Chris Tucker: Smokey
Smokey : I know you don't smoke weed, I know this; but I'm gonna get you high today, 'cause it's Friday; you ain't got no job... and you ain't got shit to do.
Smokey : I got mind control over Deebo. He be like "shut the fuck up." I be quiet. But when he leave, I be talking again.
Smokey : Remember it ,Write it down, take a picture, I don't give a fuck.
Smokey : Weed is from the earth. God put this here for me and you. Take advantage man, take advantage.
Smokey : Puff puff, give. Puff puff, give. You fuckin' up the rotation.
Pastor Clever : [at Smokey] Excuse me brother, what we call drugs at the 74th Street Baptist Church we call the sin of sin sins.
Smokey : Well round here, between Normandie and Western, we call this here a little twenty twen twen...
Craig Jones : Right...
Smokey : Nigga...
Pastor Clever : Give me a little for my cataracts.
Smokey : You didn't put in on this man.
Smokey : [after Craig knocks out Deebo] You got knocked the fuck out, man! Give me my goddamn money...
[Smokey takes $200 from a knocked-out Deebo]
Smokey : Payback's a motherfucker, ain't it? Nigga!
Smokey : Pow! Pow, Pow, POW!
Red : [punches Deebo as he's getting up and takes chain back] My grandmama gave me this chain!
Ezal : [slowly walks to Deebo] Deebo? DEEBO! Man, you shoulda been bobbin' and weavin'! Look 'it at ya! GET UP! Since you ain't, maybe I'll take these shoes!
[struggling to take Deebo's shoe off]
Ezal : Big... foot... motherfucker, you can *have* ya knife! 'Cause I *STEAL*, I don't *KILL*.
Smokey : [on phone] What's up Big Perm?... I mean Big Worm.
Smokey : Why you not goin' to work?
Craig Jones : I got fired yesterday.
Smokey : No shit? I thought you had the day off yesterday.
Craig Jones : I did. I went in to pick up my check, came home, my supervisor called me about four o'clock, told me he got me on tape stealing boxes.
Smokey : The fuck you stealing boxes for? What you trying to build, a clubhouse?
Craig Jones : Hell, no, ain't got me on tape. But they said they did. Fired me on the spot. Talkin' about pressin' charges.
Smokey : Goddamn! You've got to be one stupid motherfucker to get fired on your day off.
Red : [after having his necklace snatched by Deebo] Hey, man, why didn't y'all help me!
Smokey : [slouching in his chair] Man, I'm high.
Red : Man, that's fucked up. If it was y'all, I would've helped y'all.
Craig Jones : What about the time he tried to choke me in Smoke's backyard?
Red : [pause, thinks about it] Oh, that was different.
Smokey : Why don't you tell your daddy to comb his damn hair, look like some spiders is having a meetin' on his head.
Smokey : [sees Big Worm drives away] Florida Evans-looking motherfucker.
Smokey : Man that fool just playin' man, I ain't trippin.
Craig Jones : That's yo problem. Aint' nobody playin' but you. You walk up and down the street all day playin'. He aint' playin' you think he playin' 'bout his money? He know where my momma stay know where you momma stay. He say he had a gun when you seen him right?
Smokey : Yeah
Craig Jones : Well name one person in the hood that play like that!
Smokey : [on phone] Yeah, I got your money. And I don't appreciate you sendin' your punk ass, busta ass, Jheri curl wearin' ass friends come down here to shoot at me and my homie. They'd like to got dealt with.
Big Worm : First of all, don't be callin' here like you some straight up "G", 'cause I'll cut your balls off and hand 'em to you, partner. I had to warn you too many times about my money, Smokey. You see, it's the principle of the whole thing. There's principalities in this.
Smokey : Yeah, well... I got your money anyways. And you sell that shit yourself next time, 'cause I'm goin' to rehab. I'm through with this shit.
[hangs up, then lights a joint]
Smokey : [to the viewer] I was just bullshittin'! And you know this, man!
Smokey : [tearing through Craig's open bedroom window curtain] Break yo' self Fool!
Craig Jones : Man, look what you did to my curtain. You better watch that window you climbing in fool 'fo you get blasted on.
Smokey : With what? You ain't got nothin' man.
Craig Jones : With this!
[pointing his Glock at Smokey]
Smokey : Man, Where you get that from?
Craig Jones : Yo Mama.
Smokey : Fuck you!
Craig Jones : Fuck you! He he he
Smokey : Come on outside man, and stop playing.
Craig Jones : Gotta get dressed.
Smokey : Hurry Up!
Craig Jones : Don't tell me to hurry up!
Smokey : [calling Big Worm on his phone] Hey um, did somebody... page Smokey?
Big Worm : [v.o. on phone] Don't play dumb nigger, you know who the is! You got my money?
Smokey : I ain't got it, but I'm gonna get it.
[Big Worm hangs up]
Craig Jones : What happened?
Smokey : Man he just hung up... I think we better stay in the house.
Felisha : I need to borrow your car right quick.
Smokey : What kinda shit is that? Most people wanna borrow sugar. Or even ketchup. You wanna borrow my car? Hell naw! Get the hell on.
Felisha : Well, let me borrow a joint.
Smokey : You need to borrow a job. With yo' broke ass. Always trying to smoke up somebody's shit. Get the hell on, Felisha.
Felisha : I'ma remember that.
Smokey : Remember it. Write it down, take a picture, I don't give a fuck!
Felisha : Tsk.
[realizes she can try her luck with Craig]
Felisha : Craig.
Craig Jones : [not bothering to look at her] Bye, Felisha.
Felisha : Damn. Y'all stingy.
Smokey : I've been smokin' ever since I was two.
Smokey : [about Red] He gonna cry in the car.
Smokey : The weed be lettin' you know... Evil lurks
Smokey : [after smoking marijuana in the car with Hector and his friend, he finds himself running down the street in his white A-shirt and white briefs] The next thing I know, I was runnin' down the street in my damn drawers!
Smokey : [talking about Mrs. Parker] Damn, I'd knock the dust off that pussy!