Baby's Day Out (1994)
Joe Mantegna: Eddie
Eddie : If you want to be a shoplifter, go to J.C. Penney.
[the villains have returned to their apartment after chasing Baby Bink all day long]
Norby : Hey, Eddie, you sure you don't want to go check if they have left the money?
Eddie : Oh, that's a good idea. We get the living hell torn out of us by a baby! Three fully-grown men versus 15 pounds of pink flesh with a mouth! Now, what chance do you think we have than strolling into that alley and coming out with anything less than 140 years in prison? No, thank you! This is a hexed situation, we walk away while we're still ahead.
Veeko : We took a licking and kept on ticking.
Eddie : We go back to banks. Dealing with grown-ups, and I want no kiddie stuff.
Norby : We did all right with banks.
Veeko : Or a convenience store once in a while, keeps things interesting.
Eddie : Well, you know one thing I learned from this: I ain't never gonna have any kids of my own.
Norby : Ha, yeah! Seeing as you burnt down the only tree in your forest, I ain't worrying about that.
[Norby and Veeko laugh, and give each other high-fives]
Eddie : Why don't you shut up? I don't ever wanna hear another word about that rotten, snake-bit Baby!
[Baby Bink's giggle is heard from the microphone outside]
Eddie : [Baby Bink just got away from the villains again after many times, but this time by crawling into a small sewer tunnel] No problem, fellas. It ain't a hole. It's a tunnel. And what's every tunnel got?
Norby : Ooh! Don't tell me! I know, I know, I know. It's uh, uh, uh-...
Veeko : Tollbooth at the end.
Eddie : Are you always this stupid, or do you do this just to annoy me?
[while trying to feed Bink]
Veeko : Ed.
Eddie : Huh?
Veeko : How do I know this milk won't burn the kid's throat? If that matters.
Eddie : Try it on some skin first.
[Veeko almost drops some milk on his arm, but removes Norby's hat and squirts some over his bald head. Norby screams in pain as Bink laughs]
Norby : What's the matter with you?
Veeko : I'd better let it cool down.
[Norby smacks Veeko across the head. Bink laughs]
Norby : You like that? Hey, Eddie!
Eddie : Huh?
Norby : Watch the baby.
[Norby smacks Veeko again. Bink laughs. Norby laughs as well. Veeko laughs mockingly]
Eddie : Very good. Now see if it works the other way.
[Veeko smacks Norby across the head so hard he falls over. Bink laughs. Veeko smiles at him]
Veeko : It works.
Eddie : [after accidently letting some mixture be poured on him] THAT'S IT! NO MERCY!
[tries to walk through the slippery puddle of mixture]
Eddie : This ain't no nursury school battle of wits anymore. This is my '5'"10" of guile, gut, and gristle, versus you 2 1/2 feet of goo-goos,gaa-gaas, and giggles.
[slips on the floor, but climbs up again]
Eddie : If the Milwaukee Mob couldn't kill me, no milk-puking little thumb-sucker's got a candle's chance on a cyclone of getting the better of me!
Norby : Eddie?
Eddie : Huh?
Norby : You're a smart guy. How do you tell the front from the back on these diapers?
Eddie : Aren't there pockets in the front?
Norby : [looks it over] That's very funny. The front and the back are the same!
Eddie : Then it probably don't make no difference. Put him in them regular baby clothes. That fruit suit's a dead give away that he's a rich kid.