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The Pick-up Artist (1987) Poster

Quotes

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Jack Jericho: Did anyone ever tell you that you have the face of a Botticelli and the body of a Degas?

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Jack Jericho: Being with you isn't a gamble, you can only gamble when you have a choice. I wanna be with you forever, and I don't have a choice about that, maybe I don't have a prayer in the world, but that's not a gamble. Maybe what I feel is not good for you, or for me but I'm not gonna stand here and listen to you tell me it's a bad habit.

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Jack Jericho: Did anyone ever tell you you're too good to be true?

Randy Jensen: No only that I'm too truthful to be good.

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Flash Jensen: You know something? I can't do this anymore.

[Referring to his alcoholism, as he dumps out his drink]

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Jack Jericho: Forgive for intruding on you like this; but, if I don't stop you now, I may never run into you again and may never have the pleasure of knowing who you are, so that we can fulfill our destiny together on this planet.

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Jack Jericho: Guys like that give meeting strangers a bad name. It is a personal affront to me, personally, because I have a vested interest in meeting strangers. You know, it seems that every woman I've ever liked, communed with, or given great satisfaction to, always started off as a complete stranger and only became known to me because I followed the impulse that I felt when I saw her and I went up to her and said, politely with a smile, "Hi. I'm Jack Jericho. I like you. Do you like me?"

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Stan: Did you tell Stephen Merchant's mother that she had the face of a Chagall and the body of a Rubens? Did you? Jack, you might also want to know that her husband, Stephen Merchant Sr, is head of the organized-crime unit in the Manhattan District Attorney's office.

Jack Jericho: Is there a crime against comparing a woman to a work of art?

Stan: Watch it, Jack, or you're gonna end up losing more than your job one of these days. And another thing, Chagall's women aren't beautiful, and Rubens' women are fat.

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Jack Jericho: Has anyone said you have a magnificent smile and skin invented to be touched?

Lulu: No one who wasn't trying to pick me up.

Jack Jericho: And would that be a sin?

Lulu: A mistake.

Jack Jericho: No. Desire is never a mistake. Only rejection is.

Lulu: It isn't going to happen.

Jack Jericho: How can you say that when this look on your face is bubbling with curiosity?

Lulu: Because my boyfriend's gonna be back any minute and if I'm not here he'll kill me.

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Jack Jericho: What's your name?

Lulu: Lulu.

Jack Jericho: Lulu? That's the most erotic name I've ever heard.

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Alonzo: Whatever you're selling, we don't want any.

Jack Jericho: I don't sell or buy. I just give and take.

Alonzo: Is that so? How would you like to take a beating?

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Alonzo: Look, Fernando, I have just the girl for you. Her name is Carla. She's waitin' outside in the car for you now.

Portacarrero: I told you, I want the redhead. She's different from the others. I thought there was to be no problem.

Alonzo: Fernando, whatever you want, you're gonna have.

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Randy Jensen: I don't care how rich he is. For me, sex and money just don't mix.

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Lulu: How are we gonna meet each other again?

Jack Jericho: The same way we met tonight. Fate.

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Jack Jericho: I hate being late.

George: That's exactly what I'm telling you. Lateness is time, time is money, money is life. You got to change your habits.

Jack Jericho: I like your mind, George. Do you do any writing?

George: Yeah, bills.

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Jack Jericho: Wow, that's a phenomenal smile you have. Has anyone ever said you that you look like a Picasso painting?

Mona: Not exactly.

Jack Jericho: Why? Are you an artist yourself?

Mona: No, but I have posed for artists.

Jack Jericho: Really? How scintillating. What's your name?

Mona: Mona.

Jack Jericho: Mona. Great name. You know, that's like Henry Miller's girlfriend in "Tropic of Cancer." In Paris in the '20s, everybody got off in those days. Two people would be walking down the street, they'd connect eyes with each other, the next thing you know - boom, they'd be going berserk on each other.

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Jack Jericho: What do you do for a living?

Mona: I'm studying for the priesthood.

Jack Jericho: No shit! Congratulations! Mona, I was just reading an article about the shortage of priests, especially female priests.

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Jack Jericho: My name's Jack Jericho. I must say, that rose goes magnificently with your pale skin and dark eyes and white teeth and pink lips and red hair. Has anyone ever told you you have the face of a Botticelli and the body of a Degas?

Randy Jensen: My tenth-grade art teacher.

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Jack Jericho: May I ask you a question?

Randy Jensen: As long as it's personal.

Jack Jericho: Great answer.

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Jack Jericho: May I ask you another question? What do you think of a perfect stranger coming up to you on the street and giving you a rose?

Randy Jensen: I think with an opening like that, there's nowhere to go but down.

Jack Jericho: Never underestimate the powers of strangers buying flowers.

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Jack Jericho: May I ask you one last question? What if this stranger who gave you the rose were to say something to you really outrageous like: "Randy, I think you're the most lovely, luminous, radiant, exotic, erotic woman I've ever met and I must make love to you immediately"? Then what would you do?

Randy Jensen: Depends on where he said it.

Jack Jericho: You wouldn't want to find out if you liked him?

Randy Jensen: I know when I like someone two seconds after we met eyes on him.

Jack Jericho: Don't say that unless you're serious.

Randy Jensen: Test me.

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Randy Jensen: What are you looking at?

Jack Jericho: I'm looking at your legs - and I'm not afraid to admit it.

Randy Jensen: Oh, I thought it was my intelligence stimulated you?

Jack Jericho: It was. It is! You know, I've always responded to women with great intensity, but in the past it's been mixed. I love the arms, but I hate the voice. I love the voice, but I hate the mind. I love the mind, but I hate the feet. Then I have to concentrate on the one thing that excited me in order to get going. With you it's different. Everything excites me.

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Jack Jericho: Oh, oh, oh. Yeah. Yes. Oh, wow. You're wonderful. Do you have any idea how good you feel? You're like silk, you're like cream. Do you love the way that feels?

Randy Jensen: Uh-huh.

Jack Jericho: Does that hurt?

Randy Jensen: Uh-uh.

Jack Jericho: Are you sure?

Randy Jensen: Uh-huh.

Jack Jericho: God, this is paradise, isn't it?

Randy Jensen: Uh-huh. Could you move your arm a little bit to the left? My spine is snapping on the emergency brake. - How's that? - Fine. Is there anything that could make this moment any more perfect than it is now? Just one. If you could keep quiet for the next 15 seconds, I'll come.

Jack Jericho: No problem. How's that?

Randy Jensen: Fine.

Jack Jericho: Is there anything in the whole cosmos that could make this moment any more perfect than it is right now?

Randy Jensen: Uh-huh. Just one. If you could keep absolutely quiet for the next 15 seconds, I'll cum.

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Randy Jensen: I don't give out my telephone number.

Jack Jericho: After what we've just been through?

Randy Jensen: That was in the past. A phone number's in the future.

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Jack Jericho: You sound pretty cold.

Randy Jensen: You have to be with guys like that.

Jack Jericho: Like what?

Randy Jensen: Cruisers, collectors, pick-up artists.

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Jack Jericho: What do you want from me? My blood, my heart, my soul?

Randy Jensen: Your absence.

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Alonzo: He's become obsessed with you. Spend a night with the guy. Make him happy. You can make a lot of money from this guy.

Randy Jensen: You want his money, you date him.

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Alonzo: What's your profession, cupcake?

Jack Jericho: I'm a romantic.

Alonzo: That's lucrative.

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Planetarium Guide: The Earth is a speck of dust, rotating in a solar system itself no more than specks of dust floating in a galaxy, again, one among billions and billions of other galaxies expanding without restraint in a universe 20 billion years old. The stars, planets and galaxies hurtle themselves recklessly outward - colliding, dying, regenerating themselves as new forms of matter...

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Harriet: Ed was my second husband. Harry was my first boyfriend. This was Steve.

Randy Jensen: So what did you do?

Harriet: I broke his nose.

Randy Jensen: And that was the last time you saw him?

Harriet: Are you kidding?

Randy Jensen: You kept seeing him and he did it again?

Harriet: Of course.

Randy Jensen: How soon?

Harriet: Oh, I've no idea. Probably with the nurse who fixed his nose.

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Randy Jensen: This may sound naive, but have you considered not getting involved with these men?

Harriet: Which men?

Randy Jensen: All of them.

Harriet: Come on, now. Men can be a lot of fun.

Randy Jensen: Well, fine, fine. Good, take the fun, but why get all involved? Why depend on them? Why trust them? So they can let you down just when you thought that you could count on them?

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Patsy: Flash. Flash. Long time. How you been?

Flash Jensen: Hey, Patsy! I'm in. I'm out. You're looking great.

Patsy: Hey, I try my best. I do whatever I have to do.

Flash Jensen: I want you to meet my friend Jimmy.

Jack Jericho: Jack. Hi.

Flash Jensen: And Paul.

Phil: Phil.

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Flash Jensen: You know what I'd love to do?

Patsy: No, what?

Flash Jensen: Turn back the clock.

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Jack Jericho: If you don't want to gamble on me, gamble on yourself.

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Jack Jericho: You know what this cheeseburger's like? Life. It's like you look at it and you touch it and you chew it and you swallow it, add ketchup, take a second bite, third bite. You never even think you'll be looking at an empty plate. But, then, the next thing you know, that's it. No more burger.

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Jack Jericho: I've seen your kind all my life. Everybody has, Hot Lonnie Scalera. He's a pick-up artist. He hits on women wherever he goes. He walks, he talks. He jumps them in the back of his car, practically breaks their back on the gear shift and then takes their number and never calls. Admit it, Hot Lonnie. Does your mother do your dirty laundry? Does your mom have to wash lipstick off your underpants?

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Randy Jensen: Has anyone ever told you you have crazy taste in women?

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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