Do or Die (1991) Poster

(1991)

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Andy Sidaris - misunderstood visionary
danielemerson25 January 2016
Warning: Spoilers
Andy just wanted to make movies about radio-controlled vehicles. But he had to pad them to feature length for cinema release, so he added some action sequences and a sort of plot.

Due to financial restrictions, he could only afford part of the wardrobe budget for the cast, so he was forced to film everyone (everyone who who wasn't fat and ugly, that is) in only the bottom half of their clothes for a lot of the time.

But if you want to see great footage of radio-controlled speedboats, aeroplanes, helicopters and motorbikes in action, you'll have to sit through scenes of things exploding and lots of topless women.

Sorry, but that's the cold hard reality of the visionary auteur. Tough it out.
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7/10
"You're not by any chance related to that bloke I blew up with a rocket launcher, are you?"
BA_Harrison30 August 2012
Despite having been blown to smithereens by Dona Speir in 'Guns' (the fifth movie in my Andy Sidaris 'Girls, Guns and G-Strings' box-set), ex-CHiPs star Erik Estrada miraculously returns in one piece for the next film Do or Die, albeit as a totally new character, good guy Richard 'Rico' Estevez; Estrada even gets to romp with Speir in a brief sex scene, no questions asked.

I guess it's what I should expect from a movie franchise in which top-heavy female federal agents squeeze into tiny outfits to take on the never-ending stream of ruthless villains who turn up on their tiny Hawaiian island. This time around, it's none other than Mr. Miyagi himself, Pat Morita, who plays the baddie, a Japanese criminal by the name of Kane, who is so fed up with buxom babes Donna and Nicole (Speir and Roberta Vasquez) ruining his illegal operations that he forces them to play a deadly game of cat and mouse against six pairs of his best killers.

Their lives in danger, the girls head for the mainland and are subsequently pursued across several states, thereby allowing Sidaris to set his cheesy action set-pieces against a variety of backdrops whilst also indulging his usual obsessions: humongous breasts, high powered weaponry, and remote control scale models (but, rather surprisingly, no men in drag). As always, there are several steamy soft-core sex scenes (a couple of which are surprisingly artful in their execution), some dumb comedy, and a few poorly staged fight and chase scenes (including one with really crap ninjas). Also adding to the fun is the introduction of two new female characters: Pandora Peaks as Atlanta Lee, owner of the film's biggest pair of tits, and Ava Cadell as Ava, owner of quite possibly the most awesome body of the whole series.

Best of all, though, is the sight of Mr. Miyagi rolling around in bed with his surgically enhanced Japanese babe Silk (Carolyn Liu), the old man clearly using moves that he never dared divulge to young Daniel Larusso.

I rate Do or Die 6.5 out of 10, rounded up to 7, making it my new favourite of the series so far.
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10/10
this is what made me a Sidaris fan
hillbillyfromhell18 November 2007
Warning: Spoilers
I confess to getting this on DVD due to my favorite model Pandora Peaks having been cast in a small role. It wasn't til I started watching it that I saw both Erik Estrada and Pat Morita in it and was surprised to see them both. This is a true roller-coaster of a ride, really all over the place, from the desert to Hawaii to the woods of Louisianna, it really covers a lot of geography from a small production for the video market. Casting buffed guys and sexy gals as secret agents, more or less acting without any support against villains right out of The A-Team or some other 80's show, this had tons of female flesh, explosions, and even helicopters chasing cars. Also, the funniest part is that every agent had time to make love to their counterpart and there were a lot of clothing changes for the women. Likewise, Pat Morita as the villain was hilarious, and his assassins some of the lamest assassins ever filmed.

But it works for me.
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A Keeper
UACW10 May 2002
Warning: Spoilers
(Spoilers Ahead.)

This movie is so bad it is good. This movie is one of the worst movies of all time, on a par with Plan 9, but Ed Wood didn't have the money these clowns have. And frankly, Ed's story is almost better. This one is so ridiculous...

Ok, how about this for starters? For no reason you can figure out, you're on Hawaii and you're at an outdoor party for a children's charity. Someone out of nowhere approaches two girls sitting at this party to tell them there is someone waiting for them outside. It is Pat Morita. He has his back to them. He tells them he knows they are high-level operatives for the US govt and that they are responsible for ruining his business, and now he intends to kill them, but he's going to make a game out of it, and the game will start tomorrow.

With no further ado the two girls run off, pack their bags, get into some kind of trendy vehicle, and make it for the airport. They're not running from Pat Morita; they have never said if they know who he is; they're playing his game without question.

The romp continues, through, among other places, a sandy airfield where so-called 'QSA' model airplanes are flown for an audience. Note that this demonstration has absolutely nothing to do with the story or the characters in it - it's just there, and then suddenly it's gone.

Every so often you cut to a new scene with a couple of po' white trash out of nowhere who are sitting around wherever they may be doing whatever they might be doing, and somewhere they have a small black plastic box with a short antenna and two coloured lights on top, one red and one green. And then the green one will start blinking and one of the characters will say 'they're almost here!' and that's it. How are these two girls being tracked? Does anyone know? Does anyone care? The girls fly from Hawaii to the continental US, through Las Vegas, and then for no good reason end up the final 45 minutes of the movie around Shreveport Louisiana.

It's brilliant. It's so bad it's good. This movie should be used in university film classes as a cookbook of how not to make a movie. And it is probably being used for those purposes already. Every scene where Estrada blows somebody up has to end with fifteen seconds on his white toothy grin - it's too much. And there is a classic scene where Estrada kills a bad guy with baseballs. But perhaps one of the worst is when Estrada is having sex with the odd girl out in a swimming pool somewhere. Suddenly she starts ripping her hair back and fro, and of course there is a strong back light on her, and this creates a spectacular visual effect, but what does this have to do with the story or the characters? It's so bad you will laugh. And then after that, Estrada grabs the girl up in his arms, and the girl twists so her feet are away from the camera so she can make more fabulous visual effects by kicking her feet into the surface of the water. You get the picture. Get the movie.

I won't tell you how the good guys finally discover how the bad guys have been tracking them across the planet for the past hour and a half, but it has something to do with a 'laser microchip.' And not once in those ninety minutes did anyone wonder how they were being tracked. This movie has the worst screenplay ever written. It is one of the worst, perhaps the worst, movie ever made.

There are those who say this is 'soft porn' or basically 'T&A', but don't believe them. There's as much real sex in this movie as there is in Donald Duck. Rent the movie, see it, because you know you are going to be in for a treat - a movie so bad it is good.
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8/10
silly, fun movie
babeulous7 April 2001
These Sidaris pictures are silly. If you expected anything more serious than James Bond, you'll be disappointed. But if 007 pictures don't have enough sex for you, try one of Sidaris' shows.

Cynthia Brimhall looks bored and distracted in this one. (She was perkier in _Hard Ticket to Hawai'i_.) "Stephanie Schick" has a hot sex scene in a waterfall. Dona Speir and Erik Estrada do it in a steaming, night-lit swimming pool. Nice boat/plane chases, plenty of explosions. Carolyn Liu is sizzling hot as the bad guy's computer-savvy moll, and there's more to her character than you'd expect.

Six stars for the underappreciated Andy Sidaris and ten for the hypnotic Ms. Liu.
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DO see "Do or Die"!
dancziraky22 March 2003
The sixth in Andy Sidaris' series of Playboy Playmate/CIA agent extravaganzas is probably one of the most entertaining, although the story actually makes more sense than usual -- which robs it of some of its camp value. (Part of the fun of Andy's movies is trying to make sense of his unnecessarily convoluted plots, which he gleefully admits to cranking out in longhand on legal pads in "about four days.") Asian crime boss Pat Morita (so that's what happened to Arnold after he left "Happy Days"!) puts out a hit on CIA bikini-stuffers Dona Spier and Roberta Vasquez, which basically sets in motion Sidaris' take on "The Most Dangerous Game," except we've got Erik Estrada and lots of nudity thrown into the mix. It's all utterly silly, but so funny and do with so much zest that you can't help but get a big kick out of it. In many ways, it's actually better than the James Bond films of the same period (ugh! Timothy Dalton!). "Do or Die" makes its DVD debut on March 25, 2003.
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my introduction to the film of Andy Sidaris. Thanks, Pandora!
noworneverprod9 September 2006
And I loved it! Put it Pat Morita as an evil villain. Erik Estrada and Pandora Peaks as the good guys. Throw in Sidaris regulars like Donna Speir and Bruce Penhall and put them all over the map from HI to LA to CA. Then mix with an ample amount of chases, shoot-outs, and stuff blowing up, and you got yourself a Sidaris flick. Part Magnum PI, part James Bond, part Playboy video, this flick rocks. I find it one of the better Sidaris flicks mainly due to the cast.

I confess to picking this up due to sexbomb Pandora Peaks a pin-up model and dancer being in this. Her silicone airbags area sight to behold. But even without that, this flick is fun. It doesn't take itself too seriously, and the acting is pretty bad.

Bravo!!!
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3/10
Kindergarten-level filmmaking.
gridoon4 June 2002
This movie is so hopelessly inept, that if it was played in a more tongue-in-cheek manner it might have been considerable fun. Now, it's just corny. The sex scenes are reasonably stylish, but are arbitrarily thrown into various parts of the film, usually under the least likely circumstances. As for the action, there isn't even one minute of genuine danger or suspense. If the villain, played by Pat Morita(!) wasn't so show-offy, there wouldn't have been a movie, either. Don't do it. (*)
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T & A Without the P-L-O-T
pv7198926 April 2002
It amazes me how far some stars fall. In this case, I mean Pat Morita and Erik Estrada. The "plot" involves two gorgeous, big-chested CIA agents being chased by six pairs of assassins sent by an Asian crime boss (Pat Morita). Seeing the guy from "Karate Kid" with thinning grey hair, sitting on the back of a gorgeous (and naked) Asian bombshell is enough to give one unpleasant thoughts.

Along the way, the gorgeous CIA duo pick up six fellow agents, who conveniently ultimately make up four boy/girl duos. Seeing how much sex they have, it's a wonder they don't get assassinated. One scene has the gang hiding away at a secret house on a lake and no one's supposed to know they are there. Estrada is on duty while the women sit in bikinis in a hot tub. Among the agents in bikinis is massive-chested porn star Pandora Peaks. Two assassins roar up on dirt bikes, ride out onto a dock within sight of the hot tub and pretend to be fishing. Estrada ignores them until one of the assassins shoots a flower pot instead of his target (presumably he is distracted since the sight of his scope is always focused on the women's breasts).

The good guys pretend to know what they're doing. They wear disguises, fly all sorts of planes, have shootouts and car chases, but it's just window dressing to showcase their best "assets." The scene in the trailer where a female assassin in a thong slowly shimmies into a pair of tight leather pants bears this out.

Also, beware the ending. It plays out like the producers expected to turn the film into a television series, which probably would have done more harm to Morita's career than "The Next Karate Kid."

If you want T & A, check out "Do Or Die." If you want serious action, try "Live And Let Die" or "March or Die."
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4/10
Pat Morita saves this
Chance_Boudreaux1916 March 2018
Now I am not a fan of Andy Sidaris' movies to say the least but this is the first one in a while that I actually enjoyed in parts. The plot is once again convoluted and tedious, but that is just a staple of Sidaris' films, his fans tune in for the boobs, not the story. However all the scenes with Mr Miyagi are highly entertaining, he clearly could not be bothered to be in this movie and the bored look on his face made me smile every time he was on screen. He delivers his lines with beautiful conviction and at one point we get to hear his orgasm noises, truly beautiful stuff. Apart from that there is a ninja scene which is also quite brilliant, in total this all adds up to a Sidaris movie that is actually bearable.
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1/10
The CIA meets Baywatch
Mitch-382 July 2000
When given the choice of "DO" (as in watching this flick) and "DIE" (as the title declares)...after serious consideration, the latter would probably be far less painless. The movie is really brainless, grade z stuff that wouldn't get breathing rates faster, at a drive-in cinema for teenage daters. Spies in bikinis...a very unique concept...I'll pass that one along to the boys at Langley, the next time I see them.

I have to applaud Pat Morita, for trying a new role as the villain, but it just doesn't work. He's about as menacing as Barney Rubble. Erik Estrada (in post-CHIPS days) has also been pretty badly type-casted-which isn't fair-as a goodie-good.

All in all, if I'd paid more than .39 cents for this rental, I would be rather be perturbed at myself. Now, if I could only get back 90 minutes of my life...
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9/10
Andy Sidaris really hits it out of the ballpark with this rip-roaring entry
Woodyanders22 June 2011
Warning: Spoilers
Shrewd arch criminal Kane (expertly played with venomous aplomb by Pat Morita) sends out an army of assassins to take out federal agents Donna Hamilton (buxom blonde knockout Dona Speir) and Nicole Justin (luscious brunette dish Roberta Vasquez). Writer/director Andy Sidaris is totally on top of this outrageously trashy and tongue in cheek game here: The copious tasty female nudity, wall to wall crazy action, funny sense of self-parodying humor (sample campy line: "I'm gonna blow their t**s off"), sizzling soft-core sex scenes, and big splashy explosions all add up to produce one hell of a grand tacky time. Speir and Vasquez display an utterly charming and relaxed natural chemistry as our fetching and appealing protagonists (it's a real hoot to see these two gals disguised in cheesy brunette wigs!); they receive sturdy support from Erik Estrada as the dashing Richard Estevez, Bruce Penhall as the hunky Bruce Christian, Cynthia Brimhall as sultry singer Edy Stark (yes, Cynthia does indeed heartily belt out a lively country number), Michael J. Shane as amiable bumbler Shane Abilene, the incredibly busty Pandora Peaks as eager new operative Atlanta Lee, Carol Liu as Kane's slinky assistant Silk, and William Bumiller as smooth casino owner Lucas. The polished cinematography by Mark Morris gives this picture a neat sunny look. Richard Lynons' funky bumping score hits the rousing spot. One of the crowning achievements in this series.
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Lethal challenge (#6)
unbrokenmetal24 May 2008
"Do Or Die" begins with a colorful tribal dance. Hawaii was always one of the favorite locations to shoot for Sidaris. This time, a gangster boss challenges the Lethal Ladies team: He'll send 6 pairs of killers against them, and to make it impossible for them to hide, he uses a computer tracking device. "This is gonna be easy", one of the killers says - of course a fatal mistake.

Among the playful variety of assassins, my faves are the cooks from New Orleans who work on their accent and try to poison our heroes - a brilliant comedy interlude in between the sex and the violence. Of course Dona Speir and her friends have some gadgets as well, including a small model helicopter which can fire missiles. Boom, there goes another villain, and I can't say I regret one minute I spent with this entertaining production. This is the 6th out of my 12 reviews for the works of Andy Sidaris, in chronological order.
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5/10
I mean, Mr. Miyagi makes love in this!
BandSAboutMovies15 May 2019
Warning: Spoilers
Just like every Andy Sidaris movie, this one has a new bad guy, but we certainly know the actor playing him. It's Pat Morita, Mr. Miyagi himself, playing Masakana "Kane" Kaneshiro. He starts the movie by capturing our heroines, Donna Hamilton (the ever dependable and buoyant Dona Spears) and Nicole Justin (Roberta Vasquez). Instead of just killing them off, he announces that he is sending the world's greatest killers after them. While that's all happening and they're good and distracted, he'll get busy on messing with the stock market.

Six different teams of assassins come after our girls, none with much success. Maybe if evil Miyagi had a computer from the 1990's instead of the mid 1980's he could find a better team of killers. That said, if you ever were seeking out a Pat Morita sex scene, I have good news for you. This is where to get all of that sweet, sweet wax on, wax off loving.

Remember the last movie where Erik Estrada was a bad guy? Well, he's back on the side of the girls here as Richard "Rico" Estevez. This is perhaps the only film I can think of where Ponch kills a hitman with an explosive baseball. And yes, of course he and Donna do the frickle frackle. Get up in them guts. Do a bit of the rip 'n dip. You know what I'm saying: they take grandma to Applebee's.

This movie also marks Ava Cadell's first appearance - as a hit woman - in the Sidaris universe. She'll keep showing up as a combination DJ/sexologist/communications operative for KSXY Radio in the other films. But here, she's an evil assassin who threatens to blow off the breasts of our heroines.

I love that in his autobiography, Bullets Bombs and Babes, he referred to "cleaning up their dossiers" for his characters. By that, he meant that if people loved them as bad guys, they'd eventually love them as members of the team. Or maybe they were too busy masturbating to care.

Pandora Peaks, billed as Stephanie Schick, shows up. She starred in Russ Meyers' last movie, Pandora Peaks, a film with no dialogue, just the actress dressing, undressing and walking for 72 minutes. There's also a heroic cat named, well, Cat. His real name was Trigger.

By this film, I've come to realize that Andy Sidaris may be trying to titillate us, but the truth is that the only lovemaking in his films are initiated by the strong powerful women within. The good men can't shoot straight and the evil ones can never outdo them. Sure, they have breasts the size of your head, but that doesn't make them ineffectual or idiots. It's pretty insane when you consider how subversive these notions are. Who knew the ost powerful women in films came from movies made for HBO at 2 AM?

Then again, maybe after watching eight Andy Sidaris movies in a row, I've gone completely insane.
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6/10
"I can't get over it. I shot a duck."
Hey_Sweden14 April 2018
Dona Speir and Roberta Vasquez once again essay the roles of sexpot government agents Donna and Nicole, who are targeted by crime kingpin "Kane" (Pat "Mr. Miyagi" Morita). He's sick and tired of them ruining his business ventures, so he forces them to participate in "games". He will sic supposedly expert assassins on them again and again. Fortunately, the girls have allies such as Erik "Ponch" Estrada on their side, as well as a cool gadget or two.

Andy Sidaris certainly never set out to make "high art". That said, there is something comfortable about the rigid formulas of his destined-for-cable-TV adventures. They're like comfort food, or a well-loved old pair of shoes. You know what you're getting: gorgeous, bosomy babes, equally gorgeous scenery (this was filmed on locales such as Hawaii, Las Vegas, and Louisiana), various action scenes and stunts, copious amounts of sex and nudity, and those aforementioned gadgets.

"Do or Die" is pretty much a solid example of what Sidaris did so well, with name stars like Morita and Estrada playing their roles adequately, and the physical assets of ladies like Speir, Vasquez, Cynthia Brimhall (who also belts out a catchy country & western ditty), Pandora Peaks, and Carolyn Liu placed front and centre. (You'll see how Ms. Peaks got her stage name.) There's even time for a fair amount of disarming humor, to show that Sidaris never did take any of these movies all that seriously. To that end, Richard Cansino and Chu Chu Malave play one of the teams of inept would-be assassins; they pretend to be Cajun chefs as their cover. The final team is a useless pair of ninjas played by James Lew and Eric Chen.

Lots of dumb bad guys - and good guys who always end up miraculously untouched - add to a "good" dumb fun movie for people looking for sex appeal and cheese.

Six out of 10.
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2/10
It's almost cruel to review an Andy Sidaris movie...
dave13-110 January 2012
... so I will. In this one, our intrepid Playmates, I mean Federal Agents (?!), Dona and Roberta are targeted for elimination by an army of fairly unimaginative and not very skilled hit men. No points for guessing who comes out on top. Speaking of tops, Dona and Roberta lose theirs fairly often, which is clearly the point of the exercise.

Andy Sidaris has no better directorial sense than Ed Wood, and not much more money, but like Ed Wood, he never let a shortage of cash or talent keep him out of the director's chair. Not only do his movies play like low rent T&A version of Chips or some other bad 70s TV action show, this one comes complete with Erik Estrada! Another 70s TV reliquary, the normally charming Pat Morita, is also here as a generic Asian crime boss, but he has little screen time in which to embarrass himself. Actually this movie is much worse than generic action TV, with laughably worse (although not actually funnier) acting and dialogue, uninspired action sequence construction and painfully cheap explosion effects. I doubt they blew up anything worth more than about ten bucks in the whole movie. You can practically read 'Fisher Price' on the models used for effects shots.

The artwork on the DVD box looks better than any of the pyrotechnics used in the picture. And the plot-line itself seems like a random assemblage of action bits created by means of a dartboard, which it probably was. Nevertheless, Andy Boy knows what his audience wants: bouncy Playmates showing off a lot of skin while shooting it out with bad guys, and he delivers the goods. You have to give the guy credit for truth in advertising if nothing else.
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