Porky's (1981) Poster


Dan Monahan: Pee Wee



  • Pee Wee Morris : [to Tommy, about the normal-sized condom he was given]  It's too big.

    [Everybody else laughs] 

    Tommy Turner : Peewee, we don't have any training rubbers.

    Mickey : He needs the junior size.

    Brian Schwartz : [Seriously]  Peewee, tie a knot in it.

    Meat : [as Peewee is given another condom and he returns to the bus]  Hey Peewee, what do you think this is? The return desk at Macys?

  • Wendy : [answering the phone behind the counter at the roadside diner]  Deadbeats.

    Pee Wee Morris : [into pay phone, disguising his voice]  Hello. Hi. I'm lookin' for a friend of mine. He's s'posed to be there.

    Wendy : Uh, what's his name?

    Pee Wee Morris : His name's Michael Hunt... uh Mike, Mike. Yes, Mike.

    Wendy : Mike Hunt? Okay, just hang on a minute.

    [raising her voice to address the patrons] 

    Wendy : Is Mike Hunt here?

    [Pee Wee laughs] 

    Wendy : Is Mike Hunt here?

    [several patrons begin to snicker] 

    Wendy : Has anybody seen Mike Hunt?

    [patrons begin to cackle uncontrollably] 

    Meat : Practically everybody in town, from what I hear.


  • Billy : Cherry, this is Pee Wee.

    Cherry Forever : I'll say. What do you use for a jockstrap, kid? A peanut shell and a rubber band?

    [laughter from the other guys] 

    Cherry Forever : [to Billy]  You know we'd better tie a board across his ass, or he's liable to fall in.

    [more laughter in background] 

    Cherry Forever : [to Pee Wee]  Save your energy, needle dick. You're gonna need it.

    Pee Wee Morris : [giggling]  OK.

  • Pee Wee Morris : All I need is a watermelon and two jelly donuts!

    Billy : That's it. I am not taking a shower with you.

    [Billy and the other guys get up and leave] 

    Pee Wee Morris : Religious fanatics.

  • Pee Wee Morris : Yeah, that's just how I like 'em!

    Mickey : You like 'em as long as they ain't dead.

    Pee Wee Morris : I don't care if they're dead as long as they ain't too cold.

  • Tommy Turner : [to the rest of the guys at Cherry Forever's house]  Okay, Cherry's ready. Everyone get their clothes off.

    Tim : Wait. What's this bullshit?

    Billy : She's got to make sure everybody clean. No VD.

    Steve : How's she going to tell that by looking at us?

    Tommy Turner : She's done this so many times, she's practically a doctor.

    Tim : Yeah, and who's going to inspect her?

    [murmurs of agreement from the rest of the guys] 

    Billy : Look, you guys want to get laid or have a debate?

    Pee Wee Morris : Okay, I'm ready!

    [they turn to see Pee-Wee wasted no time stripping down, then laughter of all kinds go through the crowd, which Pee-Wee ignores] 

    Pee Wee Morris : I'm gonna get laid. Yes, Virginia. There is a Santa Claus.

  • Sheriff Wallace : [Sheriff Wallace, Porky's brother, arrives with his storm troopers to catch Mickey, Tommy, Meat, Tim and Pee Wee in the act]  Hold it! Hold it!

    [the Sheriff sees Pee Wee trying to sneak away] 

    Sheriff Wallace : Ya better fuckin' freeze, mister!

    [He does] 

    Sheriff Wallace : What's goin' on here, Pork?

    Porky : I was givin' the old place an enema and this pile of shit come floatin' up to the surface.

    Pee Wee Morris : [to Porky, offended]  Hey!

    Sheriff Wallace : [to Pee Wee]  Shut up, boy. Just shut up.

  • Billy : All right. Now remember, any sign of guns and we're gone, okay?

    [Porky, with a couple of bouncers, storms out the strip joint holding a bat] 

    Pee Wee Morris : Yo, Billy.

    Porky : Where are these five little virgins who think they reached manhood? You wanna tangle ass with me? Come up here, you sawed-off punk! I'll educate ya! I'll wrap this right around your damn neck! Come on, move it!

    Billy : [taunts Porky]  Boy, boy, Porky. You know, we're really scared. I guess we better go now.

    Porky : You better be. Go on, get your ass on home!

    Billy : I hope shit floats!

    Porky : You'll float if I ever catch you around here again, you little shit!

  • [the gang are at the Deadbeats drive-in restaurant getting their food and drinks] 

    Billy : The worst thing is you guys are out a hundred bucks.

    Tommy Turner : This is just the kind of thing you write off.

    Pee Wee Morris : [hands Tommy the receipt]  Here you go.

    Tommy Turner : Again?

    Pee Wee Morris : I got it last time.

    Tommy Turner : [pays the waitress]  Great. Mick, I'm telling ya, they're bad mothers.

    Mickey : I'm going back to get that pig.

    Meat : Yeah right, Mick.

    Mickey : [throws his hamburger in a fit]  Yeah, Meat!

  • Sheriff Wallace : Well, it looks like to me we got five Angel Beach assholes here. Yes, sir. Five walkin' talkin' rectums.

    [Sheriff chuckles; to Mickey] 

    Sheriff Wallace : Where's your car, boy?

    Mickey : [points to his Ford pick-up truck]  Right there.

    Sheriff Wallace : You from Seward County?

    Mickey : Yeah.

    Sheriff Wallace : Well, I don't know much about the laws in Seward County, but we got laws here about driving with busted headlights.

    Mickey : I don't have a busted headlight.

    Sheriff Wallace : Don't have a busted headlight?

    [the Sheriff smashes the right-side headlight of Mickey's truck; Porky and his goons laughs] 

    Mickey : [shocked]  Shit!

    Sheriff Wallace : That's a $35.00 fine. Thirty-five bucks or a night in jail!

    Tommy Turner : I've got fifteen bucks.

    Pee Wee Morris : I've got-I've got five.

    Sheriff Wallace : You got five, you got fifteen, huh?

    Meat : I've got twelve.

    Tim : I think I got three.

    Porky : [to his goons]  Watch this.

    [the Sheriff then smashes the rear right-side taillight] 

    Mickey : [grows angry]  Goddamn it!

    [Porky and his goons laughing] 

    Sheriff Wallace : You got a busted taillight, too. That's 20 more dollars. Can you cover it?

    Mickey : I've got ten.

    Sheriff Wallace : Give it to me! Give me all you got.

    [the Sheriff starts collecting the boys money, but stops midway] 

    Sheriff Wallace : Well, I guess I can show a little leniency for first offenders. Whadaya say, Pork? Should I give these nice lads a break?

    Porky : Oh, they seem like a nice bunch of clean-cut Angel Beach pussies. A little smelly. Yeah, give 'em a break.

    Sheriff Wallace : You heard the man. You get your candy-asses back over to Seward County and you keep 'em there. This here's a "man's" county. Go on, get the fuck out. Go on. Go on!

    [the boys pile up in Mickey's truck] 

    Sheriff Wallace : Go on. Here we go! Here we go! Goin' home now, ain't we?

    Porky : [to his goons]  I don't think they'll be comin' back. Let's go back inside and get some beer.

  • Ted Jarvis : [after watching Mickey get taken away in an ambulance]  I'll see you guys later.

    Tommy Turner : Hey Ted, we're going too.

    Ted Jarvis : [Upon hearing this, he slams the door to his car and turns back to Tommy]  No you're not! It's bad enough we have to go into their jurisdiction without having to add the charge of contributing to the delinquency of a minor!

    Pee Wee Morris : But he...

    Ted Jarvis : No "buts", Pee-Wee! I don't wanna see any of you boys get hurt.

    Brian Schwartz : [Walks up]  Nobody has to get hurt.

    Ted Jarvis : What's that, Brian?

    Brian Schwartz : Nobody has to get hurt, and your career doesn't have to be in jeopardy.

    Ted Jarvis : Well, I'm all for that, Brian. What do you have in mind?

    Brian Schwartz : It doesn't have to be tonight, right?

    Ted Jarvis : Nope. It doesn't have to be tonight.

    Brian Schwartz : Good.

  • Sheriff Wallace : [From a broadcast TV version] 

    [Porky's brother, the Sheriff, pulls up after the boys have been thrown out of Porky's] 

    Sheriff Wallace : Hold it! Hold it!

    [Sees Peewee trying to sneak away] 

    Sheriff Wallace : Ya better freeze, mister!

    [He does] 

    Sheriff Wallace : What's going on here, Pork?

    Porky : [Referring to the boys]  We was just cleaning out the septic system here and look what came floating up to the surface?

    Pee Wee Morris : [to Porky]  Liar!

    Sheriff Wallace : [to Peewee]  Shut up, boy!

    Porky : But he's lying!

    Sheriff Wallace : Just shut up!

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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