell that by looking at us?

    Tommy Turner : She's done this so many times, she's practically a doctor.

    Tim : Yeah, and who's going to inspect her?

    [murmurs of agreement from the rest of the guys] 

    Billy : Look, you guys want to get laid or have a debate?

    Pee Wee Morris : Okay, I'm ready!

    [they turn to see Pee-Wee wasted no time stripping down, then laughter of all kinds go through the crowd, which Pee-Wee ignores] 

    Pee Wee Morris : I'm gonna get laid. Yes, Virginia. There is a Santa Claus.

  • Tommy Turner : Porky is a badass redneck!

  • [the gang are at the Deadbeats drive-in restaurant getting their food and drinks] 

    Billy : The worst thing is you guys are out a hundred bucks.

    Tommy Turner : This is just the kind of thing you write off.

    Pee Wee Morris : [hands Tommy the receipt]  Here you go.

    Tommy Turner : Again?

    Pee Wee Morris : I got it last time.

    Tommy Turner : [pays the waitress]  Great. Mick, I'm telling ya, they're bad mothers.

    Mickey : I'm going back to get that pig.

    Meat : Yeah right, Mick.

    Mickey : [throws his hamburger in a fit]  Yeah, Meat!

  • Sheriff Wallace : Well, it looks like to me we got five Angel Beach assholes here. Yes, sir. Five walkin' talkin' rectums.

    [Sheriff chuckles; to Mickey] 

    Sheriff Wallace : Where's your car, boy?

    Mickey : [points to his Ford pick-up truck]  Right there.

    Sheriff Wallace : You from Seward County?

    Mickey : Yeah.

    Sheriff Wallace : Well, I don't know much about the laws in Seward County, but we got laws here about driving with busted headlights.

    Mickey : I don't have a busted headlight.

    Sheriff Wallace : Don't have a busted headlight?

    [the Sheriff smashes the right-side headlight of Mickey's truck; Porky and his goons laughs] 

    Mickey : [shocked]  Shit!

    Sheriff Wallace : That's a $35.00 fine. Thirty-five bucks or a night in jail!

    Tommy Turner : I've got fifteen bucks.

    Pee Wee Morris : I've got-I've got five.

    Sheriff Wallace : You got five, you got fifteen, huh?

    Meat : I've got twelve.

    Tim : I think I got three.

    Porky : [to his goons]  Watch this.

    [the Sheriff then smashes the rear right-side taillight] 

    Mickey : [grows angry]  Goddamn it!

    [Porky and his goons laughing] 

    Sheriff Wallace : You got a busted taillight, too. That's 20 more dollars. Can you cover it?

    Mickey : I've got ten.

    Sheriff Wallace : Give it to me! Give me all you got.

    [the Sheriff starts collecting the boys money, but stops midway] 

    Sheriff Wallace : Well, I guess I can show a little leniency for first offenders. Whadaya say, Pork? Should I give these nice lads a break?

    Porky : Oh, they seem like a nice bunch of clean-cut Angel Beach pussies. A little smelly. Yeah, give 'em a break.

    Sheriff Wallace : You heard the man. You get your candy-asses back over to Seward County and you keep 'em there. This here's a "man's" county. Go on, get the fuck out. Go on. Go on!

    [the boys pile up in Mickey's truck] 

    Sheriff Wallace : Go on. Here we go! Here we go! Goin' home now, ain't we?

    Porky : [to his goons]  I don't think they'll be comin' back. Let's go back inside and get some beer.

  • Ted Jarvis : [after watching Mickey get taken away in an ambulance]  I'll see you guys later.

    Tommy Turner : Hey Ted, we're going too.

    Ted Jarvis : [Upon hearing this, he slams the door to his car and turns back to Tommy]  No you're not! It's bad enough we have to go into their jurisdiction without having to add the charge of contributing to the delinquency of a minor!

    Pee Wee Morris : But he...

    Ted Jarvis : No "buts", Pee-Wee! I don't wanna see any of you boys get hurt.

    Brian Schwartz : [Walks up]  Nobody has to get hurt.

    Ted Jarvis : What's that, Brian?

    Brian Schwartz : Nobody has to get hurt, and your career doesn't have to be in jeopardy.

    Ted Jarvis : Well, I'm all for that, Brian. What do you have in mind?

    Brian Schwartz : It doesn't have to be tonight, right?

    Ted Jarvis : Nope. It doesn't have to be tonight.

    Brian Schwartz : Good.

  • Brian Schwartz : [as he and Tommy run by a layup drill, Tim catches the ball then intentionally throws it to Brian's feet] 


    Brian Schwartz : Nice pass, Kavanaugh!

    Tim : Too bad, Jew-boy!

    Tommy Turner : Tim! What's your problem, man?

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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