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G.I. Joe (TV Series 1985–1986) Poster

(1985–1986)

Quotes

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Mainframe: Beach Head, I wanna talk to you about your deodorant

Beachhead: What do you mean? I don't use deodorant!

Mainframe: That's what I wanna talk to you about!

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Flint: Remember, a Cobra is a snake and snake is sneak spelled sideways!

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Sgt. Slaughter: Give your hearts to America, Joes, 'cause your butts belong to me!

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[Shipwreck and Snake Eyes are sneaking around a Cobra base]

Shipwreck: Let's reconnoiter, Snake Eyes, and try not to attract attention. Sure. Who'd notice a wet sailor with a parrot and a silent, masked man with a timber wolf? I think we're in major trouble!

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Tomax: No! Please don't.

[Flint heaves Tomax over his head and starts spinning him in the air. Tomax starts spinning on the ground and screaming]

Xamot: Stop!

Lady Jaye: What's going on? I didn't even touch him.

Flint: They must be telepathic. Whenever one of them feels something the other one feels it.

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Lifeline: Hey, Low-Light. Does it ever occur to you there might be an easier way of settling disputes?

Low-Light: Yeah, Lifeline. It's called a gun!

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[Lady Jaye has beaten Gung Ho at a contest where the loser has to make dinner]

Stalker: What did you do that for, Lady Jaye? He'll make us eat that homemade Cajun gumbo of his!

Recondo: Yeah! Last time we used it to fuel the Skystrikers!

Gung Ho: Gumbo builds muscles! Right, Doc?

Doc: Well, it's certainly given you a cast-iron stomach!

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Serpentor: Know that I am the one you seek! I am the one born to rule, destined to conquer! Let those who fear me follow me. Let those who oppose me die! For I am Serpentor, and this I command!

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Destro: Using the full power of the laser core on Washington could leave us vulnerable to counter-attack!

Zartan: Nonsense! There is no possible way for G.I. Joe to resist the Weather Dominator!

Destro: I will not have my opinions questioned by a penny-ante quick-change artist!

Cobra Commander: What would you have me do with Washington, Destro? Pepper it with spitballs?

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Zartan: The crucial, final fragment of the Weather Dominator, the laser core itself, is now entirely in my possession: a prize which I offer to the highest bidder. G.I. Joe? Cobra? The world belongs to one of you. The one with the greatest bank account!

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[a polar bear has gone to sleep on board a G.I. Joe boat]

Lady Jaye: You're not just gonna let him nap there, are you, Duke?

Duke: I have a policy about ten foot bears. Lady, as far as I'm concerned, they can sleep anywhere they want!

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Leatherneck: And don't call me 'Sir'! I work for a living!

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[Flint and Lady Jaye are chasing Destro]

Flint: We can't let him shake us! That nickel-noggin bozo is all the Cobra brass we've got!

Destro: This is one 'bozo' who won't be got at all!

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Scarlett: [Scarlett lands her plane, nearly hitting Duke and some Joes] I missed you, Duke.

Duke: You sure did.

[holds his thumb and finger an inch apart]

Duke: By *that* much!

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Cobra Commander: As of now, your little project is deader than disco! Hmmm... Deader than disco... I like that... I would have made a great stand-up comedian.

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Cobra Commander: What are you doing? Advance! Adva...

[grenade explodes]

Cobra Commander: Cobra retreat. *Retreat*!

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Scarlett: Hey, why didn't you just yell "Look out!"?

Duke: Didn't you read my green sheet? I'm a man of action.

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Zartan: [returning with the explosive gas] Why isn't Cobra Commander here to witness my triumph?

Baroness: He's being interviewed for TV!

Cobra Commander: [talking to Hector Ramirez] Then after leading a mutiny at my military academy ...

[Ramirez is falling asleep]

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Cover Girl: [helping Shipwreck in a bar-room brawl] Figures, Shipwreck! You would be in the sleaziest hole in Hollywood!

Shipwreck: Aw, shut up and fight!

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Recondo: The savagery of the jungle mixed with the excitement of the city. Where else but India?

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[the Dreadnoks have captured some soldiers]

Torch: Aw, look at the lovely monkeys we bagged!

Buzzer: Don't look like monkeys to me, Torch. They look like trout... just before you pop 'em in the frying pan and eat 'em!

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Shipwreck: Do you expect me to talk, Cobra?

Cobra Commander: No. We expect you to fry!

Shipwreck: I was afraid you'd say that!

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[the Cobra troops are surrounded]

Major Bludd: Now I know how Custer felt!

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Buzzer: Say your prayers, Yank!

[Gung Ho punches him]

Gung Ho: Now I lay YOU down to sleep!

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Destro: The ion attractor generates forces strong enough to pull down the Aurora Borealis, the ions melt the ice, eventually raising the water level eighty feet around the world. Every coastal city will be flooded! And then with the world in chaos, Cobra strikes!

Lady Jaye: Brilliant, Destro! I bet you'd take first prize at the science fair!

Destro: Beware, Lady Jaye! With so sharp a tongue you could cut your own throat!

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Cobra Commander: NO! G.I. Joe was ready for us! How dare they anticipate my strategy?

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Cobra Commander: Morons! I have morons on my payroll!

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Cobra Commander: I shall be waiting to reward your genius, or to have you beheaded for terminal stupidity! I have spoken.

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Sci-Fi: [after learning that the missing file was for a video game] All this for that?

Low-Light: Some nights, it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

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Lady Jaye: Maybe we have an ancestor in common?

Destro: I find that to be most distasteful.

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Flint: I'm hoping they'd?

Mainframe: Hi, Flint.

Flint: I was hoping they'd get here without...

Lady Jaye: You were hoping they'd get here without what, Flint?

Flint: Without being too conspicuous.

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Announcer: GI Joe is the codename for America's highly trained special mission force. Its purpose: to defend human freedom against COBRA. A ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world.

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Zartan: What's the matter, old Flint? Up a tree are you?

[shouts]

Zartan: Mwahaha!

Flint: Laugh this off, happy boy!

[starts shooting at Zartan, manages to hit him and he goes down screaming]

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Flint: [swimming away] You don't need it!

[Fish hits him in the face]

Lady Jaye: [laughing] Turn off the charm, Flint! You're liable to attract a whale!

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Flint: Okay, what in the name of sanity are you people doing here? This is a restricted area!

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Gung Ho: [jumping on Cobra Commander] Give me!

Cobra Commander: Get off me, you moron!

Gung Ho: Give me the disk!

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Barbecue: Dreadnoks may be cops in this world but they're still stupid.

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Lady Jaye: [as she looks at the guys sheepishly out the lady's change room door] Could someone please pass me my pants? I'm a little too big for my britches.

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Duke: Cold Slither? Sounds like cobra stuff to me.

Scarlett: [putting her hand on his shoulder affectionately, slight laugh] No, Duke! Cold Slither's a rock band.

Duke: [embarrassed chuckle] Oh, I-I guess I haven't been keeping up with things around here.

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Mainframe: [Beachhead puts a wrecked data disk on Mainframe's desk] Oh, no! How could you guys do that to a little disk?

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Buzzer: [chasing Thrasher as he drives away with the Thunder Machine] Thrasher, you bloody dingo!

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Destro: Premature panic is the sign of an immature mind!

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Sci-Fi: [in response to the uncooperative French mayor] So what do we do, General?

Gen. Hawk: Well, if we were Cobra, I'd say run him over.

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Shipwreck: I always said you couldn't tell your face from a hole in the ground!

Cobra Commander: I will not allow such impertinence! Especially from an

[shouts]

Cobra Commander: enlisted man!

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Gung Ho: Every Cobra trooper in the world was hidden in that mountain!

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Gen. Hawk: No need to get flustered, son, we're all Joes here.

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Flint: [pointing to Baroness on her speeder boat] There!

Baroness, Mongolian Warrior, Sandy: [Pulls off her mask, puts on her glasses] All's fair in love and war!

[Blows him a kiss as she escapes on her speeder boat]

Baroness, Mongolian Warrior, Sandy: It could have been WONDERFUL, Flint!

[Flint waves good bye to her as she escapes with an incredulous but wry grin]

Lady Jaye: Are you SURE that stuff wore off?

[Flint hugs her, gives her a kiss]

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Flint: Lady Jaye! I... I was worried about you.

Lady Jaye: That doesn't exactly make me unhappy, you know.

[awkward pause, then they hug]

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Cobra Commander: She's bluffing! She'd never risk destroying you! I on the other hand, have no such qualms about eliminating her!

[cackles]

Duke: [enraged] You wish!

[reaches over the seat and starts strangling Cobra Commander]

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Duke: Scarlett, when do tourists stop being friendly?

Scarlett: When they sign up for the Cobra Travel Plan, Duke.

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Scarlett: Hey, I thought dinosaurs were STUPID.

Flint: They just don't make 'em like they used to.

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Gung Ho: [shooting at dinosaur] C'mon, at least ACT like it hurts!

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Duke: [as they are dragged away under their own truck by Cobra thugs] I feel like John Wayne under a stage coach!

Scarlett: [imitating John Wayne's delivery] Let's go, Pilgrim!

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Roadblock: It'll take 30 years for those dinos to grow up - and we'll all be retired by then.

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Quick Kick: [using clippers to free Lady Jaye from mechanical tenticles; singing] I'm the Barber of Seville!

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Serpentor: There can be *no* negotiation, you insolent microbe!

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Cross-Country: Ted Stuart, you is avenged!

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Low-Light: You gotta be tougher than that! I'm no wimp any more! I'm a G.I. Joe, and nothing stops a G.I. Joe! Nothing!

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Cover Girl: Sorry, guys! We've got to borrow your Flight Pods and a Rattler to look for our pals.

Shipwreck: Tell all the starlets I'll be back to sign autographs!

Cover Girl: Shipwreck!

Shipwreck: Ah, you're no fun any more!

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Mainframe: Looks like Cobra's running an international mail order business.

Beachhead: Like what? The Snake of the Month Club?

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Wet Suit: [Leatherneck is doing badly at the shooting range] Next time we're in combat, Leatherneck, remind me to get right in front of you. That'll be the safest place!

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Leatherneck: Excuse me for being a lame brain.

Wet Suit: You're excused, lame brain.

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[Talking about Sgt. Slaughter]

Cobra Commander: That man has the constitutionality of a vending machine.

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Flint: [Looking at his chopstick with squid on the end] They don't seriously expect us to eat this do they?

Lady Jaye: Come on Flint. Keep an opened mind.

Flint: My mind is opened... It's my mouth that's closed.

Lady Jaye: Come on you guys. You'll insult our hosts.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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