ESPN Radio Announcer: ESPN.
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Yeah, put me on with this clown.
ESPN Radio Announcer: (to Chris Berman) We've got a hot one on Line 4 - Eddie from Manhattan.
Himself: Eddie from Manhattan, you're on live with "Wild Bill" Burgess.
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Billy, you really want a mascot, baby? You need to put a saddle on Bailey and ride his behind around Central Park all night. That's what you need.
"Wild Bill" Burgess: Ha ha. Well, you know, if that would sell tickets, I might consider it, hon.
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Ha ha. Yeah, right, and don't call me "hon". (Eddie then realizes that "Wild Bill" is in her limousine.)
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Was that your mistake, Mr. Rodman? I think so.
Dennis Rodman: Your team don't know how to play. Bad shots... bad coach...
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Bad hair.
Dennis Rodman: At least I look good.
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: For the moment. Get your earrings, baby. You look naked.
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Bailey! Bailey! Bailey, you gonna try something new tonight, like trying to coach? It's the NBA, buddy - no buttheads allowed, but you keep coming back. I don't understand it.
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: You see the sign back there? It says John 3:16. That is not a biblical quote, baby. You know what that is? That's your sorry road record 'cause you're the anti-coach!
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Do you have 666 on your head?
Coach John Bailey: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bye-bye! Bye-bye! Say, Eddie, come back again when you can afford the seats back here.
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Soon as you start winning, I'll be back.
Coach John Bailey: So long!
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Hey, Zimmer, get a life, get a face, get a new coat, buddy!
[after live fireworks set fire to Walt Frazier's retired jersey in the rafters of Madison Square Gardens]
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: That was Walt Frazier's jersey!
Fair Weather Fan: That's Walt Frazier's jersey!
Walt Frazier: Hey, yo, that's my jersey!
"Wild Bill" Burgess: And that's just the beginning, folks. We got more surprises for you. And don't forget the honorary coach contest at halftime. Let's play some basketball.
Marv Albert: Say goodbye to tradition. "Wild Bill" Burgess has just torched Walt Frazier's jersey.
Coach John Bailey: A freak show. He's going to turn it into a freak show.
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: (to a referee while honorary coach) Hey, you with the $1.99 rug on your head! Would you get out of my way, please?
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: You realize your son got a D in English?
Rae Jones: What's that got to do with him playing ball?
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: A lot, but your first question should have been, "Why did he get a D in English?" You need to start paying attention to him in school or you're going to be watching him in court instead of on the court.
Joe Sparks: (to Stacy) I don't get it, man. Is she "The Gipper" or not?
Stacy Patton: Man, you sure are white!
Al Trautwig: Do you think she can get the team out of the basement?
Rudolph Giuliani: She can't do any worse.
Edward Koch: The Knicks were winning when I was mayor.
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Excuse me! Lawyers, agents, models, pseudo-models, rappers, people with bad rugs - if you're not wearing a jersey that says New York Knicks, get up and get out right now.
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: I thought this was a professional basketball team. Obviously, I'm out of my mind. I'm in here with rap artists and pitchmen, line-slingers, and ho-mongers, and ASSHOLES.
Darren Taylor: Eddie, please!
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: No! Knicks, please, Preacher! Do you remember that people pay to come and see you guys? People spent $2,000 on season tickets up in the nosebleed sections because they think you guys are worthwhile. And what about the little kids? Oh, forget about them, huh? The little kids who actually think you guys are heroes - stupid them!
Darren Taylor: Two thousand dollars for season tickets- that makes you think.
Stacy Patton: Yeah, homegirl had some shitty seats.
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Hey, Patton, pass the ball! What are you, the black hole of basketball? Come on!
Joe Sparks: (to Stacy) You going to let her call you a black ho?
Darren Taylor: Man, a HOLE.
Stacy Patton: What's a black hole?
Polynice, Olden: A black hole is a theoretical object in space. It is so dense that matter collapses... and light itself cannot escape. (shoots his free throw)
Terry Hastings: I knew that.
Trautwig, Al: To me, it looks like two of New York's most respected retailers love Eddie.
Rahman, Mujibur: Eddie is the best thing to happen to New York...
Islam, Sirajul: Since David Letterman.
Mujibur and Sirajul: She's very nice.
Trautwig, Al: How much is the T-shirt?
Trautwig, Al: 18 bucks.
Rahman, Mujibur: (gives the Bengali word for "ripoff")
Coach John Bailey: (now as coach of the Charlotte Hornets) Hey, Zimmer, where's your coach - still in the ladies' room?
Carl Zimmer: I don't know where she is.
Coach John Bailey: Well, if she doesn't show up here pretty quick, you're going to have awfully big shoes to fill, even if they are high heels.
Carl Zimmer: Uh, John, I've been around for a lot of years. I learned from the best.
Coach John Bailey: Well, thanks, Carl. I appreciate that, really. Thank you.
Carl Zimmer: I wasn't talking about you.
Coach John Bailey: Chump.
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: You know
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: takes a chance every time he comes riding out on that dumb old horse, not realizing that eventually somebody's going to hit him upside the head with a hot dog.
Ivan Radovadovitch: [Ivan is doing a commercial] Ivan learn important English words like "renegotiate," "eliminate salary cap," and "union lockout."
[the respective words appear on screen]
Ivan Radovadovitch: That is why I am Hooked on Phonics.
[Ivan turns to the camera holds up a box saying "Hooked on Phonics" as the phone number appears on screen]
MSG Announcer: At forward, 6'9", Anthony "Pig" Miller!
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Boo!
Claudine: Why do they call him "Pig"?
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: 'Cause he's not kosher.
Himself: (to Eddie) What's the matter, Coach? Cat got your tongue?
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: (to Carl) Just think, I used to like him.
Avery Johnson: This is just a publicity stunt for you. You are not a coach!
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: You're not a player, looking like a little roach.
David Letterman: And the number one reason Eddie Franklin has the Knicks playing so well... co-ed showers!
Referee: That's no basket! Charge! Knicks win!
Ivan Radovadovitch: Ivan take charge!
Coach John Bailey: (to referee) You cost us the game. You stink.
Patton's Mama: My baby is not gonnna go to St. Louis. Howdy, Bill!
"Wild Bill" Hastings: Why, howdy, ma'am.
Patton's Mama: (while hitting "Wild Bill") Game over! How dare you try to take my son away!
Coach John Bailey: [during the pre-game pep talk] Let's remember we got a game to win! Where's Taylor?
Carl Zimmer: He's praying.
Coach John Bailey: Well, tell him to pray over here!
Carl Zimmer: Darren!
[Taylor joins the huddle]
Coach John Bailey: Come on, guys, let's go! Hastings! Hastings! Wake up! If you're open, take the jumper, if not, look down low for Ivan!
Ivan Radovadovitch: I-van.
Coach John Bailey: Whatever.
Ivan Radovadovitch: Ivan make basket.
Stacy Patton: Whoa, whoa, whoa, if Stacey Patton don't shoot, Stacey Patton don't play.
Nate Wilson: Man, quit referring to yourself in the third person and pay attention, asshole.
Darren Taylor: Hey, man, watch the language!
Stacy Patton: Back off, pal!
Coach John Bailey: Hey, hey, hey, Patton, I'm not warning you again, okay?
Ivan Radovadovitch: Ivan make basket!
Carl Zimmer: Excusee me, Coach, I'd look for Jamal.
Coach John Bailey: Right, right. Hey, Logo-head, what are you looking at?
Terry Hastings: Nate, she used my tickets on her divorce lawyer.
Coach John Bailey: Excuse me, would you mind getting in the game here?
Referee: Hey, let's play ball.
Vlade Divac: [In Serbian, during pregame warmups] How did you do last game?
Ivan Radovadovitch: [In Russian] Ivan make basket.