The Gasford police has to arrest an illegal immigrant. Inspector Raymond C. Fowler first makes sure his officers get an elaborate brainstorming about tolerance and non-discrimination, a particularly sensitive subject for ethnic minority Constables Frank Gladstone (Trinidadian origin) and Habib (Pakistani), so the hypothetical example is a Martian. Meanwhile shamelessly bigoted CID inspector Grim fails to get accepted into a real masonic lodge, and pledges an absurd secret society instead.
Gasforth Football Club are to play in a qualification game for Premier League, and since this has attracted a lot of tourists and investors, Mayoress Wickham orders the police to make sure everything goes as planned.
The promotion board will be visiting the Gasforth police station and Grim and Fowler are the most likely candidates. When Grim tells Fowler that they usually go for family men, Fowler proposes to Dawkins in a most unromantic way, causing her to break up with him.