Michael: You gotta learn to laugh, it's the way to true love.
Michael: Remember what John and Paul said.
Frank Quinlan: The apostles?
Michael: No, the Beatles. All you need is love.
Michael: And you just gotta remember, Sparky - no matter what they tell you - you can *never* have too much sugar.
Michael: You know, I invented marriage
Pansy Milbank: Oh really?
Michael: Yep. All these people were milling around, trying to get together, everything was in chaos so I told 'em, "Have a ceremony".
Michael: Whatever they say, you can never have too much of earth.
Michael: Then what happened was, he came as a hundred mouths, open and stinking with decay... and he tore at my flesh from every angle of Heaven. I grabbed Beelzebub's blue tongue in my fist...
Old Geezer #1: Wait, who is Beelzebub?
Michael: Beelzebub is Satan!
Michael: The miles will fly and your children won't cry, if you play car bingo.
Frank Quinlan: Bring him back.
Michael: That's not my area.
Frank Quinlan: Would someone please tell me what his area is? Don't give me that "that's not my area" stuff. BRING HIM BACK.
Dorothy Winters: It's cookies, he smells like cookies, and the smell gets stronger when he's in heat.