The Misadventures of Mr. Wilt (1989) Poster

Griff Rhys Jones: Henry Wilt


  • [Henry bursts into the church, to find the vicar trying to strangle Eva] 

    Henry Wilt : Now you listen here, if anyone's going to murder my wife, it's going to be me!

  • [Flint has found Henry in the graveyard] 

    Inspector Flint : I bet if we dug up these graves, we'd find a dead body in every one!

    Henry Wilt : Well, so would I!

  • [Flint has realised that Henry is innocent of all charges] 

    Inspector Flint : In that case, *I* am under arrest. I am hereby arresting myself, for conspiring to falsify evidence for the wrongful arrest of a private citizen, misuse of police manpower and resources, and for knowingly obtaining an unlicensed firearm from an illegal source, with intent to murder and maim.

    [Hands shotgun to Eva] 

    Inspector Flint : I am not obliged to say anything, but anything I do say can be noted and used as evidence. If someone would care to call the police, I shall be in the cemetery.

    [Flint exits, while Henry joins Eva] 

    Henry Wilt : He's been under a lot of stress, lately.

  • Inspector Flint : Your wife! Your wife is *dead*!

    Henry Wilt : You know what, Inspector, for the first time since I met you, you're in danger of actually being right about something!

    [Henry wacks Flint into an open grave with the shovel, and runs off] 

  • [Henry has arrived at the church, looking for Eva] 

    Henry Wilt : Why didn't I sign my own name? I'd be safely locked up in Broadmoor by now!

  • Cranham : Don't tell the bastards nothing!

    Henry Wilt : *Anything*, Cranham! Don't tell the bastards *anything*!

  • Henry Wilt : In Japan, I'd be made a god.

  • Henry Wilt : I couldn't feel inferior to a merchant banker for the same reason I couldn't feel inferior to a 30-watt light bulb. They are both dim and server no discernible function!

  • [Henry is looking through the kitchen cupboards] 

    Henry Wilt : [looking at the dog]  Where does she keep the Marmite, Dasher?

  • Dave : [Indicating the students]  They look like football hooligans!

    Henry Wilt : They *are* football hooligans!

  • Inspector Flint : [Wilt has just told him what happened to Eva's note]  Do you mean to say that the one piece of evidence that could corroborate your story is wrapped round a turd headed for the North Sea?

    Henry Wilt : Yes.

    Inspector Flint : How tragically inconvenient!

  • Henry Wilt : [to a policewoman]  Do you think they'll want to do a cast of my face for the Chamber of Horrors?

  • Henry Wilt : [face to face with Inspector Flint in the cemetery]  You cretinous testicle!

  • Inspector Flint : You're inferring we're

    [meaning the police] 

    Inspector Flint : all thick!

    Henry Wilt : No, I'm *implying* you're all thick, *you're* inferring that that is what I'm *implying*.

  • Henry Wilt : So what am I supposed to have done with the body, then?


    Henry Wilt : Dissolved it in a huge vat of acid?

    Dr. Pittman : Aha!

    Henry Wilt : Oh, come on! Do you know how much acid that would take?

    Dr. Pittman : Why don't you tell me?

    Henry Wilt : No, anybody who'd believe that theory can't have his head screwed on straight!

    [Dr Pittman has a noticeable crick in his neck] 

  • Sally : I like men with small ones, they try so much harder.

    Henry Wilt : You're obsessed with sex.

  • Henry Wilt : You can beat me up if you like - it won't do any good.

    Inspector Flint : You're wrong there - It'll do me the power of good!

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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