Porky's (1981) Poster


Roger Wilson: Mickey



  • Pee Wee Morris : [to Tommy, about the normal-sized condom he was given]  It's too big.

    [Everybody else laughs] 

    Tommy Turner : Peewee, we don't have any training rubbers.

    Mickey : He needs the junior size.

    Brian Schwartz : [Seriously]  Peewee, tie a knot in it.

    Meat : [as Peewee is given another condom and he returns to the bus]  Hey Peewee, what do you think this is? The return desk at Macys?

  • Pee Wee Morris : Yeah, that's just how I like 'em!

    Mickey : You like 'em as long as they ain't dead.

    Pee Wee Morris : I don't care if they're dead as long as they ain't too cold.

  • Mickey : Uh, barkeep, I'd like to speak with Porky.

    Bartender : Porky's busy.

    Mickey : Yeah, well he ain't too busy for what I want. I want to pay for some pussy.

    Bartender : Pay me.

    Mickey : [Firmly]  I want to talk to Porky.

    Bartender : [Shrugs]  Okay, if that's what you want.

    [Walks off laughing softly] 

    Mickey : [to the gang]  See? You just got to show them who's boss.

  • Porky : [Coming down to the bar]  Who's asking to see me?

    Mickey : Mr. Porky, I am.

    Porky : What do you want?

    Mickey : Well, my friends and I would like to party with five of your girls upstairs in Porky's Pen.

    Porky : You five of my piglets up in the pen? For how long?

    Mickey : [Thinks a second]  An hour.

    Porky : A whole hour. What do you got to spend? Bottle caps?

    Mickey : Hundred bucks!

    Porky : Ooh. A hundred dollars, for five ladies.


    Porky : Go home, snot nose.

    [Turns away] 

    Mickey : Porky, wait a minute.

    Porky : [Turns back around]  *Mister* Porky.

    Mickey : Well, how many girls can we get for a hundred?

    Porky : There's five of you, right?

    [They all nod] 

    Porky : That's a lot of horny dicks. I'll let you have two girls for an hour, or three or a half-hour.

    Mickey : That's all?

    Porky : Hey, no one's forcing you, but it's a long ride back home and it's even longer with a hard on.

    Mickey : Okay, okay, we'll take three for thirty minutes.

  • [the gang are at the Deadbeats drive-in restaurant getting their food and drinks] 

    Billy : The worst thing is you guys are out a hundred bucks.

    Tommy Turner : This is just the kind of thing you write off.

    Pee Wee Morris : [hands Tommy the receipt]  Here you go.

    Tommy Turner : Again?

    Pee Wee Morris : I got it last time.

    Tommy Turner : [pays the waitress]  Great. Mick, I'm telling ya, they're bad mothers.

    Mickey : I'm going back to get that pig.

    Meat : Yeah right, Mick.

    Mickey : [throws his hamburger in a fit]  Yeah, Meat!

  • Sheriff Wallace : Well, it looks like to me we got five Angel Beach assholes here. Yes, sir. Five walkin' talkin' rectums.

    [Sheriff chuckles; to Mickey] 

    Sheriff Wallace : Where's your car, boy?

    Mickey : [points to his Ford pick-up truck]  Right there.

    Sheriff Wallace : You from Seward County?

    Mickey : Yeah.

    Sheriff Wallace : Well, I don't know much about the laws in Seward County, but we got laws here about driving with busted headlights.

    Mickey : I don't have a busted headlight.

    Sheriff Wallace : Don't have a busted headlight?

    [the Sheriff smashes the right-side headlight of Mickey's truck; Porky and his goons laughs] 

    Mickey : [shocked]  Shit!

    Sheriff Wallace : That's a $35.00 fine. Thirty-five bucks or a night in jail!

    Tommy Turner : I've got fifteen bucks.

    Pee Wee Morris : I've got-I've got five.

    Sheriff Wallace : You got five, you got fifteen, huh?

    Meat : I've got twelve.

    Tim : I think I got three.

    Porky : [to his goons]  Watch this.

    [the Sheriff then smashes the rear right-side taillight] 

    Mickey : [grows angry]  Goddamn it!

    [Porky and his goons laughing] 

    Sheriff Wallace : You got a busted taillight, too. That's 20 more dollars. Can you cover it?

    Mickey : I've got ten.

    Sheriff Wallace : Give it to me! Give me all you got.

    [the Sheriff starts collecting the boys money, but stops midway] 

    Sheriff Wallace : Well, I guess I can show a little leniency for first offenders. Whadaya say, Pork? Should I give these nice lads a break?

    Porky : Oh, they seem like a nice bunch of clean-cut Angel Beach pussies. A little smelly. Yeah, give 'em a break.

    Sheriff Wallace : You heard the man. You get your candy-asses back over to Seward County and you keep 'em there. This here's a "man's" county. Go on, get the fuck out. Go on. Go on!

    [the boys pile up in Mickey's truck] 

    Sheriff Wallace : Go on. Here we go! Here we go! Goin' home now, ain't we?

    Porky : [to his goons]  I don't think they'll be comin' back. Let's go back inside and get some beer.

  • Porky : [as the pig mobile pulls up behind the tow truck and they all get out, to Ted]  I want those mosey little mothas arrested, and I mean like right now! Those boys just destroyed my night club.

    Ted Jarvis : How'd they do that?

    Porky : They've been coming in the last couple of weeks.

    Ted Jarvis : Which ones?

    Porky : [Points to Tim then Mickey]  This one, and that little bastard back there!

    Ted Jarvis : [Points to them himself]  You mean this sixteen year old and this seventeen year old youngster were frequenting your establishment?

    Sheriff Wallace : [Butts in]  They've been coming in before! This ain't the first time, especially that little sun-of-a-bitch...

    Porky : [Stops him, now uneasy]  Look, we may have made a mistake. They're obviously youngsters.

    Sheriff Wallace : What are you talking about, Pork?

    Porky : [Quietly, emphasizing]  They're youngsters!

    Sheriff Wallace : [to Ted]  No, look! Those boys just destroyed my station house! Destroyed two of my cars! I want them booked on felony charges of destruction of private property, and assault and battery!

    Ted Jarvis : Now hold on, Sheriff.

    Sheriff Wallace : "Hold on", my ass!

    Ted Jarvis : [Brandishing his rifle]  You're in *my* county now! I wonder what I could book you for.

    [Looks over the car, then breaks one of the headlights with the butt of his rifle] 

    Mickey : [as everyone cheers and laughs]  Get him, brother!

    Ted Jarvis : [to Porky]  Broken headlight. That's a $50 fine in Seward County.

    Porky : [Pulls a $50 bill from his wad of cash]  Got that right here.

    [Ted then cocks his rifle and shoots the left front tire of the car, Porky is then seen clearing out his ear, then quietly to his brother] 

    Porky : Damn!

    Ted Jarvis : Blown tire.


    Ted Jarvis : That's too bad.

    [Everyone laughs, he then shoots the radiator and we hear the pig whistle horn die] 

    Ted Jarvis : Broken radiator. This car's a mess.

    [More laughter from the crowd; he then reloads and aims at the hood ornament from his hip] 

    Meat : [Leading the cheers]  Do it! Do it!

    [He does] 

    Porky : [Quietly throwing a fit]  Daw shit!

    Porky : Broken hood ornament. And questions?

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

Recently Viewed