Just Good Friends (1983–1986)
Vince Pinner: Pen, what's wrong with you?
Penny Warrender: Can't you tell?
Vince Pinner: What?
Penny Warrender: God, what a zonko! Vincent, you are the most cretinous, slow-witted, irritating moron that I've ever come across.
Vince Pinner: Don't mince words with me, Pen. Have you got something to say?
Stan: 'ere let me ask you something, who's in charge here?
Vince Pinner: Go on, Stan. I ain't heard this one.
Stan: You are the assistant manager, I make the decisions.
Vince Pinner: Stanley, so far today you've decided to turn down good business, give fraud a bad name, and to accept a bet on an elephant race. In my opinion you are to bookmaking what Wayne Sleep is to rugby league. No offence.
Norman Warrender: Daphne...
Daphne Warrender: Yes, Norman?
Norman Warrender: Do you still... well, do you still get a thrill from... well, you know...
Daphne Warrender: Oh, for heavens sake, Norman. We are in the 1980s, if you mean sex then say... thingy.
Norman Warrender: Amazing article in this magazine. Were you aware that 76% of women in the over 40s group have only ever made love to one man in their entire life?
Vince Pinner: Really, does it give his name?
Penny Warrender: What have you been doing with yourself today, hmm?
Vince Pinner: Well, I've been window shopping. Looking for new bedding, that sort of thing.
Daphne Warrender: [sarcastically] Pity the army surplus store has closed down.
Vince Pinner: Yes. I imagine you must miss it terribly, Daphne.
Penny Warrender: How can I find out if he has met someone else?
Elaine: Ask him.
Penny Warrender: He'd lie.
Elaine: How do you know?
Penny Warrender: He's a liar.
Norman Warrender: Darling, think back to when we were younger. Now, I can still remember our first time.
Daphne Warrender: Amazing, Norman. I can hardly remember the last time.
Les Pinner: You mollycoddle that boy too much, Reet. It's unhealthy.
Rita Pinner: What do you mean unhealthy?
Les Pinner: He's developing one of them oedipus complexes.
Rita Pinner: I don't care what's wrong with him as long as he loves his mum.
Penny Warrender: Graham, this is Vince. Vince, Graham.
Graham Perry: It's a pleasure to meet you.
Vince Pinner: Yeah, I suppose it must be.
Graham Perry: I'm a vegan.
Vince Pinner: You'd never guess it.
Graham Perry: Do you know what a vegan is, Vince?
Penny Warrender: Of course he knows what a vegan is, don't you, Vince?
Vince Pinner: Absolutely, I never missed an episode of Star Trek.
Clifford Pinner: It weren't my fault.
Rita Pinner: Course it weren't, babe! No-one's blamin' ya.
Penny Warrender: Do you mind if I have a wine?
Vince Pinner: Why not, it's all you've been doing since you got here.
Vince Pinner: Pen, what I have to say isn't going to be easy. So would you just for this once allow me to speak without interrupting? You see, Pen...
Penny Warrender: What do you mean interrupting? I never interrupt.
Vince Pinner: No. I must be thinking of someone else.
Penny Warrender: Yes, you must.
Penny Warrender: The very first night we met you tried your luck.
Vince Pinner: Nothing happened between us for a long time.
Penny Warrender: Only because I wouldn't allow it. I'd known you for exactly one hour. You'd bought me a coca-cola and tried to undo my bra. I can remember thinking "I'm glad I didn't order a Bacardi with it".
Vince Pinner: She loves me, Pen.
Penny Warrender: Yes, but what about me?
Vince Pinner: She's never met you but I think you'd get on like a house on fire.
Penny Warrender: It isn't an easy decision. My future hangs in the balance. I can either accept the company's offer, build a career, travel, have total fulfillment and enjoyment of life... or I can marry Vince.
Daphne Warrender: And what are you going to do?
Penny Warrender: I haven't decided yet.
Daphne Warrender: Norman, will you speak to her?
Norman Warrender: You do whatever you think is best, darling.
Daphne Warrender: Keep out of this, Norman.
Daphne Warrender: What kind of a future would you have with "Thing"? He's an idle, itinerant worker drifting from job to job always on the edge of legality - an ice cream vendor, a used car salesman, and now a bookie.
Penny Warrender: One day Vince will inherit the family business.
Daphne Warrender: That's something to look forward to, isn't it? One day your husband will manage a few scrap metal yards!
Penny Warrender: No he wont. He intends to sell them.
Daphne Warrender: How much do you think he'll get for that?
Penny Warrender: Well, according to his father, at the last audit, they were valued at two and a half million pounds.
Norman Warrender: [shocked] Two and a half million?
Penny Warrender: [smugly] Yes.
Daphne Warrender: [after a long pause] Well, I've said everything I'm going to say. You must do as you think fit, darling.
[Penny is cuddling up to Vince on the sofa]
Penny Warrender: [tenderly and seductively] I used to dream about you. I used to dream about your body.
Vince Pinner: [surprised] Did you?
Penny Warrender: [laughing] I used to dream the police came round and asked me to identify it!
[Les is telling Vince about a villain that he stood up to]
Les Pinner: He used to be an enforcer for the Kray Brothers - till they sacked him for being too aggressive. He knew I was earning and he wanted his cut. Now unlike you, Vincent, I ain't never been a fighting man. But I knew I had a straight choice. I either paid him what he wanted and had him on my back for the rest of my natural, or I fronted him out. And that's what I did. I was scared, petrified, but I stood up to him. And do you know what? I discovered I had an inner strength. It was as if it weren't me fighting - it was another feller, stronger than me, who had no fear. Every blow was considered in a calm and clinically violent way. George Fimbo never came near or by that yard again.
Vince Pinner: And were you hurt?
Les Pinner: Hurt? Three months in a convalescent home, eighteen months before I could walk without a stick!